The Solar Plexus - Manipura Chakra
YELLOW – the colour of mental energy
This Chakra is extremely complex. It is the Chakra of the mind, ruling rational thought, discernment and individuality. Yet it is also a very physical Chakra, governing your digestive system, liver and spleen as well as your back. It is the Chakra from which your moral judgements emerge, and from which you draw the moral courage to stand up for what you believe in.
The Sanskrit name for the solar plexus means, “jewel in the city” and the jewel it refers to is the mind. When your solar plexus Chakra is in balance, your mind is also in balance. You are in control of yourself and the challenges and decisions that you face in life. As well as being warm in nature, people with balanced solar plexus Chakras tend to have a healthy intuition, they can generally rely on their hunches or “gut instincts”, and they can express themselves well.
When your solar plexus Chakra is in balance, you are discerning, disciplined and assertive, and you face life’s challenges with courage and integrity. Your ego will no longer need continual gratification. You will discover a moderation in thought and action; you are able to listen to people without being overwhelmed by them. You instinctively find a comfortable relationship with the world. Your character becomes gemlike: solid, multifaceted, filed with life.
The fire in this Chakra gives you your “glow”, burnishes your ego, and illuminates your mind; it helps you to see the world around you clearly. This fire also creates the necessary heat for the metabolism of food, cellular transactions and thought.
An overly dominant solar plexus leads to bullying, egotistical and aggressive behaviour. These people believe they are always right and get angry easily, and seek to control others through their anger.
A weak solar plexus Chakra results in depression, guilt and lack of confidence; it becomes hard for you to see your life clearly, leading to feelings of heightened vulnerability.
Ailments resulting from an unbalanced Solar Plexus Chakra include ulcers, irritable bowl syndrome, liver and digestive problems.
Because the solar plexus is the centre of the intellect and decision-making, it is important for the health and development of this Chakra that you make your own choices, rather than have them made for you. The development of the solar plexus is hindered if you have a feeling of powerlessness in life.
You can have, be and do anything you choose in your life...anything, you just have to choose wisely and believe in yourself. So don’t settle for second best and please don't give your power away. Chakra is a powerful receiver and transmitter of energy, as you give, so you receive, so balance is essential here.
If you are giving out feelings of being a failure then this will be reflected straight back at you, if you give out feelings of being a success then this will be reflected straight back at you. Give to yourself first and foremost otherwise you won’t have anything to give to others.
This Chakra can be energised with colour like wearing bright yellow or eating yellow foods such as yellow peppers, lemons, bananas and sweetcorn. Plus enjoying the sunshine. Crystals for this chakra include citrine and yellow jasper.
In your yoga practice, work with core strengthening poses such as Navasana (boat pose) and Santolanasana (plank pose), or with twisting poses such as Ardha Matsyenasana (half fish pose) and Jathara Parvartanasana (revolved supine twist - also a core strengthener).
You can also work with Uddiyana Bandha, which is the abdominal lock and is mentioned in the ancient scriptures as being the most powerful way to positively influence and affect the solar plexus. Please ensure you only practice this under the guidance of an experienced teacher and never if you have abdominal issues or are pregnant.
Notice where you give your power away in life. Notice also your posture, especially on your mat, do you engage your core muscles or allow your stomach to stick out and thereby giving your power away? Draw in and up, energise and retain your power (healthy power) within.
The Sacral Chakra - Svadhishthana
ORANGE – balances the red of the physical energy with the yellow of the mental energy.
The second Chakra, Svadhishthana, is linked to taste in the broadest sense - your likes and dislikes. It is the seat of creativity, pleasure, attraction and, in particular, sexuality. The sacral Chakra is also the seat of our emotions.
This Chakra is the most feminine of the 7 Chakras. It is profoundly connected with fertility and is ruled by the moon, which pulls not only the seas and oceans, but also the waters within our own bodies.
A balanced sacral Chakra is characterised by physical fluidity and grace. People with a balanced sacral Chakra tend to be friendly, open and trusting, in touch with their feelings and able to express them, willing to see the positive rather than the negative, and able to turn problems into challenges.
When this Chakra is out of balance nothing and no one is ever enough. Life has no constancy. You feel fragmented and volatile. Your desires dominate and oblige you to seek satisfaction through the senses – sex, food, material possessions, status. An out-of-balance sacral Chakra brings about guilt, self-pity, manipulative behaviour and envy.
