The womb - is she calling you?

Probably because I have written a book about fertility, pregnancy and birth, I am often asked for insight into what might help women with their menstrual or fertility issues, or how to heal after suffering a miscarriage.

I’m certainly no expert, and while I am keen to share all I have learned, I am very aware that this is a result of listening to my body wisdom and honouring that inner guidance, and this may very well not work for other women who have their own body wisdom.

Plus, I am also very aware that menstrual and fertility issues, and the quest to conceive and give birth to new life, is a huge journey for us and often one of awakening, so there will be our own unique lessons to learn in the process.

Still, regardless of all our uniqueness, there is one commonality - something that I am keen to share with women, and it is this…honour your womb.

It wasn’t until I undertook our first round of IVF that I became aware of the significance of the womb in terms of growing new life and the need for this to be a super cosy and nourishing environment for a baby to grow.

I ended up with placenta previa during that first pregnancy, which means that the placenta (an organ attached to the lining of the womb, which keeps your unborn baby’s blood supply separate from your own and is connected to the baby by the umbilical cord) was totally covering the cervix (the narrow-neck like passage forming the lower end of the womb), which meant that I wouldn’t be able to birth vaginally.

I was very angry about this both during the pregnancy and beyond and it wasn’t until I met the wonderful Jo de Diepold Braham, that I realised the extent of the resentment that I was still carrying in my womb (let alone the scarring from the Caesarean Section) eighteen-months after the birth.

I’d gone to see Jo, an osteopath, to have my neck sorted, and instead ended up with her guiding me into my womb, which was dark and murky and most definitely not in a good state.  Given that E and I were thinking of going through another round of IVF, I had a sense that I needed to do some significant healing here.

I started seeing Jo regularly for Ki massage.  Jo is the most intuitive healer that I have had the pleasure to meet, and the way she works, by taking you into your body and helping to shift energy, resonates massively with my approach to healing. You can find Jo at the Natural Health Clinic twice a month in Guernsey and I strongly recommend you see her if you need any healing womb or otherwise.

Into my life at this time also arrived the wonderful Dr Uma Dinsmore-Tuli with her incredible book Yoni Shakti: A Woman’s Guide to Power and Freedom Through Yoga and Tantra, which all yoginis should have beside their mats. Also the inspiring Dr Christiane Northrup and her marvellous book Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom, which should be a reference book for all women at all stages of life.  A little later in came Lisa Lister too with Code Red, which absolutely every menstruating lady should be referring to for monthly menstrual insights.  

There was this whole new world that opened up to me and I started to see the womb in a whole different perspective.

The womb

The womb, or uterus as it is formally called, is a hollow muscular organ of the female reproductive system that is responsible for the development of the embryo and foetus during pregnancy.  It is approximately the shape and size of a pear and sits in an inverted position within the pelvis. 

An incredible distensible organ, the womb can expand during pregnancy from the size of a closed fist to become large enough to hold a full term baby. It is also incredibly strong, able to contract forcefully to propel a full term baby out of the body during childbirth. 

However, the womb is so much more than this!

It is also the seat of our creativity, not least in creating new life, but in helping us to create the life of our dreams, and connects us to our deepest knowing.

As Uma writes: “The very term yoni sakti locates the place of power [sakti] in our own bodies, in our yoni, a term that means both cunt or vulva, and womb or source. Yoni also means home, or place of rest. It is in and through the yoni that we encounter our connection to deeper knowledge, or blood wisdom. The term blood wisdom conveys a sense of the profound experience of ‘knowing already’, or recognising, sometimes not always so clearly, that this deep wisdom is present as a spirituality in our lifeblood. The understanding of blood wisdom is that in our very cells, in our wombs, this knowing has never really been absent, and all that has been denied is access to the living consciousness of the true wealth that this wisdom brings, not just for women but for the whole planet.  She is a deep and tender inner teacher. What she teaches is freedom.”

Certainly since honouring my womb with the greatest reverence for all she knows, and all she can reveal, my life has changed significantly. I started writing again, a passion which had lay dormant for many years, and I haven’t really stopped since, even managing to write a book (which you can purchase here).  I have also felt an incredible sense of freedom and have had a greater connection to my own wisdom and all that this needs to reveal. Of course there is always work to be done, but connecting with my womb has made a huge difference.

This is the reason, that when women are experiencing some issues with the womb space, in whatever way that may be, I am always keen to encourage them to begin their work here.

As Dr Northrup writes: “The uterus is related energetically to a woman’s innermost sense of self and her inner world. It is symbolic of her dreams and the selves to which she would like to give birth. Its state of health reflects her inner emotional reality and her belief in herself at the deepest level. The health of the uterus is at risk if a woman doesn’t believe in herself, is excessively self-critical or is putting too much of her energy into a dead-end job or relationship”.

So perhaps there is some change that occurs when we begin working with the womb, and perhaps this is confronting at times, but also a necessity.

As Dr Northrup further writes: “The health of the pelvic organs (ovaries, tubes and womb) depends upon a woman feeling able, competent, or powerful to create financial and emotional abundance and stability, and to express her creativity fully. She must be able to feel good about herself and about her relationships with other people in her life. Relationships that she finds stressful and limiting, and which she feels she has no control over, on the other hand, may adversely affect her internal pelvic organs. Thus, if a woman stays in an unhealthy relationship because she feels she cannot support herself economically, or emotionally, her internal pelvic organs may be at increased risk of disease”.

