Menstruation...blood on the mat!

It's funny, I'd never thought of it like that, but a friend was saying how menstruation is in the field. I got what she meant, only that I'd not come across this concept of the field before, and actually it made a lot of sense. 

I've been menstruating for a long old while now, since I was 13 years old in fact, but it's only in recent years that I've become conscious of the spiritual significance and insight that comes from awareness of the menstrual cycle. I wish someone had told me when I was 13, wow, how life would have been so different!

Still, we have the life we have based on what we know and our choices in any moment and so I'm grateful at least now, for this awareness. 

Menstruation is without a doubt, in the field. A few weeks ago I was surprised to find menstruation being talked about on Radio 4.  Then just this week, it was talked about on EastEnders (yes I know, I watch EastEnders, I admit it, it's the only thing I watch on TV, and yes even my family think that's pretty crazy!), and that's when I realised certainly something might just be happening...

So this week I found myself talking about menstruation on a podcast chat with Michelle Johansen.  She was saying how a friend of her's had mentioned how she's not on her game for a week of the month, when she's menstruating.  And I responded by saying how silly it all is, that women think like that. 

The truth is that the week of each month that you're menstruating is a big deal. It's the time when you might retreat and have your most amazing insights. It's certainly not a time to be embarrassed about, or to try to pretend it is not happening, or, even worse, be peeved about it.

Admittedly the whole bleeding thing can be a touch challenging.  I get that. As it happened I started bleeding about an hour after talking to Michelle yesterday, on the eve of the full moon, so a day earlier than usual.  This morning I was teaching yoga.

If the truth be told, I was all over the place before the class.  My youngest son barely slept last night due to an ear infection and was hanging out on my chest most of the night, and the child care (parents) are all sick, so the children came in the car to drop me off at yoga, and of course we were running late. 

I was not my usual grounded and prepared self (I was planned however!), and it didn't help that I had my period.  I don't like to use anything other than pads as I don't like to disrupt the apana energy, the downward flow of energy, it needs to flow right. This does mean, however, that you need a particular type of pad, and sadly the eco ones I've tried just don't do it, they leak all over the place.

It was a snow day, the day I started bleeding and I didn't have anything in the house as it caught me a day earlier than expected, so beautiful E strode out into the snow and bought me some super huge pads from the local chemist.  It was one of these super beauties, I wore to yoga this morning. Sadly even though it was a non-eco friendly and supposedly super-absorbent one, it leaked!

Yep, what I thought was a worst nightmare came true as there I was sitting on my mat demonstrating something and all of a sudden I felt the blood rush down, as it does, and I hoped the pad had absorbed it, but just had this feeling.

Without thinking about the blood situation I got up and wandered around the room, checking alignment and glanced towards my mat (positioned in the middle of the strange-shaped room I teach in) and was rather concerned to find that there was blood on it.  Yikes!  Yep, the blood had seemed through my pad, onto my pants, though my leggings and onto the mat.

I rushed back to my mat and thought about turning it over and then figured that would give it away so maybe I should just sit on it, and then I felt a bit trapped, so I thought maybe I should mention it to the ladies, we were all ladies after all, but then I just felt a bit vulnerable I was exhausted as it was and a bit out of sorts with the moon, so I kind of sat on my mat awkwardly, and tried to keep it hidden!

It was interesting. Menstruation is in my field, I talk about it in class, I ask women to be compassionate to it. And yet here I was embarrassed by it, because it was so bloody obvious, quite literally! And I giggled because at this time of the month, all I really want to do, and absolutely what I encourage ladies to do, is retreat!

But this is life.  This is the reality of life. It goes on.  So yes, while the idea of taking a week out each month to bleed and be with the women, as they did in the red tent, sounds amazing, it's not a reality when you have a job and children and people who depend on you. The best you can hope for is the opportunity to sit on your yoga mat when the children have gone to bed before either falling asleep to a Yoga Nidra or getting into bed and trying to sleep there instead. 

I did both last night as it happens.  I did a very gentle 20 minute yoga practice, before falling asleep to what I'm sure was a lovely Yoga Nidra and then made an effort to sleep, before being woken hourly by my nipple-sucking, energy draining and yet ever so cute and beautiful son, go figure!