If the Chakra is too open you may forget your own needs and occupy so much with the needs of others that you end up feeling like a martyr. Lack of balance can also give rise to sexual problems, jealousy and obsession.
In essence, it is sexual expression – the most powerful and fundamental of your creative energies - that characterises the sacral Chakra. It guides our sexual identity, our ability to bond with a partner and to take pleasure in our sexuality.
When in balance it gives us profound sexual and emotional happiness. It is worth reflecting that the word “sacral” comes from the same root as “sacred”. Sex is not meant to be a casual, meaningless event, but nor is it meant to induce guilt. Rather with openness and empathy, it is something that brings great joy and pleasure.
This Chakra is situated in the bowl of the pelvis, directly over the ovaries and testes. It governs the spleen, reproductive organs, kidneys, bladder and all the bodily fluids. In order to find lightness and balance in this Chakra we must seek to balance the pelvis.
If you are not using this energy internally then you need to be expressing your sacral energy externally through writing, drawing, painting, singing, anything that encourages your creativity and encourages the energy to flow strongly and smoothly.
To enhance tour ability to feel this chakra in alignment then work with the following yoga poses to seek a balance through this centre:
- Virabhadrasana II (warrior 2) - this pose strengthens your legs and brings greater awareness of how your legs interact and stabilise your pelvis.
- Upavista Konasana (seated wide angle pose) - this pose helps you to find the balance in this Chakra, because you can feel how the position of your pelvis influences your ability to find a neutral spine.
- Bhujangasana (cobra pose) - in this pose you do not want to feel any pressure in your lumbar spine. Internally rotating the legs widens the lower back and creates space so that you can then lengthen your tailbone down toward your heels. This action balances the Chakra and supports the back bend in your thoracic spine.
Furthermore to energise and encourage greater balance to the sacral Chakra, try wearing orange, investing in some carnelian gemstones and keeping them close to your sacral area of the body, connecting with the moon and keeping a journal to write and express your emotions.
The Root Chakra - Muladhara
Muladhara Chakra is the first in the line of Chakras. It is the grounding Chakra, the one that connects you to the earth and your own physicality. Our most basic instinct – for survival – lies within this Chakra, as do our needs for food, sleep and shelter.
Muladhara Chakra is your source of power. When it is out of balance this affects everything related to your personal stability, safety and security. It controls how you deal with money, your body and your family: your roots.
An imbalanced root Chakra, which is low in vital energy may mean that you may suffer from low self-esteem, feel out of touch with your body and sexuality, you may constantly worry about money or never feel satisfied with your work or home. It can also lead to self-destructive or addictive behaviour – eating disorders, smoking, drug taking – or to illnesses such as lower back pain, depression, sciatica and constipation.
On the other hand a root Chakra which is imbalanced by being too strong can lead to isolation, materialism, bullying behaviour or selfishness.
When this Chakra is balanced you feel physically secure, confident, healthy and happy with your body and sexuality. You trust the Universe to take care of you and the world does not seem a scary place to be, you begin to realise that just for today you have a roof over your head, food on the table and some money in your pocket. Life is great – all your primary needs are met.
Physically, the root Chakra is located at the base of the spine between the pubic bone, tailbone and sitting bone. Its centre is the perineum, in the middle of the pelvic floor between the anus and genitals.
The pelvic floor is influenced and affected by the muscles of the legs and the feet. The integrity of the pelvic floor depends on the proper alignment of the legs and the balance of the feet, which act like the roots of a plant. We need our feet and legs to be firmly balanced in order to find grounding and stability.
This is where yoga can really help, especially poses like Virabhadrasana I, II and III (warrior 1,2 and 3) which help to strengthen the legs and root them firmly to the earth. Lengthening the backs of the legs can help too in poses such as Supta Padagusthasana (reclining hand to big toe pose) and strengthening the legs in Setu Bandasana (bridge pose).
To do a few other practical things to help to energise this area encourage red into your life, like wearing red underwear, eating grounding foods like beetroot, parsnips, carrots and potatoes etc. Furthermore do not underestimate the grounding effect of hugging a tree, or allowing your feet to sink into soft sand or spending time in nature to re-connect to the earth.
In short, to build a solid life, we need a solid base.
What are the chakras?
I love working with the Chakras, be that through Yoga or indeed Reiki, they fascinate me. Those of you who come to yoga class or have a Reiki session with me - or indeed with others teachers/practitioners - will hear us talk about the Chakras and energy centres but may have very little awareness what these are, let alone how they affect how you feel or the impact their health has on your life. So over the next few postings I shall share with you a little about the Chakras, beginning today with a definition.
