That annoying thing called imposter syndrome

I have many talented clients who are keen to offer Reiki or other holistic and trauma-based therapies, teach yoga and/or write books, but let the imposter syndrome get in the way.

This is a syndrome which essentially tells you that you are not good enough to offer whatever it is that you are wanting to offer, that you don’t know enough, aren’t clever enough, expert enough, knowledgeable enough, that you don’t have the right qualifications, that you won’t be able to do a good job, that compares you to others and concludes that there’s too much competition anyway and that you will never be able to make a go of it etc.

But really when it boils down to it, it shows that you just care too much what others think of you and that you don’t recognise your own magnificence.

It also shows that you don’t trust spirit and/or have faith in whatever it was that gifted the idea in the first place.

And that you are Ok about selling out on your heart.

It might also indicate that you have forgotten that we co-create in this life and it is about so much more than you.

We let our ego get involved.

This is the self-depreciating ego which tells us that we are not loveable, or good enough, or enough of this and that, or too much, or whatever other negative self-depreciating inner narrative we repeat over and over again and make manifest in our lives simply because we are always seeking validation of this negativity and embedding it deeper into our psyche and belief system.

If we look for trouble, we will see only trouble.

If we look for love, we will see only love.

If we look for validation of our uselessness, we will see it everywhere.

It is all about perspective.

And we have a choice.

We can keep limiting ourselves with all this negative crap, or we can choose to shift our mentality to something far more positive and expansive and live our best life.

It’s not our fault. We have been conditioned since birth to question ourselves, to doubt ourselves and to be down on ourselves.

We are constantly criticised for not being intelligent enough, or quick enough on the sports field, or arty enough, or musical, or thoughtful enough, or kind enough or polite enough, or not wearing the right clothes, or saying the right thing, or walking down the corridor correctly, or sitting still, or any of the other many, many ways that we are told how to be and judged for behaving differently.

No wonder so many are so tired.

This trying to be what others want us to be and this caring what others think and the hyper vigilance this requires, is really rather exhausting. It creates so much insecurity, anxiety and depression. It causes us to lose our centre, close our hearts and, at times, think we are negatively losing our mind.

Consumerism thrives on this insecurity. It thrives on our externalising of our worth. Of caring too much what others think. People make millions selling products that we are told will help us feel better about ourselves. Even in yoga, it has become all about the building or the mat or the clothes we wear, and this when yoga is absolutely an internal practice.

But that aside, it is crazy isn’t it, to base our self-esteem and sense of self on other people’s fleeting thoughts. Watch your own mind and ask yourself, “what thought will I think next?”, and watch the constant stream of thoughts that appear from the ether in all their randomness. Thoughts come and go. The trouble is we give them far too much energy and believe that they are a concrete representation of reality. They aren’t. So why on earth we care what other people are thinking about us or the opinions they hold one us (which are just thoughts) is quite beyond me.

If we don’t care about our own thoughts - and we really shouldn’t, especially those self depreciating ones, then why on earth should we care about other people’s thoughts? And this to the detriment of our experience and quality of life.

Because when we care too much, it stops us fulfilling our potential, it limits us and it keeps us stuck. And slowly a part of us begins to die, to give up, to feel hopeless, to accept our miserable lot. We close down to excitement and joy, we let our head drop, we drink more wine, eat more junk food, watch more TV, spend more time meaninglessly scrolling through social media, we might manifest illness and we tell ourselves all sorts of stories to justify why we won’t bother trying to move our life forwards and step into our power, share our gifts with the world, just yet.

Sometimes we are scared of failing. Or scared of our potential success.

Somewhere though, we have forgotten that there is a bigger picture.

You see spirit works through us. It wants to co-create with us. It needs us to be the channel and vehicle to bring more heart and soul onto this planet. The trouble is we block this flow by getting in our own way.

We make it all about us, rather than the people who may benefit.

We forget our place in the cosmos.

Maybe I am lucky. I didn’t intend to teach yoga or Reiki or offer Ayurveda. I only signed up for my yoga teacher training course because I wanted to immerse myself in yoga. Together with Reiki it had quite literally saved my life and I wanted to learn all I could about it. I also wanted everyone else on the planet to practice yoga because I knew how much it might help to ease our individual and collective suffering.

It was the same with Reiki. My Reiki Master had to really encourage me along to the first attunement session as I didn’t feel good enough. I was quite sure that the Reiki wouldn't work for me and when I was the only one in the room who didn’t feel a thing during the attunement itself and certainly didn’t see colours or have a sense of energy beings, i concluded that I definitely wasn’t good enough.

But alas a seed was sown and I found myself attending the Level Two training. It was the pendulum dowsing that got me really. I just couldn't believe that it actually worked for me. It was life changing. I slowly started to connect with, and trust, my intuition. It helped that I had by then started receiving spiritual life coaching using Reiki and the Reiki had been working its magic in my life, this to the extent that I wanted everyone else on this planet to benefit.

It was the same with Ayurveda. It felt like magic. I couldn’t quite believe how changing my diet in such an ancient way and taking some medicinal herbs could create such a profound difference in my energy levels and my relationship with myself. The pre-menstrual symptoms which had plagued me for years dissipated. The cysts on my ovaries healed. My disordered eating eased. The overwhelm and accompanying depressive moments abated. I was sleeping better. My digestive system was consistent. I wanted to learn as much as I could. I wanted everyone to try Ayurveda.

And so I ended up teaching yoga and Reiki and becoming an Ayurvedic lifestyle and nutrition consultant simply because I wanted others to experience the benefits for themselves.

I felt as if I had been given these incredibly sacred gifts and the only way I can truly thank the powers that be, is to share these gifts with others. My teachings and sharing then come from a place of deep gratitude.

Not only that, but I realise spirit is just moving through me. I don’t own any of it. Even Beinspired is not mine. It came in at just the right time and it has shaped itself.

The moments when I take myself too seriously, make it all about me, or try in some way to control things, especially Beinspired, is the time it all goes to pot. That I have learned the hard way.

And yes of course, I too have suffered imposter syndrome. Every time I offer something new, I can feel a creeping of anxiety and start questioning my ability and hear myself saying something like, “who do you think you are offering spiritual life coaching, do you really feel you have the qualifications/training/knowledge to help coach others spiritually, and can you honestly charge people for what you are offering?”

I hear those thoughts.

But then I also know that the idea to offer spiritual life coaching was not about me, it was about the people who may benefit from my sharing my passion for yoga, Reiki and Ayurveda, and all the many spiritual practices I have explored these last 20 off years. That is not supposed to sound arrogant, as if I am better than anyone else, I am not. But with all that I offer, it just suddenly comes in as a possibility, I haven’t gone searching for it.

The yoga teacher training course was the first of its kind and arrived on my penultimate day in Byron Bay when I was wondering what to do next with my life, but knowing that I wanted to continue immersing myself in yoga (you can read more about this in Namaste and From Darkness Comes Light). The Reiki came in by encouragement from my Reiki Master. The Ayurvedic training was encouraged by my Ayurvedic doctor. A part of me was cynical - they just want my money. But I know now, as I do this to others, that it is never about the money, it's an intuitive nudge, because you know that other person will benefit - if I have been badgering you to come to class, or do a Reiki attunement or consult with me for Ayurveda, this is the reason, something is telling me that you will benefit!

In many respects I have felt that I have had little choice. My yoga teacher told me to go back to Guernsey and start teaching yoga. My Reiki Master encouraged me to establish Beinspired and start offering Reiki. My Ayurvedic doctor was super keen for me to offer Ayurveda and did all she could to help me. These people are conscious, they have benefitted themselves from these spiritual practices and they also see the bigger picture - that we are co-creating with the divine, we are playing our role in positively shifting the vibration on this planet. We have incarnated at this time in history for this very reason.

So each time I come up against imposter syndrome, I acknowledge it and sit with it. Where is it coming from? What is the fear? And how is my heart feeling?

And as long as it still feels aligned, my heart sings, my intuition is nodding, then I’ll go for it anyway.

I’ll put on my big girl leggings and I’ll face my inner demon.

I’ll trust in whatever it was that gifted me the idea or the nudge in the first place.

I have learned a ton of lessons along the way.

At my first yoga class no one turned up. I went home and cried on my Dad’s shoulder. But I didn’t give up because something was telling me that I just needed to be patient, that Rome was not built in a day, that we all have to start somewhere, that it takes time for people to find their way to you.

And they do.

I have learned to trust in that.

That the right people will find you. That the universe will connect you.

Sure, it helps to advertise, to make people aware you exist. But people will come when the time is right - and for both of you, because it’s a two way process - I learn something from every single client and students who has entered my life.

I have also learned that you can advertise as much as you like, but if you have some resistance within you because you are letting imposter syndrome get in the way then people will not find you because on some level you are blocking them, you are also manifesting the validation you need that you are not good enough so let’s back out now while you can. I have sene this happen lots of times, people make it all about them again.

We have to be careful with our thoughts as they do create our reality. So shift your thoughts. And pray. Pray for assistance. For the most perfect situation for all parties.

I have also learned that we are not in control.

And that we should never base our self worth on external validation such as the number of students in our class or our busy schedule.

Just like we should never look to someone else to make us feel whole.

Or look to love to save us.

Or someone else to make us feel safe.

Or assume we need a community or tribe to feel as if we belong.

Our primary relationship in this lifetime is with ourselves. That much I have learned.

We come in on our own and we will leave on our own. This is the journey of OUR soul.

