Shifting around the autumnal equinox!

After what was an amazing retreat in Glastonbury, it’s been a little tricky fitting back into “life” in Guernsey this week.  This has not been helped by the rather challenging shifting energy of the autumnal equinox.

I’ve a sense that this equinox is always rather tricky but this year it’s been particularly testing.  And we haven’t even reached D-day just yet!

Work has been especially difficult. Most people don’t realise that I’m a company secretary by profession, working part-time and flexible hours for a wealth management company. Well, this week, the egos have been out in force – I suspect I’m a little more sensitive to it due to Mabon and the Glastonbury experience, but nonetheless, phew, it’s been a touch interesting.

It seems that the fact you have “Head of”, “Director” or some other inane title to define your role means that for some reason you think it’s OK to treat others as if they are less worthy. Umm hello people, we’re all people, right? One day we’re all going to die and titles will be utterly meaningless in the grand scheme of things. People won’t remember us for our job title, they’ll remember us for how loving, compassionate and kind we might have been (and forget us quite quickly if we haven’t been any of these things) and whether we’ve made a difference to people’s lives/the world.

I find it incredible that people – sensible, intelligent, responsible people - can create such a divide within an organisation, and yet not have any awareness of this or the impact on people’s lives, nor on society and the world as a whole. We need to remember that we are all connected and our actions affect everyone, not just those immediate to us. 

We are all the same. Human. People. Living. Breathing. Remember! The sooner we realise this the better for everyone.

I can’t tell you how happy I was yesterday reading about the landmark ruling against two leading drug companies, which could save the NHS hundreds of millions a year. The case centred on the treatment of patients with a common eye condition, wet age-related macular degeneration. Twelve NHS bodies in the north east of England were offering these patients Avastin, a cheaper alternative to the licensed drug, Lucentis. The drug companies were trying to prevent the NHS from doing this. 

Drug company Novartis said they were "disappointed" because patients were being asked to accept an unlicensed treatment to save the NHS money. The truth is, unlicensed or not, the drug was doing the job. Crazy that the drug company thinks the NHS should have to pay more for a drug in the first place – don’t they want to help people? Perhaps they do but clearly making money is much more important.

The pharmaceutical companies have been holding people to ransom for years and putting profit ahead of people’s wellbeing. I don’t doubt that there are scientists working for these companies who truly want to find a cure and make a difference to people’s lives. But I’m also well aware that the bottom line is what is important to these companies. This saddens me beyond belief. People’s lives hang in the balance because of a balance sheet and a profit and loss account.

But sadly this is the very nature of many companies, especially the bigger ones – maximising profits regardless of the ethics. Not only do they put people’s lives at risk for the bottom line, but so many people sell their souls to work in these organisations, trapped because they don’t see they have an option as they have to pay the mortgage. I’ve lost count of the number of times someone tells me that they work for an organisation that they have little interest in, but they feel they have to do it to afford to live.

Perhaps fundamental to this is the fact that we live in a debt-driven society. It keeps the masses controlled so I can’t see this changing any time soon. Ridiculous when you think about it, that so many are sadly and effectively ‘trapped’, spending their lives working in jobs they don’t enjoy to pay mortgages for houses that they rarely inhabit as they’re at work paying for them. But that’s how life has become and there doesn’t really seem to be many options to live differently.

What’s even worse is that many end up sick, suffering with stress, depression, anxiety and/or paranoia as they try to live a life that doesn’t truly suit them. This isn’t helped by the modern pace of life that sees us constantly rushing…always rushing…there’s never enough time, always too much to fit in, too much to do, too many deadlines, too much choice, too much of everything.

And we destroy our beautiful planet in the process of all this rushing, because we don’t have time to do things differently. We put redundant “stuff” in landfill because we can’t be bothered/are too busy to recycle them, we continue to buy products wrapped/held in plastic even though we know we shouldn’t but they’re easy and we’re too busy. We ignore litter at the side of the road because we think it’s someone else’s job and we don’t have time. We clean our houses, our schools, our hospitals and our offices with chemicals that get flushed or washed into the water system.

We’re also too busy rushing that we don’t always have time to look after ourselves, not properly. We don’t have time to grow our own food, or to pop to the veggie stall, choosing some plastic-packaged produce from the nearest shop instead, too busy to cook from fresh, putting foods into our body that have very few nutrients and certainly lack the love of good home cooking cooked by those of a loving heart.  