The word “Chakra” literally means “wheel” in Sanskrit and it is symbolised as a spinning wheel of light through which life force energy (e.g. Prana, Chi, Ki etc) moves. You cannot actually see the Chakras in your physical body because they are fields of energy.
There are 7 major Chakras and each one represents an important energetic centre of the body and the mind, as well as a stage of spiritual development.
The Chakras are aligned from root to crown as a ‘column’ of energy and they are both conduits and generators of energy. Life force energy flows through the Chakras and the rest of the body along a network of channels known as nadis. There are said to be 72,000 nadis in the human body.
When life force energy flows freely through the body the Chakras spin brighter and faster and the body and mind are in a state of health. This is when we feel most at peace, grounded and balanced in life – healthy in mind, body and spirit.
If life force energy does not find sufficient room in the body there can only be one reason: it is being forced out by something that really doesn’t belong there – the “rubbish”, which creates blocks within our energy channels. Such blockages affect the functioning of the Chakras so that life force energy cannot flow so freely and “dis-ease” of the body, mind or spirit may result.
When people have more life force energy outside of their body than within they can become troubled, restless or confused. Furthermore too little life force energy within the body can be expressed as a feeling of being stuck or restricted, of lacking in drive or motivation creating a sense of listlessness and depression - plus we may suffer from physical ailments too. On the other hand, the more peaceful and well balanced we are, the less our life force energy is dispersed outside the body.
Through the process of energetically balancing the Chakras we have the opportunity to release the “rubbish” and the blocks on all levels – physical, emotional, mental and spiritual – so that the life force energy can flow freely again. We need to understand that Chakras are energy centres, regulating the flow of energy throughout our body. The correct functioning and balancing of the Chakras reflects in our health and wellbeing.
The Chakras are also linked closely to the endocrine system which produces the hormones that act as chemical messengers. It is believed that when you balance the Chakras, you also regulate your hormones. Furthermore the Chakras are also related to the organs of the body where they are positioned and are associated positively or negatively with their healthy function. Needless to say the body often reflects imbalances, acting as a mirror through which you can gauge how each Chakra is functioning.
Chakra energy work is holistic: it involves the body and mind equally. By working with Yoga and holistic therapies such as Reiki to balance our Chakras we also open up to our potential in life. We not only improve our physical health, but we achieve a sense of emotional wholeness, a deeper connection with those around us and a sense of harmony with the world and our part and purpose in it. On an aside it should be noted that just as we are aiming for a sense a peace and harmony with the Universe, the Universe’s energy is ready to support us – all we have to do is recognise this.
My next posting will be all about the base chakra, Muladhara.
x
Jill's Quick Vegetarian Thai Curry
Ingredients
1 can coconut milk
Red Thai Curry paste (see below)*
1 can chickpeas - drained
1 or 2 stalks of lemon grass - cut into 2 or 3 pieces and 'bruised'
4 - 6 Kaffir lime leaves - scrunched to release flavour
Piece of fresh ginger about size of tip of thumb - finely chopped
Thai fish sauce
Palm sugar or brown sugar
1 pack of stir fry vegetables
* difficult to gauge amount as I like quite a kick and use about a heaped dessert spoon full. You might start with a teaspoon full and taste and add as you like.
Method
· Empty coconut milk into wok or frying pan. Add some water to tin (about a third) and rinse out then add to pan too!
· Add curry paste, lemon grass, lime leaves and ginger. Bring to boil and then simmer for 5 - 10 mins.
· Add vegetables and chickpeas and continue to simmer for another 10 mins.
· Towards the end of the cooking time add 1 scant dessert spoon of fish sauce and a small teaspoon of palm or brown sugar. Taste and adjust. Be careful with the fish sauce, it's powerful stuff!
Serve with something like brown basmati rice, which you need to start cooking as you start the curry as it takes 25 minutes.
TIP - Milton Produce, behind the Co-Op at Bailiffs Cross keeps an extensive range of Thai products.
Yoga - The World's Boldest Ever Happiness Experiment
It was UN International Day of Happiness on 20th March 2016 and here in Guernsey, to coincide with this, the Dandelion Project has been running the "World’s Boldest Ever Happiness Experiment". Their vision is a happier Guernsey, with fewer people suffering with mental health problems and more people feeling good, functioning well and helping others.
