The menstrual cycle, fertility and yoga

The menstrual cycle

The menstrual cycle happens ‘on average’ ever 28 days from menarche (first day of first menstrual cycle) to menopause (gradual end of reproductive life).

Day 1 of the cycle, marks the first day of vaginal ‘blood’. 

 The majority of women begin their period at night or within the first four hours of waking. How long women bleed varies from woman to woman, but is generally between five to seven days, with the heaviest bleeding on the first day. The flow should be not too heavy, nor too light – around 50-80ml is optimum, although of course this is difficult to tell unless you are collecting blood in a moon cup (which I wouldn’t do personally, but you might). Blood should be bright red in colour. Dark or brown blood is old blood. Pink blood is thin and poor quality, while clots indicate stagnation in flow.

Bleeding arises because falling oestrogen and progesterone levels signal to the hypothalamus to release GnRH (gonadotrophin-releasing hormone), which triggers bleeding. This in turn prompts the pituitary to release FSH (follicle-stimulating hormone), which will start the growth of follicles and the development of the egg inside them. During menstruation, two thirds of the lining of the endometrium lining is shed gradually. The endometrium starts to regenerate within two days of the start of menstruation and by day five is already 2mm thick – isn’t the body amazing!

 Day 1 also marks the start of the follicular stage of the cycle. This is when the egg (ovum) grows and develops. Every female is born with approximately 2 million eggs, although only 300-400 will mature and be released during her lifetime. The nucleus of the ovum contains half the genetic material (chromosomes) needed to produce a new individual – the other half comes from the sperm.

 At the start of the follicular phase, the hypothalamus in the brain (which regulates the pituitary gland) releases GnRH (see above). This signals to the pituitary gland to release follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH), which stimulates the eggs inside the ovary to grow. About 20 immature eggs responds and being to develop within sacs known as follicles that provide the nourishment the eggs need to grow. If you’re trying to conceive then anything you can do to nourish the eggs through diet and lifestyle is essential.

As the eggs develop, the ovaries release oestrogen. This hormone signals to the pituitary gland to reduce FSH production so that only enough is released to stimulate one egg to continue developing. The rest shrivel away. Oestrogen also stimulates the lining of the uterus (womb), known as the endometrium, to begin to thicken, preparing it for implantation of the fertilised egg. 

The body’s oestrogen level continues to rise until it triggers a surge of luteinizing hormone (LH) from the pituitary gland. This stimulates ovulation, whereby the follicle ruptures and the egg is gently released along with its follicular fluid on to the surface of the ovary. Follicle rupture can cause one-sided lower abdominal pain and this pinpoints ovulation time. If you’re trying to conceive then please take note! You may experience feelings of heightened sexuality and you might notice a change in secretion.  Your cervix will also change so you could become increasingly familiar with this too.

Having released the egg, the ruptured follicle continues to receive pulses of LH. This enables it to turn into a small cyst known as the corpus luteum, whose job is to produce progesterone.

Progesterone has three important functions – it builds and thickens the endometrium, developing glandular structures and blood vessels that supply nutrients to the developing embryo, and it switches off production of FSH and LH. It also raises the basal body temperature (BBT) by half a degree, warming the uterus ready for a fertilised egg.

 A fallopian tube is approximately the diameter of a pencil, with a narrow channel within it leading to the uterus. The channel is lined with microscopic hairs which, together with muscular contractions, help to move the egg along the tube to the uterus. The journey from the ovary to the uterus takes approximately 6 days. The egg never completes the journey if it is not fertilised, instead it disintegrates and is absorbed. 

Fertilisation needs to occurs within 24 hours of ovulation. Most healthy sperm live in the female reproductive tract for several days, which means that intercourse can take place up to three days before ovulation and fertilisation will still be possible. Cervical mucus acts as a barrier to abnormal sperm, which are unable to swim up the channels in the mucus. This ensures that only strong, well-formed sperm make it through the cervix and uterus to the fallopian tube.

The distance from ejaculation to Fallopian tube is approximately 10cm and takes about 30-60 minutes, with many barriers along the way. An egg is about 550 times wider than the tiny sperm head so provides a large target. The sperm has to make it to, and attach to the egg. Most sperm fail to attach and bounce off. 

The fertilised egg, known as a zygote, divides into two after an average of 36 hours. The embryo develops rapidly and travels along the fallopian tube for the next few days until it reaches the uterus, nourished by mucus which is secreted by cells in the lining of the tube.  

If fertilisation does not take place, then the egg is absorbed by the body, progesterone levels fall and the endometrium begins to dissolve, the uterus sheds the broken blood tissue through the vagina (menstruation) and the cycle begins again.

Fertile times

If you are trying to conceive then it is really helpful to get intimate with your cycle so that you can notice the signs that indicate that ovulation may be taking place. You might also notice an imbalance or a problem that might be affecting your body’s ability to ovulate. There are several ways to read your body:

Cervical secretions – noticing how these change throughout the cycle. The start of the fertile time is signalled by secretions so it is important you learn to recognise these.

Your cervix – oestrogen and progesterone create subtle changes in the muscles and connective tissue of the cervix. At ovulation the cervix feels high, soft and open. You can feel your own cervix and notice these changes for yourself.

Body temperature - progesterone causes a rise in basal body temperature of at least 0.2 Celsius immediately after ovulation. This lasts until the level of progesterone falls at the start of menstruation. However, a raised body temperature can also indicate an imbalance and could be the effect of viral infections, too much alcohol, medication, stress, late nights etc. 

Recording your cycle - there are various Apps that encourage you to connect with, and record changes during your cycle.  You could just use the journaling method. Journal each day changes that you are noticing in how you feel and what is going on down there. 

Yoga and the menstrual cycle

Bleeding – a time to truly go within.  Yoga Nidra is always very nourishing, so too some very gentle movement into the pelvis, listening to womb and blood wisdom. Absolutely no strenuous or hot yoga and no inverting (reverses the flow of blood in an unnatural direction) or strong backbends. You might find that any pose that puts pressure on your tummy feels horrible. Sometimes twisting feels horrible too, and other times it might be welcomed.

Post bleeding to ovulation – you may feel to be more active on your mat and fancy something a little more strenuous and dynamic. However, if you are trying to conceive then remember that you are trying to create healthy and nourished eggs, so make sure that your yoga practice is not exhausting you and perhaps adopt a restorative and womb-centred approach, nourishing from inside out. Yoga Nidra is invaluable too, as is staying positive and taking a well balanced diet. 

Ovulation – if you’re trying to conceive then really feel into your body, a slow and gentle approach to yoga is recommended, some womb based yoga like Yoni Yoga may help (there’s a free video on the website). Avoid hot yoga and anything strenuous or exhausting. Take time to rest with a guided relaxation and/or Yoga Nidra, especially the one for menstrual health. Don’t push yourself.

From ovulation to menstruation – a slower and gentler practice is absolutely recommended to reflect your waning energy and the retreat inwards again, supported by good diet. 

Resources

There is a mixture of guided relaxations and free yoga videos to support fertility, healthy menstrual cycle and menstruation on the website for you to use.  But also, perhaps invest in Uma’s book Yoni Shakti, as this is a wonderful resource, also her website www.wombyoga.orgor www.yonishakti.co.uk.  Dr Christiane Northrup’s Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdomis also a marvellous book. Alexandra Pope also has a fab book called Wild Power, and she offers lots of valuable support through her website www.redschool.net.   

If you are experiencing menstrual or fertility issues, then I highly recommend connecting with the Ayurvedic Clinic in Purley Oaks, with whom I am currently studying. They are experts in fertility with amazing results in helping women to conceive. They offer skype appointments,  but they are also only about 30 minutes from Gatwick via East Croydon. Have a look at their website at www.theayurvedicclinic.com

For sanitary products, I just love the gorgeous organic cotton reusable cloth menstrual pads from www.honouryourflow.co.uk. The night time ones are the only pads I have ever found that absolutely don’t leak. They’re really comfortable too. And no, I don’t get a commission or freebies from them for promoting them, I just like their products and ethos. 

Periods and the menstrual cycle!

Once seen as a shameful curse, periods are very much in the ‘field’ at the moment, with women openly talking about them. I recently recorded a podcast with Michelle Johansen of Female Potential entitled Positive Periods, and with good reason – it is my experience that the menstrual cycle should be embraced for all it reveals to us and the manner in which it supports us in living fulfilled and balanced lives. 

My first period arrived on 26 April 1988, when I was 13 years old and at school -  I can still picture the moment, because it was both exciting and a huge relief - my cousin and I had spoken at length about our impending (or so we hoped) first period and as she was older than me, hers had already started.  I was delighted to share with her that I too had now started getting my periods!

 There followed the drama at home of trying to insert tampons, because I found it painful and I still clearly remember my Mum trying to help me; it’s a tricky transition that one of being a child, to one who takes responsibility, and I was keen for her assistance. Once that was sorted, life carried on fairly much as it had done previously; I wasn’t aware that anything had shifted other than the fact I now bled once a month and my breasts were getting a teeny tiny bit bigger.