This is supported by Bri Maya Tiwari who writes in her wonderful book The Path of Practice: A Woman’s Book of Ayurvedic Healing: “Our Shakti-prana [the primordial feminine energies within) circulates through and around the womb, a woman’s area of greatest vulnerability…Too often, we do not recognise the sanctity of the womb, and the sacred prana that governs it. Herein lies the paradox of the Shakti-prana: this profound source of feminine power also makes us extremely susceptible to disease.  When you care for your womb, and thus honour your Shakti-prana, you heal your feminine life force and protect yourself from illness.”

Thus it is imperative that we do the work to heal the womb. We must celebrate her and all she can reveal to us. How do we do this? Well here are the ways that help me:

Womb yoga

In theory, all yoga should help us to heal and connect more fully with our body wisdom and increase our sense of wellbeing in the process, but womb yoga offers so much more than this. In practicing with deep reverence for the womb and womb space, and working with Shakti (the spirit of our primordial feminine energies within) and Shakti-prana (the body’s inherent life-force), we can effect significant transformation.

As Uma writes: “By greeting the womb with love we not only reconnect to the Sakti or life power in the womb or womb space, but also receive the loving energies of the heart by bringing them into conscious connection with the nourishment potential of the the womb space energies”.

There is a free yoni yoga video on our YouTube channel here, that focuses on bringing awareness and love into the womb space. You might also benefit from the free fertility video here and/or the free video for menstruation here. 

It could also be beneficial to you to join our Sunday morning yoga class (click here for our class timetable), which while not gender specific, does tend to attract just women and many of the practices are based around the heart and womb. You could also join one of our Yoni Yoga sessions that take place from time to time.

I would also highly recommend investing in Uma’s book, Yoni Shakti: A Woman’s Guide to Power and Freedom Through Yoga and Tantra, which you can purchase from Amazon here.  Please don’t be intimidated by the book – it is huge, but just follow the practices that are relevant to you at any stage on your cycle/life.

Yoga Nidra

I am a huge fan of Yoga Nidra.  It has supported me so much the last few years particularly.  I regularly practice Yoga Nidra as it helps me to rest and rejuvenate and can be incredibly healing too.

You can access our free Yoga Nidra for menstrual healing here.  You’ll find other Yoga Nidras on my website too. Otherwise I can highly recommend using the free ones that are available courtesy of Uma and her husband on the Yoga Nidra network at www.yoganidranetwork.org. I use these regularly – they were hugely supportive before, during and after the IVF process and for healing my womb post-natal too. I also accredit Yoga Nidra for helping to regulate my periods.

Ayurveda

I am a huge fan of Ayurveda because it is ancient, it works and it has roots in the Vedas like yoga! 

Ayurveda is the oldest authentically recorded health system in history, over 5,000 years old. It was created by yogis who spent their lives studying nature and the human condition.  

Meaning “the science of life” it is exactly that, viewing health in four dimensions of physical, sensory, mental and spiritual and is centred on preventative medicine and bringing a person back to balance.  It shows how an imbalance in one part of a person’s being will affect them in another, i.e. if a person isn’t being true to their life path (dharma) then physical and mental illnesses can arise which cannot be effectively treated with modern medicines but can be helped by Ayurveda.

Ayurveda has helped me lots in my life, not least to heal ovarian cysts and eliminate PMS, but also to support the IVF process (it is perhaps not surprising that I didn’t follow any Ayurvedic principles nor take any herbs prior to the failed IVF cycle, as I had done before the two successful cycles). Read more about this by reading my book Dancing with the Moon.

I follow Ayurvedic principles when I can and notice when I veer away, as I end up feeling depleted and out of balance. It really is amazing and I encourage any lady who is experiencing any sort of menstrual, hormonal, fertility or pelvic trauma to contact the Ayurvedic Clinic that I attend in Purley Oaks, not far from Gatwick Airport.

You can arrange a Skype appointment with one of the doctors and can be sent herbs and encouraged to follow an Ayurvedic diet plan for your type (diet in terms of what you should avoid eating for balance rather than weight loss). You might also attend the clinic itself if necessary for Panchakarma (treatments – these are amazing and I go whenever I feel depleted and completely out of balance and attended before IVF too). See http://www.theayurvedicclinic.com

Eating well

I know, I hear you, we all know about eating well these days, but it can be so important for the health of our womb.  If we eat really drying and acidic food then this may lead to a dry and acidic womb, which might lead to dis-ease and may also prevent an embryo growing. You need to nourish yourself with nourishing foods and those that are appropriate for your constitution and for what is going on for you. 

I’m absolutely not a fan of dieting in terms of losing weight.  I think it’s important that we follow a diet that supports our health and wellbeing and increases our vitality – this is the reason I try and follow an Ayurvedic diet that works for me and my constitution when I can, as it looks at the whole person. It’s so important that you nourish yourself and keep your digestive fire stoked.  Remember to drink plenty of water too.  

Reiki

I love Reiki! For me it has been truly life changing as it is so healing! If you are Reiki attuned then all the better as you can channel Reiki to your womb as often as you are able.  I channelled Reiki into my womb space a lot throughout IVF and pregnancy and was comforted by it (you can read all about this in my book Dancing with the Moon). 

If you aren’t Reiki attuned then you will need to arrange a treatment with a qualified Reiki practitioner (let me know if you need any recommendations). Reiki treatments are wonderful because not only do you get to relax, but you get to heal and have all your chakras balanced in the process! Definitely a great support for the womb.

So you see there are things that can be done. But you must trust in your own wisdom too.  What is your womb trying to tell you? Perhaps it’s trying to wake you up to your highest potential. 

As Bri Maya Tiwari writes: “The power of your Shakti goes beyond the space of the womb and its magic of bringing new life into the world.  Your womb also has a divine function, which is the cultivation of nurturing and healing powers of the Mother within. In working with your Shakti, you will discover profound physical and spiritual health. In so doing, you as a woman also affect and influence the well-being of all living things”.

