Shifting around the autumnal equinox!

After what was an amazing retreat in Glastonbury, it’s been a little tricky fitting back into “life” in Guernsey this week.  This has not been helped by the rather challenging shifting energy of the autumnal equinox.

I’ve a sense that this equinox is always rather tricky but this year it’s been particularly testing.  And we haven’t even reached D-day just yet!

Work has been especially difficult. Most people don’t realise that I’m a company secretary by profession, working part-time and flexible hours for a wealth management company. Well, this week, the egos have been out in force – I suspect I’m a little more sensitive to it due to Mabon and the Glastonbury experience, but nonetheless, phew, it’s been a touch interesting.

It seems that the fact you have “Head of”, “Director” or some other inane title to define your role means that for some reason you think it’s OK to treat others as if they are less worthy. Umm hello people, we’re all people, right? One day we’re all going to die and titles will be utterly meaningless in the grand scheme of things. People won’t remember us for our job title, they’ll remember us for how loving, compassionate and kind we might have been (and forget us quite quickly if we haven’t been any of these things) and whether we’ve made a difference to people’s lives/the world.

I find it incredible that people – sensible, intelligent, responsible people - can create such a divide within an organisation, and yet not have any awareness of this or the impact on people’s lives, nor on society and the world as a whole. We need to remember that we are all connected and our actions affect everyone, not just those immediate to us. 

We are all the same. Human. People. Living. Breathing. Remember! The sooner we realise this the better for everyone.

I can’t tell you how happy I was yesterday reading about the landmark ruling against two leading drug companies, which could save the NHS hundreds of millions a year. The case centred on the treatment of patients with a common eye condition, wet age-related macular degeneration. Twelve NHS bodies in the north east of England were offering these patients Avastin, a cheaper alternative to the licensed drug, Lucentis. The drug companies were trying to prevent the NHS from doing this. 

Drug company Novartis said they were "disappointed" because patients were being asked to accept an unlicensed treatment to save the NHS money. The truth is, unlicensed or not, the drug was doing the job. Crazy that the drug company thinks the NHS should have to pay more for a drug in the first place – don’t they want to help people? Perhaps they do but clearly making money is much more important.

The pharmaceutical companies have been holding people to ransom for years and putting profit ahead of people’s wellbeing. I don’t doubt that there are scientists working for these companies who truly want to find a cure and make a difference to people’s lives. But I’m also well aware that the bottom line is what is important to these companies. This saddens me beyond belief. People’s lives hang in the balance because of a balance sheet and a profit and loss account.

But sadly this is the very nature of many companies, especially the bigger ones – maximising profits regardless of the ethics. Not only do they put people’s lives at risk for the bottom line, but so many people sell their souls to work in these organisations, trapped because they don’t see they have an option as they have to pay the mortgage. I’ve lost count of the number of times someone tells me that they work for an organisation that they have little interest in, but they feel they have to do it to afford to live.

Perhaps fundamental to this is the fact that we live in a debt-driven society. It keeps the masses controlled so I can’t see this changing any time soon. Ridiculous when you think about it, that so many are sadly and effectively ‘trapped’, spending their lives working in jobs they don’t enjoy to pay mortgages for houses that they rarely inhabit as they’re at work paying for them. But that’s how life has become and there doesn’t really seem to be many options to live differently.

What’s even worse is that many end up sick, suffering with stress, depression, anxiety and/or paranoia as they try to live a life that doesn’t truly suit them. This isn’t helped by the modern pace of life that sees us constantly rushing…always rushing…there’s never enough time, always too much to fit in, too much to do, too many deadlines, too much choice, too much of everything.

And we destroy our beautiful planet in the process of all this rushing, because we don’t have time to do things differently. We put redundant “stuff” in landfill because we can’t be bothered/are too busy to recycle them, we continue to buy products wrapped/held in plastic even though we know we shouldn’t but they’re easy and we’re too busy. We ignore litter at the side of the road because we think it’s someone else’s job and we don’t have time. We clean our houses, our schools, our hospitals and our offices with chemicals that get flushed or washed into the water system.

We’re also too busy rushing that we don’t always have time to look after ourselves, not properly. We don’t have time to grow our own food, or to pop to the veggie stall, choosing some plastic-packaged produce from the nearest shop instead, too busy to cook from fresh, putting foods into our body that have very few nutrients and certainly lack the love of good home cooking cooked by those of a loving heart.  

