A celebration of moving with lightness

We’re waxing down to the dark moon in a few day’s time and don’t I know it! I haven’t read too much about this new moon yet but what I did read confirmed to me that yes, this is a heavy one. In truth it feels like they’ve all been heavy this year, it is a heavy year, and from what I gather it’s not going to get any lighter just soon.

If ever we need to be reminded that we live in a world of uncertainty then this year proves it and as much as I might try to create some certainty in my life, arranging retreats and workshops in advance, I know that the arranging alone does not make them certain.

The practice, the yoga practice, the chanting practice, the reading of the ancient texts, the listening to the Sri Lankan monks, the Reiki, all of this, well it changes things. Everything changes. I was reading a lovely blog post about this yesterday and quoted from it in class. Even one yoga class will change us in some way, how can it not. But being changed is not easy because always we have to let go of our idea of how life should be lived and who we are, beyond the stories, narratives and titles we use to define ourselves.

I’ve not found that easy this year. I feel almost as if the roots have been lifted, my very foundations shaken as I have repeatedly questioned who I am and what exactly I’m practising and teaching, let alone how I’m living and how much of this is from my conditioning - most of it! On the one hand this is deeply liberating. but on the other it is very shaky and very unstable because I have to find a new way to be that might be more aligned, not just in terms of relationship with self but relationship with society too. The latter is almost trickier than the former.

I feel that each moon cycle has ramped this up a little, shone more lights into those places that I haven’t been able to see previously and there has been very little let up from one shift to another, one pattern showing up to another and all so much woven together.

There was a respite for a night spent on Sark, requested by my eldest for his birthday, his soul needing the peace as much as my own. It was magical as always, Sark air, the most incredible night sky and the rising half moon, cycling, no cars, peace, glorious peace and good friends to sit and chat with, a beach to ourselves to potter and swim. I died and went to heaven all in this lifetime.

There as a definite case of Sark blues returning back and into the thick of other people’s dramas and neuroses because we are all of us being squeezed.

I found my mat with renewed need today, and found my breath and a long yoga nidra. There was mediation and self Reiki later, and a need to come back to the texts, to something grounding. Then I thought maybe what I needed was to watch some yoga practised and I found this most beautiful video, which has warmed my heart and fed my soul and sorry if that sounds’s gooey but it was much needed and worked a treat - look at it, just BEAUTIFUL!!! It reminds me that it is worth it. The going against the flow, the doing things differently and all because my heart said so.

If your heart is saying so too then you’ll know that it’s not easy and that there are days when you just want to stay in bed and be done with it, when you might just throw your hands in the air and say that you’re done with it and join the treadmill again. But other days, when you are not so weary, when your children have slept and are not draining all your patience and energy and you are feeling inspired, that you don’t doubt it.

I don’t ever really doubt it, I just become tired by the challenges to almost help me deepen my faith in it. Then I’ll watch a video like that, or I’ll read this extract and I’ll feel strengthened by it, a bit like an angel card that says it exactly as you feel it, as if the universe really is able to commune with you, and it is, it is, it is. There is no such thing as a coincidence, the signs are everywhere, we’ve just got to open ourselves up to it:

“Freedom from the Known is one of Krishnamurti's most accessible works. Here, he reveals how we can free ourselves radically and immediately from the tyranny of the expected. By changing ourselves, we can alter the structure of society and our relationships. The vital need for change and the recognition of its very possibility form an essential part of this important book's message.”

I might just have stumbled across this book at just the right time, and what fascinates me the most is the fact I have finally stumbled across it, because Krishnamurti has been mentioned to me many times previously but all of a sudden tonight from nowhere, yet from a place of longing for something to shine a light, I find his name popping into my head and then I find my way to this book and this quote that means so much already. What force does that? Brings us to that which we need to connect? It’s not gravity and it’s not magnetism, so what is it, love? Divine? It’s amazing whatever it is.

So this is the video that I was watching that was like a light and gives me more strength to continue in the direction that my self practice has been taking me, with a little more lightness…and shining a light on those aspects of self that struggle with this, the linear, masculine and will based parts of me that have been so used to pushing my life forward over the years, of always trying my hardest to achieve come what may…come what may?! I’m pretty sure there’s a more gentle way. I see it in this lady’s practice and it inspires me on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvSBeujJKAo

Peace. That’s the word that keeps coming to me. Our inner peace. Reconciling all aspects of self, the right, the left, the active, the passive, the achiever and the complacent, the being in the middle of it all, the unknown and being OK with that. I’m pretty sure that the more lightness we can find in our movement on our mats, the less certain we are of form and more we allow the body it’s own beautiful expression, the more too our lives will be shaped by that lightness.