If you find yourself reading this and something is resonating, then honour the calling. You are being called.  You’re being asked to do the work.  To heal the womb.  To come home to yourself. 

x

Returning to Avalon, the home of the Goddess

I struggle to find the words to explain how it feels when I see the sign to tell us that we are back again in Avalon, Glastonbury.  Just like I struggle to find the words to explain how it feels to stay at Lower Coxbridge House, three miles from Glastonbury.

There are many special places that I have  had the grace and fortune to experience in this lifetime, and both Glastonbury and Lower Coxbridge House are two very special ones for me.

For me, there's nothing more magical than practising yoga outside on the Earth in view of Glastonbury Tor, or lying on the bed in the yurt and looking through the open door to that magical view.

I don't know what it is about the Tor but it mesmerises me.  I watch it endlessly.  In the early morning I see it rising through the mist, the mist of Avalon.  In the day time, I stare at it, noticing how it changes with the changing light.  

In the evening I can barely keep my eyes off it as the sun sets to its left side, the sky lit up with oranges, purples and reds. In the middle of the night when I go to pee in the field, I am mesmerised again as I can see the gentle crescent of the new moon glowing in the sky to the left of the Tor, and the stars shining brightly overhead.

These are the moments when I feel I may have died and gone to heaven.  Let alone the moments  when I'm the only one awake, sitting writing in the early morning light, enjoying the birds' morning choruses and watching as one or two of them flutter around collecting material for their nests.

Then there's the moments when the children run wild with the freedom of this beautiful place, wired into the late evening as it must surely be located on a special energy line that heals and energises.

I am energised beyond belief.

It's a big deal sometimes to run a retreat with two small children who don't like to sleep, one of them hanging off any breast at any available opportunity.  But there is something about Lower Coxbridge House and Glastonbury that sustains me, all of us really. 

The yoga practiced in this space of healing energy is a joy. The place holds space all on its own and further sustains me. 

The beautiful healthy vegetarian food prepared and cooked with love by Olga sustains us all.

Glastonbury is the heart chakra of the world and my heart is always opened when I come here, as if it is the place that gives, and gives and gives.

It is also the home of the Goddess and certainly the Goddess within awakens a little more on each visitation. I can feel her. She's everywhere. It's hardly surprising that so many women flock here.

We trekked up the Tor and wound our way back down, this was metaphoric on some level, as we felt the energy shift into a gentler pace, and we spotted the line to Lower Coxbridge House.  

In Chalice Wells we drank the iron water and were treated to the beautiful sound of the vibrationally-aligned-heart crystal singing bowl of the beautiful soul who played her so beautifully by the open well. Even Eben was quiet for a good few minutes before he started shouting and was whisked away by E because this is a place of peace and tranquility,

This was actually the most stressful part of the weekend - my children running riot in Chalice Wells and being aware of the disapproving stares of those adults who had come to experience the quiet. We took them out as soon as we could and I carried Elijah with me to the White Spring, which he has grown to endure!

It's a cavern of darkness, as if retreating into the very womb of Avalon, and a relief from the early afternoon bright sunshine. Chris and I dipped naked in the cool and cleansing waters of the White Spring, revitalised and bonded by the experience.  I love this place for its quirkiness and for helping us step outside the comfort zone.  

The heart-singing-bowl lady was playing here too, her voice bringing shivers to my spine.  Not so to Elijah, who was keen to leave at this point!

We visited the Goddess Temple too, Elijah and I lighting a candle and making wishes. We visited the beautiful Abbey as well and I stood on the bleeding stone, wishing it was more obvious to the public - let's not be shamed by bleeding! There's so much power in giving our blood back to the Earth.

I did a lot of shopping too. For Goddesses and crystals and wands and chocolate brownies. Glastonbury is abundant in all of these amazing things. Bless E for being so patient throughout!

I could go on.  But really you have to come to this place for yourself.  If you are feeling the calling, then answer it.  there is something deeply profound about this place...but you need time to dig down to its depths...and still I have some digging to do because as I said earlier, it just keeps giving and giving.

With a deep bow of gratitude to the Goddesses who joined me to make the retreat possible and for their sharing and energy, to Olga and Sarah for their magic and to E and the boys for enabling this all to happen, and to my Mum and Dad for doing all our washing and preparing dinner for the boys so I could dash off to teach within an hour of our return to Guernsey...and to Lower Coxbridge House and Glastonbury, may you continue to light the lives of many.

x

A healing crisis

With all the recent healing work, a healing crisis was inevitable.  It was funny as I hadn't identified with it as such, I just knew something was "off" and was trying to figure out the reason for this.

In the back of my mind I had this thought that I needed to write about healing crises in my Reiki Level One Manual, because following a Reiki attunement (and each of the three levels) you go through a 21 day healing process.

The number 21 is very significant in spiritual fields as it means that new beginnings and change are coming in, and this should bring greater balance and harmony, and therefore should be positively embraced. However often this means that the old needs to break down to make space for the new to come in and this is not always an easy process.  

So there I was thinking about writing about a healing crisis but not having identified with it.  Then rather coincidentally (but of course there are no coincidences), a good friend asked me what a healing crisis meant. Suddenly it dawned on me, "ah ha, of course, yes, this is what I am going through, a healing crisis!".

They are never easy to go through at the best of times and this one lingered on for a good ten days, bringing up old anxious and sickness energy from my solar plexus and sacral chakras. I knew it wasn't how I felt now, but it was unsettling all the same. Obviously I just wanted it to go, but this is the thing about the healing process, you have to feel it for it to truly leave the body. That's often the reason that we need to do some healing work in the first place, because we never felt the emotion or whatever it may have been at the time, and stuffed it away, where it becomes a stagnant and stuck energy and subtly (and not so subtly) affects our lives.