I advise all menstruating women  to read "Code Red' By Lisa Lister.  It's a fab book to help you connect more fully with your menstrual cycle and your inner wisdom. I only wish this book had been around when I was 13! Admittedly the language is a bit challenging at times, and even I have a limit to the amount of "SHE" references I can deal with, but the fundamental info is interesting and empowering.

Certainly when we're menstruating I feel we naturally want to retreat away and so we should. Personally, I experience greater insight at this point in the cycle. Then we have this increasing energy until ovulation and with that we have more energy for the outward world, and more interest for it too.  Then we ovulate, hoorah for that, and feel fabulous, before the waning down towards menstruation.

When I was younger, I was lucky if I had any idea where I was in my cycle, let alone what each part of it meant (beyond the irritation of PMS and menstruation).

Now I know.  Since I've had the children, I bleed on the full moon.  I struggle with this a bit if truth be told, because the full moon is all about being full and this is generally the time for ovulating, when the eggs are reflective of the fullness of the moon, literally ripe and full of light; fruitful. But instead I'm like the fruit ripen instead and spoilt.

So this means that ordinarily, when the moon is new and full of new potential, when a lot of women are bleeding into new beginnings, having just had the darkness of the pre-menstrual phase with the dark moon (before the new moon), I'm ovulating.  

It's all back to front and I could get an ego trip off it, because it is said that women who have their bleed aligned with the full moon are healers and high priestesses...I'll take that thank you very much!  I guess it could also mean that we've passed the fertile and child creating state, maybe!

Anyhow the point is, menstruation is only going to get bigger - if EE have mentioned it, it has to, surely! And the other point is, we need to embrace it right, all parts of it, and yes if we can retreat with it, then retreat. If that's not possible, then let's try honour it somehow, and you know, if you bleed on your yoga mat, then maybe be OK with that, it's kind of cool - although she says that and her yoga mat is in the washing machine, ha ha!

We're human. 

Love x

Dancing with the Moon - my first published book!

So, here it is. My book, published and available for purchase through Amazon, in both paperback and e-book; there's a link below. I wrote it, because I am really hoping that it may help others who also experience fertility issues and go through IVF. So too, those who experience complications during pregnancy, and don't have the birth they intended. It may also be helpful to new mums who find it incredibly hard adjusting to Motherhood.

I'm incredibly grateful to lots of people for making my dreams reality, not least in birthing two beautiful healthy boys Earthside, but for bringing this book out into the world. It's not been easy achieving these dreams, but I'm grateful for the challenges, and for the opportunity to grow and expand as a result of both. I love you moon!

Please do share the link to the book with anyone you feel may benefit. IVF can be such a lonely journey and I hope this brings company and comfort.Thank you!

Love Emma x

---

Click here to view the book!

Yoga, the coil and menstruation

I was asked a very valid question recently about women practicing yoga with a coil and what they should and shouldn't do. Uma is my inspiration for answering this, and I would encourage you, if you have a coil, to watch this short video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hh34PVZgl38

I've also been asked a number of times the reason I give options for women who are menstruating.  My answer is because when you're menstruating, really you need to take things gently - I'm impressed you're even at class.  At this time of the month often what our body needs is deep rest, darkness, stillness and the opportunity to truly tap into our womb wisdom. This is a time to get down on the Earth and get into yourself.

If you do come to class, I encourage you to be particularly gentle with yourself and this is the reason for the options.  Of course there are always options, if you're ovulating, maybe you want to practice a different way, if you're menopausal then maybe you want to practice by a window and take some time off to cool down, if you're lactating then maybe you need to rest more frequently than others and avoid lying on your front with your breasts pressing to the ground.

I'm a woman, I bleed, I breastfeed, I ovulate, I'm still technically post-natal (for two years after birth), I've been pregnant a few times, I've had two Caesarean sections and IVF. I bring this experience with me into class and share as much as I can. We're all different though, so I encourage you to check in to your own bodies and your own body wisdom and adjust the practice as you choose.

For many years I ignored my body wisdom and I resented my monthly bleed as it made practicing yoga more challenging as I would be tired and there was the small problem of bleeding to consider.  I just kept practicing as I practised the rest of my monthly cycle - in a masculine and yang way as I didn't know that there was another way.

