Letting Go into the Darkness of Winter

I haven’t written a blog post for ages as life has been a bit full, catching up on office work and Ayurvedic study from when we were in the Outer Hebrides (and trying to land back to life here in Guernsey) and then finally publishing my book, Namaste! (You can buy it from Amazon here or Waterstones here).

It’s funny as the book publishing was a bit of an anti-climax having started it 11 years ago and giving up on it a number of times over the years, but always having it in the back of my mind that I really wanted to publish it, because it has been a dream and I like dreams to come true! I’d lived the thought of publishing my book many times in my mind, in my sankalpa repeated during yoga nidra, on healing mandalas, in my journal and in my prayers, so it was almost a relief to let it go, come what may. 

The planetary dancing the last few months has made it feel very full-on for people and I almost sighed of relief when I felt a shift a little while ago. While I don’t know much about it from an astronomical perspective, I can feel it; there’s been a slowing down. It’s more than that though, at least for me. It’s a gentle release into the darkness, into the unknown. A shifting from one way of being to another, and yet not really knowing what that is, but also not needing to know, because there’s a need to trust the process (as the caterpillar trusts in the process to become a butterfly perhaps). 

It’s happening in nature right now anyhow and I have noticed that the more I attempt to acknowledge the turning of the wheel and the changing seasons, let alone the moon cycle, then one can more easily see how our lives are a reflection of that (the micro and the macro). We’re moving further into the darkness as the winter solstice approaches in less than a month, and the trees continue to shed their leaves as all of nature lets go. 

Thus all around us is a closing in, a hibernation, and as a reflection I feel this within me too - a need to be even gentler in my yoga practice, with candlelight and eyes mainly closed, dropping forever inwards, deepening the breath and lying silently on my mat, resting. I’ve also been enjoying nurturing yoga nidra, thanks to Uma Dinsmore-Tuli and the free yoga nidras on the Yoga Nidra Network (thank you Uma!). There are also some yoga nidra audios on our website that we’ve recorded too - you can find them here.

It’s certainly a time of endings and letting things settle before the new beginnings, as Imbolc will approach on 1 February, bringing with it that spark that gives life to the first buds of spring. It can be uncomfortable, the not knowing how the new may enter in, but trust it we must, because forcing it will do us no favours in the long run (trust me, I’ve tried that many times previously).

Of course new year will bring with it the pressure to will it in, to force the new, what with new year’s resolutions (sigh) as many try to force themselves to be someone that they’re not and never will be. And so they’ll berate themselves for a while for not losing weight or stopping drinking or truly making the change that they’ve decided they must make. But actually all they need to do is stop the trying, and just step more fully into who they are to begin with, even if that means still drinking the wine and eating the milk chocolate.  

Perhaps it’s in the authenticity that we find the balance so the bad habits drop away naturally, without the need to force and be unkind to ourselves in the process. Much better if you ask me to begin the new year being even kinder and more loving to ourselves than we may have done previously. Maybe that’s where the true shift really needs to begin – in the positive, rather than the negative. I’ll be teaching a yoga class on new year’s day (click here for details) for this very reason. I’m reminded time and time again that there’s nothing wrong with us really, only in how we perceive ourselves in the first place.

Less is more I’m also reminded, so all I really wanted to say was that I hope you’re all well and navigating this autumnal fall with a smile on your face. It won’t be long until Christmas, and that will distract us enough to get us to the new year and then who knows what that will bring but I’m pretty excited about it, and the retreating between now and then. So enjoy the ambiguity and the letting go and the darkness and the insights this provides. And enjoy my book too, if you can find the time! 

Shifting around the autumnal equinox!

After what was an amazing retreat in Glastonbury, it’s been a little tricky fitting back into “life” in Guernsey this week.  This has not been helped by the rather challenging shifting energy of the autumnal equinox.

I’ve a sense that this equinox is always rather tricky but this year it’s been particularly testing.  And we haven’t even reached D-day just yet!

Work has been especially difficult. Most people don’t realise that I’m a company secretary by profession, working part-time and flexible hours for a wealth management company. Well, this week, the egos have been out in force – I suspect I’m a little more sensitive to it due to Mabon and the Glastonbury experience, but nonetheless, phew, it’s been a touch interesting.