So what is a healing crisis?  Let me try and explain.

Well as I've just mentioned energy gets stuck for a reason.  Often it’s because you can’t or don’t want to face something difficult. Thus energy can also get stuck from trauma, crises, numbness, or denial. Some part of you, whether it’s the ego, body wisdom or spirit, is trying to protect you. Rather than feeling everything in that moment and letting it pass through, thoughts and emotions (energy in motion) gets stuffed down into the energetic corners, so to speak. Stuck energy can lead to pain and disease. It’s protection and in the short term it has a place, but when numbing and holding on becomes a habit and a default coping method then it can lead to long term problems.

Healing work is essentially about releasing the stuck energy that no longer has a purpose and serves the individual. If it’s not acute or obvious, it could simply be a feeling of life being “off balance” or something just not feeling quite right. Whatever the reason for the healing work –receiving Reiki for example – the goal is generally to feel better, not worse.

Any type of cleansing or healing that you do will come with a release. This can happen on a physical, mental, emotional or spiritual level, and often happens on several levels simultaneously. When toxins and toxic energy are released, your body and mind have to deal with a sudden and powerful shift in balance. It’s impossible to have a release in any of your bodies (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, energetic) and not have the others affected. 

The body is good at maintaining a balance, so the symptoms are usually mild. But symptoms are always unique and dependant on your sensitivity, your level of illness or disease, the extent of your denial, and/or your frame of mind during a session. This is referred to as a “healing crisis”. Essentially you are releasing the old stuck energy with new energy and your whole system has to adjust to the change and you may experience uncomfortable symptoms.

The healing crisis can be unpleasant and even take you a while to identify that this is what you’re experiencing - this is what happened to me!  It's always a relief when you recognise that you are simply going through a healing crisis. It’s all part of the healing process and essential to complete the healing – better out than in! Essentially you’re releasing all the stuck anger, hurt, broken heart, anxiety, depression, sadness, betrayal, unhealed trauma, unspoken feelings, resentment, frustration, rejection, loss etc. that you’ve been holding onto inside.

The thing is, you won’t be able to release it all without feeling some of it again. It’s like you have to feel it, to release it and let it move on. Sometimes the release is quick, e.g. an overwhelming sense of anger and need to run it off, or scream it out, momentary feelings of sadness and unexpected tears. There may be vomiting or diarrhoea, muscle ache, fatigue, the need to forgive a past situation or person, or make amends with someone, and/or a large emotional purge. Sometimes you might pick a fight with a partner or friend, simply as a way of releasing pent up frustration or anger. 

Sometimes the release might take a few days or a week or so, where you don’t feel quite right, to the extent that you might start wondering if your old anxiety, depression, resentment, sadness, grief, or whatever it might be, has come back again, and this might make you feel a little panicky. 

I've certainly gone through a combination of healing crises in the past.  When I was doing my Reiki training all those years ago, I got what I thought were a lot of vomiting bugs, but I later realised that these were healing crises, the old coming out. In these early days, especially with the yoga I had some sudden anger outbursts that came from nowhere and these too, I came to realise were healing crises too.

Please don’t worry of you too go through a healing crisis from yoga or a holistic treatment or practice. It’s just the old moving out to make way for the new, and your body needs time to find a new balance and adjust to the higher vibrational energy. It should be embraced rather than feared as it is a true sign of healing. Please don’t think that the practitioner or teacher did anything wrong or you did anything wrong, it’s simply the healing process. The deeper and more intense the healing crisis, the deeper and more intense the healing. 

You might find that after a healing crisis things change for you.  Your vibration has changed so situations and the people you attract into your life will also change.  This may mean that there will be some dis-resonance with people and situations already in your life, and some of these will adapt and morph with your own energy, and others will drop away. Please just trust the process, it is all for the higher good and may highlight to you, relationships and situations that are no longer serving you. You’ll shine lighter and brighter as a result. 

Try to drink lots of water during this time, and move your body, getting out into nature, getting your feet on the Earth, perhaps journaling, doing a guided relaxation, holding rose quartz or chakra balancing crystals and just trying to be super compassionate and kind to the self. 

I've found myself drawn to do all these things during the healing crisis, especially running, as if trying to sweat and move it out, running my life forward. I've also drawn on the yoga nidra network and listened to some lovely free and nourishing Yoga Nidras, while holding rose quartz. I've also played a lot with the children and swum in the sea, getting outside as much as possible. It's all helped!

As it happens a 21 day cleanse from the last Reiki attunement session I ran ends today, hoorah for that, it coincides with the weather shifting and my cycle shifting to the autumnal stage and no doubt things will shift during this moon phase.  Happy healing!!

The Aries New Moon and the Joy of Teaching Yoga (and giggling sitting bones!)

It's been a funny few days energetically as we transition to the new moon in Aries.  I've had this sensation going on in my solar plexus and a whirring almost in my sacral chakra.  The combination has felt a little bit like low level morning sickness, which in itself was unnerving!

There was also some anxious energy, without having anything to feel anxious about, just unsettling, perhaps a little ungrounding, and this overwhelming sense that life has to change, and that a big shift is about to come in.

I've sat with it and read about it, and conclude that there's lots going on up there, and down here (because of what's going on up there) and we're going through a process of realignment - as if (for me certainly) the solar plexus and sacral chakras are having a bit of a clean out so we can step more fully into our power and be the creative beings that we are, re-creating a new and lighter world for ourselves and humanity.