Then there is the land being utterly destroyed with all the building and the quarrying and the reaping of the natural resources so that we can keep living as we’re doing, and so we can keep rushing. I’ll never forget a little 4-year old boy I met commenting that my car emitted pollution. I was quite taken aback because my car was no different to anyone else’s and then I realised. Yes. My car does excrete pollution. So does his Mummy’s, he wasn’t judging me, just making me aware. Using my car means that I can rush more easily! 

Elijah is fascinated by smoke coming out of a vehicle. On our trip to Glastonbury he was always looking for exhausts with smoke. It was heartening to see so few now really emit smoke, but emit we do. Pollution. Into the air. That we breathe. That nourishes the plants we eat. 

On and on.

We’re living in a way that isn’t sustainable but who really cares? We just keep living the same way because that’s all we know and because that’s how society goes. I can tell you from experience that it’s difficult doing things differently, going against the norm, but perhaps it’s time that we all started doing this a little bit more.

This week it has gotten to me a little bit and I’ve been thinking about the many ways that I don’t live in harmony with my inner truth and with the world as a whole. Plastic is a good example of this. I loathe plastic and seek to reduce my use of this. But still I continue to buy plastic packaged fruits because there is no other option if my sons want to continue to eat the berries they love. I’ve tried to overlook it or make excuses for it, but how can I expect things to change unless I, the consumer, make the change.

I haven’t yet managed to avoid buying the berries, but I was delighted to come across www.theplasticfreeshop.co.uk where I invested in a number of plastic free products including deodorant, toothpaste, dental floss and lunchboxes. I was delighted when my goodies arrived in record time and beautifully packaged and with a thank you note from the lady running the site.

I also finally got around to ordering a starter pack of reusable and environmentally (and vagina) friendly sanitary pads from www.honouryourflow.co.uk. I’ve been meaning to buy these for a while but the initial cost always seemed so high… I wish I hadn’t waited so long because they’ll more than pay for themselves before long. Until now, I’ve tended to use the Natracare range, but I find that they can leak and cause soreness. 

The Bodyform stuff doesn’t leak, but it’s non-environmentally friendly (made entirely of plastic) and definitely creates soreness, especially with that awful scented stuff. So these soft and beautifully packaged and presented pads are a revelation and every menstruating lady should get themselves a starter pack - you get a free couple of goodie things and a thank you note from the owner too. I can’t tell you what a difference these thank you notes have made – people selling products that they actually care about, that come with heart energy, a revelation after the ego events this week!

So while I’ve been a little despondent this week, it has spurred me into action and I’m pleased I’ve finally made some progress to reduce my reliance on plastic - plus there have been many other positives like that drugs case. It seems I’m not alone this week though in becoming increasingly aware of how badly we are treating this planet. I almost laughed out loud therefore when I read the astronomical reading for this week in my moon diary (written at least a year ago);

”The innovative and revolutionary T-square continues to hold between Taurean Uranus, Mars, still in the earliest degrees of humanitarian Aquarius and Venus, now in Scorpio and is guaranteed to bring the shocks and uncertainty that raise adrenalin levels. Evoked by deep-seated anger from the collective, a new awareness is awakening – of the limits of existing attitudes to acquisition, growth and natural resources.”

So it seems it’s in the field and change is afoot.  

Change is afoot in other (and yet related) ways, because the cycle of the wheel is turning and yesterday was the autumnal equinox, when the night time becomes equal to the length of the day time and the sunrise and sunset align exactly east and west. The final fruit harvest time is upon us and root vegetables are now plentiful – it’s time to prepare for the hard winter times ahead.

Some call this the festival of Mabon in honour of the God of Light, son of Modron, for others it is Alben Elfed “the light of water”. The God of Lights is defeated by his twin and alter ego, the God of Darkness, and many stories talk of the gods and goddesses returning to the underworld.

It’s a time of shifting as we too shift to find our new balance. You might feel therefore totally out of balance, and a little all over the place as some of the older ways of being drop away and the new has yet to come in. These periods of transition can be tricky and this is the reason I’m always keen that we’re aware of transitioning in yoga – how we move from one place to the next? This is the reason I love to flow (consciously), not simply focusing on the beginning and the end, but on that place in the middle too, the link.

The transition is a practice in its own right because how we transition on our yoga mats might give us an insight into how we transition in our lives. Can we retain our balance when everything around us is in flux? Can we hold true to ourselves when everyone else is doing something different? Can we stay centred as everything falls apart to be rebuilt again in a way that might be better aligned?  Can we resist the fear and maintain a solid base, rooted and trusting (always a challenge when fear kicks in!).