It’s a great vision, but it is nothing new. Yoga has been offering the world’s boldest happiness experience for over 5,000 years now. As George Feuerstein Ph.D. (Founder-Director of the Yoga Research and Education Centre) writes, “The complex five-thousand-year-old-tradition of yoga is all about a very simple thing: happiness”. So you see Yoga is ALL about happiness.
Furthermore, the ancient yoga texts are as relevant now as when they were written thousands of years ago and provide us with important insights into how to live well. What’s more they have been tried and tested by millions and millions of people, and you know what, there is total truth in the wisdom that they share – and we don’t need science to prove that, we don’t even need a mat, we just need an openness and willingness to practice.
You see the strive for happiness is what makes us human. As Rod Stryker, a renowned international yoga master writes: "Happiness. We all seek it. There is no more basic or universal drive than the desire to be happy. It is inherent, something we are compelled to by virtue of who and what we are. Everything human beings have accomplished and aspired to, our every endeavour, has been and always will be rooted in the impulse to satisfy our longing for happiness.”
We desire love, pleasure, beauty, friendship, accomplishment, wisdom and power. Each of us longs for an abiding sense of purpose and meaning, peace, health, and security. At some level, we also aspire to freedom, to a greater capacity to shape our destiny, and to connect with something greater than ourselves, which some call Source, Self, or God.”
It was the longing for happiness that brought me to yoga. I was very depressed and desperately unhappy, to the extent that I thought that life was not worth living, it lacked purpose and depth and I felt that I had no control in my destiny, I was just bumbling along living a life that wasn’t true to me and I didn’t even know who I was. I sought happiness in all the wrong places, through inappropriate and unfulfilling relationships, through material possessions, and through an unhealthy lifestyle with far too much wine, cigarettes and late nights!
Finding yoga was a little like coming home for me, I was hooked immediately. Not only did it make me feel better physically and indeed mentally, but it enhanced my sense of spirituality and allowed my soul expression. Furthermore, it helped me to find myself and deepen my connection and compassion for ALL beings and indeed my connection with something far greater than me and yet a part of me, the Divine then. Yoga healed and saved me and continues to transform my life beyond my wildest dreams.
Not that it has been an easy process. Yoga demands that we meet ourselves as we are and work from that point forwards. And this is not always easy. More often than not, we don’t like what we see, to the extent that many people stop the practice before they have really gotten going because it all becomes a little too confrontational and painful. If anything it is humbling, for we must constantly, bravely and compassionately face our limitations in order to realise our unlimited potential as spiritual beings. Not only that, but it doesn’t just happen overnight, it demands consistent, committed and dedicated practice.
As you will know yourself, we are often our own worse enemy constantly judging and berating ourselves and struggling with our neuroses and insecurities, so that we have created all sorts of habits, negative tendencies and addictions to distance ourselves from our own inner reality – some work too much, some drink too much, some talk too much, some give to much, some take too much, some hoard too much, some clean too much, some create constant drama, we all have some way in which we do too much of one thing to detract from our need to be silent and go truly within.
But it is in learning about ourselves, our negative tendencies and habits, that we come to see the manner in which we allow our mind, out thoughts then, to contribute to our own unhappiness. There is this fabulous Chinese proverb which supports this need to be mindful of our thoughts, “Be careful of your thoughts, for your thoughts become your words. Be careful of your words, for your words become your actions. Be careful of your actions, for your actions become your habits. Be careful of your habits, for your habits become your character. Be careful of your character, for your character becomes your destiny.”
It all starts with our own thinking, our emotions and our behaviour patterns. As George Feuerstein Ph.D writes, “Yoga tells us that in order to realise lasting happiness, we must discover our true, spiritual nature. This requires that we commit ourselves to nothing less than self-transformation and self-transcendence. For although our true nature, or spiritual Self, is always the same, it tends to be obscured by conventional thoughts, emotions, and patterns of behaviour.
The yoga tradition compares this circumstance to the brightly shining sun, which is ever radiant but periodically hidden from our view by drifting dark clouds. Yoga helps us to remove all obstructing (mental) clouds, so that we may come to enjoy the sunshine within. It is an extensive program of re-education through which we learn, step by step, to live in the light of our true nature. Only when we have truly found ourselves will we be able to live in peace, harmony, and happiness in the world".