It was a coincidence, but not, because there is no such thing as a coincidence, that I was scheduled to go into the The Ladies College today, to help give the Lower Sixth some tools they may use to ease any feelings of anxiety, overwhelm and stress. So I had a sense of what might help, based on how I was feeling with the current moon energy heightening all of this.

I don't normally teach in schools anymore, and I was quickly reminded of the reason for this as it can be quite hard work, what with all the giggling and chattering.  The mere mention of "sitting bone" is enough to set them off, let alone "let go" and "soften". So imagine what happened when I mentioned the new moon and menstrual cycles and how the two are often linked.  Even I almost laughed out loud at the cacophony of giggling! I'd forgotten how taboo a subject menstruation still is, sigh.

I had planned the class and started out with what I thought may help, but I quickly realised that they needed a different approach.  Cat/cow may well be a lovely gentle movement to awaken the spine, but the mere thought of lifting the dreaded sitting bones with other girls behind them in rows, was enough to set them off into uncontrollable giggles of embarrassment again, so I realised that there was only one thing for it: standing balancing poses. This worked a treat.  Not only grounding and centering, but it is very difficult to think (or giggle) when one is trying to balance! I've never taught a first class with standing balancing poses being the main focus, but it did seem to work in calming the energy (a very useful insight as it happens!).

They responded very well to the chakra balancing guided mediation too, the use of colours is really marvellous for all age groups.  We were talking about this during the introduction to crystal course that I ran with my cousin, Yolande, on Saturday.  We got to do some colouring and everyone calmed with this, and noticing the colours of crystals we were drawn to was very revealing.  We used chakra crystals during a chakra balancing relaxation, and one day it would be lovely to share this with lower sixth form girls, but that would have been far too much to take in today, I can't even image the reaction that would have created!

They did so well though because it was new for so many of them, and it's not easy dropping the awareness into the body and noticing what's going on. It made me feel relieved not to be that age actually, and all the stress that it brings with it. I felt heartened by the manner in which they all settled into the relaxation and I was reminded how marvellous to have access to this thing called yoga!

Tonight further reminded me as it was the final class for two of the teenagers who started yoga for their Duke of Edinburgh bronze award.  They've been with me for three months now and have progressed amazingly during that time.  Not only are they much more confident in their practice, but their awareness has shifted too, and they are stronger in body and mind and so much more focused than when they began. It's been a real privilege to have them both in class, and I'm told they'd like to continue, which will be brilliant, as I will miss them otherwise!

I have to say I feel extremely blessed tonight to have yoga in my life. I am very grateful for the fact yoga is by far my deepest love and passion in life (other than the boys, obviously) and that I get to share this gift with others of all ages too (there were four 8-10 year old girls in class yesterday morning with their Mums, what a delight!).

I am at my most happiest when I am teaching yoga, because I am not aware of anything other than the moment and the students, and  trying to read the energy in the room (and out there in the ether) and facilitate what needs to awaken and what needs to calm down. It's a joy like no other and I'm so thankful to the Universe for bringing all so many marvellous students into my life and for providing me with the opportunities to share yoga where I can and do my bit to spread the love and light out into the world.  Thank you x

Dancing the dream with womb yoga and healing

Wow, so it's been a fairly intense month of healing.  The moon has certainly been putting it in the field - there was a lot of fear, anxiety and agitation coming up for so many, and the need to root down.

I was lucky, as I had been feeling a pull to dig deep into some inner healing work, and in many respects this turned out to be perfectly timed, as it helped support me during these, um, testing times.

The Ayurvedic treatment and the herbs, combined with some Reiki and massage, and the most amazing sound gong bath all helped on some level to awaken some old stuff and keep me on a level throughout. I fell in love with Sabine's rain stick, but that is a whole other story as I've got one on order (a rain stick that is, not Sabine, she's absolutely one of a kind and Guernsey is lucky to have her) and I cannot wait to use it to soothe away residual tension at the end of class.

My month of healing work came to a delightful end with the most amazing day drinking in the energy of the the delightfully delightful, and ever so phew, amazing, Uma Dinsmore-Tuli and Sivani Mata in one of THE best venues ever for training...the Tibetan Buddhist Meditation Centre for World Peace and Health in Bermondsey, London. This was followed, the next day, by the finale of a ki massage treatment with the most gifted and intuitive healer I have ever had the fortune to meet, Jo de Dielpold Braham. 

I can truly credit Uma with bringing me home to myself when I discovered her during my second pregnancy. I've always been drawn to the Tantric approach to yoga, Rod Stryker, being my main inspiration, but then in stepped Uma with her womb yoga and Tantric practices, and I felt that finally, it all made sense. As if all the pieces came together and I found my heart AND my womb. Hoorah for that, the heart is great, but being a woman, there is much power in the womb space too.

So I was suitably excited in joining her in circle again for a day of creativity, sexuality and cycles of our lives.  I was not disappointed. Oh my gosh.  I LOVE the energy of Tibetan Buddhism, having discovered this on my many trips to Nepal - I resonate with the energy, and it fits in so nicely with the Tantric teachings and the Reiki, and here now with Uma. I thought I'd died and gone to heaven.

Laying on a sheepskin rug, the first thing we did was practice Yoga Nidra together, and the rest of the day fairly much floated in the most ecstatically joyful and poetic way - we were weaving the dance with some movement to really bring some light into the darkness of the womb and heart spaces, into the solar plexus and then the throat with some breathing exercises.  And then the joyful of joyful moments for me, Bhakti yoga, yoga of the heart, and the chanting of mantra to music, sweet voices, and the energy raising, hearts opening, tears flowing.  I LOVE Bhakti yoga.