It seems that the fact you have “Head of”, “Director” or some other inane title to define your role means that for some reason you think it’s OK to treat others as if they are less worthy. Umm hello people, we’re all people, right? One day we’re all going to die and titles will be utterly meaningless in the grand scheme of things. People won’t remember us for our job title, they’ll remember us for how loving, compassionate and kind we might have been (and forget us quite quickly if we haven’t been any of these things) and whether we’ve made a difference to people’s lives/the world.

I find it incredible that people – sensible, intelligent, responsible people - can create such a divide within an organisation, and yet not have any awareness of this or the impact on people’s lives, nor on society and the world as a whole. We need to remember that we are all connected and our actions affect everyone, not just those immediate to us. 

We are all the same. Human. People. Living. Breathing. Remember! The sooner we realise this the better for everyone.

I can’t tell you how happy I was yesterday reading about the landmark ruling against two leading drug companies, which could save the NHS hundreds of millions a year. The case centred on the treatment of patients with a common eye condition, wet age-related macular degeneration. Twelve NHS bodies in the north east of England were offering these patients Avastin, a cheaper alternative to the licensed drug, Lucentis. The drug companies were trying to prevent the NHS from doing this. 

Drug company Novartis said they were "disappointed" because patients were being asked to accept an unlicensed treatment to save the NHS money. The truth is, unlicensed or not, the drug was doing the job. Crazy that the drug company thinks the NHS should have to pay more for a drug in the first place – don’t they want to help people? Perhaps they do but clearly making money is much more important.

The pharmaceutical companies have been holding people to ransom for years and putting profit ahead of people’s wellbeing. I don’t doubt that there are scientists working for these companies who truly want to find a cure and make a difference to people’s lives. But I’m also well aware that the bottom line is what is important to these companies. This saddens me beyond belief. People’s lives hang in the balance because of a balance sheet and a profit and loss account.

But sadly this is the very nature of many companies, especially the bigger ones – maximising profits regardless of the ethics. Not only do they put people’s lives at risk for the bottom line, but so many people sell their souls to work in these organisations, trapped because they don’t see they have an option as they have to pay the mortgage. I’ve lost count of the number of times someone tells me that they work for an organisation that they have little interest in, but they feel they have to do it to afford to live.

Perhaps fundamental to this is the fact that we live in a debt-driven society. It keeps the masses controlled so I can’t see this changing any time soon. Ridiculous when you think about it, that so many are sadly and effectively ‘trapped’, spending their lives working in jobs they don’t enjoy to pay mortgages for houses that they rarely inhabit as they’re at work paying for them. But that’s how life has become and there doesn’t really seem to be many options to live differently.

What’s even worse is that many end up sick, suffering with stress, depression, anxiety and/or paranoia as they try to live a life that doesn’t truly suit them. This isn’t helped by the modern pace of life that sees us constantly rushing…always rushing…there’s never enough time, always too much to fit in, too much to do, too many deadlines, too much choice, too much of everything.

And we destroy our beautiful planet in the process of all this rushing, because we don’t have time to do things differently. We put redundant “stuff” in landfill because we can’t be bothered/are too busy to recycle them, we continue to buy products wrapped/held in plastic even though we know we shouldn’t but they’re easy and we’re too busy. We ignore litter at the side of the road because we think it’s someone else’s job and we don’t have time. We clean our houses, our schools, our hospitals and our offices with chemicals that get flushed or washed into the water system.

We’re also too busy rushing that we don’t always have time to look after ourselves, not properly. We don’t have time to grow our own food, or to pop to the veggie stall, choosing some plastic-packaged produce from the nearest shop instead, too busy to cook from fresh, putting foods into our body that have very few nutrients and certainly lack the love of good home cooking cooked by those of a loving heart.  

Then there is the land being utterly destroyed with all the building and the quarrying and the reaping of the natural resources so that we can keep living as we’re doing, and so we can keep rushing. I’ll never forget a little 4-year old boy I met commenting that my car emitted pollution. I was quite taken aback because my car was no different to anyone else’s and then I realised. Yes. My car does excrete pollution. So does his Mummy’s, he wasn’t judging me, just making me aware. Using my car means that I can rush more easily! 