This has certainly been my experience of practicing yoga and I know that I am not alone. Yoga is officially an industry in America. By some estimates it generates nearly five and a half billion dollars a year. It seems that yoga has become an integral part of modern Western society for good reason. As Judith Lasater writes: “In an era of increasingly sophisticated technology, this centuries-old art and philosophy has ever-increasing appeal. Yoga’s resurgence of popularity is a reflection of our urge to reconnect with the sacred.”
And this is huge. So many people these days are so disconnected from the greater purpose, their greater purpose then, and the manner in which all of life is connected and inter-related. And this is where the joy of yoga really lies, as Rod Stryker writes, “yoga has less to do with what you can do with your body or with being able to still your mind than it has to do with the happiness that unfolds from realizing your full potential”. Now that’s big, real, achievable and inspiring.
It is for this reason that I am forever committed to sharing the blessing and indeed joy of yoga with others. It works! It can help you to realise your true potential and achieve real enduring happiness. It is really quite magical. All you need to do is make the time in your life, get off social media, stop reading about it and listening to others talking about it and get practicing instead – it is only through the practice that you will experience the change. So get on your mat, and move and breathe and sit and meditate and rest and watch and feel and repeat, repeat, repeat. Its really very easy, and its free!
So while I believe that raising awareness of happiness through the “World’s Boldest Ever Happiness Experiment” is a positive thing – how it be anything other than this – I also believe that it is already happening. In the ten years that I have been teaching yoga on Guernsey I have witnessed a massive increase in the number of people practicing yoga locally. It is amazing. Yoga has most definitely arrived in Guernsey, which means many people are already engaged in the quest for happiness, the experiment has already been taking place.
So if you find yourself here, reading these words, then close off now and go and lay your your mat and begin. And remember that you cannot force this on anyone, you have got to want to be happy.
With gratitude x
Herm Spring Yoga & Wellbeing Retreat 2016
Wow, what a magical weekend we have just enjoyed on the beautiful island of Herm for the annual Spring Beinspired Yoga & Wellbeing Retreat. The weather was just perfect, bright sunshine and clear skies, which was an absolute blessing on an already blessed weekend!
The yoga took place in the conservatory of the White House Hotel with beautiful views of the sea and Guernsey in the distance, it was particularly fabulous for those of us who had the chance to witness the setting sun on Friday and Saturday evenings during class, let alone the little robin that kept popping up outside.
Our mornings began early and a hardcore bunch of us, 8 on the Saturday and 7 on the Sunday, braved a swim in the sea at 7am. It was a little cool to say the least but a fabulous way to wake us up with lots of laughter and some screaming and prepare us for the morning yoga class and indeed day ahead!
The morning classes were active in nature and and I enjoyed witnessing all those amazing partnered backbends on the Saturday, and the room full of birds of paradise and crocodiles on the Sunday morning - well in mind if not in body!! The Saturday afternoon restorative class was just that, an opportunity to consciously rest and restore after such active days - we were awash with pillows and props, it was very comfy indeed!!
I was impressed with those of you who joined JP and Debbi for the led run at 12pm on the Saturday and then went on to do the guided walk with Herm Guide, Lesley Bailey, on the Saturday afternoon and then had energy for the chanting and evening session! Some enjoyed the opportunity to chill out instead and I know many of you floated out of the treatment sessions with Hayley Le Marquand (holistic massage), Grace Galliott (reflexology) and Sean Harvey (Reiki), and others learned a little more about yourselves with Sophie Shand's food intolerance testing.
The Mermaid did us proud with the yummy vegetarian food, no doubt a welcomed break for many of us who cook for families on a daily basis, and even for those who don't. I know not everyone is a fan of vegetarian food but hopefully the weekend showed that it can be rather filling and tasty, to say nothing of its energetic content, but don't get me started on that just now!
Sion and his team at the Hotel were as amazing as always, making us feel very welcome, with a roaring fire and clean, warm and tidy bedrooms, some with balconies and the most amazing views out to sea and across to Guernsey. Mum made sure the snacks were constantly available so no one went hungry although she over catered as usual so we have lots of yummy snacks to eat the next few days!
Personally I loved being able to share the joy of Herm and the joy of yoga with participants. There's something rather magical and uplifting about being on Herm, it's my favourite Island in the whole wide world, you just can't help feeling that little bit more connected to nature and it provides a massive opportunity to slow life right down and see the bigger picture again.