I ended up with menstrual problems. My periods stopped essentially.  I then found out I had cysts on my ovaries.  This is a whole other story but I set out to heal myself and part of that healing was learning about womb wisdom and the need to honour my body and respect it's monthly cycle and to tap into the wisdom that it provides.

I've been deeply inspired by Uma Dinsmore-Tuli and am full of huge and massive respect for her speaking her truth and walking her talk and being a shining light to us wild yoginis.

So I know from experience, how important it is to respect whatever stage of life we're going through, and especially our menstrual cycle. In Ayurveda (of which I am a huge fan), there are five energies (or pranas) and one of these is called Apana. Apana is a downward moving energy, which is involved in excretion, urination, ejaculation and menstruation. 

So I encourage menstruating women to avoid the inversions, such as headstand and shoulder stand, which reverses the natural downward flow of apana upon which menstruation relies. I also encourage them to avoid deep twists, certainly in the first couple of days of menstruation, maybe after then it feels good to do a deep twist.  

I would also avoid poses like bow and or anything that presses on the lower belly.  I don't even like to practice steamed forward bends where my lower tummy makes contact with my legs, I much prefer legs apart if I'm folding forward during this time. basically i feel it's important to keep the practice gentle and give the womb lots of space and nurturing energy.  Reiki hands on the lower belly is essential if you're Reiki attuned!

I've got a free video coming out soon on yoga for menstruation so keep an eye out if this interests you.

I'd also encourage any menstruating woman to read "Code Red" by Lisa Lister.  It's an inspiring book, which teaches you all about the menstrual cycle in a really accessible way. She's funny! It's inspired many women with whom I've shared it, and it certainly helped me to re-align my menstrual cycle with the moon post baby and drop a little more deeply into womb wisdom and the cyclical nature of being a woman.

With love and gratitude!

xx

Full moon rant - not paying for yoga classes!

It’s the full moon today and the full moons tend to brings things to the surface, shining a light on the dark shadows - we see the dark side of the moon! It also makes me rant!

In my shadows, I’ve been doing my best to ignore the fact that over the last few months’ people have been coming to yoga and not paying.  I don’t mean those who forget their tokens or forget their purse, I mean people who really have very little intention of ever paying.

Before Christmas, two girls came to my Sunday morning yoga class and left without paying and have never been seen again. At the winter solstice class, the one and only man left without paying – but he did leave me a rather cumbersome thick polystyrene tube, of which I have little use so it now sits in the St Martin’s community centre collecting dust until I guess I need to do something to dispose of it, thank you!

Then recently with the New Year rush (why do we rush to yoga in the new year, rushing never did anyone any good, I can tell you that from experience!), yet more new people promising to pay at the next class and then never turning up again.

I know I’m not alone as I’ve spoken to other yoga teachers who experience the same thing.  Others keep lists to encourage payment, whereas I work more so on trust, trusting in the goodness of people to let me know if they cannot afford to pay, and trusting that what’s meant to happen, happens.

E thinks it’s hilarious.  He wonders how many people go to the shop and forget to pay when they leave, or perhaps pay only a bit of what’s due (because often only part-payment is given).

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not the money that’s important to me.  I mean it is to a point, in terms of I earn money through teaching yoga to pay for my ongoing training, and it helps to sustain my young family, but money isn’t my primary motivation for teaching.  

It’s the principle that has been bothering me, the fact that some people just think it’s OK not to pay, or choose not to discuss it with you first, to place no value on my training or the service that I’m providing to them, or on yoga itself.

This isn’t to say that you need to pay to respect yoga or to place value on it. There’s no need for an exchange, it won’t imbalance the Universe as some say. That’s just the ego.  Sometimes I don’t want people to pay, certainly not my family. But again it’s just common courtesy to pay if payment is required to attend.

One of the eight limbs of yoga comprises the yamas, the ethical standards and sense of integrity that we are encouraged to adopt in our lives. One of these is called Asteya, meaning non-stealing and not taking what does not belong to you or that which is not willingly given (makes you think, right). Another one is Satya, meaning truthfulness. We begin to err naturally towards these standards the more we practice yoga.