Elijah is fascinated by smoke coming out of a vehicle. On our trip to Glastonbury he was always looking for exhausts with smoke. It was heartening to see so few now really emit smoke, but emit we do. Pollution. Into the air. That we breathe. That nourishes the plants we eat. 

On and on.

We’re living in a way that isn’t sustainable but who really cares? We just keep living the same way because that’s all we know and because that’s how society goes. I can tell you from experience that it’s difficult doing things differently, going against the norm, but perhaps it’s time that we all started doing this a little bit more.

This week it has gotten to me a little bit and I’ve been thinking about the many ways that I don’t live in harmony with my inner truth and with the world as a whole. Plastic is a good example of this. I loathe plastic and seek to reduce my use of this. But still I continue to buy plastic packaged fruits because there is no other option if my sons want to continue to eat the berries they love. I’ve tried to overlook it or make excuses for it, but how can I expect things to change unless I, the consumer, make the change.

I haven’t yet managed to avoid buying the berries, but I was delighted to come across www.theplasticfreeshop.co.uk where I invested in a number of plastic free products including deodorant, toothpaste, dental floss and lunchboxes. I was delighted when my goodies arrived in record time and beautifully packaged and with a thank you note from the lady running the site.

I also finally got around to ordering a starter pack of reusable and environmentally (and vagina) friendly sanitary pads from www.honouryourflow.co.uk. I’ve been meaning to buy these for a while but the initial cost always seemed so high… I wish I hadn’t waited so long because they’ll more than pay for themselves before long. Until now, I’ve tended to use the Natracare range, but I find that they can leak and cause soreness. 

The Bodyform stuff doesn’t leak, but it’s non-environmentally friendly (made entirely of plastic) and definitely creates soreness, especially with that awful scented stuff. So these soft and beautifully packaged and presented pads are a revelation and every menstruating lady should get themselves a starter pack - you get a free couple of goodie things and a thank you note from the owner too. I can’t tell you what a difference these thank you notes have made – people selling products that they actually care about, that come with heart energy, a revelation after the ego events this week!

So while I’ve been a little despondent this week, it has spurred me into action and I’m pleased I’ve finally made some progress to reduce my reliance on plastic - plus there have been many other positives like that drugs case. It seems I’m not alone this week though in becoming increasingly aware of how badly we are treating this planet. I almost laughed out loud therefore when I read the astronomical reading for this week in my moon diary (written at least a year ago);

”The innovative and revolutionary T-square continues to hold between Taurean Uranus, Mars, still in the earliest degrees of humanitarian Aquarius and Venus, now in Scorpio and is guaranteed to bring the shocks and uncertainty that raise adrenalin levels. Evoked by deep-seated anger from the collective, a new awareness is awakening – of the limits of existing attitudes to acquisition, growth and natural resources.”

So it seems it’s in the field and change is afoot.  

Change is afoot in other (and yet related) ways, because the cycle of the wheel is turning and yesterday was the autumnal equinox, when the night time becomes equal to the length of the day time and the sunrise and sunset align exactly east and west. The final fruit harvest time is upon us and root vegetables are now plentiful – it’s time to prepare for the hard winter times ahead.

Some call this the festival of Mabon in honour of the God of Light, son of Modron, for others it is Alben Elfed “the light of water”. The God of Lights is defeated by his twin and alter ego, the God of Darkness, and many stories talk of the gods and goddesses returning to the underworld.

It’s a time of shifting as we too shift to find our new balance. You might feel therefore totally out of balance, and a little all over the place as some of the older ways of being drop away and the new has yet to come in. These periods of transition can be tricky and this is the reason I’m always keen that we’re aware of transitioning in yoga – how we move from one place to the next? This is the reason I love to flow (consciously), not simply focusing on the beginning and the end, but on that place in the middle too, the link.

The transition is a practice in its own right because how we transition on our yoga mats might give us an insight into how we transition in our lives. Can we retain our balance when everything around us is in flux? Can we hold true to ourselves when everyone else is doing something different? Can we stay centred as everything falls apart to be rebuilt again in a way that might be better aligned?  Can we resist the fear and maintain a solid base, rooted and trusting (always a challenge when fear kicks in!).