Enjoy the squeeze of the dark moon and her insights, and the new moon lightness that should follow…

xx

Our Herm Retreat

That was a truly memorable, enjoyable and magical retreat on Herm. We’ve been retreating on Herm, Vicki and I, for almost 12 years now and I don’t know that there’s ever been a bad retreat, some have been more stressful than others, and some more enjoyable than others, but they’ve all been magical in their own way.

This year the retreat coincided with a blue moon and Samhain, the first time that has happened since 1944 and I was keen to celebrate that and make memories. I don’t think I’ll forget waking that Saturday morning and E telling me to look out the window at the most amazing sunrise, only to laugh and remind him that we were looking west and seeing the moon set! Amazing was definitely the word!

Only a matter of minutes after that we were swimming at high tide in Herm harbour, 13 of us in total, a good show, especially considering that it was very blustery and only 7am! Later that day, in an attempt to celebrate Samhain, the festival of the dead and the end of the Celtic year, I encouraged a walk to Belvoir via the dolmen on the common. I was carrying a sleeping Eben at the time (this because he was wired on the eve of the full moon and slept poorly, as did I therefore!) so merely managed to lay a hand on the stones, while Vicki and Elijah investigated further!

At Belvoir, while the boys played in the surf and managed to soak their feet and clothes, E and I enjoyed our second swim of the day, the sun shining by then, and beautiful views of Sark ahead. This was just what I needed to clear my energy and set me up for the Vedic chanting class that followed next, one of my favourite classes on every retreat because I love chanting and I love being able to share it with others; I was positively vibrating thereafter!  

Don’t get me wrong though, I loved teaching the asana classes too, there was a real sense of commitment shown by all students over the weekend and it was wonderful to witness some break throughs and smiles, let alone the calm energy after the evening yoga nidra, and seeing everyone enjoying themselves. 

That Saturday evening we met at 9pm, 9 of us this time for an evening swim at low tide at the beach opposite the hotel, wading through seaweed and just praying (or at least I was) that a seal’s head wasn’t going to pop up as it did a few years ago, albeit that in the morning light. Jo and I howled to the moon, even though she was hidden by cloud, but we wanted to acknowledge her anyhow.

 It was late and I was tired so my Samhain celebrations were short, a bath, a mediation and a tiny bit of magic work. Let’s see, it’s the ancestors really we need to thank for all of this. I only hope our future generations look back at us, ancestors too one day, and feel we are worth celebrating for all we are giving to this world (rather than taking away from it); I’m sure they will, we’re all doing our best aren’t we.

Sunday brought with it a little of the retreat drama about weather and boat sailing times, and while we prepared for a potential earlier sailing, 8 of us (I think) meeting for a 6.30am swim this time, and an earlier class time of 7am, the boat left as planned at 11am, so we had time to take a walk through the new trail and enjoy the wind blowing residual cobwebs away!

Herm is a beautiful place to retreat and I am very grateful to all the lovely souls that have supported our retreating there over the years, and those especially who have facilitated, through running (JP and Debbi), jewellery making (Athene Sholl) and the various treatment ladies who have all made the trip across to give massage, Reiki, Shen and reflexology (but sadly not this year due to the poor weather). 

I am also grateful to all the students who have attended time and time again, some making it a bi-annual, let alone annual trip. However it is time for me to take a break. I’ve loved it, but part of my heart is in Sark right now, and it’s here that we will continue retreating, and freeing up some time and energy for me to focus on other projects during 2021 instead. 

A big thank you to all of you and I hope to see you on Sark during 2021 instead!

Love Emma x

Having a float!

I went for a float on Sunday. I’d been told about float rooms a few years ago from a friend who swore by floating, finding it both extremely relaxing and enlightening, so it’d been on my mind. I’d heard along the grapevine that one had opened on Guernsey but I hadn’t gotten as far as booking in.

Then a pregnant friend mentioned she’d been and knowing we share a mutual love of baths she suggested that I go along and give it a try. So I did! And I have to say it was a really enjoyable, relaxing and, to a certain extent, enlightening experience.

I wasn’t sure what to expect, and was pleasantly surprised to find a very welcoming Dave and a very clean room with a lovely energy, safe and protected from the outside world!