Fast forward to age 17 and the beginning of an eating disorder, which found me starving myself, and in the process my periods stopped altogether.  This was the sign my Mum needed to know that something really was out of kilter and with that I was marched to the doctor for help.  The help came in the form of a psychologist, but I was not in the slightest bit interested in talking about my diet issues and promptly refused to attend any further sessions. I slowly started eating again and in the process my periods returned. 

 However, the eating disorder didn’t go away, they rarely do, at least not without many years of hard work to get to the root of the problem and learning to eat properly again. The eating disorder at that time was one of starvation and binge, and while this inevitably stressed my body, my periods continued in their monthly order, albeit I gave them very little awareness, other than the need to insert tampons so that I could continue playing competitive netball and all the other competitive sport I played back then.

 Fast forward again to my mid twenties when I was unconsciously working my way up the corporate ladder, living a life that didn’t quite fit who I was on the inside, but I didn’t know that there was any other way. At that time, I was spending two weeks of every month feeling fairly horrible - depressed, emotional and with fluctuating mood swings, which found me moody, angry and irritable. 

In the last week pre-period, I’d crave carbohydrates and binge on them given the chance, which meant that I was often bloated and constipated. The waistbands of my work suits would cut into my tummy making me feel really uncomfortable in my own skin. I was also full of self-loathing, which was compounded by the demands of an office job, which meant I had to show up every day even though all I wanted to do was retreat from the world. 

There were times when I took a sickie because I felt so rotten – tearful and vulnerable - and I just couldn’t face going into the office. I doubt very much my bosses at the time would have been sympathetic if they’d have known, and I’m sure holiday would have been deducted instead. I was lucky really though, as I rarely suffered with physical pain, and I have no idea how women manage this in the work place, it’s bad enough having to manage menstruation itself (always fear of leaking and others finding out as you sneak sanitary products into the toilet). 

I knew that my life couldn’t continue like this. While the arrival of my period would ease the tension and pre-menstrual symptoms, this was only for two weeks, before my moods shifted all over again. I was stressed and depressed and would smoke cigarettes, chain drink black coffee and consume wine to supposedly ease this – I now recognise that this was compounding matters, but at the time I felt trapped by my life, paying a mortgage as I was, and trying to fit in.

 Finally, it got to the point where I couldn’t ignore the fact that life had lost all joy – it had become too painful and I wasn’t sure that there was any point. Events led me back to the doctorsand a prescription for Prozac was written. I had been prescribed Prozac previously but had stopped taking it on account of the fact it made me feel woolly. This time, I recall holding the prescription in my hand and deciding that I would not be beaten, I would find another way to ease my depression, I just didn’t know how.

I started running, as if to run my life forward, and this certainly shifted something in me, even though I still suffered with depression and monthly tensions. I ended up running the London marathon and it was this that led me to yoga, because my body was a mess and because everything I read suggested depression could be helped by yoga. There was something about yoga that made me feel better immediately, and I was hooked from that first class.

Not long after discovering yoga, I met the nutritionist, Carol Champion, who introduced me to the concept of healthy eating.  At that point, I was still suffering with an eating disorder and tried my best to avoid eating, drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes instead, only to then lose control and binge eat on all the foods I had denied myself previously; it was exhausting. The idea of eating for health rather than for one’s weight was a huge perspective shift for me.  

It was Carol who helped me to realise that my symptoms were cyclical and linked to my menstrual cycle. I had PMS! This was a revelation and empowering too, because I had something to work with.  I started following the ‘diet’ plan that she gave to me, and religiously took vitamin B supplements as well as those to support the liver and ease PMS. As a result, my weight stabilised for the first time in a long time and I felt so much better, I couldn’t believe it; we really are what we eat.

This realisation and increased body-mind awareness, coincided with me meeting Alyssa Burns-Hill, who was advertising her new meditation classes at one of the yoga classes we both attended. I had been told that meditation would also ease depression and PMS, so I went along to her first meditation class. It was at this class that I first met Michelle Johansen, who was the only other person in the class! I remember Michelle and Ally talking about Reiki, crystals and angels and wondering what they were on about; little did I know it at that time how much these things would become an integral part of my life and my healing of PMS. 

I started seeing Ally for intuitive life coaching sessions using Reiki, which were life changing. I was 28 years old by then and I hadn’t realised that I had a choice in how I might live my life and that I was allowed to have dreams that I might one day fulfil. This was another revelation! The sessions helped me to connect with my heart and soul and, for the first time in a long time, I started to listen to what my heart was trying to tell me. 

 I had always been passionate about writing, but had never believed that it might be possible to pursue this. But the sessions helped me to recognise that this deep inner yearning needed to be given expression. By then I had become passionate about yoga too. So with the insight, strength and courage gained from the sessions, I sold the house I co-owned with my brother, left my permanent finance job and went off travelling to immerse myself in yoga and write about it. 

Interestingly, albeit unsurprisingly, as I aligned my life more closely with my heart, and as I tapped into my creativity with the writing, and ate healthily (letting go of coffee and excessive wine drinking) my PMS dropped away. This was supported by the yoga and Reiki, both of which shifted stagnant energy and helped me to recognise the depth of my imbalance and in this recognition, do something about it. 

It became clear to me that PMS had showed up every month as my body’s way of trying to get me to listen, to tell me that something was very much out of balance in my life. After this, my relationship with my menstrual cycle improved considerably, I was no longer fearful of it, and slowly came to recognise the blessing in the curse. In having PMS, I had been encouraged to acknowledge my heart and soul and learn to heal myself. As a result, my whole life and perspective on life changed.

Fast forward 18 months, and a few months after my 30thbirthday, I embarked on an intensive 7-week yoga teacher training course in Byron Bay, Australia with a dynamic male yoga teacher, followed by an unofficial apprenticeship for 3 months with another dynamic male yoga teacher. During both the teacher training course and the apprenticeship, I was practicing between 2-6 hours of dynamic yoga asana every single day. I was also following a restrictive raw vegan diet in an effort to increase my sense of lightness both on and off my mat, and also try to be the perfect skinny yogini – ha, how funny is that!

 It is perhaps not surprising that during this time my periods stopped. My approach to my dynamic yoga practice and my relationship to my body, was one of yang energy – masculine. I was actually relieved when my periods stopped because it meant I had absolutely no signs that my period was coming (that slightly clumsy, vulnerable and irritable feeling pre-period) and didn’t have to concern myself with tampons during my monthly bleed so I could carry on my yoga practice throughout - isn’t that crazy!

Up until that point, and for years afterwards, I made little allowance in my yoga practice for my monthly cycle and made little reference to the menstrual cycle during the classes I taught.  I would continue to practice in a strong and yang manner at all times.  I didn’t know what it meant to be yin and gentle. If I wasn’t practicing a handstand or headstand and a strong backbend, let alone numerous planks during my daily practice, then I didn’t feel like I’d practiced properly. It wasn’t necessarily the poses either, but my mental approach. It was all about pushing and pulling. 

Ally had by then become a hormone specialist so I undertook a saliva based hormone test with her, and funnily enough this showed that my hormones were all out of balance and I had excess testosterone, at least in comparison to my diminished progesterone and oestrogen levels. It turned out I also had ovarian cysts, which I wrote about in my book Dancing with the Moon, and which I now recognise from an Ayurvedic perspective as a vata imbalance (so too the loss of my period). There began a quest to heal myself again through healthy eating (no more of the raw and vegan diet, which was making me sick), Ayurvedic herbs, and a gentler approach to yoga (no more hard-core stuff!).

Soon, the combination of living back at home in Guernsey, where I was treated to my Mum’s amazing cooking each day, the lack of dynamic yoga classes, plus the fact I was now working, meant that my periods finally returned. I was grateful for this, because I had come to recognise that having absent periods (amenorrhea) was a sign of a significant imbalance in my body and my life generally. Fortunately, I was able to heal the ovarian cysts (I document this in my book), which was a relief as I was keen to have children one day. 

 That day finally arrived, or at least the day when my partner, E, and I decided that we might try for children. Then my period and my menstrual cycle became my primary focus. I grew increasingly intimate with my cycle, noticing the changes in discharge, energy levels and mood during the month, so that I would recognise when I might be ovulating.  I became increasingly aware of the link between my cycle and the moon cycle too, and it was about this time that I invited the Goddess of the Moon more fully into my life (or maybe she invited herself, I can’t be sure).

Sadly, it turned out that despite my best efforts at connecting with my cycle and trying to enhance my fertility naturally, we were destined for IVF.  You can read about this journey in, Dancing with the Moon too. This book documents the joy I felt at having my eggs collected on the day of the full moon, an omen for me.  There I was at my most fertile, with lovely ripe eggs to prove it on the day that the moon was also at her fullest, juiciest and most fertile too. 

It seemed that all the healing work I had done, through yoga (embracing a more yin approach with lots of restorative yoga and Yoga Nidra) and other healing modalities such as Reiki, had paid off. I prayed a lot to the Goddess of the Moon too and had managed to align my menstrual cycle directly with the moon cycle. I encourage any lady on a quest to conceive, to work as much as she can with her menstrual cycle and the moon cycle too.

After the birth of my son, Elijah, it took 9 months for my period to return.  I was so joyous when it did because it felt so strange being without a cycle to connect with the moon as I had done previously before pregnancy. I certainly agree with Uma Dinsmore-Tuli when she wrote that the post-natal period (and the peri-menopausal period - although I don’t yet have the experience of this to validate) can be a very disorientating time for women. 