It seems to me that this truly is a time for letting go of all that’s been and trusting that we end up where we now need to be, re-aligning and re-adjusting to a new way of being, of both endings and new beginnings. This is also a time of purples and greens (think blackberries and hedgerows), and trusting in the intuition and the heart, as we get truly to the heart of things.

I really hope that this seasonal shift creates a shift in how we’re living and that we start being a little kinder and compassionate to ourselves and to each other and that we start taking better care of this beautiful world in which we live – we’re lucky to be able to call it home.  

Happy equinox!

The turning of the wheel, from 2017 to 2018...

As we approach the end of 2017 I have been reflecting on the year and all that's been done. It's certainly been a year of doing.

My intention for 2017 was to be in service, just I didn't know when to stop, so I've worked a lot.  I've written a manuscript and edited another one. I've attuned 24 students to Reiki Level One and 21 students to Reiki Level Two. I've run two yoga & wellbeing retreats in Herm, one in Glastonbury and another in Goa. I travelled to Glastonbury an additional three times on pilgrimage, the White Spring and Chalice Wells calling me!

We've been to Brighton a few times where I've nourished my soul with yoga training at the Brighton Buddhist centre and in those delightful crystals shops. We went to London twice once to finally attend a training course with the inspiring Uma Dinsmore-Tuli and another to catch up with Uni friends for the first time together in 14 years!.

We managed Sark twice, once with friends and another for the Sark Folk Festival where I taught a few classes and celebrated my birthday with some fab music and wine. We went to Herm too many times to remember (but one can never go there too many times either!) and of course India, we saw the Taj Mahal and boldly (or madly) took the children on the train. We also managed two trips to France on holiday though!

I set myself up as a self-employed company secretary so I work solely for myself now, something I've wanted to do since 2016 but it took a while for all the stars to align. I also got myself involved in writing scripts for a new start-up visualisation App in the US so I can help to spread the benefits of visualisation far and wide. Oh I started learning Vedic chanting and I've  recorded quite a few free yoga classes too.  All this while starting the year with a 3 year old and a 2.5 month year old.

Was I mad?

What was I thinking?

It's perhaps no surprise that I've struggled through depletion for much of the year, a combination of post-natal depletion, breast-feeding depletion, sleep-deprivation depletion and also the depletion that accompanies doing too much, never knowing when to stop, and burning the candle at both ends.

That's not to say that it hasn't been joyous.  There have been moments full of joy and light and love, and I thoroughly enjoyed all that I've done.  But there have also been moments of despair, of being too tired and exhausted and knowing that I wasn't being the best version of myself. 

I justify it by saying that I'm driven, but I know that that is just the ego talking. The ego wanting to do and achieve more. Fully aligned with the higher self, there is greater flow, less effort involved and I've become increasingly curious to live more like this. 

When I went deaf in my right ear for five whole weeks following our return from India, I knew that now, finally, I needed to listen! 

It's time to slow down. I'm loathed to use the phrase "doing less and being more", because its such a cliche and because there have been many moments of being within the doing. But I wonder if there's some sense in this - do less, be more, allow greater space for grace and the light to enter in.  

I know I'm not alone.  Many of us are waking up to recognise, finally, that we are trying to do too much. The signs are there. The moon is shining a light on things. We need to get out of our own way. Develop greater trust. See there's the lesson, for there's always a lesson and this is the lesson I've been learning during 2017. Trust.

So I'm taking that lesson learned (I hope, well to a degree anyway!) with me into 2018 and shall have the intention of greater stillness and harmony, balance then, and of wellness, true wellness and of family and the home. 

I'm sure it won't be easy, it never is when one's committed to spiritual growth and being in service, but a necessity. It's easy to do and give, not so easy to be and to receive. Often the samskaras (the conditioning) run deep!

Still I'm grateful for my spiritual practice, which has kept me in good stead and enabled me in many respects to keep going as I have, through the dark night's of the soul and into those states of utter blissfulness where all is certainly well. It's given me an enormous amount of energy and get up and go, and inspiration and creativity and love. 

I'm also grateful for the love and support of my family, of Ewan, Elijah and Eben for all the joy they bring and for following Mummy to yet another stone circle or whatever it may be, and to my Mum, Dad and brother who support all I do unwaveringly (and for setting up our Despres stone circle) and to all my lovely friends and students and to Steph for all her help, patience and amazingness, and to this beautiful Island of Guernsey.