Then there is the land being utterly destroyed with all the building and the quarrying and the reaping of the natural resources so that we can keep living as we’re doing, and so we can keep rushing. I’ll never forget a little 4-year old boy I met commenting that my car emitted pollution. I was quite taken aback because my car was no different to anyone else’s and then I realised. Yes. My car does excrete pollution. So does his Mummy’s, he wasn’t judging me, just making me aware. Using my car means that I can rush more easily! 

Elijah is fascinated by smoke coming out of a vehicle. On our trip to Glastonbury he was always looking for exhausts with smoke. It was heartening to see so few now really emit smoke, but emit we do. Pollution. Into the air. That we breathe. That nourishes the plants we eat. 

On and on.

We’re living in a way that isn’t sustainable but who really cares? We just keep living the same way because that’s all we know and because that’s how society goes. I can tell you from experience that it’s difficult doing things differently, going against the norm, but perhaps it’s time that we all started doing this a little bit more.

This week it has gotten to me a little bit and I’ve been thinking about the many ways that I don’t live in harmony with my inner truth and with the world as a whole. Plastic is a good example of this. I loathe plastic and seek to reduce my use of this. But still I continue to buy plastic packaged fruits because there is no other option if my sons want to continue to eat the berries they love. I’ve tried to overlook it or make excuses for it, but how can I expect things to change unless I, the consumer, make the change.

I haven’t yet managed to avoid buying the berries, but I was delighted to come across www.theplasticfreeshop.co.uk where I invested in a number of plastic free products including deodorant, toothpaste, dental floss and lunchboxes. I was delighted when my goodies arrived in record time and beautifully packaged and with a thank you note from the lady running the site.

I also finally got around to ordering a starter pack of reusable and environmentally (and vagina) friendly sanitary pads from www.honouryourflow.co.uk. I’ve been meaning to buy these for a while but the initial cost always seemed so high… I wish I hadn’t waited so long because they’ll more than pay for themselves before long. Until now, I’ve tended to use the Natracare range, but I find that they can leak and cause soreness. 

The Bodyform stuff doesn’t leak, but it’s non-environmentally friendly (made entirely of plastic) and definitely creates soreness, especially with that awful scented stuff. So these soft and beautifully packaged and presented pads are a revelation and every menstruating lady should get themselves a starter pack - you get a free couple of goodie things and a thank you note from the owner too. I can’t tell you what a difference these thank you notes have made – people selling products that they actually care about, that come with heart energy, a revelation after the ego events this week!

So while I’ve been a little despondent this week, it has spurred me into action and I’m pleased I’ve finally made some progress to reduce my reliance on plastic - plus there have been many other positives like that drugs case. It seems I’m not alone this week though in becoming increasingly aware of how badly we are treating this planet. I almost laughed out loud therefore when I read the astronomical reading for this week in my moon diary (written at least a year ago);

”The innovative and revolutionary T-square continues to hold between Taurean Uranus, Mars, still in the earliest degrees of humanitarian Aquarius and Venus, now in Scorpio and is guaranteed to bring the shocks and uncertainty that raise adrenalin levels. Evoked by deep-seated anger from the collective, a new awareness is awakening – of the limits of existing attitudes to acquisition, growth and natural resources.”

So it seems it’s in the field and change is afoot.  

Change is afoot in other (and yet related) ways, because the cycle of the wheel is turning and yesterday was the autumnal equinox, when the night time becomes equal to the length of the day time and the sunrise and sunset align exactly east and west. The final fruit harvest time is upon us and root vegetables are now plentiful – it’s time to prepare for the hard winter times ahead.

Some call this the festival of Mabon in honour of the God of Light, son of Modron, for others it is Alben Elfed “the light of water”. The God of Lights is defeated by his twin and alter ego, the God of Darkness, and many stories talk of the gods and goddesses returning to the underworld.

It’s a time of shifting as we too shift to find our new balance. You might feel therefore totally out of balance, and a little all over the place as some of the older ways of being drop away and the new has yet to come in. These periods of transition can be tricky and this is the reason I’m always keen that we’re aware of transitioning in yoga – how we move from one place to the next? This is the reason I love to flow (consciously), not simply focusing on the beginning and the end, but on that place in the middle too, the link.

The transition is a practice in its own right because how we transition on our yoga mats might give us an insight into how we transition in our lives. Can we retain our balance when everything around us is in flux? Can we hold true to ourselves when everyone else is doing something different? Can we stay centred as everything falls apart to be rebuilt again in a way that might be better aligned?  Can we resist the fear and maintain a solid base, rooted and trusting (always a challenge when fear kicks in!).