It wasn’t long after this, that I came across Code Red, written by Lisa Lister, and Uma’s book Yoni Shakti.  Both books were life changing in their own ways.  In Code Red, Lisa writes about the four main phases of the menstrual cycle and the manner in which we can opportune each of these phases if we are aware of the wisdom contained within them. By this I mean that each phase brings with it a way of being and here I share with you myexperience.

Bleeding on the new moon potentially presents a time to retreat into our inner cave, like the Red Tent, taking ourselves away from the world and tapping into our blood wisdom. This is day one of the menstrual cycle when we are at our most intuitive so we might gain clarity on stuff that has been bothering us during the rest of the cycle. Things might slot into place with the letting go that accompanies the letting go flow of the menstrual blood, essentially shedding what is old to make way for the new to come in, with the new beginning of both the menstrual cycle and the moon cycle.

The follicular stage comes next, post bleed, when our energy levels return and we feel like we’re ready to come out of our cave and re-enter the light of the world again. Oestrogen levels are rising and we’ve potentially gained more clarity and now with our increased energy levels and sense of wellbeing, well there’s nothing much to complain about. It’s time to put into action and manifest all that has become clearer to us during our bleed. There’s a movement from connection to inner self, to refocusing on outer work and others. The moon may be waxing.

Day 14 (approximately) and we start ovulating, which may align with the full moon. We feel more attractive and confident than we might do at any other part of the cycle and we’re more sociable than we’ve been all cycle. We’re also trying to create and shape our life according to our vision now that we have a clearer sense of clarity and increased energy levels to support this. Our vaginal discharge may be heavier than at any other part of the cycle.  We might also experience pain, often one sided, an indication that we are ovulating. We might experience feelings of heightened sexuality. 

Post ovulation, the luteal phase, and as the moon wanes so too we may feel a waning in our energy and general interest in life as we are drawn back deeply into ourselves again. We are more sensitive as progesterone levels are rising and we might start to feel increasingly sensitive and vulnerable.  We might also feel confused and lacking in clarity. We may also feel angry and full of rage.

We become increasingly picky, so while this is a good time to edit, for example, this might be the time when we give our partner and family a hard time for doing everything wrong – at least wrong according to our higher standards.  We might be especially hard on ourselves too. Nothing feels quite right. Our clothes might feel a little tighter. Our job might not flow so easily. Stuff that doesn’t usually bother us, bothers us. 

It’s a potentially enlightening part of the cycle to sit with, because it might highlight all the things that are out of balance in our lives. There is much more tension and therefore creative potential, if only we get the opportunity to connect with this. During this time there may be changes in our vaginal discharge. Sometimes we may get a watery discharge that might have us thinking that our period has started, but then this will ease, and we may get nothing, perhaps, if anything, a slight burning sensation and dryness the day or so before our bleed.  

We might also experience cramps, anxiety, interrupted sleep, insomnia, nervous tension, mood swings, forgetfulness, irritability, anger, headaches, water retention, swollen breasts, bloating, lethargy and/or drowsiness. Our temperature may rise and sometimes, we may feel sexual, as if the body’s way of easing the tension created by the increasing progesterone levels and the ‘on edge’, ‘holding on tightly’ feeling this can give. This may last up until approximately day 28 and the end of the cycle. 

Many women experience pain around the time of their bleed. This is hardly surprising when you consider that the lining of the endometrium is literally shedding away. That’s a big deal! But the pain is also a messenger, literally drawing our attention into the body and away from the outer world. It encourages us to rest and retreat, perhaps taking a short break from our other responsibilities.

Sadly, we have been conditioned to overlook this pain, seeing it more as the curse of being a woman than a nudge of wisdom. So rather than rest, we may be more inclined to takeparacetamol, and carry on life as normal, battling our way through the day, drinking wine to comfort us, or binging on carbohydrates, rather than taking ourselves to a quiet space, nurturing ourselves with blankets and pillows, lighting candles, playing gentle music and listening to what with our womb is trying to say to us.

Alexandra Pope writes, “At menstruation itself a woman can potentially enter a more expanded consciousness, experiencing highly charged altered states that can be ecstatic and visionary”. The key to this, is both respect for, and awareness of, the changes that take place during our cycle. It is in this way that we come to recognise that our changing moods each have a role to play in helping us to live a more fulfilled and creative life. 

After years of yoga practice, I have come to recognise the importance of adjusting our yoga practice to support whichever stage we are at in our menstrual cycle, especially menstruation.  During menstruation the womb is influenced by apana-vayu, which is a downward and outward moving energy. Situated in the pelvic floor, apana-vayu’s energy pervades the lower abdomen and nourishes the organs of digestion, elimination and reproduction.

This is the reason that we shouldn’t invert our bodies during menstruation, as this will prevent the blood from flowing downwards towards the earth with gravity and apana-vayu. I’m not a fan of tampons or mooncups for the very same reason either – they do not allow the downward movement of the blood out of the vagina, collecting the blood inside. I prefer organic and reusable cotton pads instead (www.honouryourflow.com). The wild yogini might take a few minutes to actually bleed directly onto the Earth on the evening of her heaviest flow, to deepen her connection with the Earth, but that’s a whole other story!

Practising yoga to honour and support the menstrual cycle is what prompted me to teach yoni yoga, inspired from the womb yoga practise from Uma’s book Yoni Shakti, and from attending a couple of her training courses, including one on menstruation and fertility.  In my own life, I have found this softer and more feminine approach to yoga deeply nourishing and it has also enhanced my connection to my womb space and to my womb wisdom. This has helped me to notice when I am out of balance and need to make changes…not that it’s always easy to make the changes, or recognise the changes that need to be made!

For example, when my life was crazy busy last year with publishing books and trying to hold down an office job as well as teaching yoga and Reiki and trying to spend time with my boys, my cycle went out of kilter. Hardly surprising really. I started seeing my Ayurvedic doctor to help me address the imbalance and while this centred primarily on the solar plexus, it was addressing imbalance generally. The result was that I recognised that I needed to make significant changes to my life to de-stress (ironic as a yoga teacher!) and create better balance and more space in my life for the things that nourish me, like my boys.

While it took some time to step beyond the fear of the letting go that these changes required, I knew that they had to be made because my menstrual cycle was making me very aware of this; womb and blood wisdom do not lie. The fact my cycle wasn’t aligned with the moon bothered me too. Pre-children my period had been aligned with the new moon, post-children this had shifted to the full moon. And now my period had shifted to the waning half moon.

I could make sense of this though. I knew that I was going through a transition from one way of being to another. Changes were being made but could not happen over night, and for a while I felt stuck, lacking in clarity about how life would unfold, but comfortable there too, because I had a sense that things would become clearer in time. Sometimes we need to sit in the ambiguity, because everything has a timing and there is a lot to learn from the transition itself (think of yoga and how the transition from one pose to another is as important, if not more important and revealing than the pose itself).

This is probably the time to highlight that not every cycle will align with the moon. From an Ayurvedic perspective, for example, a typical vata cycle will be irregular and while pitta and kapha tend to have regular cycles these may not be 28 or 29 days in length. Furthermore, while you may read that, for example, high priestesses and healers are more likely to bleed on the full moon, I don’t think we should let our ego get too carried away with this. If women live together their cycles tend to align, but we each have a cycle depending upon what is going on in our lives, and our connection to the Earth (and moon) at any given time. 

I finally quit the office job, putting in place better boundaries, re-prioritising my time (still an ongoing process), re-connecting with the Goddess who I had overlooked in my quest to achieve all things, and quietening my home practice to embrace womb-based yoga again.

Changes made, it took a while for the effects to be felt and for me to see more clearly the root to the initial imbalance – we can make changes in our outer lives but for real change to occur, we need to make the inner shift. 

For me this meant a letting go of my ‘old’ approach to life with all its behaviour patterns and perceptions. I fought this for a while, as we do, through uncertainty, lack of clarity and fear as much as anything else. But then something finally clicked during some Scaraveli-inspired one-to-one yoga training, and I could no longer remain in denial (always finding excuses) and with that recognition, came a much needed and rather emotional deep acceptance.

Life had to change. It was time to rest into myself, and stop all the pushing and pulling and achieving and rather masculine approach to life in trying to be all things - isn’t this the irony of life for us ‘empowered’ women these days, that in our quest to be all things, we’re still denying the deep feminine and have forgotten what is important in our lives, and the need to rest. It is not surprising that so many women, mothers especially, are tired and exhausted, and so many currently questioning their role in life.   

When we reach that point of acceptance, it’s like we let go of all that we have been holding on to, and in the letting go, we experience an awakening.  Life can never be the same again, because we have awakened to it. There is no going back to sleep. It’s as if a rush of support and energy comes flooding in, and we find the courage to take the step that moves us from fear into a new territory where life is full of new potential and experiences that we hadn’t known possible previously.   