So a very happy new year to each and every one of you and I hope that the current turning of the wheel brings you much joy and lightness of heart and being, and an inspired and loving season ahead.

x

Happy Winter Solstice!

Happy winter solstice!

Next year I'd love to be at Newgrange in the Boyne Valley, Ireland, where there's the 5,000 year old neolithic tomb famous for its winter solstice illuminations, which lights up the passage and chambers at sunrise for 17 minutes. This year I did glimpse sunrise from the air, while returning from a cheeky solstice-eve trip to Glastonbury - enjoy the return of the light my friends. x

Winter Solstice - Poem by Anonymous

When you startle awake in the dark morning
heart pounding breathing fast
sitting bolt upright staring into
dark whirlpool black hole
feeling its suction

Get out of bed
knock at the door of your nearest friend
ask to lie down ask to be held

Listen while whispered words
turn the hole into deep night sky
stars close together
winter moon rising over white fields
nearby wren rustling dry leaves
distant owl echoing
two people walking up the road laughing

Let your soul laugh
let your heart sigh out
that long held breath so hollow in your stomach
so swollen in your throat

Already light is returning pairs of wings
lift softly off your eyelids one by one
each feathered edge clearer between you
and the pearl veil of day

You have nothing to do but live

Happy Summer Solstice!

I know I'm biased but that was an AMAZING solstice!

It started early as I joined my soul friend Chris at 5am for a swim at Fermain Bay and out to the ledge at the corner of the bay to be able to see the sun rising above Herm.  Here on the ledge Chris and I practised some sun salutations in honour of the sun, what bliss, especially as it was big and red rising in front of us!

We swam across the Bay to the cliff and a waterfall with fledging seagulls and their mothers getting super excited so that we swam back to shore.  We sat in the morning sunlight at the corner of the beach on our own enjoying the sun rise and sharing quotes.  What a way to begin the morning!

That evening we joined together for a fabulous yoga class in my parents' garden surrounded by nature and with the sun dropping behind us.  We were encouraged to offer our practice as a way of saying thank you for all that we are and have achieved during the light part of the year. and all we have yet to achieve.

It was hot, like high twenties, which is hot for Guernsey and I was certainly feeling it, positioned as I was facing the sun.  Still it was a magical class and lovely to share yoga like this on such stunning day,

Following the class the majority of students stayed on to join us around the stone circle, which my sister in law, Star, and I had consecrated the night before,

Here on the Solstice we joined around the fire and I handed out rosemary, which we all threw on the fire as a symbolic way of letting go of those things we no longer want in our lives - "oh my gosh, is there enough rosemary" one lady commented!

After this, we each lit candles to represent the light and all we wished to bring into our lives over the next six months.  I then invited everyone to blindly choose a crystal from the crystal bag, the solstice choice of quartz, Citrine or Rose quartz, 

Together we enjoyed Shamanic drumming courtesy of Stu Ogier and some crudités and home-made humus courtesy of my Mum.  We also got to`enjoy Natasha's handmade head garland, seasonal in her homeland of Russia, thank you! 

We shared angel cards too and there were cuddles for Eben and dancing for Star and I.

Thank you to everyone who made this such a special and memorable solstice, may this be the first of many ahead and let's get into that stone circle more often please

Love xxx

Love xx

Happy Beltane!

Happy Beltane! Beltane honours Life. It represents the peak of the Spring and the beginning of Summer.  Earth energies are at their strongest and most active and all of life is bursting with potent fertility. Thus the Beltane energy is one of reverence for all of life, celebrating and honouring the fertility that grows from the union of opposites. It is about the sacredness and power of unbridled love and sexual pleasure, and deep connections of the heart.

It’s a time of union, of being in touch with the instinctive wild forces within and without, and to be aware of the potency of the life force and its power on the physical, spiritual and mystical levels.  From now to the Summer solstice is the peak of sunlight and the conscious outward expression of ourselves. During this heightened energy time, we need to be aware of where we are and what we want and need. We should create the most fertile and positive environment for our seeds to grow.

Here at Beltane it is all about union, which will release a strong life force energy that releases the alchemy of manifestation. All of nature is growing and manifesting in a wild whirl of creative energy so we are invited to tap into this and create in our own world too.