It’s ironic therefore that the people who choose not to pay, are the people who need to practice yoga the most. With practice not only do we become more aware of the ethical principles that underpin practice, but we come to recognise the value of yoga in our lives for the many benefits it provides. Furthermore, we also begin to take a little bit more responsibility for our lives too, as we come to recognise that every decision we make, has an impact on someone else, and with that we become more mindful of the choices available to us in any given moment.

We also learn to let things go.  And this full moon today is all about letting things go.  So with that in mind, I too let this go, and just ask that if you’re reading this and you’ve a tendency not to pay for your yoga class then please reflect on that…it’s Imbolc tomorrow and that brings with it new beginnings so I’m just going to deepen my trust that what’s meant to happen, happens!

Rant over!

With love and gratitude

Yoni eggs!

I'd never heard of a yoni egg until about three months after Eben's arrival in the world.  I was understandably a little ungrounded, as one tends to be after the birth of a baby, especially when said baby arrived six weeks early, and an intuitive healer suggested an obsidian yoni egg might both ground me and strengthen my pelvic floor.

I was familiar with the term 'yoni' as I teach a 'yoni yoga' class - it means place to call home, or vagina. I had certainly been coming home to myself since discovering and working with the term 'yoni' during my (womb based) yoga practice. However I had not until that point come across the concept of essentially placing a crystal egg into my vagina. 

Still I'm open minded and I could imagine the benefit and wondered how it had escaped my attention all those years. I duly commissioned my kind cousin, Yolande, to source  me a good quality obsidian yoni egg, which she duly did, and sent it to me here in Guernsey.

It was a beautiful egg, and I was quite certain of its grounding qualities.  However there was one small problem - it lacked a little hole through which I could tie a piece of thread.  This would mean inserting the yoni egg into my vagina without having anything to pull it out with afterwards (sorry to be so graphic!).

I tentatively gave it a go but had a bit of a minor panic that the thing would get lost up in there. needless to say my mind went into overdrive and within the course of fifteen seconds I had already run through the potential conversation I would have with the nurses here in A&E as I explained to them what I was attempting to do by placing a crystal egg up into my vagina, and no it wasn't some strange sexual thing and yes, I did know it was very silly blah blah blah.

Fortunately I came to my sense and realised that it was very unlikely the yoni egg would get lost up there, simply because it's a rather heavy thing and gravity being gravity would encourage it earthwards in any event.  Still the damage was done, and I quickly removed the egg and it has sat (clean) on my altar ever since!

A couple of months later I became increasingly aware that my pelvic floor was not what it had once been. I may practice yoga daily and work with my bandhas, but nonetheless an unexpected sneeze or a quick run to/from the car would potentially cause a tiny leakage (quite common by the way once you've had a baby).  This was not good!  So my sister in law suggested to me a yoni egg and with that I set about looking for one.

However I just never came across one despite looking in Glastonbury on two separate visits and in crystal shops in Brighton too.  Then over Christmas I read Dr Christiane Northrup's new book, Making Life Easy, and in here she talks about the benefit of using a yoni egg to assist with pelvic flooring healing and I took it as a sign that I needed to do something about sourcing one.

Usually i don't like to buy significant crystal stuff from Amazon as I prefer to get a feel for it first, but I there caution to the wind and decided that whatever one came to me was the right one for me.  From what little I had read on the yoni eggs, I had an awareness that they are often made from jade or obsidian, but neither of these resonated with me, I wanted rose quartz.

So I placed an order and a week or so later my three rose quartz yoni eggs arrived in a beautiful box and so my journey with yoni eggs good and proper began.

It's really important to cleanse crystals and remove any of the energies which they have absorbed on their journey to you. So I soaked them in salts (epsom as it happens) before leaving them out on the window sill in the light of the moon and the sun.   And then i got going and haven't looked back since!

I'm certainly no expert on yoni eggs but from what I gather, there are different sizes depending on whether you've had children previously and the state of the pelvic and vaginal muscles. It's really fascinating, because I've never really given too much thought to my vaginal muscles, especially as I had caesarean sections with both my boys.

I also had no idea of their healing potential.  I honestly just thought I was using them to strengthen my pelvic floor muscles, I had no idea the they would help me to heal past sexual trauma.  This was a huge revelation to me and the reason that I felt drawn to write this blog post.