Funnily enough, once the acceptance was reached, and the shift had taken place not only physically, but mentally and emotionally, then my period aligned perfectly with the new moon and new beginnings. I was both relieved and delighted. This was proof that by working with our menstrual cycle we truly can align our lives to a more authentic and harmonious way of living, which is always changing, because we are at heart creative beings, creating and re-creating our lives over and over again. The menstrual cycle will highlight where we are stuck, or have grown stagnant, or are not listening. 

As Uma Dinsmore-Tuli writes, “Menstrual cycle awareness matters: it is the inner yoga of women (and the men who live with them), the ultimate self-care tool. As a stress-sensitive system, the menstrual cycle gives feedback physically and emotionally. By respecting and cooperating with its rhythm, we can experience greater levels of energy and wellbeing, creativity and productivity.”

I encourage all women who are menstruating to become increasingly familiar and intimate with their cycles, especially those who are seeking to conceive.  It can be deeply empowering to know ourselves on such a deep level and to be able to navigate our lives in accordance with our deepest truth and insight. There is a blessing in what was once thought of to be a curse and I am delighted that ‘periods’ are being talked about so openly.

More next time on the ‘science’ of the menstrual cycle and of yoga to support the cycle. 

Glastonbury and the Goddess

It almost broke me, but at the same time it re-ignited my passion for womb yoga, and eased the Goddess back into my life, when I attended Uma Dinsmore-Tuli’s yoga workshop on fertility and menstruation in London recently.

It was perhaps a little ridiculous of me to book a day trip to London. The 7am red-eye flight to Gatwick will challenge most people, but when you have a 2-year old who likes to breastfeed during the night, well it was always going to be a little crazy getting up at 5.15am.

The fact we then spent the next 3 hours on the plane sat at Guernsey airport, due to fog in Gatwick, did not help matters. I was very aware of the Reiki principles of “do not anger” and “do not worry”, but this didn’t really ease my frustration. Fortunately, Paula, a sea swimming friend and yoga student, was working on the plane and reminded me that even getting frustrated was a waste of energy. She is right!

I decided that if the pilot had not managed to sort us a slot by 10.30am, I would bail on the whole ridiculous idea of a day trip to north London. There was beautiful sunny weather in Guernsey and I quite liked the idea of a swim in the sea, followed by a lovely and long yoga practice and a Yoga Nidra, with the children already being cared for by my lovely family.  Typically, the Captain got the all clear at 10.30am and that was that, we were soon airborne.

There followed a rush as I traipsed my way up to Angel, via the slow train to London Bridge, making it to the Life Centre, just before lunch. Typical! I felt a bit sorry for myself initially, there’s nothing worse than walking into a workshop extremely late, hot and dishevelled, but the chocolate on offer helped to lift my spirits and Planet Organic is located next door and they sell really yummy food.

The afternoon passed in a blur, with a 15-minute Yoga Nidra, a couple of hip circles and chatter about well, menstruation and fertility! I am sure I must have learned something new, but I have to be honest in saying that what I learned the most, was the fact I already know a lot about menstruation and fertility, having ‘worked’ and embodied elements of both in my own life over the years.

Eating disorders and excessive yoga practising play havoc with the menstrual cycle as I have discovered, cysts on ovaries also has an impact.  So I have been aware of the menstrual cycle for a while now, although I admit that it is wasn’t until a few years ago that I properly started to honour my cycle and notice how it is continuously guiding me. 

Of course I have first-hand experience of fertility issues too, and have written a book about this called Dancing with the Moon. I appreciate that my approach to fertility may not work for every woman, but I do sincerely believe that yoga can make a huge difference, and I wholeheartedly agree with Uma that the one thing that will help women with both fertility and menstrual issues is to practice Yoga Nidra daily. 

It was a long way to travel to recognise what I already know, but it was uplifting and inspiring to spend time with Uma all the same. She is extremely passionate about yoga for women in the form of womb yoga and of the healing and supportive benefits of Yoga Nidra (on which she leads trainings and is currently writing a book). Uma is also inspiring in that she stands truly in her power and is not afraid to speak her truth. 

I agree with much of what she says and know from my own experience that the practices work.  I totally agree with her especially when she says that most women are full of rage when they realise that the menstrual cycle is something to be embraced – this was a first for many of the women in the room, at least from what I could gather from their questioning, and I respected the manner in which Uma held the space for them to explore and begin the process of shifting their perspective on menstruation to something that is positive and to be honoured.

She also tried to raise awareness on the manner in which women don’t always question what they allow into their vaginas, something that played heavily on me during IVF and all the transvaginal ultrasound. She also echoed my own concerns about cervical smears and the benefit, if any, to be derived from these – this is becoming an increasingly talked about topic and I would urge you to do the research, and really check into your body wisdom. 

This really, is what Uma is trying to achieve – empowering women to check into their body wisdom and listen.i had a sense that Uma is juggling a number of balls at the moment, and yet the practices, especially the Yoga Nidra sustain her. She wouldn’t be able to do all she does otherwise. It’s her balance.

The day trip tipped my already tipped balance though! After a few months of juggling a number of balls, my passion for womb yoga and the Goddess may have been reinstilled, but there was a price to pay as exhaustion loomed! Fortunately, we had a family trip to Glastonbury booked for a few days later, and this couldn’t have arrived at a better timing. 

 2019 has been full-on so far.  It was perhaps ambitious of me to learn Ayurveda and Sanskrit this year, what with a young family but I had hoped that by giving up the finance job at Christmas, I may have had more time on my hands. No! My time now is spent dashing backwards and forwards from Elijah’s school. The downside of our unconscious and unintended ‘attachment’ approach to parenting, has resulted in attached children, to the extent that Elijah suffers with separation anxiety and has to come home for lunch each day.

Still, there have been positives to come from this.  I have started teaching yoga to the reception year children at his school, and I get to read to Elijah and some of his class in the library each week. I’m also getting fitter now that we’ve bought the bike trailer, to ease the amount of time spent in the car!

 All of this, however, with the yoga and the Reiki attunements of late as I attempt to do my bit to share my passion for both (and maybe help to make this world a better place to live), has made for a busy start to the year, and one in which I forgot somehow of the Goddess and all that she does to support us lovely ladies especially. So while Uma reminded me, it was our trip to Glastonbury that cemented the Goddess back in my life again – and what a relief!

In Glastonbury, well Baltonsborough to be exact, about 3 miles from the town itself, we were gifted with the opportunity to stay in a beautiful 100-year old house set on a couple of acres and owned by the lovely and welcoming in-laws of Olga, the lady who prepares all the yummy food on my Glastonbury retreats. 

The family were away on holiday so we had the place to ourselves, in exchange for Ewan pruning some of their trees.  There were views of the Tor in the distance, and the most beautiful and abundant birds visiting the bird table each day (we think a woodpecker visited, but neither of us are bird experts!). This place was a tonic for the soul and the boys just loved all the space to play and the outdoor toys and the trampoline.  

This was all enhanced for me, as Ewan being the wonderful partner he is, and appreciating my need for some ‘filling up’ as the cup was half full, looked after the boys on his own for an hour or so each day so I could enjoy all that Glastonbury had to offer. Usually I am teaching and holding space for others when we visit, so it was a treat to be able to truly receive instead (I always receive when in Glastonbury as it is the town that continuously gives, but you know what I mean!).

I fulfilled a dream of finally attending a full moon event at the Goddess Temple in town, and here I was treated to a crystal bowl sound bath with a lovely lady who was visiting town from Chicago.  I just love the sound of crystal singing bowls and I was transported right back to my first sound bath, over ten years ago now, in Byron, where we floated to the sound of these bowls.  I still have the CD somewhere; there’s nothing quite so rejuvenating for the soul.

The next day, I managed to make an evening class (an absolute treat when you have small children) held at the Goddess House and involving an hour of yoga and the harp. Amazing! If there’s anyone on Guernsey who plays the harp and would like to accompany me at a yoga class, then please let me know! It was an exquisite experience and divinely orchestrated as the pregnant lady who taught the class, Rebekah, had also been in London last week training with Uma (how we love a coincidence after Reiki attunements!) so the class was womb-yoga influenced and familiar to me in its approach. 

 Despite all these wonderful sessions, I was still feeling a little out of sorts the next day (a healing crisis from the last Reiki attunement I now realise), and so I booked a last minute appointment for an aromatherapy massage at the Goddess House. Unbeknown to me at the time of booking, the lady, Anna, is also a Reiki Master (you got to love a coincidence) as well as being a Priestess of Avalon. Anna invited the Lady of Avalon into the session, and I have to say this was a noticeable turning point for me.

How had I forgotten the Goddess?

I blame reading too many yogic texts, which I truly respect, but have a feeling are very masculine in energy and approach. Where are the yogic texts for women raising children?!

The energy of the Goddess permeates Glastonbury. She is everywhere. The town is filled with Priestesses and Witches and women trying to find their way. It’s a healing place I have no doubt, because the Lady of Avalon holds you well. The land itself is infused with her energy, you can’t help but drop into that space within yourself.

On our last day, I finally got to visit Shekinah Yoga Retreat Centre (used to be an ashram) where I joined Rebekah for a womb-yoga fuelled class, set to beautiful music and in the lovely yoga space that has been infused with the energy of years of practice and kirtan. I felt truly nourished. I also felt as if I had finally made a yoga connection in the town itself and am keen to return again – there’s kirtan at Shekinah each Friday evening, which I’m keen to one day attend. 