As for the yoga, well I just love sharing as much as I can in all the classes and to enjoy pranayama (breathing exercises), meditation, asana (postures), relaxation, Yoga Nidra (guided relaxation), restorative yoga and chanting. its all optional, but this year everyone was very dedicated and clearly keen to depend their experience of yoga on and off the mat.
The combination of Herm and retreating with yoga is not only healing and transformative but uplifting, energising, grounding and centring. Amazing! I am quite sure that the attendees all returned to Guernsey yesterday in an expanded state of consciousness, so that things seemed lighter, brighter and clearer. I have no doubt that they also felt a little bit more energised and calmer, stronger, centred and more open hearted than when they left Guernsey on Friday. Its magical really.
I'm very grateful to all who joined me and gave so beautifully of themselves with their energy, humour and ability to just go with the flow of things. Thank you. x
[there are more photos on the Beinspired Yoga Facebook community page if you would like to have a look]x
"Big cuddles", sleep deprivation and slowing things down
Big cuddles are all the rage in our house at the moment. Elijah invented them. Well not the big cuddle per se (obviously!), but his big cuddle. He likes to throw him arms around us and nestle in for a big one, “big cuddle Mummy”, is a regular request during my days and nights now.
Putting him to bed at night can often result in a good 5-10 big cuddles, in between all the tossing and turning and time wasting that is involved in the ‘going to sleep and not mucking around’ process, where he resists sleep and mucks around and the whole process can sometimes take a very long time!
It was for this reason that I invented the squidgy cuddle, which is exactly that, a big old squidgy cuddle, nice and cosy so that he feels fully safe and protected. I channel some Reiki through my hands onto his back and the combination of the two seems to result in him finally nodding off to sleep.
Not that Elijah falling asleep means that we are done with the big cuddles for the night. No, no, no. Last night, for example, he called out for me at 2.30am because a big cuddle with Mummy was absolutely essential in that moment. This was followed by a further call at about 4.30am although this time the big cuddle with Mummy had to take place in Mummy and Daddy’s bed.
So into our bed he came and proceeded to ‘big cuddle’ me on and off for the next few hours. Every time I tried to turn away from him and retreated for space, he would awaken and demand yet another big cuddle so that to be honest by 6.30am, well I was all big cuddled out and it was time to get up in any event.
We’ve always had a problem with Elijah’s inability to sleep the whole night through in or out of his own bed. He’s 27 months and still hasn’t managed it yet. I wasn’t aware before having Elijah that this degree of sleep deprivation was possible without you dying or collapsing or being totally incapable of functioning as a sane human being.
The initial three months were ok, the seemingly endless night time feeding was followed by seemingly endless day time feeding where not a lot else was demanded or expected apart from teaching a few yoga classes, making some food and staying on top of the washing. But going back to the office job at three months, albeit part-time was a challenge to say the least.
I felt permanently jet lagged and existed on black tea and dark chocolate in quantities I had never before consumed or indeed since. The job was demanding as I had to catch up from three months absence and we were buying and selling companies and it was all rather busy and I now had to factor in time away from my desk to express milk and a baby brain and sleep deprivation which created an inability to retain information for longer than 5 minutes.
At times it was embarrassing as I simply could not recall decisions which had been made only a day earlier. Sometimes I would just sit there staring at my screen completely lost, no idea what I was meant to be doing, or what I had just done and incapable of remembering words to form sentences let alone writing detailed emails with paragraphs. I began to think I was going mad.
And I guess I did go mad. Well not mad in the sense that I lost my mind, just mad in the sense that as the months went on and the night feeding continued at regular 2-3 hourly intervals, I found myself a little on edge and a little impatient and a teensy weeny bit angry at life generally. Essentially I was angry that having gone through IVF, Placenta Previa and a horrible C-section, I still hadn’t been given a break, I may well have my baby, but he didn’t like to sleep! I had forgotten that every cloud has a silver lining.
There was always hope that the sleep would improve, or so people kept telling me, there were supposed milestones when everything would shift in a positive sleepy direction: when he ate solids, when he finished teething, when he started crawling, when he started walking and when he started talking. But his second birthday arrived and we were still on the 3 hourly wake-ups and I was still breastfeeding and I was constantly exhausted and drained and longing for sleep and a full night’s sleep.
It was at this point that I realised that something had to shift and that I needed a few nights away on my own. It’s funny really because pre-Elijah I was a bit of a free spirit who regularly attended yoga training courses on my own in the UK and would travel regularly overseas, be that to Nepal or Canada or wherever it may be to see my friends and immerse myself in the local yoga scene. But for 2 whole years I only ever had one single night away from Elijah and that was with my Dad to watch a Mark Knopler concert in London, how things change!