Sexual trauma is not often talked about.  Even in healing sessions, while an intuitive healer may have some awareness, it's just not somewhere you necessarily raise with your client very easily. And certainly it's not something that tends to be discussed openly - often it's not even discussed between good friends, because the shame and pain can be all consuming and difficult to voice out loud.

If I'm honest I thought I'd dealt with it.  I've done a lot of inner healing work over the years and a lot of forgiveness, so it came as a surprise when I had a couple of flashbacks, which brought it all flooding back. I felt desperately edgy - angry, frustrated, sad and shameful all in one go - and I didn't know what to do with myself other than run away from the feeling, it was desperately uncomfortable.

But I've grown more curious over the years, to delve deeper to try to find the root of whatever i'm feeling. What really was coming up for me?  Well I was incredibly surprised to find that while I may have done lots of forgiveness work, I hadn't actually forgiven myself, not properly -  I hadn't forgiven myself for the choices I had made, the decisions I had taken, the thoughts I had allowed myself to think, that led me to that moment.

"Ah ha", it was like a light switch being turned on, all of a sudden I could see so clearly how much I have been beating myself up over the years, and the manner in which my life she been shaped by that experience ever since. It was almost a relief. Of course. I needed to make peace with myself properly.

Grace intervened after then, as if the awareness had allowed light to flood in.  There is a timing to everything. My sacrum went out of alignment, as it always does when my body's re-setting after an energy shift, from the pelvis and root too, funnily enough.  This all coincided with a reflexology treatment where the theme was self-love and a massage/Reiki session, where I felt my pelvis actually moving as Reiki was channelled onto my feet.  I love Reiki!

I awoke the next day and felt so much lighter than I've felt for a long time - and there I'd been praying for lightness in my life. And here now, the body lighter, like a weight has been lifted, as if it's all OK now, no need to go over it again, no need to analyse any more, to play the victim role, to feel anything but, well indifference actually, and also compassion for the person I was then, who was doing the best she could with what limited wisdom she had available to her, we're not perfect. 

And it wasn't until the day after then that I realised that this had all happened after bringing yoni eggs into my life and rose quartz into my vagina. Rose Quartz is the stone of universal love. It is said to restore trust and harmony in relationships, encouraging unconditional love. It also purifies and opens the heart at all levels to promote love, self-love, friendship, deep inner healing and feelings of peace - it's amazing!

I googled, "yoni eggs and sexual trauma" and was amazed to see that there is a recognised link between the two.  How come no one has ever told me this?  Well probably for the same reason that you too may not realise the connection.  No one talks about sexual trauma and no one talks about yoni eggs!

Sometimes I'm just completely blown away by the mysteries of the Universe and how things unfold. I'm incredibly grateful.

Perhaps if you've just stumbled across this posting, it might be a sign that you too may benefit from investing in a yoni egg.  There's lots of stuff on the internet about them, they're incredible, we ladies should all be using them!

Love for the yoni!

x

Guernsey has truly awakened!

I love Guernsey, I've always loved Guernsey, it's an amazing place to live, but this last year it's just become even more amazing than it's always been.

It's said that Glastonbury is the heart chakra of the world, Mount Kailish in Tibet is the crown chakra and Ayres Rock in Australia is the solar plexus.  There are minor chakras too and a star seed intuitive I spoke with in the US also believed (as do I) that Guernsey is one of these - Byron Bay too.

Guernsey has certainly awakened in recent years and especially during 2017 - I suspect it was all that light coming in, it has propelled people forward and helped them to awaken a little to their own light.  Never have I known so many people practicing yoga or being drawn to learn Reiki, and there are now a plethora of nutritional therapists, life coaches and holistic practitioners. It's incredible, it really is a healing Island!

There's been a re-wilding too as increasing numbers take to the sea for all year around swimming.  Ewan and I have been swimming all year around for a few years now - I started when I was suffering with a bout of depression, due to adrenal fatigue, and it has such a positive effect on me that I haven't stopped since. 

Others have since realised the benefits - helped I'm sure by the 30 bays in 30 days charity campaign and the Cheshire Homes Boxing Day swim and in the last few months I've met many new friends through swimming thanks to a WhatsApp group set up by one my original swimming friends. It's been brilliant, to have the opportunity to swim with other like minded souls, many of whom practice yoga, and to enjoy the great outdoors together, especially the moon!