I know this with absolute certainty.

We can hear the powers that be if we are still enough, quiet enough, gentle enough.

We just need to learn to trust in what we hear, and cultivate greater faith in ourselves and in spirit in the process.

We need to cultivate self-belief. We have to learn to love and accept ourselves. This takes hard work. No one else can do it for us. It doesn’t matter how much money you have, you cannot buy this. Sure others can help you, but only you can really make the inner changes.

We need to switch off and switch in. People love eating energy. Protect your energy. Don’t give it away or let others steal it.

Faith is our protection.

Discernment is our weapon.

I have also learned that we should never have an attachment to outcome. If we do, we will never write that book, or run that course, or offer that treatment.

We do what we do for the love of it, for the sheer joy of the creative process.

We leave others to receive our offering in their own way. We are not responsible for this.

We have to let go of our idea of success or healing or whatever it may be.

We cannot control outcome.

We cannot make someone better if they don’t want to be better.

And we need to remember that we don’t all think and feel the same. So just because we might feel a certain way after say a yoga class or a Reiki treatment, doesn't mean that others will feel similarly. Some may like it, some may not.

And the other lesson I have learned is not to personalise everything. Someone doesn’t come back to yoga. Big deal. That’s their choice. Maybe that one session was all they needed to move them forwards in their life, maybe they can’t get a baby sitter, maybe they have to work late, maybe yoga is just not for them. We don’t need to make up stories that revolve around us, “oh I don’t think they like my style of teaching, oh I am such a rubbish yoga teacher blah blah blah.

Who cares!

Do what you do, offer what you offer, for the sheer love of it.

Stop caring what others think.

And put your energy to loving yourself more instead. Of being your greatest friend.

I have spent thousands of pounds on various trainings, workshops, courses and treatments over the years, but one of my best friend’s gave me the greatest advice for free. He told me to stop caring what others think. No one had ever told me that. Not one single person. or if they did, I didn’t hear them. I started putting this into practice and I couldn’t believe how deep the conditioning around caring what others think. Every time I was triggered, when I traced it back to source, I realised it was always about caring what others thought. I cannot tell you how liberating it has been to work with this and stop caring. It automatically tightens boundaries and helps you value yourself - and - it increases interestingly your compassion not least for self, but for others, because you see how much they suffer by caring too much what others think.

To the extent they don’t live their best life.

And this, to me, is a real tragedy.

So too the fact that they are denying others the benefit of their gifts by not sharing them - it’s like a form of stealing.

If you are reading this, then the chances are that you too have something to share. That you have a passion for yoga or writing or holistic therapies or whatever it may be and that your life has been touched positively to the extent that you would like others to benefit from what you have to share, be that your healing hands, your story or just your ability to listen.

So my advice is to share it. Notice the self-depreciating and limiting thoughts and do it anyway. Dig deep. Find the courage. Trust in whatever it was that gave you the idea. Cultivate faith. Pray for assistance along the way. Please don’t deny others the benefit of whatever gift you are here to share.

If it helps then I am happy to work with you to move you forwards, but remember that I cannot do it for you. You have to do it for yourself.

To help others.

To liberate yourself. Fly free.

To raise the vibration on this planet.

And boy do we need it!

Love Emma x

Setting ourselves free of false ego identity

The moon has gifted many insights this cycle, but the one that has struck me the most is the reminder that we are not broken and don’t need fixing and that we need to shift this mindset if we truly want to thrive and appreciate our true divinity.

I have also been reminded that our mind is our worst enemy and creates our suffering through our forgetfulness that we are neither our thoughts nor our feelings. However, we have this self-depreciating tendency to allow both to run riot, getting caught up in, and stuck, the same mental and emotional patterns over an dover again, and creating our reality from this limited perspective.

We are not our thoughts and we are not our feelings. They come and go. You only have to ask your mind, “what thought is coming next”, to realise that you are not your thoughts. And you are not your feelings, because emotions are simply energy in motion. When we stop their motion and cling onto them, then we stop their flow and mis-identify with them as who we are - “I am sad”, I am depressed”. Not, you’re not! You are merely feeling sadness and depression. But they are not you. It is important to realise this.

Same with your thoughts. Did you know that ego simply means , “What you think you are”. So it’s just your ego that says, “I am fat”, “I am thin”, “I am a victim”, “I am clever’, “I am stupid”, “I am unloveable”, “I am ugly” and every other “I” statement. The collection of these thoughts creates our ego identity, so the ego is nothing more than a raft of self images bound together by your belief in them. Thus the way you identify with yourself is nothing more than fictitious construct, consisting primarily of self-images that exist because of your belief in them and attachment to them.

What is crazy is that each self image is based on a particle moment or moments of past experience that created a mental construct, “a story”, that was taken as static reality. For example, the moment you were praised or punished for something, told you are this or that, you believed it to be so, you bought into the story and by buying into the story, you acquired a self image to add to your forming ego that became a static reality - you believed it so and in believing it so, you made it so.

I have lost count of the number of clients who are stuck in mis-identification, believing they are this or that, usually something negative because of what has happened in their past. Not only does this keep them locked in the past, but it prevents them from expanding because they have limited themselves to the thought, “I am unloveable”, “I am unattractive”, “I am fat”, or whatever it is. The more we keep buying into these false identifications the more we make them so. We believe them into reality and create our own prison bars in the process.

It doesn’t have to be like this! Every moment of every day offers us the opportunity to remove the prison bars and set ourselves free. We choose how we relate to ourselves. I cannot tell you how liberating it is to bat those thoughts away, like they are tennis balls, to challenge every single idea we have about who we are, and to let our feelings flow, see them quite literally as the energy in motion that they are.

Yesterday we had an incidence at the beach where a very important person got annoyed at us for dumping our bags near to her shoes and towel. We’ve spent hours at Fort Grey this summer, hours an hours, and everyone has been really friendly, it’s one of the reason we love it there so much, let alone the opportunity for jumping, kayaking, paddle boarding, rock pooling and just absorbing it’s sacred energy, so it ws quite a surprise. It wasn’t until we got home, E told me that the lady in question, who actually accused us of intentionally leaving our stuff near her stuff to annoy her, is a reputable lawyer on the island, recently returned.

I realised then the reason for her reaction - she has over identified with her job title and believes herself better than everyone else, she has that entitlement that certain occupations encourage. This is not to say she isn’t divine, she is. We are all divine. But her ego has made her believe herself to be better than everyone else. But one day she will retire and what then? What identity will she take on. The lawyer that was? This is the reason so many company directors have heart attacks following retirement - they lose their job title and with that their identity and they no longer wield the same level of power that they did in the organisation.

So we have to be careful. One day we will die and we will become nothing more than dust or compost. There’s this lovely bit in Hamlet, in scene 3 of Act IV, when the King asks Hamlet where the late Polonius is, Hamlet replies, “At supper”. The king, knowing that Polonius is dead, asks Hamlet what he means, to which he curtly gives this riposte:

“Not where he eats, but where ‘a is eaten. A certain convocation of politic worms are e’en at him. Your worm is your only emperor for diet. We fat all creatures else to fat us, and we fat ourselves for maggots. Your fat king and your lean beggar is but variable service—two dishes, but to one table. That’s the end…A man may fish with the worm that hath eat of a king, and eat of the fish that hath fed of the worm.”

Hamlet is very clever as he skilfully catches the audience off guard with his initial reply, “At supper”. This because we tend to think of the phrase, ‘at supper’ as, as meaning a person eating a meal. However Hamelt is referring to the person being eaten and emphasis with force the upheaval of hierarchies - the fat kind (and the lean beggar) serve the appetites of the imperial worms, “two dishes” end up on “one table”.

I’ve always thoughts this quote really interesting, reminding us that we are essentially all the same, and all part of the whole - of the continual cycle of life and indeed death on planet earth. Also a reminder that we are no better than each other. In death and indeed in life, we are essentially all equal. Admittedly some are more evolved than others, born with different karma and special qualities, but in terms of our treatment of each other, it is only our ego that says we are better, or indeed worse.

Anyway my point in all this, is to remember that we are not the stories we create about ourselves. Which is the reason I have some concerns about our over identification with labels, because we then make it so and again limit ourselves in the process. We over identify with our states of being too and continue to perpetuate the story, buying into victimhood at times, and keeping ourselves stuck.

At some point we have to realise that we are more than our thoughts and feelings and the stories we tell ourselves - or the stories others tell us. We have to remember that other people’s opinions of us - which they share readily with us, especially when we are children - are just thoughts. They are just someone else’s perspective. They are not true. They are not based on a divine reality but on someone’s judgement which is based to their conditioning and way of seeing the world and our place in it.

I have lost track of the number of people who suffer simply because of being told they were lazy at school, or sloppy, or whatever it may be, that they have taken with them into adulthood and believed it to be a truth. Who cares what other people think?!

It’s our conditioning actually that needs shifting. We have layers and layers of it and much of it patriarchal and christianised. This is something else that has really struck me lately. As women especially we talk of being empowered, yet we are still subjected to our conditioning that tells us we can only be empowered if we dig into our masculine energy and do it like the men. We still buy into the idea of power and money equalling success. We still pedestal masculine traits of achievement, outcome, rationality and consistent and linear ways of being in this world over the feminine qualities of empathy, intuition and cyclical ways of being.