So to say I was excited about 2 nights on my own in a hotel to undertake a 3 day Ayurvedic Pancha Karma with my Ayurvedic Doctor was an understatement, the fact it was in East Croydon of all places did nothing to dampen my spirits. I have such fond memories of my time there that I think East Croydon is a fabulous place to visit; I loved the silence of not really talking to anyone for 2 whole days, I loved the Ayurvedic treatments and I loved having a bed to myself with all that space for 2 whole nights.
Only that I couldn’t sleep, not properly, it was like my body had forgotten! I automatically awoke every few hours wondering why Elijah hadn’t woken me, so that I almost awoke in a state of panic. Now how crazy is that?! Still the trip was restful, healing and necessary and helped me to come to terms with the fact that it was time to wean Elijah, as resistant as I was to this I reluctantly agreed with my Ayurvedic doctor that it was sapping my vital energy.
Fortunately and whether I smelt differently from all the Ayurvedic oils and pastes I’ll never know but Elijah decided that he no longer wanted any breastmilk and self-weaned, which was always my wish. I can’t tell you how many times over that 2 year period people told me it was the breastfeeding that was causing him to keep waking up at night, so I figured that now surely, he would sleep through the night right?
But no, he didn’t. He still kept waking so that I was in and out of his room as much as I had been previously, only now I didn’t have to spend so much time feeding and settling him, and now Ewan could help too. So there was some improvement and not breastfeeding certainly helped to improve my energy levels and gave me a little more freedom again. But I was still keen to get a full night’s sleep.
I took Elijah for some Osteopathy and Bowen, I massaged his legs and channelled Reiki on his feet and shoulders, we made sure to get some fresh air each afternoon and lots of walking, I put salts in the bath and burned lavender and pine essential oils, we kept with the bed time routine and we even resorted to “In the Night Garden” to try and encourage that sleepy state. But he was still waking a couple of times a night, regardless of what we did.
E had been the same apparently, and I finally came to accept that this was just Elijah’s temperament. He has a huge amount of energy and doesn’t like to miss out - a bit like his Mummy in that respect really! Plus he likes to sleep with his Mummy and Daddy, like all my Nepali friends, who think us most strange in the West for sleeping in separate beds let alone separate rooms. And before anyone mentions it, the "crying it out" method...nope, that's never going to resonate with us, you just have to read the latest research on this, let alone notice how it makes your heart feel...
It was at this time, at the beginning of this year, that I realised I had turned into one of those rather tiresome friends who constantly talked about how tired I was, in fact one of those tiresome girlfriends because E was also getting tired of hearing how tired I was. And actually I was getting tired of hearing me say how tired I was, so that I noticed how ingrained it was in me, to be tired.
And when I reflected I struggled to remember a time in my life when I wasn’t tired. And the more I thought about it, the more I realised that it had become a behaviour pattern, a result of my upbringing and the belief system I had adopted into my way of thinking, my conditioning then. It was no one’s fault, that’s just what happens, and it is often only year’s later that you realise that there is another way of being from the one you have grown up believing.
I came to recognise that in my life, being lazy was actively discouraged, it was a bad thing. Busy being, therefore, was a good thing; it meant you were being productive and useful. Success (whatever that actually means) was measured by monetary gain and study/career advancement and that meant working hard. So working hard was what I did. It was all I knew to do. It came naturally to me. But that didn’t necessarily mean it was healthy (I have suffered with bouts of glandular fever and adrenal fatigue) and it certainly didn’t always make me happy.
Furthermore I was well aware that like attracts like and the more I talked about being tired, the more tiredness I would undoubtedly attract into my life. Not only that but I am also very well aware that our reality is a reflection of our thinking, so the more I thought about being tired and kept saying the word “tired”, the more I would live life in a way that created tiredness and the more I would continue to feel tired, a self-fulfilling prophecy then!
There is this fabulous Chinese proverb about this: “Be careful of your thoughts, for your thoughts become your words. Be careful of your words, for your words become your actions. Be careful of your actions, for your actions become your habits. Be careful of your habits, for your habits become your character. Be careful of your character, for your character becomes your destiny.”
Well I was at the point where I was sick of my character being defined by tiredness and busyness. I began to notice that people would say to me, “I know you are busy and tired but…” I was done with being both! I was tired of being tired and I was tired of being stressed and I was tired of chasing my tail. So it was time to shift the thinking, change what was becoming a habitual way of seeing things and bring some humour and lightness back into life again.