It seems to me that this truly is a time for letting go of all that’s been and trusting that we end up where we now need to be, re-aligning and re-adjusting to a new way of being, of both endings and new beginnings. This is also a time of purples and greens (think blackberries and hedgerows), and trusting in the intuition and the heart, as we get truly to the heart of things.

I really hope that this seasonal shift creates a shift in how we’re living and that we start being a little kinder and compassionate to ourselves and to each other and that we start taking better care of this beautiful world in which we live – we’re lucky to be able to call it home.  

Happy equinox!

Less is more!

We've just returned from a fabulous family trip to the magical Island of Herm and I have to say that was indeed a wonderful way to begin the year - in nature, retreating and with my favourite people too!

It was a bit of a blessed trip as dolphins swam in the wake of the boat on the way over - I've never seen dolphins in such proximity within their natural environment. Then the next day I went for a swim at Shell Beach and I just had this feeling that something was amiss and not helped by a bird circling over head, so i got out and lo and behold a few minutes later, when I'd finished changing, up popped a huge seal just where I'd been swimming.  It was a curious thing and we spent a good five minutes getting very excited over his/her proximity to us on the beach.

We were the only visitors staying on the Island, which was just perfect.  Us and nature.  It was blustery that's for sure, but it didn't put us off and we walked and walked and managed at least one sea swim a day.

Mum and Dad visited on the Saturday, which was fab, and they brought supplies to keep us going - nothing is open in Herm during January, not even the pub! 

We just loved it, collecting wood and pinecones for the fire, nestling in, doing jigsaws, playing trucks and cars with the boys, practicing yoga with views of Alderney in the distance and sitting in the peace of the cottage, with no sounds - no traffic, no people, no planes, no nothing, just the wind and the natural elements. 

I had some clarity and make a couple of decisions. I always find that Herm has that effect, it grounds energy and enlivens and energises too. I also became very aware that the mantra for this year most definitely has to be "less is more".  It kept coming to me and the signs validated this. Less is more, less is more, less is more, not easy for someone who is always doing too much! 

Still this is certainly my intention fro 2018, and I have a feeling for many others too.  The year of manifestation...seeds coming to fruition...allowing the blossoming...smelling the roses...less is more...just being OK with what is...now there's the challenge!

Anyhow lI am very excited about the March Herm retreat, 018 just gets better and better, not long to go and already the daffodils were starting to poke through...woo hoo, can't wait. Herm is the most amazingly grounded and uplifting and energising place for a retreat and just here on our doorstep, 20 minutes away, hassle free with or without children, we're very lucky living on Guernsey!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

x

Changing the mind!

It has to be said that that was a very tricky moon cycle, between swimming in the pool under the light of the-almost-peaking full moon on Friday 3 November 2017 in Goa, and the full moon that I celebrated in the dark and cold here in Guernsey on Saturday 2 December 2017. 

The wheels fell off for a time. We invited Shiva into our lives in Goa so I shouldn't have been surprised. India alone will bring you to your knees, but Shiva, well he's something else.  I knew there was a reason I needed to invest in a little statue of Ganesha, remover of obstacles, before I left Goa. He's been a central part of my Altar this last month!

Things need to fall apart so that we can grow, at least spiritually, but it's a tough process to go through.  I questioned every aspect of my life wondering what needed to change, what I no longer needed and what had to stay.  Of course I knew deep down that it wasn't about changing the external, but I was trying to maintain some control...the ego likes control. It makes us feel safe.

But I wasn't feeling so safe and with my right ear deaf for a good month, I've had to be honest about what I'm not listening to. Ah yes.

The healing came as it does.  The anger, the fury, the tears, the everything that we need to go through to reach our bottom where we finally surrender and let go.

That's where the magic lies. In the letting go. Because only then does grace enter in and all is revealed, as if emerging from the fog.  I felt foggy that's for sure, being partially deaf does that to you, and blocked sinuses that make it difficult to think clearly, and the extreme tiredness post long haul travel with children who take time to adjust to the time difference and a partner who's sick from the flight. 

It's not easy feeling so raw and vulnerable and wondering where it all went so wrong. Of course it never did go wrong, it's just about perception and realising that it's time to transition from one way of being to another.  The dream has shifted - it's no longer just my dream, my life, now part of  family, and with that priorities change.

Essentially the mind changes.  That's where the pain comes in. Changing my mind. Becoming more aligned. There's a poetic rhyme to it. And it is poetry really, the rawness of it.