We still pedestal science as if this is King. Nothing is believed if it hasn’t been proven by science. Yet science in itself is so limiting. The ancient Rishis knew the workings of this universe and the teachings have been shared for thousands of years. But unless science proves it so then we are not to believe it. Of course science has its place, but our intuition cannot be proven, nor our empathic feelings, but that doesn’t make them any less meaningful or important. We also have this annoying habit of reinventing the wheel and then commodifying it.

We strip the sacred out of everything. We are hell bent on externalising our view of the world. It doesn’t become about your meditation, it becomes about the cushion you are sitting on and the room you are sitting in. Even yoga has become less about recognising our divinity and more about how your body looks in a certain pose. We have to be careful what we buy into. In my day you didn’t need a particular water bottle to remind you to drink water. You drank water from a water fountain when you felt thirsty and I am still here to tell the tale. I’m actually honoured by the many ways we buy into commercialism.

Furthermore, so many women I see are still beholden to feelings of guilt and shame for wanting to step into their sexual energy. This because the christianised concept of purity runs deep in our DNA. We hold ourselves up against values which were forced upon our ancestors. They didn’t have a choice. But were do. We don’t need to keep perpetuating the story that we are good or bad, pure or dirty, virginal or whore, pretty or ugly, success or failure. All this duality kills the soul and keeps us trapped in our ego identity.

We are EVERYTHING. Our spiritual practicer can be anything because everything is essentially a manifestation of the Goddess. One of my friend’s loves playing AirSoft. He takes his spiritual practice seriously. Seeing an AirSoft gun hanging on his wall, someone made the comment, “well that’s not very spiritual is it!”. but actually why is yoga spiritual and playing AirSoft not? What differentiates the two. If they both serve to take us deeper to the truth, and into this present moment where we realise our divinity, then why is one good and the other bad?

It is from this understanding that the Tantric tradition arose. Tantra teaches that even the most mundane actions like washing the dishes and hanging out the washing are opportunities for experiencing the joy which flows from being truly present - of being in full Presence. We don’t limit ourselves then to our spiritual evolution, our recognition of our divinity, arising only on say our yoga mat or meditation cushion. For me this is incredibly liberating, to realise my deeper Self by being immersed in the world, rather than separate from it, of being deeply in the body, not denying it, of feeling pleasure and pain and not making one good and one bad.

The other point here is around evolution. My use of that word is perhaps not helpful as it implies moving outside ourselves and leaning into our existing conditioning that we need to do more/acquire more/fix more/future orientation “to be ……”. We have to remember that we are already perfect in our divinity and that all our spiritual practice is doing, is helping to remove the layers which prevent us from seeing this clearly. Our suffering arises because we have forgotten our own true nature and we buy into our thoughts and feelings as real.

This moon is gifting us the opportunity fort greater freedom by acknowledging all that has been and letting it pass into the ether, loosening our attachment to it. What is done is done. We have all suffered trauma - the trauma of incarnation is felt widely, for example. We have all made senseless decisions at one time or another. We have all held false views and perspective which we have shared with others. We have harmed and been harmed. But at some point we have to let it all go. We have to wipe the slate clean and realise our inherent divinity and allow more of this to shone forth in the world. We are EVERYTHING. Our playing it small, our not loving ourselves, our giving ourselves a hard time is really pointless. We have one life. Let’s live it well - kindly, loving and compassionately.

I could continue, there’s a theme around pain and suffering bubbling through but I will leave you with a quote by Christopher Wallis, a Tantric scholar, which is food for thought on this full moon:

“The great master Abhinava Gupta suggests to us that if you practice from the perspective that you are not good enough as you are, or that there is something wrong with you that needs fixing, then your yoga cannot fulfil its ultimate purpose because it is a practice founded in wrong understanding. It can only go as far as fulfilling the limited purpose that has been conceived by your limited ego-mind. However, if you undertake the practice of Yoga with the right View of yourself, that you are doing yoga to realise and then fully express what is already true, then you have empowered your practice to take you all the way”.

Happy full moon!

Love Emma x

But it is more than that. We have to stop believing all we have been told about ourselves and buying into it as if this is a truth. Our teachers, caregivers, friends, family members, general public, all will have had an opinion about us at one time or another, but it doesn’t make them real or concrete, they are just someone else’s thoughts. Yet our whole life can be based on these thoughts, because we ignorantly take them on as a truth and then make them so - creating our own reality in the process.

My other concern is our over identiifcation with

Navigating change

The winds of change are definitely here, we’re at the end of Autumn after all, the Vata time of the year, when the elements of air and ether are at their strongest, ushering greater movement in our lives.

People tell me that they love change but I beg to differ. Even the Yoga Sutras (sutra II.15) tells us that our greatest suffering (dukkha) occurs due to change (parinama).

Sure we love change once it has happened and we can be assured of a happy and positive outcome but the process of change, of moving from one state of being to another, of stepping into the unknown without any guarantee of what might happen next – will we enjoy the new job? Will it work out moving in with our partner? Will we love the new country ? – All of these things can be potentially positive but there is always a moment, always a doubt, a last minute questioning whether we have made the right decision and wouldn’t we be better to maintain the status quo?

This because change brings fear and fear can cause us to resist change.

The mind LOVES certainty. The mind LIKES to ensure safety. The mind will do ALL it can to protect us even if that protection keeps us stuck, scared to make changes and move forward in our lives.

The mind also seeks to find evidence from our PAST to validate its resistance to change, and it LOVES to IMAGINE a FUTURE, usually from a worst case scenario perspective. The mind flip flops frequently between the past and the future and forgets to focus on THIS moment, NOW, when everything is OK. You’re OK aren’t you, right now, reading this?

Our life actually is one of trying to be OK. 

Always we are making decisions based on our motivation to be OK. Sometimes the decisions don’t work out as intended, sometimes our judgment is clouded because we don’t see clearly (Per Yoga Sutra I.6, the first of five activities of the mind is correct perception - sometimes we don’t perceive correctly – the second activity is wrong understanding/mistaken knowledge – we don’t understand correctly). Furthermore we can easily delude ourselves (Avidya, ignorance, appears as a klesha, an affliction of the mind, see Sutra II.3), especially if we are confronted with something scary, like change.

However, life is one of constant change, we cannot avoid it; every day the planet is turning, every day the sun sets farther south or north than it did the day before, every day the moon is in a constant process of movement from full to new and new to full, every day In our own lives we move from morning to midday, wake to sleep, birth to death. Even one second turning into the next brings miniscule (or sometimes huge) changes - we are a different person to the one we were ten years ago and no doubt we will be different in ten years’ time from how we are now. 

The change of any season is a great way to observe ‘change’ at work but especially now in Autumn. Supported by the increase in air and ether (and the resulting wind), the trees drop their leaves and those leaves return to the earth, where they started the first signs of life in the first place. As the trees move from full-life to a state of dormancy and hibernation throughout the winter period, they are preparing to burst into life again in the Spring. If they didn’t do this, the trees would waste valuable energy and nutrients trying to survive in conditions which do not support them.

So it is with us too. In this Autumnal time of year, by its very nature, Vata is all about movement and we are being asked to create movement in our own lives by letting go to create the space (remember Vata is space/ether and air) for the air to blow the new in - think of the heart chakra, represented by the element of air, sometimes we have a change of heart, sometimes something touches our heart and this changes everything. 

Our suffering arises when we resist this process, when we hold on to our leaves when they are ready to drop, when we listen to our head rather than our heart, when we stay stuck in unhealthy relationships, jobs and  friendships, when we keep feeding the same unhelpful and limiting mental patterning (habits, thought processes and behaviours), when we cling on and keep doing what we have always been doing because we THINK we know what’s best when all the time our body is screaming at us to let go and rest. 

How best then can we navigate change?

1. Acceptance is key 🗝

But acceptance can take time. We need to accept that we need to make changes in our lives. Spiritual Life Coaching is really helpful here.

More often than not we know we need to make changes, but we don’t always know what changes to make or how to make them. Often the change that needs to be made is internal, setting ourselves free from our conditioning and habitual thought processes and behaviours, healing old wounds and shifting core and limiting beliefs, letting go of outmoded ways of seeing the world and ourselves, changing perspective, as if awaking for the first time. 

Having someone help and hold space for us while we navigate all of this is incredibly helpful. Worksheets are provided between sessions for us to consider our limiting beliefs, our relationship with our body, our emotional state, our mental patterning, and the option of considering our diet and lifestyle from an Ayurvedic perspective too, as well as being supported by various spiritual practices including yoga and various breathing and relaxation techniques.

If this resonates, if you know you need to make changes but fear is getting in your way then do reach out and we can discuss how Spiritual Life Coaching may help you.

2. Cultivate greater faith 🙏🏽

Faith is the antidote to fear.

There is a wonderful Vedic chant from the Rig Veda called Shraddha Suktam, which is chanted to strengthen faith. The chant contains a verse, “Shraddha devanadhivaste” which translates as faith is our protection -  it really is!

Faith gives us the strength to make changes in our lives, to choose differently, even when there is no certainty of outcome, when we are asked to step into the unknown. 

3. Yoga practice 🧘🏻‍♂️

To cultivate greater faith we might delve deeper into our yoga practice, getting on our mat and taking conscious, comfortable, slow and steady breaths, lengthening into our exhalation, practicing asana (postures) in a steady and comfortable way, taking time to rest, engaging in a Yoga Nidra to work with a Sankalpa (intention) and take us deeper into the body. 