Plus, if Elijah was going to continue waking then I just had to suck it up and look for the silver lining, he wasn't going to change, so I had rot change my approach to dealing with the sleep deprivation instead. It was then that it properly dawned on me that I had tried to do as much and a little bit more as I was doing before Elijah, but with Elijah now in my life to manage too. No wonder I was always so tired! I’d positioned the busyness and productivity Police well and truly in my life, I didn’t want them to catch me being unproductive or lazy so I kept going just in case! Ha, ha, ha! How we create our own suffering. Ha, Ha, ha!
Well things had to change. I was done with it. There had to be another way.
Fortunately, it was at this point the Universe intervened, as it always does when we are ready to change things. Into my life flowed a whole heap of beautiful books written by inspiring ladies who had also pushed themselves that little bit too much in a masculine and linear way before they discovered, embraced and embodied the Divine Feminine into their lives and have never looked back since.
And just for good measure, just to make sure I too embodied all that I was reading (I believe this is essential for a true shift to take place), I managed to crack a few ribs, just like that, right at the end of a skiing trip in France. Now I don’t know if you have ever broken a rib but if you have you will know that it is impossible to do very much so that physically things had to slow down and with that an opportunity to transition into a new way of being.
In came the restorative yoga, extended relaxation and Yoga Nidra (guided relaxation) and out went the dynamic yoga practices and never finding time to rest at the end of them. In came the Reiki and Shen and Bowen and out went giving so much of my energy away to others. In came more time spent sitting and meditating and out went unnecessary pottering about and filling every spare minute with some form of activity!
In came making time for my passions and the things that make me happy such as writing, reading, walking in nature with my boys, watching the birds in the garden and swimming in the sea, and out went Facebook and the Ipad (which for me was time wasting and stressful), running (which was exhausting me), working on the laptop late into the evenings and overcommitting myself to others. In came early nights and out went socialising.
It’s been like a breath of fresh air into my life. I almost laugh now when I think back to how things were, of how I have made life so difficult for myself since having Elijah, of the trying to be all things at once, Mummy, girlfriend, friend, daughter, Reiki teacher and practitioner, yoga teacher, company secretary, writer, so that there’s been too much doing and not enough being, too much masculine energy and not enough Divine feminine.
I know that I am not alone, not least in the trying to be all things at once (that’s what happens when you try to be an empowered woman in this frenetic world we live in), but also with the sleep deprivation. And it’s a constant work in progress for old habits die hard but I am learning to recognise the triggers and to trust in the process and to embrace the vulnerability and yet the strength of the feminine and appreciate that She works in creative ways beyond our often restricted linear thinking.
As for the sleep deprivation, well E and I know that we are not alone and that many, many other couples have gone through this themselves. And I am well aware that one day Elijah will sleep through the night and one day he will stop wanting big cuddles and stop wanting to come into our bed and then we will have trouble getting him out of his bed and we will be up half the night waiting for him to come in.
E and I have been blessed with an utterly beautiful little boy who doesn’t sleep so well but comforts and warms us with his gentle heart and “big cuddles” throughout the night, and has taught us that life does not always have to be so tiring. And I have come to recognise the silver lining in all this sleep deprivation, of the manner in which it has encouraged me to slow down and to re-prioritise. But heck please don’t expect me to remember what I did yesterday because my memory may well never be the same again!
My tips for slowing your life down a bit:
If you have a garden and you don’t already have one, then invest in a bird table. I just love watching the birds coming in to feed from the bird table, I can’t help but stop and watch them;
Get yourself a bolster and practice some restorative yoga;
Enjoy a Yoga Nidra (guided relaxation) where you can also establish a Sankalpa (resolution or intention);
Get out walking, notice the change in season, the different flowers and the change in light, and splash in the puddles;
Take a bath with some relaxing and healing bath salts or some lavender oil;
Limit your screen time and make sure to switch off a few hours before bed;
Get off Facebook and start living your own life instead;
Go and sit on the beach and watch the waves. Get in the sea if you are brave!
Prioritise your time and learn to say no;
Cook. Its grounding and meditative in its own way;
Sit for 5 minutes a day and watch your breath as it comes in and out and witness your thoughts, let them be there, just try not to become engaged in them;
Enjoy a big cuddle and a squidy cuddle!