We then took our second pilgrimage up to the top of the Tor, Elijah rebelling against the flow, and finding his own steep way to the top. Back down again at the bottom of the Tor, Ewan and I cooled down with a nude dip in the White Spring.  Being in this dark cavern with candles providing limited light always has a positive effect on both of us. The water feels so clean, as if we are literally washing away negativity and emerging renewed and refreshed again – like coming out of the womb perhaps! Even Elijah has grown to appreciate this space and enjoys collecting the water from the spring, which is far nicer in taste that the iron red water from Chalice Wells across the road.

I left Glastonbury a little heavy hearted the next day simply because I love the energy of this place, the supposed heart chakra of the world, where I have made some really lovely connections. Still, I left knowing that we will be returning again in May for the Glastonbury yoga & wellbeing retreat, and that the energy of the Goddess returns back to Guernsey with me, in my heart (and in my womb), and having rewoven herself – fortunately – back into my life - I am grateful to the moon and the stars for orchestrating this, and for reminding me not to forget again!

If you’re feeling in need of some nourishment then I really encourage you to check out the free Yoga Nidras on my website, but also on www.yoganidranetwork.org, Uma has some wonderful ones on there. Also perhaps try out the practices detailed in Uma’s amazing book Yoni Shakti, which is available on Amazon. You might also book a trip to Glastonbury, you can stay at Shekinah Yoga Retreat Centre, which is just below the Tor, or perhaps join me on one of my Glastonbury Yoga & Wellbeing Retreats at Lower Coxbridge House – I’m biased but this is an incredible spot and the Goddess invites herself along to help hold the space; you can’t help but leave feeling touched by her energy! 

I’ll write more on both menstruation and fertility another time. But if you are experiencing issues with either, then do practice Yoga Nidra as often as you can (there’s one on the website for menstruation and fertility) and start charting your cycle. Make a note of how you feel at each stage and check what is going on with the moon cycle. Also try out the free yoga videos on the website for yoga for menstruation and yoga for fertility and see what happens if you practice these regularly for a whole month. Really get to know your body!

Thank you to Olga and the Parkers and to Ewan and the boys. Thank you also to Anna, Rebekah and the Lady of Avalon. and to the Goddess of the Moon for shining her light on the shadows.

Love Emma x

Spilling your guts - the solar plexus and boundaries

Following on from my previous blog posting, the connection between ‘boundaries’ and the gut fascinates me. The gut, and our digestive health (agni – digestive fire), has been the focus of much of my Ayurvedic training thus far, but I am by no means an expert and I’m quite sure my Ayurvedic doctor would not consider me, at this stage in my studies, well placed to write about Ayurveda from an academic perspective, but I can certainly share from my personal experience. 

 You see, our gut is not only the place where we digest our foodstuffs on a physical level, but it is also the place where we digest our thoughts, emotions and feelings on a mental level too. Both, the digestion of foodstuff and the digestion of thoughts, emotions and feelings, will impact on our physical and mental wellbeing. 

Thus our gut health is not simply about eating healthily, and it’s certainly not about just consuming gut enhancing pills and potions, and as much probiotic as you can get into it. It’s also about our mental health and the ability to digest and process our life experiences and integrate all parts of ourselves, especially our emotions and feelings. 

I was made incredibly aware of this last year when I undertook a Panchakarma session at the Ayurvedic Clinic. I’ve always been a fan of Ayurveda because, like yoga, it works! Both are based on ancient knowledge that has been tried and tested over thousands of years. Ayurveda is the science of life, and is a holistic health care system that considers the root cause of any imbalance.

I presented with an imbalance in my solar plexus, following umbilical hernia surgery, and I knew that there was some healing work to be done. I attended the Ayurvedic Clinic in Purley Oaks, near Gatwick, last March, for the Panchakarma, this following a skype consultation with my Ayurvedic doctor.

Panchakarma means five actions, and is a cleansing and rejuvenating program for the body, mind and consciousness - basically put, a sublime three-hours of various massages and oil treatments. My Panchakarma was centred on helping to address and heal my solar plexus, and the treatment was followed up with herbs, which I took for a good few months afterwards.   

The Panchakarma was as wonderful as ever, but it wasn’t until May, two months later, that I really felt the effect, and even then it wasn’t until the end of the summer, that I realised that what took place in May was in any way related to the Panchakarma. That’s the thing with Ayurveda, it’s powerful, and yet gentle in its unfolding, so it’s not until you look back that you notice the transformation. 

Basically, during May, I felt an overwhelming need to write. Writing is my preferred and natural way of processing, and at that time I was involved in editing Namaste(my book about my trek to Everest Base Camp), so it caught me by surprise this need to write, in addition to the editing. The need was so strong that I would spend a couple of hours each evening and/or early morning writing. I just had to get what was in my head (or gut, as I later realised) onto paper; I had to get it out!

I was consumed for the entire month, and ended up writing a 90,000-word manuscript. I had no idea that I was still holding on to so much of my past, and that it was held in my gut, right in my solar plexus! This holding comprised years and years of thoughts, feelings and emotions, right back to childhood, that I had not processed or made sense of at the time. 

All these feelings and emotions had sat there in my gut all those years, undigested and festering, much like foodstuff that isn’t digested. It is perhaps no surprise I had ended up with a hernia, right there, in the very centre of my solar plexus as I tried to keep everything tightly in!  It didn’t help that I’d had my belly button pierced in my early twenties, disrupting the flow of subtle energy in this sensitive area of the body (my Ayurvedic doctor strongly discourages piercings here!). 

While the writing gave me the opportunity to process and digest all the undigested stuff, I still found myself holding onto it.  I didn’t realise I was doing this, but I had it in mind that I might turn my writings into something that others may read. It seemed that I wasn’t prepared to just let it go without giving it yet more energy. I felt that maybe my life experiences, or the sharing of my life experiences, may help others who may find themselves in similar life situations.

However, after setting my ‘manuscript’ aside from a few months, I started to have a few doubts. Was the solar plexus outpouring, poured out to be shared.  Did I need to spill my guts to the world? And to what end anyway, did people need to know my every life experience, did I need to share to prove that healing had taken place? Did I need to give so much of myself away? And did I need to continue to inform my present by continuously talking about my past? 

Fast forward another few months and I happened upon a yoga video on Yoga International, where the teacher talked about students having an awareness of drawing the tummy in during asana practice, to prevent the guts spilling out. This made me laugh, because I had been trying to teach this notion in class, and yet, I had been missing the point in my own life.

Rather than repeat my, “try not to stick your tummy out and give your power away” approach, I replaced this in class recently, with the “draw your tummy in so you don’t spill your guts” approach instead. Needless to say, this was met with much groaning and laughter.  Those are powerful words!

 ‘Spilling our guts’ means to tell everything secret or private about our lives - one may ‘spill their guts’ and offload whatever is bothering them about their job or their relationship with their partner, for example. Essentially it means giving more of ourselves than we would ordinarily do, giving our power away and potentially leading to increased feelings of vulnerability and disempowering ourselves in the process – think poor boundaries. 

I’m sure many have had the experience of drinking too much alcohol and offloading our inner-most truth to others, sometimes complete strangers, only to wake up the next day and almost cringe, wondering what we said and to whom, and questioning why we said it in the first place!  There can follow an extremely uncomfortable few hours, or indeed day, and our solar plexus may feel decidedly unhappy, our gut filled with increased anxiety and paranoia - it’s those kind of feelings that may arise when we ‘spill our guts’. 

However, for others, ‘spilling our guts’ can be a cathartic release, an opportunity to let go of what has been held onto, lightening the load so to speak.  It can be an opportunity to let go of shame and any of those other horrible feelings that in themselves, eat away at us on the inside. But there is a fine line between healthy releasing and the sharing of our feelings, and unhealthy releasing which can lead to feelings of intense and gut-wrenching insecurity and vulnerability. 

This leads me to the solar plexus, which is the energy centre that comprises the gut. Centred around the navel, the solar plexus, is an extremely complex chakra, and one that people often overlook in their quest to open their hearts and ground their feet, let alone those seeking spiritual expansion who focus solely on their crown chakra. It is my experience that to expand, we need to have an awareness of all our chakras, and we absolutely need to work with the solar plexus – it’s at our very core.

The Sanskrit name for the solar plexus means, ‘jewel in the city’ and the jewel it refers to is the mind.  When the solar plexus is in balance, the mind is also in balance.  We are in control of ourselves and the challenges and decisions that we face in life.   Furthermore, a balanced solar plexus means that we are discerning, disciplined and assertive, and we face life’s challenges with courage and integrity.  

Furthermore, our ego will no longer need continual gratification.  We will discover a moderation in thought and action; we are able to listen to people without being overwhelmed by them. We instinctively find a comfortable relationship with the world.  Our character becomes gemlike: solid, multifaceted, filed with life. I like to think of a ball of crystal clear quartz; clear about who it is and the qualities that it brings to the world, potentially like us. 

As a comparison, an overly dominant solar plexus leads to bullying, egotistical and aggressive behaviour.  These people believe they are always right and get angry easily, and seek to control others through their anger. A weak solar plexus, on the other hand, results in depression, guilt and lack of confidence; it becomes hard for us to see our life clearly, leading to feelings of heightened vulnerability.