Even the moon and it's effect on us is being more recognised and accepted these days. In yoga people don't seem so threatened by it and welcome it in, the fortnightly shifting energies and the opportunity this presents for forgiveness, gratitude, letting go and letting in - certainly the Sunday classes have always encouraged this awareness. 

There's been an awakening on Facebook too, although I'm always a little cynical. I'm not so keen on the need for labels whether that be 'conscious' or 'lightwkrker' or whatever it is.  We're all conscious light workers in our own ways, even if we don't realise it - and probably it's in the un-realising of it that we keep a part of ourselves in the shadows.

It's the shadows that truly help us to awaken.  The more we shine the light on those dark places within us, the more we can begin to realise our true potential in this lifetime. Talking about being conscious, or intellectualising it, or trying to join groups that claim to be more conscious, doesn't actually make us any more conscious than anyone else. It just means we get better at talking about it!

Really we need to be doing the inner work, the nitty gritty, getting stuck into it, shining lights on the shadows, coming out of our denial and become a clearer and higher vibratory channel as a consequence. It's then that the world will begin to change. It's a cliche I know, but we really do need to be the change we want to see in the world.

If we want to see a kinder world, then we need to be kinder to ourselves and to everyone else with whom we interact in our daily lives. My family provide me with many opportunities to become a better person.  I hear myself telling my boys to be kinder to one another, and then I might hear the words and tone I'm using and consider that maybe I could be kinder too!

The Universe is constantly trying to help us in our quest to be better people. There are mirrors everywhere. People do things that we don't like and we might catch ourselves complaining about them, only to then consider that perhaps they're a reflection of us - we do those things too, just it's so much easier to judge others for their shortfalls (in our opinion) than see this in ourselves!

Anyhow I digress.  I'm just excited.  Guernsey is a such a marvellous place and I feel very lucky to live here and to have my lovely sea swimming ladies and all these magical people drawn to the Island for their own healing and to help to heal others with their wonderful offerings. And this is before I've even gotten started on all the ancient monuments we have over here, the standing stones and the energy...more on that another time...

With gratitude. xxx

Less is more!

We've just returned from a fabulous family trip to the magical Island of Herm and I have to say that was indeed a wonderful way to begin the year - in nature, retreating and with my favourite people too!

It was a bit of a blessed trip as dolphins swam in the wake of the boat on the way over - I've never seen dolphins in such proximity within their natural environment. Then the next day I went for a swim at Shell Beach and I just had this feeling that something was amiss and not helped by a bird circling over head, so i got out and lo and behold a few minutes later, when I'd finished changing, up popped a huge seal just where I'd been swimming.  It was a curious thing and we spent a good five minutes getting very excited over his/her proximity to us on the beach.

We were the only visitors staying on the Island, which was just perfect.  Us and nature.  It was blustery that's for sure, but it didn't put us off and we walked and walked and managed at least one sea swim a day.

Mum and Dad visited on the Saturday, which was fab, and they brought supplies to keep us going - nothing is open in Herm during January, not even the pub! 

We just loved it, collecting wood and pinecones for the fire, nestling in, doing jigsaws, playing trucks and cars with the boys, practicing yoga with views of Alderney in the distance and sitting in the peace of the cottage, with no sounds - no traffic, no people, no planes, no nothing, just the wind and the natural elements. 

I had some clarity and make a couple of decisions. I always find that Herm has that effect, it grounds energy and enlivens and energises too. I also became very aware that the mantra for this year most definitely has to be "less is more".  It kept coming to me and the signs validated this. Less is more, less is more, less is more, not easy for someone who is always doing too much! 

Still this is certainly my intention fro 2018, and I have a feeling for many others too.  The year of manifestation...seeds coming to fruition...allowing the blossoming...smelling the roses...less is more...just being OK with what is...now there's the challenge!

Anyhow lI am very excited about the March Herm retreat, 018 just gets better and better, not long to go and already the daffodils were starting to poke through...woo hoo, can't wait. Herm is the most amazingly grounded and uplifting and energising place for a retreat and just here on our doorstep, 20 minutes away, hassle free with or without children, we're very lucky living on Guernsey!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

x