It seems to me that this truly is a time for letting go of all that’s been and trusting that we end up where we now need to be, re-aligning and re-adjusting to a new way of being, of both endings and new beginnings. This is also a time of purples and greens (think blackberries and hedgerows), and trusting in the intuition and the heart, as we get truly to the heart of things.

I really hope that this seasonal shift creates a shift in how we’re living and that we start being a little kinder and compassionate to ourselves and to each other and that we start taking better care of this beautiful world in which we live – we’re lucky to be able to call it home.  

Happy equinox!

Full moon rant - not paying for yoga classes!

It’s the full moon today and the full moons tend to brings things to the surface, shining a light on the dark shadows - we see the dark side of the moon! It also makes me rant!

In my shadows, I’ve been doing my best to ignore the fact that over the last few months’ people have been coming to yoga and not paying.  I don’t mean those who forget their tokens or forget their purse, I mean people who really have very little intention of ever paying.

Before Christmas, two girls came to my Sunday morning yoga class and left without paying and have never been seen again. At the winter solstice class, the one and only man left without paying – but he did leave me a rather cumbersome thick polystyrene tube, of which I have little use so it now sits in the St Martin’s community centre collecting dust until I guess I need to do something to dispose of it, thank you!

Then recently with the New Year rush (why do we rush to yoga in the new year, rushing never did anyone any good, I can tell you that from experience!), yet more new people promising to pay at the next class and then never turning up again.

I know I’m not alone as I’ve spoken to other yoga teachers who experience the same thing.  Others keep lists to encourage payment, whereas I work more so on trust, trusting in the goodness of people to let me know if they cannot afford to pay, and trusting that what’s meant to happen, happens.

E thinks it’s hilarious.  He wonders how many people go to the shop and forget to pay when they leave, or perhaps pay only a bit of what’s due (because often only part-payment is given).

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not the money that’s important to me.  I mean it is to a point, in terms of I earn money through teaching yoga to pay for my ongoing training, and it helps to sustain my young family, but money isn’t my primary motivation for teaching.  

It’s the principle that has been bothering me, the fact that some people just think it’s OK not to pay, or choose not to discuss it with you first, to place no value on my training or the service that I’m providing to them, or on yoga itself.

This isn’t to say that you need to pay to respect yoga or to place value on it. There’s no need for an exchange, it won’t imbalance the Universe as some say. That’s just the ego.  Sometimes I don’t want people to pay, certainly not my family. But again it’s just common courtesy to pay if payment is required to attend.

One of the eight limbs of yoga comprises the yamas, the ethical standards and sense of integrity that we are encouraged to adopt in our lives. One of these is called Asteya, meaning non-stealing and not taking what does not belong to you or that which is not willingly given (makes you think, right). Another one is Satya, meaning truthfulness. We begin to err naturally towards these standards the more we practice yoga.

It’s ironic therefore that the people who choose not to pay, are the people who need to practice yoga the most. With practice not only do we become more aware of the ethical principles that underpin practice, but we come to recognise the value of yoga in our lives for the many benefits it provides. Furthermore, we also begin to take a little bit more responsibility for our lives too, as we come to recognise that every decision we make, has an impact on someone else, and with that we become more mindful of the choices available to us in any given moment.

We also learn to let things go.  And this full moon today is all about letting things go.  So with that in mind, I too let this go, and just ask that if you’re reading this and you’ve a tendency not to pay for your yoga class then please reflect on that…it’s Imbolc tomorrow and that brings with it new beginnings so I’m just going to deepen my trust that what’s meant to happen, happens!

Rant over!

With love and gratitude

This Motherhood Malarkey!

Wow, it's hard to believe that my youngest, Eben, turned one today.  That was some year and some introduction to son number two with him arriving six weeks early, my water's breaking on the super full moon half way through a yoga retreat I was running in Herm...

...a year on and my poor little man was sick on the October Herm retreat, which brought with it its challenges.  I was a little bit sick too, a combination of pre-school bugs, sleep deprivation and Reiki healing.

All in all this set things up for a fairly rocky road this last week with the new moon energy building and definitely encouraging a huge letting go, bringing us to our knees...or in my case onto my back on the road at Petit Bot, in despair, tears flowing, feeling deserted by my guardian angels and all the strength and support of the Universe.  My lying on my back was me trying to ground. And because I was just too tired to keep going a moment longer.

I thought I'd got it out my system but back at home, and preparing for the first birthday party I had a message to call the bank.  There followed a frustrating 40 minute experience, which found me crying, yes crying, on the phone to the second person I spoke to when I failed the security test and he told me I'd need to phone back.  "but do you not realise I have a birthday cake to make and a party to run in 20 minutes", I sobbed in despair.  "Madam, I'm very sorry but you will need to telephone again, you've failed security".