I can certainly relate to all this from my own life experience and also from working with people through both Reiki and yoga. My mind – the jewel – was depressed for much of my twenties until I found yoga. As I shared in my previous blog posting, my boundaries were poor and my solar plexus weak. I lacked discernment and discipline – I had zero willpower, especially when it came to addictions (smoking!), and making positive life changes.

Furthermore, my gut was constantly challenged. I was often bloated and constipated, not digesting food properly. This was heightened due to poor diet choices as a result of an eating disorder which had plagued me since I was 17 years old - but I’ve no doubt it was also due to all the unprocessed ‘stuff’ I was carrying in my gut. It is only as I look back, I see so clearly the correlations between my mental state and my solar plexus. The fact I suffered with gallstones and had to have my gallbladder removed at the age of 21 only further illustrates this (the liver and gallbladder form part of the ‘solar plexus’).

I have worked with a number of people with Reiki, who have suffered with depression and anxiety and they shared a commonality – a big black hole in their solar plexus.  It felt to me that they had had the life force sucked out of them, and their mind was suffering as a result of this. I see it showing up in yoga too; you can tell so much about someone’s mental state and the manner in which they are living their lives, by watching their bodies and how they move on their mats.  

I have learned the hard way, that because the solar plexus is the centre of the intellect and decision-making, it is important for the health and development of this chakra that we make our own choices, rather than have them made for us. The development of the solar plexus is hindered if we have a feeling of powerlessness in life – and yet, the lack of development of the solar plexus will create a feeling of powerlessness, so it is tricky to make the changes!

One way we can work with the solar plexus is through our yoga practice. Even just noticing the solar plexus and the manner in which we relate to this area of our body during an asana practice can make a difference.  Do we have an awareness of our centre, or do we allow it to almost flop out into the world? Or perhaps we hold onto it so tightly, that there’s no room for release and movement? Do we try to ignore our tummy, or do we embrace it, fat and all?

Can we breathe diaphragmatically, with awareness of the expansion of the tummy on each inhalation, and the release on each exhalation; can we both give and receive? We can take the awareness from our practice out into our day to day life. What people and situations are we attracting? Are our relationships healthy and nourishing? Can we say no when we don’t want to do something, and how does this make us feel? Do we feel guilty without any specific reason?

Of course it is very easy to try to overlook any imbalance, to drift off in a yoga class, for example, when reference is made to the tummy and our solar plexus.  Sometimes it is easier to pretend that there isn’t any imbalance, than to begin the process of unravelling, of opening the can of worms, so to speak, and looking into the shadows in our gut, more honestly.

However, the more we ignore the solar plexus, the more we will continue to experience the symptoms of the imbalance, not only physically (think dodgy digestion, bloating, constipation, candida etc.) but also mentally (think unsettled mind, depression, sense of vulnerability, anxiety etc.), and thus the more the imbalance will impact on the quality of our relationships and the manner in which we interact with the world.  

I’m biased but in addition to yoga, Reiki offers a marvellous way to release what might be unnecessarily held in this chakra. Ki massage (energetic shifting) too, can encourage us to look into the shadows and bring to light any denial (buried stuff), and the manner in which this is unconsciously impacting on our day to day life. It almost goes without saying that Ayurveda can be hugely helpful too. 

The healing work I have undertaken on the solar plexus has certainly lightened the load and helped me to establish healthier boundaries. This has been key and I have become much more discerning as a consequence, which in itself has been liberating, and priorities have changed. 

It’s not easy though. Working with the solar plexus demands courage. But then it can give us so much courage in the process of working with it. It’s a potentially life changing process, which positively impacts on all levels, giving us a greater sense of what is healthy, and the manner in which people may try to manipulate us and take our power away. Essentially, it helps us to learn not to take on anyone else’s crap leaving them deal with that, and just look after our own crap instead (quite literally, but that’s a whole other story!).

Boundaries

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about personal boundaries and the manner in which our ability to create healthy boundaries has the potential to improve the quality of our lives, our relationships and general wellbeing. 

Then I bumped into a friend the other day who shared with me that she was having boundary issues with a colleague, and that she needed to tighten these.  This didn’t come as a surprise to me, as I had watched from afar and was curious to see where their working relationship was headed as there was an imbalance in the energy. 

I had a sense that my friend was giving away some part of herself, without necessarily realising that she was doing it, and disempowering herself in the process. So in many respects it was heartening to hear that my friend had recognised this, and further highlighted the tricky nature of boundaries in any relationship, personal or otherwise.

For as long as I can remember I have always had a tendency towards poor boundaries and a weak solar plexus (the seat of our ability to create healthy boundaries). Before yoga came into my life, I used to suffer with depression and my solar plexus was like a dark and deep empty hole; the life force had been sucked from it. I was insecure, anxious, vulnerable, disempowered and I lacked the ability to say no. 

As a result, I ended up getting into relationships I didn’t want to be in, I took jobs I didn’t want to take, I attended social events I didn’t want to attend, I studied for exams I had no interest in taking, I spent my spare time doing things that I didn’t want to do like umpiring netball matches, playing softball, making up numbers in charity sports events, and meeting people for coffee who held little interest to me, just because my solar plexus was weak and my boundaries poor – I couldn’t speak my truth and say no!

Unfortunately, each time I did something that I didn’t want to do, not only did I get angry and frustrated at myself, sinking my spirit even further, but it felt like a part of soul withered too.  The combination of irritation at myself and the fact I was spending my time doing things that I didn’t want to do, just served to further disempower me, and my solar plexus became weaker and weaker as a result.

 It wasn’t only my inability to say no that was damaging; my boundaries were poor. I constantly gave too much of myself to others. I have always had this strong sense of truth, but I didn’t understand that being truthful didn’t mean that you had to share your secrets and innermost private thoughts with the world. I felt this rather ridiculous need to tell everyone everything, including the ins and outs of my relationships and the dramas that accompanied this. 

Furthermore, because my solar plexus was so wide open (or that’s how I imagine it in my head, like this bit gaping hole) that it attracted lots of energy vampires, eager for a piece of me. There were many toxic friends in my life back then. People who thrived on my insecurity and the fact that they could so easily manipulate and control me. 

 I was a lost soul adrift. Unconsciously I had given all my power away. There was nothing left.

 Fortunately, yoga came into my life and saved me and I am grateful to the yogic teachings for this. I am passionate about yoga for this very reason - because it actually works! It changes lives and makes life worth living, and that counts for everything when you once considered that perhaps there was no point to any of it. 

The journey that yoga has taken me on, coupled with the magic of Reiki, has helped me in so many different ways, but it has especially helped to strengthen my solar plexus, enabling me to establish healthier boundaries and find the strength to say no. The practices also helped me to recognise the manner in which I was giving my power away.  This didn’t happen overnight and it is an ongoing process of learning and discovery!

When I first started teaching yoga and practicing Reiki, I didn’t even know what boundaries were. It wasn’t a subject, or a concept that was discussed or taught on my various trainings. Perhaps it was assumed, I don’t know, but when I look back I laugh at my naivety and the manner in which I so easily exhausted myself by not having effective boundaries in place.

I have always been so keen to help people, that I didn’t consider the impact that my ‘trying to help people’ may have on me. An hour’s Reiki treatment would turn into 2 hours or maybe 3 hours as I sat there listening to clients offload onto me.  I wasn’t even aware at the time of the ‘hands on, hands off’ approach that I have since learned, in so much as once the session has finished, then its time to switch off, you don’t then ‘carry’ the client with you. 

Instead, I would ‘carry’ them, weighing myself down, thinking about them and their issues and doing what I could to help support them, long after the session had finished. The often thin line between client and practitioner would blur, and I would end up in the dangerous territory of creating some form of dependence, and confusing the client/practitioner relationship with one of friendship – only that it was never true friendship, as it was never two-way.

 It was the same with yoga. I was a classic caretaker I later discovered, trying to care take people’s problems, do the healing for them, ease their pain. It’s not healthy, and I did finally crash and burn. We only have the capacity to hold so much, and the more we do for others, the more we might question what we are avoiding in ourselves. Why do we need to feel needed? What unfulfilled needs are we ignoring in ourselves?

 Over the years I have learned (and continue to learn) that we need to take care of ourselves first and foremost and in particular, ensure a healthy solar plexus. We can do this in many ways, but from my perspective, yoga, Reiki, ki massage (shadow work) and Ayurveda have all been extremely helpful.  We also need to be mindful of our boundaries and the manner in which we give ourselves away to others (including our children and other family members, let alone colleagues).

We need to find the courage to say no. We also need to find the strength to stand up for what we believe in, and to honour our truth and our inner knowing. We need to walk away from relationships that don’t nourish us, and have no qualms in leaving jobs that deplete us. It’s about discernment and taking ourselves seriously, and it’s about connecting to our gut too, and listening to it - more on this next time…

Healing and responsibility

I’ve been questioning a lot of different things recently as my life shifts from one way of being to another, and so my perspective has had to shift accordingly.