I read probably one of the most poetic books I've read in a long time, "When breath becomes air" by Paul Kalanithi, which is nothing short of genius. An amazing book and an inspired mind and heart, that man. This lead me to read Henry Marsh's "Do no Harm".  There was a theme here, brain surgery, death and meaning in life.

It's been a heavy month! But I've learned more about the brain, about the mind, about faith and spirit and the ego and about the manner in which life unfolds, how it changes. 

I've recognised that it was my mind that needed to change, not the external of my life, but the internal tapestry that gives rise to a change on the outside. There was no effort required either, it was just about going through the process. Being present. Sitting with the pain (of change) and listening to the body as it communicated it's needs.    

The mind resides everywhere, not just in the brain. It fascinates me. My mind. Everyone's minds. Changing minds.  It's all there.

We make changes on the inside, often having to do a complete turn-around in how we believed things to be, so that we see things completely differently - the pre-school I didn't think I liked, becomes the place that actually I really love, the place I didn't ant to visit on holiday becomes the very place I now long to go, then person I didn't initially like on meeting is now my close friend.  

Everything I resist persists and becomes an integral part of my life.  So there's something to look out for. Resistance. It's often the very thing we need.

So once the mind changes, the inner world changes, then the outer world changes too. Not hugely necessarily, it all looks the same but it feels very different, more aligned, heartfelt and joyful.  It feels right somehow. 

It was a joy therefore to teach the waning moon and for everything to settle.  Shiva worked his magic, destroyed so that life could be re-created. I'm just grateful for the practice, for the mat beneath me, that space, for the breath and the Yoga Nidra and for the light of the candle reminding me to keep heading towards the light, the heart the truth.

Changing minds is never easy but it's essential too.

With love and gratitude. 

x

The Joy of Yoga Nidra

Today I came across an article I wrote a while ago now for a Yoga magazine on the joys of Yoga Nidra.  I still thoroughly enjoy Yoga Nidra and have spent this year undertaking a foundation course on it.  This has meant I've practiced a lot of Yoga Nidra in all different formats and from different traditions this past year too, which has really helped me with the post-natal exhaustion.

I've also found that Yoga Nidra has helped to me to connect more deeply with my creativity, I've been writing a lot! I've also re-discovered a love of painting and have more creative ideas than I may have done previously.

Everyone should practice Yoga Nidra!  This is one of the reasons I incorporate Yoga Nidra into all of my retreats and ensure that we finish the Sunday morning Yoni Yoga class with one.  Bliss!!

If you'd like to know more then keep reading:

When I initially started practicing Yoga almost 10 years ago now, I simply could not relax.  It was impossible.  At the end of the Yoga class when the teacher announced Savasana, I would try and find any possible excuse to leave the class early so that I could avoid the last few minutes of relaxation. 

It was not so much that I was adverse to the idea of relaxation per se, it was more so that I found relaxing so mentally uncomfortable.  There were simply too many thoughts, too many tick lists, too many things I should be doing, rather than simply lying there on the floor trying to relax.

When I first ventured out to Byron Bay in Australia to immerse myself in Yoga a year into my practice, I shall never forget my first 2 hour Yoga session (the normal length of the classes out there at that time).  While I loved every single minute of the asana practice, the problem came, however, with a 20 whole minutes of quiet relaxation at the end of the class.  Proper quiet that is, with no music, no distraction, nothing.  Those were the longest 20 minutes of my life, or so it seemed in that moment!

Still with me attending these 2 hour sessions once or twice a day every day for a month and unable to leave the class early (many teachers will understandably discourage you from doing so), I quickly developed my own way of dealing with the mental chatter.  I imagined in my mind a train line with open trucks in which I placed each of my thoughts and then watched them pass by, one after the other, until I was able, eventually, to experience some relief from the constant background mental chatter.

Over the next year I practiced a lot of Yoga as I developed my practice both on and off the mat, qualifying as a Yoga teacher in the process.  My ability to relax improved hugely, but it wasn’t until I assisted on a teacher training course at Govinda Valley, Sydney that I discovered the joy and indeed benefit of Yoga Nidra. The relaxation became something I enjoyed rather than something that I endured at the end of a Yoga class.

I can still remember the experience of that first Yoga Nidra clearly.  There we were, the whole class of students, lying comfortably in the corpse pose, a bolster under knees and a blanket covering each of us to keep us warm as the teacher’s gentle voice soothed us into a state of cosy bliss as we relaxed each part of our body part by part, experiencing sensations and bringing awareness to the natural breath; it was a journey like no other I had experienced previously.