Dave explained the process, how he would leave me on my own in the secure space so I could undress (you can wear a bather if you choose), put in the ear plugs before showering using products provided (faith in nature) and applying Vaseline to any open cuts (as these would sting otherwise!). I was then to ease myself directly from the shower into the float tank, which is little more like a wide and shallow bath, not the tank I had in mind fortunately! It has an emergency button if you need help at any point!

The room was dimply lit and I chose ‘ocean wave’ music to be played gently in the background throughout the session. Dave had warned me that initially some of his friends had experienced a sore neck after floating as they had been unable to fully relax their neck and let their head be held by the extremely high salt content of the tank (dead sea salts from Israel), which enabled the body to float. 

I’m pleased he had warned me of this because I quickly noticed that I was unable to relax my neck, there was something within me stopping me doing it. I tried to talk myself into it, asking my neck to relax but for some reason, it was holding on tight. It made no sense because I could feel that the salt content was holding me afloat, my head was not dropping backwards into the water, but nonetheless my neck was holding on tightly to something that it wouldn’t let go.

 Fortunately there is a plastic pillow of sorts that you can use, to rest the back of your head, so I grabbed this and placed it behind my head. It made a huge difference for me, for some strange reason I was able to relax my neck knowing that there was something contacting the back of my head, even though it was the salt holding this, as it would have held my head too, if my neck had allowed it!

With my neck finally relaxing, I felt as if the whole of me might now relax too, but all of a sudden there was a momentary panic as I questioned what exactly I might now do for the remaining 55 minutes of the session. I might well practice yoga and meditate a couple of times a day, plus practise some yoga nidra a few times each week, but I don’t often (never) lie down for a whole 60 minutes unless I am also reading in bed at the same time. 

I thought maybe I might think about a few things, process some stuff which has been playing on my mind, but amazingly the combination of the salted water and the sensation of lying, let alone the ocean sounds and the dim light meant that I was incapable of holding a stream of thought, and the effort to think became too effortful and with that I drifted into that beautiful liminal space where you are neither here nor there and time passes quickly, too quickly in this case! 

I felt my body move at times, as if I was jolted awake momentarily, perhaps a twitch or a release, and then I drifted back into that restful space where – I believe - healing takes place. It reminded me of Reiki, where you just drift off to this other place and before you know it the session is over.

Lo and behold before too long, the air con kicked in again and a waft of cooler air blew into the room, while the star-studded lights above the tank turned on once more, only gently, but enough for me to know that the session had ended. I scraped the salt off my skin and as much as I could off my hair, as requested by Dave, before stepping out of the tank and back into the shower to shower off once again.

After dressing and removing the ear plugs, I joined Dave in the reception area to pay him and to share my experiences. While he was probably keen for me to leave and let him get on with his day he didn’t show it and was extremely welcoming and giving of his time. I wondered if I might have been better driving, but fortunately the rain held off as I cycled back home, grateful in many respects for the fresh air and opportunity to wake myself a little before the boys joined me that afternoon.

When they did join me I became very aware how much my ears were tested by their noise. My boys are noisy and I do sometimes struggle with this, but I hadn’t realised the extent to which noise generally bothers my ears and how desperate a part of me was for peace and space. I didn’t get it of course, such is the reality of family life, and I felt on edge and aggravated by it to the extent that after dinner, and with my mother in law helping E, I was able to escape to our room where I promptly burst into tears.

I couldn’t stop once I had started, this endless stream of watery release, which I think was the result of something unearthed from my neck during the float. Perhaps it was also the release of something touched in a distance ki massage session with my shadow worker Jo just a few days previous to that, which had taken me to the criss-cross of a few layers beginning to reveal themselves from the shadows, as if this was all timed perfectly, the float facilitating the release.

It continued the next morning too, the tears just coming without any angst or emotion attached to them, just a release. My neck was a little achy and I was curious about this. In my yoga practice I really focused on my neck and I noticed, when I was lying on my mat at the beginning of the session, how I was unintentionally holding on in my neck. I had never noticed it previously because it was obviously my norm, but now I could see how there was just this subtle holding of my head and inability to totally surrender the weight of it to the floor. 

So I settled into that and noticed how my softening and letting go softened my throat and changed my breathing, so it was more relaxed somehow. I couldn’t quite believe how I had allowed that pattern to be there for all these years, this need to somehow protect the vulnerability of the neck and it’s place there between the head and the heart, not able to fully surrender the head and all this emotional holding, a lot of misguided guilt and an inability to allow the heart to flow up and out, to fully express itself in the world.