Amongst other things I have been questioning the quest for healing, and whether we ever reach a conclusion, and to what end anyway. This has tied in a little with my questioning of addictions and the manner in which these show up in our lives and indeed influence our lives and the lives of those with whom we interact regularly (more on that another time).

 It has crossed my mind that healing can become an addiction all in itself. I wondered whether maybe this isn’t a bad thing, because it’s perhaps better than being addicted to cocaine or some other drug (illegal or legal for that matter), but then I considered that perhaps it comes back to intention. 

Is the intention truly to heal, to address our pain and suffering directly, in the quest to improve our relationship with self, with others and our life generally?  Or is it to go through the motions, but never truly do the work, that can be both rewarding but also deeply challenging, uncomfortable and blinking painful? 

Are we being honest with yourselves, or are we clinging on to our denial? Are we doing the talk, but not the walk? Are we kind of going there, but then not really feeling into it on any level, just reading the books, attending the classes and yet avoiding the actual work? Do we have our feet on the Earth, or are we floating in the ether, neither here not there, in our spiritual bubble of love, light and peace? Are we truly practicing or spiritually bypassing?

This led me to question the point of it anyway. There’s a whole generation and more who don’t even question the need to heal.  Sure, something goes wrong and they get sick, but even then, they don’t actually take any responsibility. This is perhaps one of the main downsides to the Western approach to health (other than the manner in which doctors are increasingly becoming puppets for the pharmaceutical industry), the fact that people frequently put doctors on God-like pedestals and assume that they will be doing the healing for them…with drugs provided by the pharmaceutical industry.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have friends who are doctors and I think they’re great, but I certainly wouldn’t want their job. Imagine that level of responsibility weighing down on you daily.  You are the one who is meant to heal everyone! And you’re meant to achieve this in the ten minutes that you have allotted to you to spend with that ‘patient’ (patiently waiting to be healed!). Yet, as we in the holistic world know, only we can truly heal ourselves.  No one can do it for us.  Yet there are so many who overlook this.

Sure doctors can give you drugs, that’s often what they do right? It’s expected that they give drugs, and many patients will get very upset if drugs are not given to them following a doctor’s visit. Yet drugs don’t always get to the root cause of any imbalance or dis-ease. They might help address the symptoms, but does that mean that they actually heal?

 Studying Ayurveda is making me increasingly aware of the discrepancies between the various healing models and the need for responsibility. Do we truly take responsibility for our own health or are we always looking outside of ourselves to hand that responsibility to someone else?  Do we hold our doctor responsible for our health?  Or society?  Or the government? 

When we get sick, do we take responsibility even then? Do we question why we ended up with the dis-ease that we are now suffering? 

 I truly believe that mostly all ailments and dis-ease in the body have an emotional and/or mental and/or spiritual element to it.  I don’t believe you can separate to the physical alone. But the trouble is, the Western model tends to focus solely on the physical – although fortunately these days there is greater awareness of how, for example, stress may manifest in the body, let alone anxiety and other ‘mental’ disorders. Perhaps this is the reason so many have turned to yoga in the last few years.

E and I were discussing this earlier, because a member of my family has been diagnosed with an eye condition, which apparently, accordingly to my optician, puts me more at risk of developing this condition too. I don’t buy into this at all. I mean I get the fact that we have a genetic disposition towards certain characteristics – we might inherit hair and eye colour, let alone personality traits, so why wouldn’t we also inherit the ‘bad’ stuff like suppressed anger and alcoholism, or eye issues, for example.

But I don’t believe that because one family member has something then we will get it too. There is always a chance, but many of the conditions are created by that particular individual due to the manner in which they have been living their life, and the lack of healing work (ancestral and otherwise) to address this imbalance.  Thus if we live our life differently, if we do the ancestral healing too, then we have every right to choose a path free from dis-ease and suffering.

However, if a doctor or an optician tells us that we have a genetic disposition to something, then there is a high chance that we might create it, not only by the law of attraction and creating that to which we give energy (thought, notion or otherwise), but also because we might give away our responsibility top look after our own health – “because we’re going to get it (whatever ‘it’ is) anyway”. Who knows what might happen, but the odds may well be stacked more in favour of history repeating itself if we buy into what others are telling us and perpetuate the ancestral line.  

The idea of healing ancestral stuff fascinates me.  Many will think it completely crazy and every so slightly batty, but it was a notion introduced to me by a German yoga teacher and massage therapist and somatic healer many years ago now. She had a sense that the German people very much lived with the weight of two world wars in their genetic make up. They took on a seriousness, and their bodies very much told the story, and so it was passed from one generation down to the next and will continue until healing takes place.

I have a sense that there’s many a women carrying the trauma of the witch hunting’s. Lisa Lister might have talked about this in her book ‘Witches’ about the deep mistrust that women often have for one another still to this day, based on the fact that back in the day, they were often forced to tell on their fellow witchery friends to protect their own lives. I always remember a Guernsey wiccan lady who lives in Australia, telling me that she used to get shivers down her spine and feel desperately uncomfortable walking past certain areas in town and she was convinced this was from the witch hunts and hangings. 

 I’ve always questioned the reason my Mum and I always over cater.  It’s probably partly learned behaviour, but I’ve always wondered if it might be because my Grandmother lived in Guernsey during the Occupation when food was so scarce, and my Grandfather in the military police serving in Europe. For ever after my Grandparents would stockpile tins of food at their home, the cupboards were always overflowing, and they would both always over-eat and over-cater, as if to counter the scarcity they had previously experienced, and so that fear has transferred itself down the ancestral line. My Mum and I both have a fear of not having enough food in the house!

So ancestry aside, healing becomes key and leads me back to my original questioning. It is very easy to get caught up in the notion of healing for healing’s sake. There is also perhaps – dare I say – a narcissistic undertone sometimes, in that we can get so caught up in our need for healing and self-care (whatever that actually means) that we overlook the needs of others in our lives and put ourselves on our own little (or big!) healing pedestal. Furthermore, ‘healing’ work and ‘self-care’ (whatever that actually means, I’ll repeat that again) can just be an excuse to bypass from the world – to avoid taking responsibility.

Which leads me right back to sort of where I started, well sort of, in my questioning of healing and the point to it all really. The word that keeps coming up is responsibility. Healing has the potential to help us to take responsibility for our own health and wellbeing.  It means trying to understand the reason behind the dis-ease or the ailment. It means looking beyond the symptoms and trying to make changes that might support that underlying reason.

 It’s about trying to get to the root, and weeding that out. This might involve a change in the way that we’re living our life, whether that be the food that we put into our mouths, the job that we do, the thoughts that we think, the relationships we keep, or the trauma that we hold on to from our childhood, or from our ancestral line before you. I’m continuously reminded of my favourite quote, “if we always do what we do, then we’ll always get what we always got”.

However awful pain may be, it is often (but maybe not always) a messenger to show us that change is needed, at least if we want a different outcome in the future.  We can’t keep doing the same thing and expect change. It’s us who need to make the change.  Healing work can facilitate this.  It can shift the energy, that might shift the emotion, that might shift the behaviour pattern, that might shift the physical sensation or ailment.  Or perhaps you start with the physical, and this shifts things for you on every other level.  

It doesn’t matter how you approach it, but it does require responsibility. Responsibility for our own health and wellbeing and for getting to the bottom of things. It does require that we let go of blame and the victimhood mentality and stop making excuses, “but I can’t…because I don’t want to give up…”. The buck stops with us ultimately.  This realisation, and embodiment can often be the healing that is needed to make the change, and to begin experiencing greater health, wellbeing and an empowered way of living.

I am aware by the way, that healing doesn’t always mean getting better. But it does mean easing our pain and suffering, whether that is to continue living in this world as we know it, or to pass on more peacefully to another one.

I also don’t claim to be an expert incidentally, or right necessarily, I just started questioning. I’ve spoken to a few people in the healing field, but it wasn’t until tonight, when I noticed this quote staring out at me in the Earth Pathways diary that my Mum bought me from Chalice Wells, that I got the answer I had been seeking…

"To focus on healing in this climate is an act of powerful, political rebellion. It is an act of spiritual revolution. To heal is to be a conscientious objector to the culture of war we inhabit as normality. To heal is to bring more life force to our planet. To deepen your understanding of our connection to the earth and other people. To inhabit your body more fully. To look life and death squarely in the eye. To get out of the denial and silence and shame and invisibility that you have been taught makes you good. To embody the feminine more fully and reject the toxic masculinity to dominate. This is anything but selfish. To heal is to offer a profound act of service - one which will ripple up and down your family lineage, out into your community and into the world beyond you." Healing Revolution by Lucy Pearce.

Happy healing!

xx

Getting into nature - an antidote to anxiety?

I’m a big fan of retreating into the wild and just taking a bit of time out from the rest of the world, especially the online world.

It has become popular these days, the whole re-wilding thing, and with good reason, because there is something deeply grounding, healing and uplifting about spending time in the great outdoors.

There is this sense that the more we connect with nature, the more we recognise our own true nature, and step more fully into the more authentic version of ourselves, into the more authentic version of what it means to be alive in this world, and to be a part of this world, not separate from it.

I’m become increasingly aware recently of the number of people, students especially, who suffer with anxiety.  I’ve experienced bouts of this over the years, less so since I’ve been practicing yoga, but there have been moments, often healing crises, when I’m reminded of how debilitating it is to feel anxious.