We might also enter into prayer - See Sutra I.23 where we are introduced to the concept of Isvara Pranidhanadva, an ultimate being, God, Universe and later, Sutra II.1 defines Kriya yoga as being the yoga of action with three key components, namely Tapah, which means heat/purification, doing something positive like getting on our mat, Svadhyaya, which means self-reflection, such as reading spiritual texts and seeing how they we can incorporate the teachings into our life and Isvara Pranidhanadva appears again as a reminder to surrender, appreciating the notion that we are not in control, that the world does not revolve around us, thus encouraging us to accept our place in things, that there is something higher.

The Yoga Sutras also reminds us in the first chapter (sutras I.13 and I.14) to develop a steady and balanced practice, which takes place over the long term, without interruptions, with a positive attitude, with enthusiasm and thoroughly if we can expect to see any positive changes.

We are basically reminded that there is no quick fix, that we are in this for the long run, NOT just when things are critical but all the time, so that the challenging times, like when we experience change, do not have to end up putting us into a critical state of mind – practicing regularly reduces our suffering. 

Explore the first three chapters of the Yoga Sutras with Emma, discussing various sutras and considering how they might be relevant to your life. Each session lasts 60 minutes and can be enhanced by a regular yoga and/or Reiki practice to help support general healing and personal and spiritual development. 

4. Spiritual practice 👁

We can expand our spiritual practice beyond our mat, to make all of life an opportunity to cultivate greater faith and help us manage change. We might visit sacred sites, spending time outside in nature, sitting against a tree, taking walks on our own by the sea, reading spiritual books, attending spiritual groups, studying spiritual subjects.

Spiritual Life Coaching can assist in helping you cultivate an authentic and consistent spiritual practice.

5. Reiki 👐🏼

Reiki not only supports our ongoing healing but also promotes our spiritual and personal development. Reiki helps to release energy blocks which will help to free us from the effect of previous trauma and the resulting mental, emotional, physical and energetic patterning that continues to inform our daily life.

In this way, Reiki helps to restore wholeness, positively changing the way we relate to ourselves and others, while increasing our energy and helping us to see our life more clearly. It is extremely helpful through periods of change, when we know something needs to shift, but we don’t quite know how to make it happen.

Becoming attuned to Reiki can also help as you can lay your hands on yourself.

6. Ayurveda 🌿

Staying grounded will help immensely too. Ayurveda offers us many options to help ease anxiety and fear when it arises, eating warming stews, curries and soups, using our hands to consciously prepare food or hands in the earth gardening, massaging our whole body with coconut oil and then lying in a warm bath (adding dead sea salts is really helpful too). 

There are herbal medicines we can take too, albeit these need to be prescribed individually for our specific needs.

7. Positive thinking 🔋

As stipulated in Yoga Sutra II.33, when we find ourselves disturbed and not sure of the best way forward, we can look at it from the other side, so we cultivate looking at things from a different perspective to try to resolve doubt and the lack of clarity. This can be like thinking, ‘well what will happen is I don’t do it versus what will happen if I do’. Or put ourself in another person’s point of view.

Thus if we are stuck in an attitude of fear or resentment, we have to positively cultivate the opposite. This involves working with the mind to see things differently, especially when we are stuck.

At such times we are encouraged to divert attention, reflect on potential consequences, take a step back to ask for advice, practice yoga and in such times seeking help from a teacher is invaluable. Spiritual Life Coaching can help enormously as referenced above. 

8. Loosening the grip 🌏

We take on habits, or a habitual thought process, and at the very beginning it might serve us in some way, keep us safe for example. But after some time, this way of being and living no longer serves us and it is time to let go and change, make new healthier habits or thought processes. The trouble is we humans are very good at grasping and attaching ourselves to there being one way. It is this inflexibility that ends up causing our suffering. 

If we can loosen our grip – aparigraha, the fifth yama or ethical principle/relationship to the world around us as noted in Sutra 11.31 means non-grasping, non-possessiveness, non-attachment – then in theory we can flow more easily moment to moment, adapting to change as it arises, allowing our transformation, and actually arriving in the present moment, experiencing it exactly as it is without needing to react to it.

9. Going with the flow 🌊

Sutra II.3 refers to the ‘kleshas’, the afflictions including attachment/desire (ragas) and aversion/hatred (dvesa) and how we alternate between the two, wanting and rejecting, liking and disliking, and how this causes unsteadiness in the mind.

If we can just let go of our preferences, then we can find greater equanimity. This is particularly relevant if change is forced upon us, sometimes we just need to go with it, let go of our preferences, to be shown that there may be another way – more often than not, redundancy, for example, while a shock, can be a blessing in disguise, presenting new opportunities. 

10. Bach Floral Remedies 🌸

Taking Bach floral remedies, the one for fear (Mimulus) or shock (Star of Bethlehem), or overwhelm (Elm) or the Rescue Remedy to help support generally.

11. Spending time with positive people 🪷

When we are navigating change, it is very helpful to spend time with people who are supportive of this.

More often than not people come from a place of self-service and they can be threatened when we make changes in our life, not least because they fear losing us (and their grip over us), but also because we indirectly encourage them to come out of their potential denial about the state of their life.

Many people like to put their head in the sand and they prefer it is those around them to do the same, so they don’t have to face their reality. 

12. Feeling into it 🫀

It can be really helpful to feel our fear and anxiety as they arise. To understand its root – which is more often than not, around our safety.

Remember FEAR as False Evidence Appearing Real and challenge it – where is the evidence that we will end up homeless, unwell, dead etc?

For more help please do reach out. The more comfortable we can be with the change, the easier it is for us to weather it when it appears in our lives.

Warming, Ayurvedic, vata-balancing recipes:

The snow moon squeeze!

The snow moon was healing and illuminating in its intensity. Phew. Not only was it difficult to sleep, but it flip-flopped us between extreme tiredness and hyper energy. It was helping to heal core beliefs if we allowed it and also shine a light into more personal and collective shadows but in quite a life changing way.

I had read that it coincided with us going through the photon belt, which fascinated me as I don’t know much about this. The first website I came to on a google search read this:

“Can you feel it? The pace of life has gotten so fast that you can barely keep up with it. It’s not that you are getting old, tired, or lazy. The worst possible thing you could do now is try and keep up with the hectic flow of life.

A better choice would be to simplify your life. Get a smaller home. Work close to home or, even better, work from home if you can. Trim the excess from your life the best that you can. If it isn’t essential to your life, then let it go for now. Make peace with yourself and let go of the inner conflict.

Resolve to love and care for yourself unconditionally. Earth has entered new territory. The old earth paradigm will no longer work; in fact, it hasn’t worked for a long time. Let go of worn-out traditions and cultural expectations. Go within and do what feels right for you, even if it goes against societal norms.”

It resonated! Yes! Admittedly we are all being forced to slow down, lockdown does that to you, but I resonated with the article in other ways. It was interesting timing too as I had just finished an email discussion with my cousin about the lessons we are being encouraged to learn about slowing down and appreciating that happiness cannot be bought and doesn’t come from controlling others either, contrary to what media may tell us.

A previous trauma was finally healed for me over this moon cycle and I cannot tell you the relief, it has been almost 20 years of trying to clear it from my body so that I am no longer holding an emotional resonance. I might be kidding myself, but I feel different, finally free and able to see the blessing in the curse. I’m pretty certain that every trauma brings with it a gift if we can heal ourselves and let go of our story around our wounding and victimhood. 

To do this, we need to release ourselves from any vested interest we may have in holding on to what has happened to us. We have to remember that it was in the past and the longer we hold onto it, the more we allow it to negatively impact on our present reality and our ability to move on in a lighter, freer and more compassionate way. I had been trying to let go, for a good while now, but there was a sticking point, as is often the case, but finally the vested interest dropped away – sometimes the pain of holding on is greater than the pain of letting go. 

When we finally recognise the gift and the new beginnings this brings, then we wonder why we held on for so long in the first place! Nature abhors a vacuum and we will know that we have created a vacuum when we feel stuck. The only choice then, other than sticking our head in the sand and pretending all is OK, when it clearly isn’t, is to do something about it, to have the courage to really go in and own it, truly own it, however uncomfortable the feeling. We can do it! The moon will help! It’s for the good of the collective!

There was more though, because the light was bright, especially the light flooding through our blinds that Thursday night! It illuminated for me a shadow around ‘agendas’. I started to see through some of the media and political crap that is based on agenda rather than truth or purity of heart. This made me curious, not least because I had been blinded to it previously (opposed to put my head in the sand and pretend it is not happening), and how much it was detrimentally affecting me.

 Here I continued to voice my concerns around the optional nature of ‘human rights’ in times of pandemic, quite in contrast to advice from the WHO or the UN. Let alone the uber conservative approach and proliferation of fear here on Guernsey about a virus that we are, one way or another, going to have to live with, if the fear and the loneliness, let alone the loss of mental and emotional wellbeing don’t kill us first, as has sadly been the reality for a few who chose to take their own lives locally, to say nothing of those who are dying while still living (I think of care homes…).

This wasn’t meant to be a rant, more so a sharing, because I know that others felt it too, that they could see more clearly the crap that we are fed. I read a letter someone had written to the local paper saying that he hadn’t wanted the vaccine but decided he needed to put his blind faith in the pharmaceutical companies and government for they surely must have his best interests at heart, I’m not a conspiracy theorist or antivax (I want to stress that) but I did think that man was a braver man than me, the only people I put my blind faith in are neither wealthy or powerful people seeking more wealth or power, but the Goddess, the angels and the divine!