A few days on and the emotions have settled. It took me completely by surprise and I am grateful to the float for being a conduit for the release that it brought. I’m really keen to return again, they offer a three-session deal, which sounds great, albeit my one session did the trick. I’ve been feeling calmer since, and curious too, to learn more of the tension I’m holding and what underlies that, just as I’m curious to find out what will come of the additional freedom now in my neck!

It’s funny how the releases come in their way, how things can be divinely orchestrated, to an agenda that we’re created and yet has some magical input into it too. I always find this place a little uncomfortable though, the neither here nor there as things settle after any letting go, but I trust that it is for the greater good, that the change will come when the timing is right and that there is a bigger picture to all of this. My advice – go for a float! 

** It’s now six days after the float and a few days since writing that blog post and the whirlwind which it brought with the release has now settled, and I recognise the role it played in helping me to surrender and let go of a limiting belief that has been bothering me since March now. With that much needed clarity after months of not being able to ‘see’ clearly. It’s powerful stuff that floating!

 If you know you have something to release but you don’t know what it is, or you feel stuck in your life, not sure which way to go, lacking clarity and a little confused, then go for a float. If the body is holding on tightly, then go for a float. If you need some time out, some peace and some space to just be, then go for a float. I cannot tell you what an incredible conduit it is for letting go and just being…

Love Emma x

P.S. You’ll need to go look on Facebook, it’s called The Float Room, a friend sent me details, the email is info@thefloatroom.gg

Cultivating courage to see the need/be the change

A group of us were chatting about social media this week. Everyone in the group expressed some concern about the detrimental impact of social media, on the younger generation in particular, how it feeds their insecurity and distracts them from being present, how lives are now lived on phones and how everyone wants to be someone, feeding this ‘me’ culture which merely fuels the “I’m not good enough” story on which big companies profiteer.

One of the ladies who works with teenagers shared how she has witnessed a negative shift in behaviour and insecurity levels of teenagers since social media became prevalent. Another lady shared how her teenage son is negatively affected by it. Another expressed concern about the addictive nature of social media and being online. Yet none of these ladies had considered that their being on social media was feeding into it. Or to put it another way, none of these ladies recognised that as an individual they have a powerful role to play in how life unfolds on this planet and how social media unfolds in the future.

I touched on this recently when I mentioned about the butterfly effect, how the flapping of a butterfly’s wing in one part of the world could cause a typhoon in another, or something like that. But it’s not even that, or at least not that alone, but includes the idea of our power, or feelings of powerlessness and how our relationship to the potency of our power as individuals plays out in the world, and linked to that is the notion that we are the micro of the macro, that we might be an individual but collectively we are the whole.

Thus, I found it fascinating that despite identifying the negative aspects of social media, not one of the ladies thought for one minute that they might come off social media. I don’t think it was even a possibility in their minds. Not because they hadn’t thought about it, or couldn’t do it, but because social media has become so embedded in the fabric of our life that it’s as normal to be on social media as it is to drive a car. We do it because others do it, because it’s the norm, because that’s how life works now; this to the extent that we can’t see life being any other way than the way it is currently being lived. Do you know what I mean? 

The mind is incredibly shaped by society, and by societal expectations, which are driven, in the case of social media, by big corporations hoping to profiteer. Now that’s interesting isn’t it, that our minds have been shaped to feed the marketeers dream and we don’t even realise it, because as far as we are concerned, we’re just using social media like everyone else does, and if everyone else is using it, then it must be OK mustn’t it? 

Well you’d think so wouldn’t you but, like my ladies, there is an acknowledgment that it isn’t all good. On some deeper level they know that social media brings with it a whole heap of potentially negative consequences. Imagine then, the many ways our mind is being shaped by the social media content if our minds have been shaped to the extent that we think being on social media is OK even when we know on some deeper level that it isn’t. 

Take the example of my group of ladies, they all recognised the negative impact of social media yet they weren’t going to do anything about it. They were just going to keep feeding it. I found this interesting and it got me thinking how there is something else at play here, as if there is a disconnection between their individual actions and the bigger picture. This isn’t meant as a criticism, but it appeared to me that they were struggling to see how their individual actions are feeding the bigger picture. It’s the same for all of us on some level. 

Everything we do individually has an impact collectively. We may think we’re powerless to make a difference, because we buy into the idea that we are not worthy, not good enough and couldn’t possibly make a difference in this world. Yet every single one of us is far more powerful than we could ever imagine. Look at what we have created – by buying into social media, by feeding it, look how social media has become so embedded in the fabric of our life that we cannot imagine our life without it. If we had not bought into it individually, there would be no collective! See!