So I telephoned again, trying to compose myself and lo and behold it turns out I was talking to the business people and needed to be speaking to the personal client people, so it's not surprising I failed the test, and so more waiting, me in tears, my Mum arrived and gave me a much needed hug, stress levels going into overdrive and finally I spoke to the fourth person and issue resolved.  

So suffice it to say that today I conclude that this this motherhood malarkey is exhausting. It's not just the sleep deprivation but the endless concern and, hmmm, dare I say worry.  Yes I know I know, I'm a Reiki teacher and practitioner and one of the Reiki principles is "for today, do not worry", because as we all know worrying just wastes energy and changes nothing...other than your stress levels and facial lines. But it's difficult not to worry sometimes.

This week Elijah's been testing because Eben's been ill with an ear infection was it happens.  So this meant he had to have antibiotics, which go against everything I stand up against...I've spent a year trying to heal his gut from the antibiotics he was prescribed at birth and now here a year on, another dose, and all because we're flying tomorrow and we couldn't risk the infection getting worse.  As it was he was hitting his head and rubbing his ears and vomiting with the coughing.

Then because Eben's been poorly and clinging to my waist or my breasts, well suckling from my breasts, but you know what I mean, Elijah's been even more challenging than usual because he wants attention.  He also loathes preschool, or at least he loathes the idea of it so that's got me thinking...and pondering...because another thing I'm passionate about is education, and not education like we currently know it, at least not here in the UK.

And then of course the packing for India.  Okay the list could go on.  I feel much calmer now. Birthday party went well, cake was eaten, a walk in nature, children fed and bathed and into bed, a lovely relaxing lavender bath and then a quiet and gentle yoga practice in silence, with the patchouli oil burning and the calming sodalite bracelet on my wrist.  It's good to be reminded of our humanness sometimes...there's another day tomorrow and let's face it, "all is well". x

Warning! Litter Rant.

It's hot here in Guernsey and my pitta is aggrieved and I can feel a rant coming on...

I've just been for a 20-minute evening walk through the beautiful lanes in the centre of the Island where I live and managed to collect all this litter.  Poor Mother Earth!

I'm just thinking. Now I wonder if there's a correlation between the people who think it's ok to litter Mother Earth with rubbish, being ok with also littering their bodies and minds with rubbish.  or to put it another way, those who have such little respect for Mother Earth, might also, possibly, have little respect for themselves. It's obviously not for me to judge but just a thought.

I guess the important thing is that someone picks up the rubbish. Now this isn't a preach but I know how easy it is to see rubbish and go through a thought process which justifies the many reasons that you might not pick it up (it's dirty, you don't have a bag, someone else will do it etc etc ) and just walk on by ignoring it.  

Well hey, how's about we all just get on down and pick it up. We can;t expect everyone else to be the change we want to see in the world, if we aren't prepared to be that change too.  So here's my thing.  Take a bag out with you when you go walking or to the beach and pick up the rubbish, cleanse Mother Earth, clear her of the (mainly) plastic debris and enable her to breathe more easily.

The magical thing is that she'll thank you. Honestly.  If you don't do it already then give it a try, and encourage your children to do it too.  Let's help Mother Earth with our own hands, and be that change.

Rant over!

xx

Having a rant!

Now I’m not usually one for ranting, but this week I feel like ranting.  The weather doesn’t help, it’s the 1st July and it’s raining…again. It’s so annoying!  We – well I then – spend the majority of the year longing for the summer what with its sunshine and outdoor days, only to find that this year, summer’s decided to stay away. Pants!

But I’ve got other gripes.  One thing that’s been perplexing me this week is the whole road courtesy thing. It’s something E has taught me over the years – “pay it forward” he calls it; you know when you do a good deed without expecting anything in return. When he’s driving he repeatedly let’s people out from junctions and drive-ways so that actually I used to get really annoyed with him, “we’ll be late”, I’d stress at him as he stopped to let out the twentieth person on that particular journey.

But of course we were never late and he was just trying to help people have an easier day.  I get that now, and I try to do the same when I remember, oops, but I’ve noticed how often people are on autopilot on the roads and often don’t realise how much of a difference they could make my letting the traffic flow a little easier, allowing that person to cross the road, or letting that car get out of their drive-way. It just makes you feel a bit better knowing you’re doing something kind for someone else.