 It made me laugh the coincidence of the timings, because as I was thinking about blogging about this, a soul friend sent me a copy of a blog post by Caitlin Johnstone, which validated exactly how I was feeling: “Just as clouds are always water droplets in the air no matter what shapes they take, news stories are only ever one dynamic playing out with different appearances. There is only ever one news story on any given day, and it is always the same news story: wealthy and powerful people seek more wealth and power, and narratives are spun to advance these agendas.”

This feeds in well with where the moon illuminations were taking me to a conversation I was having with E about agendas, yoga teachers agendas as much as anything else, but it got me thinking about my own agenda as a yoga teacher, because we can see clearly others’ agendas when we have recognised it in ourselves. I was questioning how much our motivation for what we do is based on what we might gain in terms  of fame and/or fortune, and in turn how much of what we do is then based on outcome.

I’ve been pondering this quite a bit recently, and the full moon helped me to come to terms with my own inadequacies in this regard, the times when my motivation for teaching has not been of pure heart, where I have been driven by the need for recognition, as if to validate my self-worth, to be someone, fame then, and at other times the draw of the fortune and being wealthy as if this might also prove my worth in the world and provide a sense of security that is otherwise lacking.

I’ve worked with both of these a lot this year as those of you who read this blog regularly will know so I have made progress in letting go of the insecurities and the inherent cultural, educational and societal conditioning, which might have previously driven me to seek fame and fortune in the first place. But still, I had to ask myself this full moon, what is my agenda for doing what I do, is it purely from a place of heart and joy? On the whole yes, but it is a conscious awareness, because it is very easily to be side tracked by the idea of fame and fortune along the way as it is sooo ingrained in us all.

But it’s more than that. It comes down to our dharma, and our sacred truth, and doing what we are here to do, whether we want to or not,  but because we recognsie that it is our duty. It’s one of the central messages of the Bhagavad Gita, that each and every one of us is born with this sacred duty that we must fulfil during this lifetime, whether that be being a warrior (like Ajuna in the Bhagavad Gita) or a mum or daughter etc. It’s the sacred duty that sustains the cosmos, society and individual, and helps us to recognise the blessing in the burden.

The other theme relevant here is the lesson about doing our duty but not being concerned with the results, in so much as the fruits of our actions are not for our enjoyment and even while working we should give up the pride of doership, and yet not get attached to inaction. Basically when we are focused purely on the job we are less distracted by the potential results – not attached to outcome! There is of course a spiritual nature to this too – that our actions are for the good of humanity, not for us individually. 

Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Teresa were embodiments of this wisdom. They were both selfless in their service to mankind. It was not for their enjoyment that they acted and behaved the way that they did, but because of pure heart and a motivation to fulfil their duty in their lifetime with an awareness of the spiritual inherent within this. They did not seek validation of their efforts through fame or power, nor were they concerned about the value of their work and being recognised or praised for this. They valued what they did, because it came from God (however you define this) and their relationship with him/her directly.

It’s inspiring and also motivating, if that’s the right word, the idea that we may each of us live according to this wisdom, of doing what is ours to do and leaving the rest for those better placed to do it. To do without expectation of gain or of validation, but do for the sheer joy of doing, taking responsibility, living our duty. Unfortunately though, not all of humanity can be so selfless, and most are orientated towards outcome and fame and fortune being right up there under the illusion of success. 

Still it doesn’t matter what others do, it can only ever be about ourself, and settling more fully into our own truth and our own heart. It’s always easy to deceive ourselves, just as we are so easily deceived by others who we believe should have our best interests at heart. So we need to be careful, discerning, compassionate and gentle. The moon was helping us see more of this, and to be all these things. It’s still squeezing even now, like an aftershock, we may still feel agitated and aggrieved, until the energy settles again and we can find a new balance and a new way of being…if the photon belt theory is to be believed that we are ascending, those of us who want to that is, and others are opting out, which way will you go?

Lockdown, nature and the next generation

I was delighted to read that Anne Longfield, England Children’s Commissioner, has said that children must be the priority after the pandemic. In her final speech after six years in the role, she said it was a “terrible thing” that “most of their lives would have got worse” during the pandemic.

This comes after warnings that children may be “losing all hope for their future” as surveys suggest young people’s mental health is worsening, partly due to the fallout from Covid-19. It’s not just rising levels of mental health that are concerning, but rising levels of abuse and neglect and the potential harm being done to the development of babies.

Research shows that the first two to three years of a baby’s life is the most crucial period of human development and it is believed that if children fall behind then they can find themselves at a lifelong disadvantage. Due to lockdown, babies have not been able to benefit from the stimulus of social contact that is vital for their development. Furthermore mothers are denied the support they need at this most confusing and exhausting time during the post-natal period (two years from birth). 

The BBC reported that “There was an alarming 20% rise in babies being killed or harmed during the first lockdown, Ofsted's chief inspector Amanda Spielman has revealed. Sixty four babies were deliberately harmed in England - eight of whom died. Some 40% of the 300 incidents reported involved infants, up a fifth on 2019. Ms Spielman [Ofsted’s chief inspector] believes a "toxic mix" of isolation, poverty and mental illness caused the March to October spike. Health staff and social workers were hampered by Covid restrictions. And many regular visits could not take place, while others were carried out remotely, using the telephone or video links.”

Ms Spielman also said: "The pandemic has brought difficult and stressful times. Financial hardship, loss of employment, isolation, and close family proximity have put extra pressure on families that were already struggling. Poverty, inadequate housing, substance misuse and poor mental health all add to this toxic mix. You'll be well aware of the increase in domestic violence incidents over the summer - just one symptom of the Covid pressure cooker." 

Over a quarter of all incidents reported to the child safeguarding practice review panel during 2019 involved non-accidental injuries to babies so there was already a concern about violence to babies let alone infants and older children. This often involves children being abused by young parents, or other family or household members, who have very little social support. The BBC reported “that the President of the Association of Directors of Children's Services Jenny Coles said Covid-19 was exacerbating many of the difficulties that families face and putting more vulnerable babies at even more risk. "The pandemic has seriously disrupted a key line of sight into the lives and homes of many families."

The closure of schools has also been a concern, not least because schools provide a place for learning, but because they also offer community focus and support, and provide visibility for those children who may be subject to abuse, neglect and harm at home. These children are deprived not only of an education, but of the lifeline that is provided to them through the school environment – for many it is the one place they feel truly safe.  

Professor Russell Viner, president of the Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health said, “when we close schools we close their lives”. In a meeting with MPs on the Education Select Committee earlier this month he was reported by the BBC as saying that “the pandemic has caused a range of harms to children across the board from being isolated and lonely to suffering from sleep problems and reduced physical activity – alongside school closures all children’s sport is currently banned”.

It’s not just the closure of schools that is an issue, but as Ms Spielman touched on above, the additional stress that the pandemic has put on families generally. Increasing numbers of families are subject to rising levels of unemployment and financial insecurity, and those who have retained their jobs (many are living in fear of losing their jobs) are having to juggle deadlines and their children’s home-learning, let alone deal with the disruption to family life as a result of lives lived together during lockdown. This has undoubtably led to an increase in domestic violence. 

The BBC reported, “Domestic abuse has increased across the UK and the world during the coronavirus lockdowns, organisations have reported. The United Nations called the global increase in domestic abuse a "shadow pandemic". In the UK, charities say there has been a surge in demand for services, while police forces have also recorded a rise in incidents.  Earlier this month, the UK's domestic abuse commissioner - whose role was set up last year - warned that demand for services was only going to increase further.”

All of this was happening before lockdown, the abuse to babies and children, to women, to men, all of us in some way harming others, at times to the point of death, but Covid has shone a light onto this. Today, Labour Leader Sir Keir Starmer was reported by the BBC as saying, “Covid has exposed deep inequalities and injustices in society and the government needs to play a bigger role in the economy permanently. The UK’s collective sacrifice during the coronavirus pandemic must lead to a better future”

A vaccine, although it might well prevent unnecessary and early death, is not the only answer taken in isolation as if putting a sticking plaster on something already broken. We are broken! As a humanity we are sick and we are destroying our planet, the air is dirty, the water is polluted, the earth is plundered by mechanical processes, land is destroyed by fire and we’re even cluttering space now.  

The Progression, a voice for peace, social justice and the common good, says, “pollution is the world’s leading cause of death, ahead of tobacco use, drug and alcohol use, and even war. The Global Alliance on Health and Pollution study, drawing on data from the Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation, frames pollution as one of the world’s largest, yet most neglected public health threats”.

This has to be our wake up call to look more honestly at the way we are each of us living and how this impacts on the collective, how as a society we need to find a way to live in harmony with all of life, including a virus. Fundamental to this is the need to take greater individual responsibility. This is the problem however: as a society we do not like to take responsibility. We have a medical model that does not encourage us to take responsibility, and we live in a blame and litigious culture that does not encourage us to take responsibility. At its root, we don’t know how to look after ourselves, not least our physical wellbeing but our mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing too – living in greater harmony. 

In Ayurveda there is an emphasis on living in harmony with nature. My Ayurvedic doctor wrote, “As human beings, for us to thrive we cannot destroy other organisms created by Mother Nature. We all have to find our unique physiological and psychological balance in harmony with other living organisms. Coronavirus is also a living organism even though harmful to some human beings. It has its own place in this equation of life. If the body is in its optimum balance and correct pH level (according to Ayurveda – ushna and shita) it is harder for the virus to develop into a disorder even after entering the body. This is because the environment within the body would not be suitable for it to thrive.”