I was talking to a friend recently who works for an American company where they have been having lots of discussions recently about racism on the back of #BlackLivesMatter. This to the extent that they are now being encouraged to pull up their colleagues if they say something or do something that could in any way be perceived as racist whether intentional or not. This all in the hope of changing the vocabulary and narrative around racism to make it absolutely unacceptable in any capacity.

 My friend said that the discussions have gone further, to the extent that there have been questions around environmentalism and climatic change and at which point we are collectively able to pull people up about the actions they take that scientists believe negatively impact on the environment and climate. For example, when does it becomes unacceptable to run a huge motorboat that guzzles lots of fuel, or for one person to use a large car that requires lots of petrol and just takes up more resources in its manufacture. 

Furthermore, at which point do we begin to recognise that our individual actions, the food we eat, the transport we use, the houses we live in, the clothes we wear, the stuff we buy, all has an impact on the collective and on the whole and therefore directly on the climate and the environment. We all know that the climate is suffering, yet we continue to live our lives in the same way that we always have, just like we continue to feed social media even though we know it is having a real negative impact on the world. 

We all suffer with that disconnection to some extent, thinking it’s someone else’s problem, or waiting for someone else to make the change, or waiting for those in power to lead the way, or believing that our actions don’t really have much of an impact because it is just little old us. But a whole heap of little old us, the collective little old us, well that’s all of us isn’t it, that’s the population of the world. See, we each have a role to play in this.  But first we have to recognise this and take responsibility for it before we can make a change, before we can   be the change.

If a whole heap of us became the change, imagine what might happen! If we all came off social media, for example, withdrew ourselves from it, like the drug it is, numbing us from our reality, what then? If we all ditched our cars, what then? If we all started owning our mental and emotional landscape and took responsibility for healing ourselves and recognising our inherent goodness, what then? 

I was reading from the Katha Upanishad the other day, part of the Krishna Yajur Veda, this the Upanishad of the Secret of Eternal Life in which a teenager coolly walks up to Death and has a long conversation with him. Part of this Upanishad talks of treading the razor’s edge:

Get up! Wake up! Pay attention.

To all the blessings you’ve received!

Sharp as the razor’s edge is the path, they say,

More arduous than can be conceived!

Roopa Pai, explains: “To believe implicitly in a world that you cannot experience with your sense, to choose always the good path over the pleasurable, to be so dedicated to your quest that no earthly temptation can divert you, even while everyone around you mocks at your ‘idealistic nonsense’ – all of it demands a rare form of courage”.

What does that courage translate to in the real world? Not feeding social media when you realise it’s detriment to you individually as well as society and humanity as a whole; thinking twice before using the car or travelling by air; picking up litter from the road even though your neighbours never stop to help; taking issue with your friend or family member, respectfully, when you believe they are being racist; not buying something that you really like the look of because you know that it’ll just end up in landfill one day.

It’s courage perhaps that will positively change the world for the better. Having courage to take responsibility for our individual actions as part of the collective. As Roopa Pai writes, “Do you see how displaying this sort of courage will eventually make you a better person, in your own estimations if not in anyone else’s? Sure. But is it something you’d rather avoid? Oh, most certainly! See how the sages were so on point when they declared that the path to self-realisation was as sharp as a razor’s edge?”

I’m continuously reminded of Mahatma Gandhi and his famous quote, “Be the change you wish to see in the world”. This not only in changing ourselves, but in changing our actions and thus changing the world. We are powerful beyond our wildest dreams and the sooner we recognise and realise this, the better for all of humanity and the more courage we have to face the razor’s edge!

But what can we do to cultivate this courage, to awaken, to recognise more of our disconnection and to create greater connection? Well I’m biased right, but there are some pretty ancient texts which guide the way and direct us towards yoga and meditation. Then there’s Reiki, the most amazing gift in my life, that will help us too, connecting to our heart and to love. Anything that connects us to our heart and helps us to love ourselves a little more and love others too, and this planet and all of humanity – we can’t help but make more of the change then. 

Supporting Guernsey Mind through yoga nidra and Reiki

Thank you so much beautiful people for helping to raise £308.50 for Guernsey Mind through yoga nidra and Reiki this evening.

I’m probably biased but I just love a room full of people channelling and receiving Reiki, it’s powerful stuff! I also love sharing a yoga nidra, so it was the perfect evening for me, especially as I taught yoga first too. The Reiki share was a particular highlight, where we linked palms and shared Reiki around the circle, my hands were buzzing!!!

Thank you very much to my helpers too, so much appreciated.

Sending love and Reiki.

Emma xxx