But I have to say it does slightly entertain me (for want of a better word) when you do let people out of a ‘stuck’ situation and they don’t acknowledge you in any way.  I know, I know, there’s the whole karma “giving without expectation of return” and the whole “non-attachment” to outcome thing, but it’s just polite isn’t it?!  Just a gentle wave or even a smile, just something to say thank you if you don’t mind! The trouble is there is a great sense of entitlement on the roads!

It reminds me of something a Reiki Master friend of mine said to me a few years ago.  Pre-Reiki and spiritual practice, she used to be a director of a local financial institution and felt she was very important as a result of this (her words not mine). In fact, she felt that she was so important in her role that she allowed this sense of importance to affect her actions outside of the office so that she absolutely felt that she was entitled to be let out of junctions without the need to thank anyone – ‘it’s me, of course they need to let me out’!

This sense of entitlement, this feeling of being better than everyone else seeped out into all aspects of her life but she said it showed up most on the road. She was very honest about it, because she said that this is how she measured how much her life was shifting post-finance world, and it was something she became more and more conscious of as she became, well, more and more conscious. This made me laugh, because I see this all the time, I think it’s a money/power thing, certainly in terms of the cars with the drivers who seem to think they own the roads.

This leads me on to my other gripe.  Yoga teachers who think they are better than everyone else.  You know the type.  They put themselves on some spiritual/enlightened pedestal what with their mantras, nose piercings, mala beads and tales from India. Just-qualified teachers can sometimes be the worst, but even those with years of experience can be guilty too.

It shouldn’t bother me, but it does, because it gives the impression that by teaching yoga it makes you better, wiser, more enlightened than everyone else somehow.  Rubbish, that’s just the crafty spiritual ego taking hold (hee, hee that ego shows up in many guises!).  As you become more enlightened, in theory the ego drops away, it certainly shouldn’t get more pronounced, so that really the yoga teacher becomes even more ordinary. It shouldn’t be about them in any event, its about being a channel for the Divine right, and well, we’re all Divine so we’re all one of them.

I’m also struggling with all the people trying to re-invent the wheel in an effort to change the world.  Yes, change the world, I quite agree with this, but get out of your head and into your body and embody it. I don’t much care for all the spouting of research and the intellectualising of everything (and me, an intellect of sorts!), just get on and live it.  If you want to see a kinder world, then be kinder, encourage your children to be kinder, change the world that way, not by telling everyone else that they need to do this or do that to be kinder, that’s bypassing the matter at hand.

Further, I certainly don’t need research to tell me how to parent my child.  How can some person living in some other community and culture with some other child quite different to my own, know what’s best for my child, just because her or his research shows this or that?  We have an intuition, only that our culture and educational system and indeed societal conditioning does nothing to entertain or develop this. It’s a shame, a real shame, I think we’d all be much happier if we truly knew what our own body, our own wisdom was trying to tell us from moment to moment rather than constantly giving away our power to someone else who we think knows us better than we could ever know ourselves.

If you want to change the world, then you need to change yourself simple as that.  You need to get stuck into the nitty gritty and often very dark and challenging work of getting to know yourself that little bit better, bringing your shadows to the surface, acknowledging your negative tendencies and behaviour patterns and making friends with all aspects of your being.  You need to be deeply truthful and honest if you hope to live an authentic and sincere life. Talking about it is never the same.  Preaching to others is just damn right rude, you shouldn’t need to preach, its all about action, and being a living example for others should be enough – but of course you need to embody your preaching then.

And don’t get me wrong, I know there’s been times when I too have preached, and my Mum has wasted no time in pulling me up on this. I’m not proud of those moments, but I guess it is all part of the learning experience.  Just that I notice its happening more and more these days as people try to be someone, the airy fairy ego-spiritual world is rife with it, so you have to be particularly discerning and intuitive (ha) to know the real from the unreal as the Universe throws more illusion our way.

It’s a tricky one isn’t it, but the buck stops with us, only us, and I’m certainly still working on that. Not just in terms of whether I am kind on the roads, or whether I think about where that particular disposable consumer product is sourced and how I’m going to dispose of it, or the impact of my thoughts (and choice of thoughts) in terms of the negativity or positivity that they give out to the world, but my actions and how I interact with my very own flesh and blood, whether I can be as kind to them, as understanding and indeed considerate and giving as I may be of a compete stranger, that’s often where the deepest work needs to take place.

So there we go, ranting over. Sometimes it’s good isn’t it to get it all off your chest?  Makes you feel lighter somehow, well its made me feel lighter at least. And I guess its worth remembering that we’re all just human after all aren’t we, especially us yoga teachers, ha! But perhaps consider letting that car out today and giving a wave if it’s someone else letting you out instead and I’ll do the same!