 Anxiety manifests in so many different ways.  For some it may be that awful uncomfortable and edgy feeling in the tummy, for others it might be a racing heart and heart pain, and yet for others it can create dizziness, and that overwhelming feeling of, well overwhelm.  There will be some physical sensation, but there will also be a racing mind, too many thoughts and a sense of not being able to cope with daily life. 

 I can only all from my own experience, but I do know that the last time I had a bad bout of anxiety, quite a few years now, the thing that finally helped to heal me was not only getting my hands in the earth but was getting in the sea – basically it was getting into nature.

Often anxiety comes from feeling separate, feeling very alone, and very disconnected from everyone else, and from the land.  It can be a very isolating experience, ironically based on the feeling of being isolated. 

 The answer is often to ground, ground, ground, and being in nature provides the opportunity to ado just this

There can be much more to it and I appreciate that everyone is different and I can only talk from my own experiences. Often anxiety is underpinned by FEAR, namely False Evidence Appearing Real, and the behaviour patterns and thought processes that accompany this.  It’s all an illusion but can feel very real when our mind has decided that there is a reason to feel fear and anxiety often results from this - fear of upsetting someone, fear of messing up, fear of something bad happening to us, fear of an imagined event, fear of so anything behind our control, and on the list goes…

 Re-wilding can certainly ease the anxious feelings. We’re spoilt here in Guernsey, in that the Island is wild!  The south coast provides an incredible opportunity to connect with, and experience the elements with the cliffs and the magnificent sea crashing onto the rocks below (well when there is a swell!).

 We’re also spoilt because we have Lihou on our doorstep.  Lihou is a tiny island that is connected to Guernsey by a causeway at high tide.  You can hire the house on the island, which is a hostel and offers 2 double rooms and 5 dormitories (I think).

E and I stayed there on our own, pre-children, when the snowy owl was visiting.  It was really special as we literally walked upon him on one of our walks and all the while there were keen bird watchers with their long lenses trying to get a shot of him from the coast on Guernsey!

We’ve stayed a number of times since then with friends and family, but last weekend we stayed just the 4 of us, E, me and the 2 boys. It was great, there is nothing quite as wonderful as the tide coming up and knowing that you are cut off from Guernsey for the night, on your own little island.

 We managed a swim in the Venus pool before the tide got to high – OK perhaps it was a dip in and out, I did go in twice though! The house was cold – there is certainly some sense in visiting in the summer, but we lit the log burning stove and wrapped up in blankets. The industrial size kitchen is a challenge when you’re cooking for so few, as the stove is powerful and the saucepans etc. are huge, but I managed, and the children even ate some of their meal!

 It was a joy to wake and have the Island still to ourselves, high tide and a swim in the sea certainly woke us up.  We walked around the island a few times collecting plastic and washed up crab pots from the beaches, and watched the birds and searched for the Lihou seal – we didn’t see him sadly!

 We watched the tide drop and the causeway clear, and felt like time itself had slowed down.  There is no TV on Lihou and no WIFI, so you’re encouraged to get outside or to sit in the sun lounge and watch the sea and the birds instead. There are plenty of books in the house and a few games if you get bored.

I can hugely recommend a night in Lihou to slow life down and help you reconnect with nature.  You can’t help but leave feeling more grounded, centred and in touch with the elements.  I have a sense that if you suffered with anxiety upon arrival then this would ease by the time you left. 

There are other ways too. Practising yoga can certainly help and I’m aware that a grounding practice and conscious and calming breathing can really make a difference. But truly, getting into the nature can make a huge difference - I’m biased but swimming the sea and getting your feet on the sand, well I do wonder if that’s the reason sea swimming has become so popular, it gets you in the elements and helps you to connect more fully with your own rue nature and feel very alive in the process!

Shifting awareness

"In addition to creating new cultural establishments, we must enable our very mode of being to evolve. But I do not mean something implausible or fanciful. I mean what simply amounts to growing up. Rather than becoming something other-than-human or superhuman, we are summoned to become fully human. We must mature into people who are, first and foremost, citizens of Earth and residents of the universe, and our identity and core values must be recast accordingly. This kind of maturation entails a quantum leap beyond the stage of development in which the majority of people live today. And yet we must begin now to engender the future human". - Nature and the Human Soul by Bill Poltkin.

This quote fits really well with how I feel life is unfolding, at least, with the new year and the current spiritual paradigm shift.  I have a real sense that it is no longer about us.  Obviously we’re important, but it has to be about something much greater than ourselves, it has to be about the collective.  And this isn’t just in the sense of ‘airy-fairy-spiritual-fluffiness-oneness-in service-it’s all just about love and light-talk’, but about how we each impact on this world, and how we can all make a positive contribution by living a life on/of purpose.

It means setting aside our own ego-centric agendas for fame and fortune and the need to ‘be someone’, and to instead just ‘be’ our authentic selves, offering our gifts to the world for the greater good.  It also means setting aside the self-depreciating ego that says we have nothing to give and that we are not worthy.  It is also time to set aside the many stories, to exit the victimhood, the martyrdom and the various other roles we play (blaming others goes in there too) and to take absolute responsibility for our lives and the manner in which we react to, and/or perceive things to be.

It’s time to stop putting others on pedestals (especially spiritual ones) and to stop putting ourselves on them too.  It is also time to stop believing that anyone else is any worthier than us, and that we are any worthier than others.  We are all citizens of this wonderful Planet Earth and we all have a gift to share and we need to get on sharing it for the greater good of everyone else. 

It’s also of course about connecting more fully (perhaps for the first time) with nature.  To recognise that we are the microcosm of the macrocosm. It is time to notice the moon cycle and how this affects our own cycle, to notice the weather and the impact this has on our day to day lives, to notice the fruits and vegetables that are in season and when, to notice the changing seasons and the shifting light, and the manner in which both affect how we feel.  

It’s about becoming conscious really. About reducing separation. Not seeing ourselves as separate to the world we live in. We are very much a part of it, and what we do will impact on some level.

I have a strong sense that we are being propelled along in this direction anyway.  There’s going to be plenty of planetary shifts and eclipses this year to try and awaken us further from our slumber, and to help us to recognise that the current way of living is not sustainable and doesn’t work.  There does need to be a huge shift in the collective awareness, but of course this happens one person at a time. 

If ever there was a time to stand up for what we believe in, then it is now. Reducing our plastic usage is not enough, although it does help.  It has to be so much more than this. It has to be about doing the healing work, and bringing light to the shadows.  No more getting stuck in the spiritual ego or spiritually bypassing, but being truly honest and real.

Hopefully this doesn’t sound preachy as that’s not my intention.  But I must admit I have been getting a touch challenged by all the spiritual waffle that seemed to increase last year, as if being spiritually ‘awake’ Is now a badge of honour, and entitles you to join ‘awake’ groups on Facebook, creating yet more division and separation. 

 Wake up people! We are all one. And we live on the same Planet. And if we want the Planet to heal, we need to heal ourselves and reduce our sense of separation. That means going inwards. Joining a Facebook “conscious’ group or posting about being ‘awake’ isn’t going to make the difference (that my friends is the spiritual ego kicking in). Nor is merely talking about it. You need to do the work! Delve right in!

We also need to honour the soul. The soul is constantly trying to get our attention through the body. That ache or pain you’re feeling? That’s the soul trying to get you to listen. The soul doesn’t want you to opt out, it too wants you to dive right in. It wants expression! So do what you can to quieten the inner noise and distraction, and allow it some expression. 

 Needless to say I’m biased, but yoga is often exactly what is needed. Not only does yoga help to quieten the mind and allow the soul expression (a voice even) but each time we practice yoga, everyone benefits because our vibration increases and as we are part of the whole, the vibration of the whole planet increases.  This explains the reason that the more we heal, the more the Planet heals too.  We all become clearer and cleaner conduits for the greater whole.

Furthermore, as yoga helps us to connect more fully with our true nature, so it also helps us to connect more fully with nature. Yoga is about union - union of body, mind and soul, and union with nature and the Planet in which we inhibit. We are not separate and this is what we need to realise.

Other than yoga, I’m also going to suggest a sound bath, one of my favourite (after Reiki) healing modalities.  We are spoiled here on Guernsey to have Sabine and her amazing sound gongs and Ariana visiting who uses her voice and Tibetan singing bowls. Both are profound in their own way. Both give the mind a break. Both resonate with the soul in a very real way. Both have a deep resonance with nature.

Of course the healing list could go on. There are crystals and sea swimming and walks in nature, to say nothing of getting your hands in the earth and preparing a meal using fresh ingredients consciously for your family with love.

For now I shall leave you with an extract from Bill Plotkin’s book, Nature and the Soul, “ …how we might grow whole, one life stage at a time, by embracing nature and soul as our wisest and most trustworthy guides. This model for individual human development ultimately yields a strategy for cultural transformation, a way of progressing from our current egocentric societies (materialistic, anthropocentric, competition based, class stratified, violence prone, and unsustainable) to soul centric ones (imaginative, ecocentric, cooperation based, just, compassionate, and sustainable).”

Happy New Year!