Then it just kept giving - homemade, fresh, loving, dahl and rice in the Tibetan cafe making new friends, and then chai, that I didn't have to make. Back to class, and then another Yoga Nidra, drifting in a liminal space of healing, and then waking to chocolate, oh my gosh, we were given dark chocolate to ground us after the practice.  Oh Uma, I love that you give us permission to eat chocolate in class, I really did die and go to Heaven! 

Sivani is also a joy.  She lives and breathes kirtan and the sharing of sound and her beautiful voice.  So too her love of yoga for women, and she showed us how to massage our breasts for health and wellbeing, and led some of the session, increasing sensitivity with the most gentlest and smallest of movement, proving again and again the need for all the undoing, undoing, undoing. It's so simple.

I was reminded that absolutely nothing has to look a certain way.  Not me, not you, not the practice, not our bodies, not our yoga, not our anything needs to look a certain way. Just be me, just be you, just be however it greets you. 

Perhaps because of the expansion and openness that arose sharing my day with 47 or so other ladies, the majority in the autumnal phase of the cycle (this alone was truly fascinating), and chatting with beautiful Chris from the moment we left Guernsey to the moment we returned, so I'm not even aware of the travel (it felt like we floated to the centre and back again in Bermondsey, and yet I have vague memories of the plane and of walking along the Embankment and through Borough Market, neither here nor there, a day of that beautiful liminal space), I was ready and open to complete the healing with Jo, and this we did, and this by doing nothing...the undoing, undoing, undoing, by not doing, not a thing, not even speaking, just feeling the energy and witnessing the unfolding, not getting lost in story, letting the body undo all the doing. 

There are times in life when we have absolute certainty that things were meant to be and that we're guided. Like maybe a handful of times when the stars and the moon align and every light is green, and every person smiles, and there is chocolate in yoga, and the robins keep appearing, and the doors are opening, and you can see inside yourself in a way you've never done previously and it all just feels right. Well that was then. That was one of those moments and I'm so grateful to have shared it with Chris and to the Universe and the angels for bringing me these most amazing women into my life. 

Thank you beautiful ladies, and thank you Ewan, for helping me to indulge in such a way, Uma has inspired and there is a greater coming home to the self...Jai ma! Yoni Shakti should be a definite on every (wild) yogini's reading list and definitely try and find your way to Jo in Guernsey or the UK. 

With eternal gratitude and love xxx

Ayurveda - needing some TLC

A few weeks ago now I became painfully aware that I needed to step out of my denial and do something about the inherent tiredness I was feeling.

I'd seen a visiting Peruvian healer who highlighted to me low kidney energy, and the impact this was having on my wellbeing  I knew this really, just like I knew that there were things I was doing that actually weren't supporting my wellbeing at this particular moment in my life - like prolonged sea swimming (making me too cold and further stressing kidneys) and eating far too many nuts (also stressing kidney energy).  

This made me increasingly aware how we do things thinking, on one level that they are good for us, but knowing, on a deeper level, that they are actually not. So that was the sea swimming put on hold, and a change of diet required. The Peruvian healer shared wise words, "get more out of the head and into the heart". My sentiments exactly! he also encouraged rest. 

Not long after that I saw the wonderfully intuitive visiting Ki massage practitioner and osteopath Jo de Diepold Brahman (every one should see Jo, she's incredibly attuned!), and we looked at the tiredness from another angle...and that was enlightening as ever as it highlighted the energy centre imbalance and the carrying of old memories and stories that one re-plays over and over until that stuff is finally dealt with. Sigh. She also highlighted the need for rest. 

So this found me eleven days later having a Skype call with an Ayurvedic doctor in Purley Okas - not my usual doctor, Dr Deepika, as she's now busy doing the trainings, but another lady, Dr W, who has joined her from Sri Lanka. 

I discovered Ayurveda not long after I started teaching yoga back in 2006. I befriend a British girl on a retreat in Bali, who had been seeing Dr Deepika for a few years.  I was curious.  I knew I needed healing and I loved the idea of trying something so connected to yoga.  When i was back home in Guernsey I made contact with Dr Deepika and travelled over to meet her at her clinic, maybe 25-30 minutes from Gatwick. There began my love affair with Ayurveda.

Ayurveda is truly inspiring, the most ancient and authentically recorded health system in history, over 5,000 years old, it was created by yogis who spent their lives studying nature and the human condition.  Meaning “the science of life” it is exactly that, viewing health in four dimensions of physical, sensory, mental and spiritual and is centred on preventative medicine and bringing a person back to balance.  It shows how an imbalance in one part of a person’s being will affect them in another, i.e. if a person isn’t being true to their life path (dharma) then physical and mental illnesses can arise which cannot be effectively treated with modern medicines but can be helped by Ayurveda.

Ayurveda uses elemental medicine which means that they balance out earth, fire, water, air and ether in the body.  These are divided into three doshas, Vata, Pitta and Kapha, which are the basis of a person’s constitution and also the factors that can create imbalances.  Ayurveda places great emphasis on diet, lifestyle, yoga, meditation, massage and herbal medicines to bring a person back to health and keep them there.

I've seen Dr Deepika a number of times over the years - in person and through Skype.  I've followed an Ayurvedic diet as much as I can too - although there have been periods were I have been swayed (yes, even me) by Western approaches to nutrition, and gotten myself in a fix until Dr Deeika has given me a good talking to and got me back on the straight and narrow (well actually not so straight and narrow, that's the joy of Ayurveda).  

So, for example in the Ayurvedic world too much juice will make you damp on the inside and might lead to damp conditions like thrush (yep, that certainly happened to me), and then all the sauerkraut and gut "friendly" foods, can agitate people like me, with all that vinegar and salt, so that we become imbalanced, too much fire and drying out. It;s truly fascinating - especially when you switch to an Ayurvedic diet and realise how nourishing and kind it is to your constitution (dosha then).