This is easier for some than it is for others. While there is increasing awareness of the metaphysical nature of our existence, in that we are more than just the body, a mind and spirit too, this has yet to infiltrate mainstream thinking. Even knowing that we are what we eat, what we think and how we live, many will not have access to the support they need to make changes in their lives to support their general wellbeing. Deprivation, poverty and inequality each have a role to play in health and wellbeing.  

The UK government has recently added an additional 1.7 million people to its shielding list due to a new algorithm which has attempted to identify those most at risk from Covid, and this is based on a combination of age, ethnicity, body mass index and other health conditions and postcode. This highlights the manner in which inequality, where you live, can play a significant role in your quality of life and your susceptibility to illness and to Covid especially.

Thus the answer is not natural immunity alone but on socio-economic factors. It is complex! But one thing is for sure, the virus is not going anywhere. I have said this since last March, that at some point we need to learn to live with it and the politicians are now recognising this. Matt Hancock was quoted by the BBC as saying that new treatments would play an important role in "turning Covid from a pandemic that affects all of our lives into another illness that we have to live with, like we do flu. That's where we need to get Covid to over the months to come".

Covid is highlighting our need for change. As Diana Bereford-Kroeger writes, “Lately something has gone wrong. Nature is reacting to undue pressures and the fallout is here now in the form of Covid-19. Although its exact origins are uncertain, the stresses resulting from lost native species and habitats, missing links on the food chain, particulate pollution, and other environmental factors related to human activity and climate change have surely helped create the atmosphere in which the virus is thriving and looking for human flesh as its host.”

We each have a responsibility towards ourselves and towards the next generation. But somewhere along the way we lost ourselves and we stopped caring about the world we are creating for our children, for the next generation. We got greedy, we started to sell out, we forgot about the simple pleasures in life, about love and family, we wanted fame and fortune and outward validation of our worth in the world; we wanted to make our lives safer, make the unknown known, ensure an outcome.

Then a virus comes in and shakes the very foundation of our world and we are placed into lockdown, gripped in fear. Like a rabbit caught in a headlight, the world has been startled and stuck in time, groundhog day, each day resembles the next, underground, with little consideration to the bigger picture, to the effect, our choice and freedom are taken away from us, trapped, a pressure cooker, the heat rising and with no release. But what other option is there? Every action has a consequence, even the most well intended. 

But the question remains, at which point do we consider that in our attempt to protect the vulnerable, we are instead creating greater vulnerability? Who is most vulnerable? Those birthing alone, those dying alone, those losing their minds because of loss of contact with the outside world, those suffering acute loneliness and anxiety and depression, those subject to domestic violence and abuse on a daily basis, women who can no longer protect their children, children who can no longer seek refuge in schools or with their friends and other family groups, those who long for connection, for love, for attention, denied all of this because of our healthcare system cannot cope, we are sick.

Don’t get me wrong, there is a very real loss, over two million people worldwide have died from Covid-19 over this year, albeit these figures include anyone who died from any condition but had Covid-19 in their system. I don’t envy any politician trying to weigh up all the odds, trying to find a way through a pandemic that so easily kills. But I do know that we have reached a point where we need to ask ourselves what it is that we are trying to achieve and to appreciate that the fundamentals of our society, the medical model and our approach to our health and wellbeing as much as our relationship to ourselves and to the planet needs to change. 

Lockdown is not working for everyone, especially not for our children (albeit mine are very happy during lockdown) and this needs to be our last lockdown. We are in lockdown because of the strain on the hospitals so there does need to be a focus on natural immunity and doing what we can to increase the health and wellbeing of our population. This requires us to look at how we are living, at the very fabric of society and make changes, reduce inequality, reduce pollution, start caring, providing greater support at grass roots, ensuring parents have the support they need to be able to raise healthy and contented children - this is mental and emotional support as much as financial. 

We need to let children be children, get outside, play and reconnect with nature, immerse themselves in it, so they start to recognise on a deep level that they are a part of nature, that nature is a part of us, that we are not separate from it and should stop destroying, plundering and raping it for our limited gain, because in the long run, it’s not just nature losing out, we lose out too. It’s not theorical – we really do need fresh air to breathe and fresh clean water to drink, these are fundamentals and should be a given. 

We need to each of us take greater responsibility for our mental, emotional and spiritual landscape. To look at our trauma and our harm done and do something about it, free ourselves from our own suffering, not keep blaming it on others, as if we alone are victims of circumstance. Babies and children are victims of circumstance, they have no choice, we need to make better choices for them, by being better versions of ourselves, owning our stuff and transforming our negativity into positivity, learning to love and cultivate greater compassion for self and all of humanity.

It honestly has to start with us. This is the way. By each of us doing what we can to reduce our own suffering and those who suffer because of this. We need to start envisioning a new world for us, and for the next generation especially, one of greater freedom from fear, and greater connection to nature. Nature makes us feel better. We need to live in, immerse ourselves in, stop selling out on it. It’s time to get out of our left brains, transform our education system into something beyond mere learning for the sake of learning, learning to tap into more of our intuitive, empathic and imaginative  nature, be more than we can possibly imagine. 

As Henry Ford famously said, “If You Always Do What You've Always Done, You'll Always Get What You've Always Got.” So let’s do things differently this time. Our health and wellbeing is paramount. There should be no going back. Anyone who is still holding onto the idea of the life ‘returning to normal’ needs to move on and get a better grip on reality. This is a change that the world needs, if only we can find the courage to make the changes that it is presenting to us, if we can acknowledge our fear of the unknown and keep moving forward, to a place of greater love and compassion for ourselves and all of life; greater harmony.

I’ll leave you with the wise advice of Diana Beresford-Kroeger “This invisible agent called a coronavirus is round, with a tight protein membrane like a football, so it has speed when aerosolized by a sneeze or cough. The glycoprotein tentacles give the virus its glue. Therefore, the separation of six feet you’re hearing about is important because a ball will travel only so far. These are the laws of physics. But there are other invisible agents that can help instead of harm us. The biodiversity of our forests brings us many of the medicines we use to cure what ails us. And forests emit some of these medicines in the form of a multitude of medicinal aerosols.

Go outside and find yourself a pine tree. The white pine, Pinus strobus, is the best for the east. Any native low growing pine is good for the western seaboard. The bigger pine, P. sabiniana, is the best. Take twenty minutes out of your life in the company of these evergreens at noontime. They produce three aerosol molecules called pinenes. Inhale deeply in the presence of one of these trees and the T-cells of your circulating blood will immediately increase, boosting your immune system for free. This effect of one visit will last for thirty days. This is true for men, women, and children.

Get out into the sunshine. The sun and your skin are connected in ways that are extraordinary. The sun does a quantum trick, producing a UV-B wavelength, changing the precursor Vitamin D on your exposed skin into Vitamin D3. This vitamin helps to fight viral diseases. Look up and enjoy the feeling of warm sun on your body. And, don’t be too clean. especially now. Yes, wash your hands and don’t touch your face, but that daily shower washes the vitamin protection away.”

If you live far from the embrace of a pine tree, there still are things you can do to copy Diana’s natural approaches to keeping a healthy state of mind. She suggests, for example, smiling. Smiling  boosts neiurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin and decreases the cortisol levels in the body, which is part of the flight-and-fight response. If you reduce the cortisol, you give a boost to your body and heart. “Smile and take life as it comes”, she says. And if you don’t like smiling? “try prayer or finding a cow or stone to stare at. Generosity of thought brings cortisol levels down, and we can all afford to be generous” she finishes.

Enjoying this lockdown

I don’t know if it just me, but I am really enjoying lockdown this time around, and I make no apologies for it. Last time it was awful because of my reaction to it; rather than flowing with it, I fought against it, and struggled to let go into it, holding on tightly to my old way of being, resistant to the possibility of a more positive and less limited way of being, of a new world that lockdown may have been ushering in. In the process I made myself extremely stressed to the extent that my dad was concerned I was heading for breakdown. 

While it was a messy and uncomfortable period of my life (and no doubt for many others too), turning life on its head, and throwing me/us into the unknown, it was also a very rich time for growth, because it encouraged me to look more honestly at my life and my unhelpful patterns, and this process revealed some fundamental mis-identifications regarding self-worth, security and loss of safety, which, until that point, I had been able to overlook and ignore.

I hadn’t realised, for example, how much my self-worth and feelings of security were tied up in factors external to me; in my yoga classes and my earning potential, to say nothing of feedback from others whether that be ‘likes’ on Facebook or otherwise. Lockdown came in and I felt a huge loss as everything I had built up around me to give me a sense of purpose  and a sense of safety and security, were taken away. I completely and utterly lost my grounding, as if the rug had been pulled from under my feet. 

Lockdown also highlighted my inherent stress and as I looked more honestly at this, and what underpinned it, I began to realise how much we create our own stress, through the thoughts we think and our interpretation of the world we live in and our relationship to this. In many respects, stress can become a coping mechanism, healthy if used in small doses but unhelpful and harmful if it continues for too long.

There was absolutely nothing helpful about my stress levels during that first lockdown; every time I attempted an online class my stress levels increased simply because the internet connection was so temperamental that I couldn’t be certain I could teach the class all the way to the end. On the occasions when the internet dropped out, I would be beside myself with the frustration of it, feeling as if I was letting everyone down, despite it being beyond my control.