Time lost all meaning, what was actually 30 minutes felt like 5, and before I knew it we were back in the room, on our mats, in our bodies, feeling much more centred and grounded than I had felt at the beginning of the class.  What was also noticeable was the fact the mental chatter had eased, I had managed to drift beyond it into that wonderful state of being between being awake and asleep, the hypnotic state, where real healing takes place.  I felt brighter, lighter, rested and renewed. 

Essentially Yoga Nidra is a powerful meditation technique inducing complete physical, emotional and mental relaxation.   During Yoga Nidra one appears to be asleep but the consciousness is functioning at a deeper level of awareness so that you are prompted throughout the practice to say to yourself mentally, “I shall not sleep, I shall remain awake”.

Before beginning Yoga Nidra you make a Sankalpa, or a resolution for the practice.  The Sankalpa is an important stage of Yoga Nidra as it plants a seed in the mind encouraging healing and transformation in a positive direction.  The Sankapla is a short positive mental statement established at the beginning of the practice and said mentally to yourself in the present tense, as if it had already happened, such as “I am happy, healthy and pure light”, or “I am whole and healed”.

A Sankalpa can also be used to encourage you to let go of something in your life like smoking or overeating, focusing on the underlying feeling that leads you to smoke or to overeat such as “I love and care for myself and my body”, or “I choose to eat foods that support my health and wellbeing” or “I am relaxed and contented”.    In fact simply having the opportunity to establish a Sankalpa is powerful in itself as it gives you a focus and enhances your awareness of self.

It is actually in connecting with yourself that you come to realise all the deep seated tensions that Yoga Nidra helps you to release.  These are all the unconscious and unresolved issues that are playing a role in some of the unwanted habits and behaviour patterns you are noticing consciously.  This is the stuff that goes through your mind time and time again, the stuff you resolve to change at the beginning of each year but that “will” alone will not change.  What you need to do is get to the root of the problem and Yoga Nidra provides you with a means to do this.

With all the letting go of this “stuff”, such as trapped emotions and feelings, you become lighter and there is more energy available to be used in a more positive manner.  Plus with the power of intention in the form of Sankalpa, that which we attract into our life also changes.  It is in this way that Yoga Nidra offers us so much potential for transforming our lives in an even more positive direction than we can ever imagine.

Of course let us not forget the physiological benefits too, such as lowering of the heart rate and blood pressure, the release of lactate from the muscles that can cause anxiety and fatigue, a more restful night’s sleep and, ultimately, a calming and unwinding of the nervous system, which is basically the foundation of the body’s wellbeing.  So you see our physical health and sense of wellbeing can improve too.

Over the years Yoga Nidra has helped me in so many ways.  At times of crisis, when I have been tired and exhausted, sick and stressed, it has helped to restore, renew and heal me.  At confused times in my life when I have been unclear of the way forward then it has provided me with much needed clarity.  At other times it has helped me to let go of unhealthy addictions and behaviour patterns, the most profound was changing my relationship to myself and therefore enabling me to effortlessly let go of the need to smoke tobacco after so many years of battling with this nicotine addiction.

These days relaxation comes easily to me and I positively seek out and embrace any opportunity for Yoga Nidra for it is just such an amazing practice. In this stressful and fast paced world we live, where we can feel so disorientated and fragmented, it really helps to bring us back together and connect with ourselves again. Needless to say, I cannot promote the benefits of Yoga Nidra to you enough. But of course you cannot benefit from merely intellectualising these things, and reading about it will not necessarily change things.  What you really need to do is make a commitment to take the time out for yourself.  Lie comfortably, cover yourself with a blanket, close your eyes and allow yourself to be guided through a Yoga Nidra session.  I doubt you will regret it, in fact you may find it a life changing experience.

Thinking, thinking, thinking...

I attended my second yoga class since Eben was born. What a joy! I practice yoga on my mat every day on my own and sometimes I practice along to YouTube yoga videos (Adrienne is a particular favourite) but there’s nothing quite as wonderful as attending a class. It’s a passion of mine.

I love nothing more than joining other yogis and yoginis in a dedicated yoga space to practice together. And I love a good teacher who is able to guide me to a deeper awareness of being. So I was in my yoga heaven yesterday when I joined Kevin and the Saturday morning class at the Brighton Buddhist Centre.