I did a ten day Panchakarma at the Ayurvedic Home in Kathmandu (Nepal) once.  This was an incredible experience. Panchakarma is most definitely the ultimate mind-body healing experience for detoxifying the body, strengthening the immune system, and restoring balance and well-being. It is one the most effective healing modality in Ayurvedic Medicine. It promotes detoxification and rejuvenation and is recommended on a seasonal basis, as well as when an individual feels out of balance or is experiencing illness.

Panchakarma essentially removes the excess doshas and correct imbalances in them as well as eliminating the harmful ama (waist matter from toxins that can create dis-ease) out of your system through the body’s own organs and channels of elimination (colon, sweat glands, lungs, bladder, urinary tract, stomach, intestines, etc). Panchakarma purifies the tissues at a very deep level. It involves daily massages and oil baths, herbal enemas, nasal administrations and - from experience - is a very pleasurable experience. 

I did a three day Panchakarma when I needed to sort myself out after a failed IVF round, and to prepare for our final round of IVF.  This was a treat in itself - two nights and three days away from the family, and spending much of it in silence, bliss for me! 

I accredit the Ayurveda for helping me with lots of my healing - of cysts on the ovaries and PMS, and also helping to support the IVF in helping me get pregnant.  I've also learned a lot about energy from working with Ayurveda and of course health and wellbeing.  Dr Deepika has been, and  continues to be a spiritual teacher for me too. 

My favourite treatment is Shirodhana, which involves warm oil being poured on the third eye.  I find it deeply relaxing and soothing, helping me to let go and drop in on a deep level, and leaving me feel restored afterwards.  I enjoyed two of these treatments from trained Ayurvedic practitioners offering their services at Satsanga, where we stayed for the Goa retreat.  It was sublime as ever.

So to cut a long story shorter (hopefully - I need to get to bed!), I ended up going over to the Ayurvedic clinic a week ago or so for a Panchakarma, and timed this with a night in Gatwick (of all places - my first night away from my still-breast feeding throughout the night son, Eben (poor Ewan didn't get much sleep!)) so I could also say goodbye to my brother who was flying back to Australia first thing in the morning, so he went one way and I went another, back to Guernsey. 

I'm on Ayurvedic herbs too and back on the diet and I feel so much better already.  Admittedly I still need to do a little bit more resting, but i feel grateful for having Ayurveda in my life and for my body creating the conditions for me to tap into it again...and over the shifting Equinox too, not that was good coincidental timing!

I've had some Reiki and massage since being back home to compliment the Ayurveda and I've managed one tiny dip (tea bag) in the sea, but you know what, I need to keep warm for now, until I feel fully restored again, there will be plenty of time for swimming (it's freezing right now in there, like hurts its so cold!).

So if you're in need of some TLC, then I wholeheartedly recommend the Ayurvedic Clinic, it's brilliant!!! Incidentally, Dr Deepika specialises in fertility so if you have these issues, it's well worth checking her out if you;re having issues there.  Her website is http://www.theayurvedicclinic.com

x

Retreating to the magical island of Herm

Us four Es love going on retreat, and we love nothing more than retreating to Herm, because it's so easy, it's a simple 20 minute boat journey, plus there is something very magical about Herm.

Each retreat is wonderful in its own way - certainly the last Glastonbury and Goa retreats were just amazing - but sometimes the stars and moons align and this Herm retreat was one of the more enjoyable Herm retreats I've run over the last nine years.

Like Ewan and I, the children get a high off the energy. There's something special about bringing together a group of like minded individuals with a common purpose of practising yoga and raising their vibration over the weekend, enhanced by the energy of the place.

This is the other thing of course - retreats generally take place at very special places in the world, and the collective energy of place and the people who attend, makes for a very uplifting, healing and enlivening mix. That's certainly how I felt by the end of the weekend - uplifted and enlivened.

Usually my Mum comes and helps me over the Herm weekend, as there is a lot to set-up, organise and manage, but she was poorly unfortunately.  Luckily my brother, Ross, is visiting from Australia so he came along with me instead.  I enjoyed spending time with him on my own on the Friday and we set up in good time so we could walk and practice (he too is a yoga teacher, although he's more so a meditation avid these days).

Everyone else arrived on the 4pm boat on the Friday and were welcomed this time by Julie and Paul who are the new staff in the White House hotel - I'm very grateful for all their help over the weekend, this was a new experience for us as in the past the staff have just left us to it and not always been quite so helpful.

Class that evening was grounding and balancing, bringing everyone to Earth, and establishing intentions for the weekend ahead. Dinner was taken in the Mermaid, the new chef doing us proud with some yummy vegan and gluten free food over the weekend.

Saturday begins early for some of us with a sea swim at 7am.  I missed it this year as Eben was still asleep, but Ewan went and joined the other ten swimmers and I watched from the warmth of our room instead.

Then followed tea and snacks if wanted, beside the roaring fire, and then into class, connecting us more fully with our hearts, before brunch.  Thereafter the day can pass in a whizz of activity for some, or more gently for others.  We offer a number of things to do, some for free like joining JP Máce for a run, or Judy Porter for a guided walk around the island, and other involving additional cost like joining Sophie Fuller for her nutrition workshop, making jewellery with Athene Sholl, Reiki with Emily Trebert, massage with Kelly Harvey, reflexology with Jo Pederson, and/or Shen with Jo Henton.

So while some do zoom around filling their day with running, walking and treatments, others take a more leisurely approach and chill out and slow down instead.  The weather improved throughout the day and while I got a little wet on a late morning walk with Steph (my amazing web designer, photographer and videographer), by the afternoon the sun as shining brightly, which is always a bonus on retreat.