I also noticed my tendency towards taking too much responsibility for the wellbeing of the world, as if it was my job, and my job alone, to save everyone from the suffering that lockdown brought with it. This ironic because in the process I was creating so much of my own suffering! I was also struggling to focus on my children, because until that point, I placed greater focus on everyone else, almost feeling that they were more in need of my time and energy than my own family.

In my attempts to save the world (!)I attempted to teach multiple classes, many for free, on a combination of Zoom and Facebook Live, and exhausting myself in the process. It wasn’t just that though, if the internet didn’t challenge me, then the dwindling numbers did instead. I wasn’t used to that, and I felt unsupported, feeding my unresolved feelings around rejection and criticism, as if people were rejecting me – I needed to feel needed because of my inherent insecurity that I had tried to pretend was no longer a part of me. 

I took it all very personally,  forgetting that everyone was trying to find their way in a world that didn’t feel quite right. Many were weary of being on the internet after a busy day juggling work and home learning, other’s couldn’t work out how to use Zoom, many didn’t like practicing from home and there were some who just didn’t feel they needed their yoga practice, because the great outdoors (and wine!) were offering support instead. It wasn’t personal, but this just merely shows how I was well and truly triggered by lockdown! 

Life has changed significantly since then. It was a wake-up call for so many of us and I realised after lockdown that I now needed to do the deeper work, to look more honestly at my fears and unhelpful core beliefs around security and rejection especially, and the way in which these continued to inform my present moment experience, despite them being based on past experience and therefore completely unhelpful to my current reality. 

I took ownership of my inherent insecurity, fear of rejection and perceived loss of safety and enquired into them. I attempted to break down my escape routes and establish myself more firmly within my ‘self’, not on factors outside of myself. This meant stepping back and essentially putting myself through the mill, finding another way. I also started looking more honestly at my perspective and my tendency towards the negative. 

Dropping deeper into my practice really helped, especially embracing more of the Scaravelli-inspired approach to yoga which helps to highlight our unhelpful patterns of movement and thinking and the many ways we harm ourselves and create our own suffering.  Studying the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali with my philosophy teacher, Helen, made a huge difference too. In the Sutras, Patanjali defines yoga and the activities and obstacles of the mind and gives us the tools to help us navigate the difficulties of life and explains how we might cultivate positive thinking. 

The second of the Yoga Sutras, ‘Yogas Citta Vrtti Nirodha’ can be translated as ‘Yoga is the containment of the mind’.  ‘Vrtti’ can be translated as thought waves or modifications of the mind, but when the Sanskrit root is used in asana names (such as Parivrtta Janu Sirsasana) it means revolve or turn around. I’ve no doubt that each of us has experienced how the vrttis – the five activities of the mind which can be positive or negative and include correct perception, wrong understanding/mistaken knowledge, imagination, sleep and memory – spin around inside the mind, especially when we try to sit in meditation. 

 The idea is that we don’t banish thoughts or repress memories/emotions, but that we free ourselves from the turmoil that they (the vrttis) cause by training the mind towards greater discernment and detachment through the eight limbs – yama (external constraints, relationship to world around us), niyama (relationship to self), asana (mastery of body, postures), pranayama (extension of energy), pratyahara (withdrawal of senses), dharana (focus on one thing), dhyana (deeper, more consistent and sustained) and samadhi (self- realisation).

As for cultivating a positive perspective, we have to ask ourselves, whether we can do this regardless of the circumstances? Establishing a positive or calmer state of mind can be challenging for all of us, especially if we feel our families, our health and/or livelihoods are being threatened. It requires us being able to step back from the emotional situation to try to see things more clearly. In yoga then, we attempt to calm our thought waves (relentless as they can be)  that create the various fluctuations (monkey mind) using the many techniques available to us. 

Some of you already know from previous blog posts, but it was coming across sutra 2.33, “Vitarka-badhane pratipaksha-bhavanam”, which really made a difference to me. This means when disturbed by negative thoughts, cultivate the opposite mental attitude - easier said than done, but still entirely possible with awareness. Thus when we find ourselves spinning around with some old negative pattern (feelings of anger, loss of self-worth, resentment, disappointment, fear of loss of safety, anxiety over an imagined event, reacting from a memory) then we try and think something more positive and peaceful instead. 

 Essentially we are asked to flip our perspective, see the other side of the coin. I’ve found this helpful, in catching myself and noticing my negative programming and trying to change it into something more positive. I’ve also found it helpful in noticing my prejudice and judgments, as I am reminded that there is always another side to every story and we would do well to remember this, to stand back, practice detachment and discernment and consider the other side before we jump to conclusions (it’s the same idea of walking in someone else’s shoes before judging them)

The more I have worked with this idea of cultivating a positive perspective, the more I have recognised the manner in which we create our own suffering through our negative thinking and our misidentification with things having to be negative in the first place. There are two sides to every thing and every perceived curse brings with it a blessing even if we cannot see it at the time. More often than not, it is our reaction to life and our interpretation of it as it unfolds that creates our loss of mental wellness, rather than the experience itself – our reaction often comes from a place of fear and our interpretation will be clouded by our conditioning.

Thus when lockdown arrived rather suddenly here in Guernsey two weeks ago now, whilst it took me a week to find my grounding and adjust, I was soon able to flow with it in a way that I hadn’t been able to do previously. I tried to see the positive and embrace it. I noticed my old tendency around fear of loss of income and shifted gear on this, recognising (finally) that there is more to life than money and the time spent together as a family is a gift, priceless.

I have become increasingly aware that we have all we need and that the more we have (that we don’t actually need), the more we flitter it away. We’re sold the illusion that having more will make us happier, whether this be financial gain or achievement, at the expense of everything else, but I don’t believe this to be true. What could be more valuable than living a simple and uncomplicated life, spending time with the people we love and hold dear in our hearts, and laughing? Money can’t buy us that; that’s the illusion I’m afraid. 

 The transition to Zoom was without drama, I decided I wouldn’t get stressed about the internet not working – if it worked it worked, if not no big deal, I needed to flow with it. As it happens we’ve not yet had a single internet glitch, and I have absolutely loved sharing my practice with those who find comfort in online real time learning and I have really enjoyed connecting with students new and old students through Guernsey Mind, as well as those dedicated students who attend all classes. I’m very grateful, thank you, the sense of community and opportunity to share is very welcomed.

My old feelings of insecurity, not being secure in myself or in the world I inhibit have been tested. The trouble with free classes is that people don’t always stay until the end. The Guernsey Mind classes are free and not everyone lasts until the end of the class, I can see that on the screen, but whereas previously I would have felt rejected by it, focusing only on the number who ‘left me’, now I see the positive – the majority of people stay with me until the end and regardless, I really enjoy the experience! 

I’ve embraced this opportunity to be together as a family, E also not able to work. We’ve engaged in home learning to a point, but we’ve also enjoyed lots of other ways of learning, mainly through play and outdoor adventures. It’s been liberating to explore another way to be together, as a family, that is not rushed or stressed, that has its own slow flow. Of course the boys still bicker and I am continuously challenged by the relentless requests for snacks, drinks and tissues, and have become little more than a glorified slave (thank god for the respite of teaching!) but there is service in this too! 

 We’ve tried to do things differently too. Get out as much as our two hours of daily exercise will allow, to new places, on adventures, breathing in the fresh air (sorry, no face masks for us in wide open aerated spaces, we like oxygen too much) and trying to spend time amongst trees and natural water, both helping to support our immune systems. We’ve changed the way we eat, eating our main meal at lunchtime and trying to take on as many vitamins and minerals as we can. There’s been some baking too, and quite a bit of chocolate thrown into the mix, food for the soul hey!

I honestly feel that cultivating a positive mind-set has been key. Any time I have noticed myself slipping into negativity, or becoming judgmental, I remind myself of this, of cultivating a different perspective, and I have attempted to shift my perspective and see the positive – E is very good at helping me to see this. I don’t always manage it and I am not perfect, far from it, I have my messy days like anyone, when my mind is in turmoil, spinning around, but it happens less, when I can pause and catch myself and notice what’s happening in that moment to set me off in a spin in the first place.

The Yoga Sutras are amazing. Each time I read them I learn something new, something helpful. It’s incredible to think that this wisdom, thousands of years old now, is as relevant to us in our modern life as it would have been to the ancient seers.  We have been gifted all that we need to cultivate a more peaceful state of mind, so that we do not create so much of our own suffering through our negative and restricted patterns of thinking. The key as always is to delve in deep and practice. I’m confident it’s worth it! 

I’ll leave you with a quote from the brilliant Diana Beresford-Kroeger, a botanist, keeper of the Irish Celtic wisdom and a bio-chemist who was asked the question, “how do we keep well during a pandemic?” The answer, she says is simple: “recalibrate your life, slow down and take advantage of nature’s bountiful remedies during a time of disquiet and unease”

Cultivating friendliness.

Here in Guernsey, we are in our second lockdown. It is different this time, more is known and certain. We know more about the virus and how to manage it, despite the new variants, and more about how life is lived in lockdown. We are also more certain that lockdown will last longer than we might have initially envisaged but that we will be free of it in the end.

Yet despite all this, lockdown and Covid, on some level, continue to highlight that we live in an uncertain world where all is not known. And despite knowing this and orientating myself more into the unknown and uncertain through my yoga practice, I have still been thrown off balance a little by the recent lockdown.