In the past May Day celebrations included dancing around the maypole, symbolising the interweaving and joining of the male and female energies. As Glennie Kindred writes, “this creates a web of energy in a living matrix of power. Another custom of this time is the typing of ribbons and shreds of clothing to a Hawthorn tree, specially when they grow by sacred wells. Dipped in the water, they are hung in the trees with prayers for healing, and as gifts to the fair or faerie folk and the guardian spirits of the well or spring”.

Beltane was also recognised as the Fire Festival. Traditionally bonfires were lit to honour the Sun and encourage support of the Sun’s light and power to nurture the emerging future harvest and protect the community. Traditionally all fires in the community were put out and a special fire was kindled for Beltane.

This is a fabulous time to make a wish box…take a look here https://www.goddessandgreenman.co.uk/beltane

Happy Ostara - the Spring Equinox

The word equinox comes from the Latin word meaning ‘equal night’; and means that day and night are of equal length all over the world. For us in the northern hemisphere, the days will get longer and warmer and the nights will get shorter. This is therefore the festival of balance, the balance of the masculine and feminine, light and dark, expansion and contraction, conscious and unconscious, the inner world and the outer world, the joining of the unconscious and the unconscious.

Officially acknowledged as the first day of Spring, this is a very powerful time in nature as there is a major energetic shift from winter and if we are aware of it we can harness the new, fresh energy that this season offers. This is a fabulous time for new beginnings and for sowing new seeds, both physically and symbolically. The plants that grow from these seeds will represent that for which you are working. When the plant bears fruit at harvest so too should your intention manifest in physical form.

In the Pagan tradition this day also celebrates the union of the beautiful spring maiden with the young ardent male.  As Glennie Kindred writes, “Their union makes all of nature fertile. Here we can make contact with their archetypal energy within ourselves, no matter what age or gender. Many women are now seeking to balance their male and female sides within themselves and are looking for the same balance in men. The ardent young man, who is non-aggressive, in touch with his instincts and can show his feelings, is a precious image to hold. The Greeks gave us Pan with horns and hooves, part man, part animal. The Celts gave us Cernunnos or Herne, also with horns, in touch with his animal instincts, wise, magical, the master of the three levels of existence, playful, sexual, sensuous, spiritual. He was outlawed by the church who changed him into the devil, the root of evil, thereby denying men an essential part of themselves. We need to reclaim him. Men need to connect to his life-giving instinctive nature. Women need to find him in the men they know. Here lies the spark, the power in their joining and their joint potential that will change the future”.

This is therefore the ideal time to balance these energies within ourselves regardless of gender. So this means balancing the masculine and the feminine, of joining together the rational conscious mind with the intuition and inner wisdom, to create a new way of being that is more aligned with our higher selves and more in balance, not least within ourselves but in the world around us too.

It’s all about listening. Dropping within and learning to listen to that inner voice that already knows everything. And then learn to trust in this voice and act on its wisdom and create new beginnings that help to bring your light into the manifest world. In so doing, we can create a more harmonious and balanced way of living, that creates a more harmonious, love-filled and balanced world in the process.  Amen!

The Equinox Shift

Over the last 48 hours quite a few people have mentioned to me that they feel down, depressed, tired and irritable. Don't panic. It's the Equinox. There's a huge shift occurring out there so its inevitable that we feel it too. The fact is we're being called to shift too, to align our lives more fully with our higher selves. This means things need to break down and with that comes the darkness before the light. Remember you need darkness to see the light and don't forget that you've been preparing for this, those of you coming to class, practising yoga and doing your Reiki attunements. You chose this. Your soul wants this. The world needs this. We'll all be lighter and brighter when we come through the other side of the Equinox on Monday...be gentle, be kind, drink lots of water, don't self-destruct, eat clean and SWIM IN THE SEA...

“In order for the new to arrive, we must first allow the old to shatter. Sometimes this happens on its own. And sometimes it requires that we do the smashing. To tear apart what we’ve built because things have changed, including you. To admit that while it once was aligned, now it no longer is. This shattering requires both courage and faith. Courage to let go and faith that the pieces will come back together again in a way that was more aligned than it was before” Rebecca Campbell