In the peaceful environment of the yoga space, I quickly became aware of the hectic nature of my mind. It’s easier to overlook this in one’s own practice, sometimes merely going through the motions and often increasing the pace to meet the mind rather than slowing down to try and tame the mind.

My mind was in overdrive. Within the first few minutes of movement, I noticed my mind thinking about a forthcoming Reiki attunement session and planning the food I should prepare for this and putting together a list of ingredients. I caught myself as I drifted into Waitrose and down the aisles, identifying the location of the ingredients I will need to buy.

I had a good laugh at myself. I may well have been physically present on my yoga mat in Brighton but my mind was in the future in a shop in Guernsey. As for my spirit? I knew it was there but my mind was too noisy to hear it. Before I knew it, I’d drifted from Waitrose to Infinity Foods in Brighton as I planned the food I was going to buy after the class.

I laughed again and brought my awareness back to the moment and back to the breath coming in and out, ujjayi breath, steadying, centring and calming. From the breath my awareness moved to sensation in the body to further ground me in the present. I was aware how it felt to move into Downward Facing dog and from there the relief of resting in Pose of a Child.

It was a wonderful feeling really. There was nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. The thoughts kept coming but I was more aware of not becoming engaged with them and just noticing them instead.  This was easier at times than others, because sometimes the thoughts drag you in.

In yoga, we talk of cultivating equanimity, of being able to ‘stand in the middle of all this’, of being grounded, sane and ordinary. It’s about noticing how our mind works and getting familiar with it, recognising the hooks, the temptations, the things that drag you in. I was certainly noticing this during the class, it was much more apparent probably because I haven’t been to a class for a while now.

The practice offers us the opportunity to see what’s happening without getting hooked, without having a drama, noticing that everything arises, abides and dissolves. I love that we can embody this in our yoga practice. We inhale and arise into a pose, we stay abiding in that pose and then we exhale, dissolving out of the pose.  And in this whole process we have the opportunity to learn how our mind works, and to get more familiar with it.

Yoga is amazing for many reasons, but especially as it offers us the opportunity to train the mind. This does involve some effort, as it can be hard work to let go of the seductive thoughts, the thinking that throws us off centre and draws us in. It’s a constant practice to keep coming back to the breath, to notice that you are thinking, and being able to resist going after the thoughts, which, like our asana practice, arise, abide and dissolve.

Only that sometimes – well actually quite a lot sometimes – we abide within the thoughts.  And our thoughts give rise to behaviour patterns and beliefs that shape our life.  We create our reality by our thinking. In simplistic terms this means that if we have negative thoughts then we are more likely to have a negative experience and a negative perception of life. Our thinking affects our biochemistry so negative thinking can create dis-ease.

Our yoga practice offers us the opportunity to not only move the body and breathe but also to witness our thoughts as they arise, abide and dissolve, strengthening our mind in the process. Furthermore, it can provide us with the opportunity to notice the nature of the thinking.  How is it for us? Has the habitual thinking given rise to a negative behaviour pattern or to a belief which is no longer serving us? Are we fearful or anxious? Are we constantly giving ourselves a hard time?

Often these patterns are laid down in childhood and we don’t question them, just considering that that is how it is – inherited as they’ve been from society, culture and our parents. We forget that everything is impermanent, that life is not linear. Instead it’s full of movement, fluidity and potential. We just have to recognise the nature of our thinking and not get stuck in our thinking patterns!

I remind myself of this as we practice a number of asana, to notice my habitual way of thinking and it’s liberating.  To be able to stand back and notice the arising thoughts, allowing them to abide and then dissolve, they’re not me!

With that I feel lighter, not least physically but also mentally.  There is a pause between thoughts, a silence.  I long for more of those silences. Those liminal spaces. That gap between the inhalation and the exhalation and between the exhalation and the inhalation. That space where magic happens. That’s the reason I also love Yoga Nidra, it’s full of liminal spaces.

After the class I headed to a crystal shop and chose a Goddess card before having my tarot cards read by a beautiful lady called Nina. Both of them told me what I’d already realised.  It’s time to retreat to silence and calm the mind. It’s true what they say, that we teach that which we most need to learn, but that makes sense doesn’t it, otherwise how would we know.

The effects of the class continued into the day.  I kept catching myself when the hooks presented themselves. The victim/martyr archetype kept showing up and I had to reel myself back from getting hooked. It is what it is. We create our own reality. Equanimity. It’s a life long practice, of arising, abiding and dissolving, taking it all very lightly and questioning the thinking!