It’s not lockdown itself per se, although I do find spending 22 hours effectively indoors a touch challenging (and huge respect to those of you currently self-isolating and stuck inside for the best part of 24 hours a day), but just the fact that once again everything has been thrown on its head and there’s no way of knowing where it is all going…{I’m pretty sure they write about that in the children’s book, “I need a new bum”, fab book).

I noticed my tendencies when life free falls as it has done, my need to cling on to something certain, establish a routine, make life a little more known. I never appreciated the need for routine, yet now I see how it gives us a sense of security, of making us feel as if everything is OK, that we know what we are doing from moment to moment. Every day Eben wakes and asks me what we’re doing today, he needs to know, to make him feel OK about the day ahead.

I have also noticed my tendency around self-criticism, in contrast to my focus on cultivating friendliness to self! The home learning really brings this up. I have an idea in my head of what this should look like and of course the reality is very different. As much as I might try, formal learning is a bind to my eldest, he’s not interested, and while I have all these ideas about learning from play, the children end up fighting and I end up raising my voice more than I’d like. They also end up spending more time on electronics than I’d like.

There’s a quote I came across a few years ago that really says it all, “what screws us up the most in life is the picture in our heads of how life is supposed to be” (The Daily Guru)

It’s easy to have this idea in our heads of how lockdown should be, but the reality is that life lived 24/7 with family is at times beautiful and wonderful and at other times extremely fractious and tricky. I’m realising that we need to give ourselves a break. If ever there was a time for cultivating friendliness to self then it is now. The home learning will be what it will be, the yoga classes on Zoom will be what they will be, the moments of getting at the home, albeit in the rain, will be what they will be too.

Life goes on. We laugh and smile, we rage and cry. It’s all thrown there into the mix. There is nowhere to hide during lockdown, we have to face ourselves as we are, the escape routes are blocked unless we choose to drown our sorrows. So we have little choice really but to be compassionate, to know that we are doing our best, to forgive ourselves and let go of our notion of what it shouid look like, and just live it, every single chaotic, highly charged and joyful moment of it.

I realise that what i need most is purpose, to be in service to others. whatever that might look like, wearing a mask that you can’t breathe through properly, smiling even though others’s can’t see your smile because of said face mask, turning up to teach a yoga class online even if very few students join you, helping doing the shopping for friends and family in need, a text message here and there, and above all trying to stay positive.

I’ve also realised how careful we need to be about retaining our vibration and our positivity. It’s the silly things that can cause us to lose this, to diminish our light and out us on edge. For me it was watching too much TV! I don’t usually watch TV but this last month and certainly since lockdown there has been far too much TV. We’ve been watching Hinterland, which is dark and at times, traumatic and it doesn’t make me feel good, so I have had to stop watching it. It’s the silly things!

Yoga is essential for me, getting on my mat, moving, breathing, resting, chanting, reading the Sutras, talking with my teachers, keeping the energy high that way. There is hope when the light burns brightly, and comfort to be gained through spiritual community, able online.

This is a time of deep growth if we allow it. 2021 is about growing up, stepping up, taking greater responsibility, and lockdown is definitely encouraging us really pay attention, notice the ways that we get in our own way by the thoughts we keep and the escape routes we take to try to get away from what is happening in this exact moment. What could be more perfect than this exact moment? Perhaps its our relationship with the moment that also requires our friendliness, our acceptance rather than rejection.

Let’s see how week 2 of home learning goes, and more feral children desperate for their friends and a good run around! Good luck everyone, see you on the other side! Friendliness, let’s remember that! Friendliness to self, friendliness to others, and friendliness to this exact moment!

Love Emma x

Cultivating a positive perspective in the face of adversity

Love would still laugh, despite Covid. It is more important than ever that we stay positive. In Ayurveda we are encouraged to cultivate a positive mind-set. It’s not easy, especially if we have spent a lifetime focusing on the negative, but if we can catch ourselves and shift our perspective then it can be extremely helpful to our sense of wellbeing and experience of life..

Translated as ‘cultivating the opposite’, The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, 2.33 says, “when disturbed by negative thoughts, opposite ones should be thought of”. Thus when adverse notions take over the mind, Patanjali suggests that we look at it from the other side, so that we cultivate looking at things from a different viewpoint.

This is not always easy to do when we are in the midst of a very difficult time, but with practice even the most challenging and emotionally turbulent moments can become more peaceful and we can experience less mental suffering. If we are stuck in an attitude of fear or resentment then we can positively cultivate the opposite.

Of course when we ‘cultivate’ the opposite thought, it causes us to first notice and observe the fact that we are thinking a negative thought in the process and likely getting caught up in it. Thus we are required to take a step back and see ourselves being pulled in this negative direction by our mind, thereby creating, for the most part, our own suffering.

When we do this, we are more able to create space between ourselves and our minds, which can help us to see things more clearly and objectively. Then we can ask ourselves if we are overreacting and whether the situation really is as bad as it seems, and whether we need to step away from the situation altogether in order to stop myself reacting in a way that is unhelpful and causing our suffering.

This is a good reminder for those who are currently suffering with the speedy move into lockdown here in Guernsey, and are in feeling fear and anxiety about the ever evolving situation. We have to ask ourselves if us feeling fear and anxiety is positively changing things, or whether we are allowing more of our own suffering. Perhaps we need to come away from social media, or stop communicating with those who are feeding our fear and anxiety.

We need to remind ourselves that all is ultimately well, that the universe never gives us more than we can handle and that we are, all of us, ultimately held. This too, though, this notion of being ultimately well needs to be cultivated too, because it involves a deep trust, faith and belief that comes from the heart. In yoga this faith, śraddhā, isn’t a spiritually-based faith, or blind faith in something; it is a faith that we are going in the right direction, faith in our path, faith that our practice will lead to a life of ease. We may not know where we will end up, but we have certainty, conviction and courage in our journey.

In Reiki, one of the principles reads, “for today, do not worry”, This reminds people that there is a divine purpose to everything and that without this awareness further limitations may be created.  Energy used for worrying is, in essence, wasted as it brings no change to the situation.  Taoist sages declare that ‘any event in itself is neither good nor bad, it simply is’.  

Sometimes it is important to simply trust that things will work out for the best in the end.  What is beyond our control cannot be changed and squandering copious amounts of our energy on worrying may only serve to diminish our vitality and cloud our perception.

My mother in law always finds a way to see the positive in every situation, creating a silver lining in every cloud. It used to drive me mad because I was inherently negative in my outlook (depression thrives on it!), and struggled to accept her positive stance to the extent that I really didn’t understand how she could always be so positive, was she forcing it?

Having worked with this for a number of years now, through yoga, Reiki and Ayurveda, I have finally started to experience for myself the benefits of cultivating a positive mind-set. It is tricky, old habit die hard, and if you are inherently negative as I have been, then it does require conscious effort to catch yourself before you fall into a negative spin. When you start trying to see things from a different perspective, however, looking at things from all perspectives (almost like the notion of not judging until you’ve spent a day in someone else’s shoes) it can be extremely helpful; liberating for the mind.

Now, more than ever, it is imperative that we try to stay positive. Falling into a negative spin serves no one, especially not us and our families, let alone the wider community. For some, the spiritual practice goes out the window when faced with adversity, further allowing people to drop into their fear, anxiety, victimhood and negativity; feeding a well trodden path, deepening an unhelpful pattern. Each moment gives us the opportunity to begin again, to change how we react and to cultivate a more positive mindset in the face of adversity.

This is the time to deepen a spiritual practice, in the midst of chaos, when we are thrown into unknown and reminded that life is one of uncertainty. We need to carer out the time and space to all out our mat, whether with children or on our own, whether joining an online class, or practicing quietly, linking breath with movement and positively changing how our future unfolds. For those Reiki attuned, self-Reiki is key for our healing and ongoing spiritual development, and sharing where we can with family and by distance with friends and the wider community.

Our spiritual practices, yoga, Reiki and Ayurveda for example, can teach us that there are infinite possibilities for us to grow, change and develop, and more often than not, it is our suffering that is the catalyst for positive change. We cannot change what has already happened, but we can change how our future unfolds, by the thoughts we keep and our potentially positive perspective. We have a choice. Our practice can help us enormously in moving from a place of suffering to a place of greater freedom.

This is a time to cultivate greater friendliness and compassion towards ourselves and towards others, to remember that we are part of a whole and that many are in mental torment. We do what we can, looking after ourselves and our own mental wellbeing, cultivating a positive perspective, and turning away from anything which dampens our spirits or allows us to buy into fear and anxiety.

I shall leave you with one of my favourite quotes from Ven. Ajahn Sumedho:

“If we are really allowing that which is most upsetting to be there, or that which is most boring, or most frightening, concentrating on it, welcoming it even, then we shall be taking an opportunity to be patient, gentle and wise…I look back over my life as a monk. I really resented some of the most difficult situations at the time, but now I view them with affection; I realise now that they were strengthening experiences. At the time I thought: ‘I wish this wasn’t happening, I wish I could get rid of this’. But now I look back with enormous gratitude because they were beneficial experiences.

Anguish, despair, sorrow can be transmuted into patient endurance, into wise reflection. Life is as it is. Some of it is going to be very nice, some of it awful. A lot of it is going to be neither nice nor awful, just boring. Life is like that. We observe: ‘This is how our lives have to be’. Then we wisely use what we have, learn from it, and free ourselves from the narrow limits of self and mortality”.

Love Emma