I joined a few of the ladies for an impromptu sea swim (well dip really) after their run, and checked in on everyone to see that all was well, before enjoying my own practice in the peace and quiet of the room, while my Dad and sister-in-law (who both came over for the day) looked after the children.  This for me is bliss - quiet space in the middle of a retreat to catch my breath, tap into the magical retreat energy and then rest!

Some joined me late afternoon for Bhajans.  This is essentially devotional singing and as I am not gifted with the ability to play any musical instruments, we sang along to music, Deva Premal's rendition of the Gayatri Mantra (my favourite mantra and my favourite singer) being the highlight.  I'm currently studying Vedic chanting and while my teacher would be a little appalled at the laziness of pronunciation while singing, there is still something very healing, heart opening and joyful in the sound of the mantra, however it is delivered, after all intention counts for a lot.

We played around with a few crystals too, while chanting, and then sat in silence absorbing the effects, some of us feeling the energy moving in and around us and some also experiencing a greater connection to the heart (crystals in hand, I love sitting with crystals, especially in my meditations and Yoga Nidra).  I certainly felt heart opened and joyful after the Gayatri mantra, it never fails to send a shiver down my spine - more light entering the world with us chanting it together like that.

Class followed and this was a deep stretch one, to connect more fully with the breath, into the body and into resistance, and attempting to be present to, and notice sensation. I for one, love a good deep stretch, especially into the hips!  I caught myself at one point staring out at the views of the sunset, it was stunning, and managed a quick few photos, before continuing with the teaching!

In theory this class set us up nicely for the thirty minute meditation session led by Ross.  I thoroughly enjoyed this, the opportunity to sit, and be guided by someone else.  For others it was a challenge to remain sitting for so long, but there was always the opportunity to lie down - and after all, this is one of the reasons for practicing asana; so we can sit more comfortably. 

This followed with a Yoga Nidra, as was the case on the evening class on the Friday, to encourage rest and rejuvenation and also an opportunity to further expand awareness. Yoga Nidra is certainly one of my favourite practices and I try to incorporate it into my life every other day if not more if I can, as it has so many benefits on so many different levels, especially with the activity of life these days, it's good to slow things down and activate the parasympathetic nervous system.

Saturday evening was another yummy meal, and then I got to enjoy some quiet time with the boys asleep while Ewan stayed in the pub with some of the others! I worked of course, planning the next Herm retreat while I was in the zone! Needless to say sleep came easily once the lights were out - there's something soothing about the sound of the sea and the birds on Herm. 

Sunday morning Ewan and I both joined the swim, taking it in turns to hold Eben, while Elijah hung out with uncle Katie (as he calls her, my sister in law who had stayed the night to help with the children). This was more of a dip really, but enough to feel cleansed by the marvellously cold sea! Class that morning was one of centring and fun, and testing limitations body and mind. Laughter is encouraged of course - yoga is a light-hearted practice and should bring joy. We finished with a lovely relaxation, my amazing adjuster-helped, Vicki, and I, going around the room and giving everyone a little bit of Reiki. 

Then that was that.  

I had a tear in my eye as I thanked everyone for joining me one the weekend, and I felt emotional for a good half an hour afterwards as Ewan, Vicki and I rushed around packing everything up, before joining everyone else in the Mermaid for our brunch. It had been a good retreat for me at least!

Back home, the fun really began, unpacking all the stuff that we took with us for the weekend.  Ugh! Still many hands create light work and with it being Mummy's Day, Ewan took the boys off with his Mum and sister so that I could finish the packing in peace before  enjoying some quiet time to get onto my mat to stretch out, before resting to a Yoga Nidra, and sitting, coming back to earth and wafting burning sage around myself (into my aura to cleanse the energy of others picked up over the weekend). I even had time to soak in an oil infused bath, while reading a book.  Bliss!

I was hyper for a good twenty-four hours after the retreat, as it was rather an expansive experience.  This is often what happens when you go on retreat - the combination of all the practices and the environment creates an energetic shift and we become lighter and the world becomes brighter and things can shift.

Then of course we go through  period of contraction, which can be very uncomfortable for some, as we come back to Earth a but and maybe find that things that used to feel OK, really don't feel OK now - sometimes we see more clearly through the illusion, or into the shadows, and that can be uncomfortable as we realise that we can no longer ignore something that is no longer working in our lives. The same can happen after the Reiki attunements.

There's a marvellous quote I came across in a book I'm reading (Buddha's Brain) about this, "On the path of awakening, it’s natural to experience some upheaval, dark nights of the soul, or unnerving groundlessness when the foundation of old beliefs falls away.  At these times your refuge will catch you and help you ride out the storm”.

My refuge is my home, my family and my practice, and that's where I'm at...I'm retreating a little this week with my brother, before I head off to see my Ayurvedic doctor on Saturday for a Panchakarma, a few days ahead of the Spring Equinox (an ideal time for cleansing and doing some inner work) and join my brother for a night at Gatwick before he heads off to Australia.  It's been a busy time with the book and the retreat...but I'm already looking forward to the Easter offerings and the Glastonbury retreat, woo hoo!

Love xxxx

Bailiwick Express ...Dancing with the Moon...

My new book Dancing with the Moon has been featured on an article on the Bailiwick Express.

I didn't even know Bailiwick Express existed until today.  Thank you to my school friend, Jess, for helping to spread the word. 

Click here to read...

We just came back from a fabulous retreat on Herm. Us four Es love retreating, which is just as well as I have a few more lined up this year.  For us it's a family thing and while that brings with it it's complications it also brings lots of joy. More to follow. xxx