Emma Despres 23/07/2023 Emma Despres 23/07/2023

Lihou!

Well that was some three month squish since the last solar eclipse back in April, ending, or so it felt with this month’s new moon last Monday. Not that it was felt immediately, the new moon was intense and Tuesday was pretty big, calmness slowly returning Wednesday onwards with the wax.

We were in Lihou when peace and harmony retuned and it might have been enhanced because we were over there, getting away from it all, the joy of Lihou is that you can literally do that, when the tide comes up and the causeway is covered, you really are on your own little island and one without WIFI, such bliss, specially when you only have a dumb phone and can’t access 4G, hoorah for that!

I actually borrowed an EMF reader from a friend recently and was quite disturbed by how high the frequency emitted from not only a phone but from this laptop that I’m writing this on. The iPads are pretty intense too, the WIFI box is sky high. It’s worrying that we place laptops on laps and we place phones in pockets and bras, attracting all that EMF into our bodies. There’s a lesson in there for all of us who use these devices - stay away as much as you can!

Anyway, Lihou is a blessing and I’m grateful that the opportunity presented itself to stay for two nights and enjoy the company of friends who also appreciate this beautiful island. Admittedly the house could really do with some TLC, each time I go I say I will never go again because it can feel so dirty, but this time it didn’t bother me so much, I was just grateful for the opportunity to retreat and enjoy the peace - this time we ensure there were less of us, last year it was busy and therefore not quite so peaceful.

We managed swims in the Venus Pool, having it all to ourselves before and after the causeway opened, and more swimming in the sea from the beach opposite the house. There were two seals out there one morning. The other morning was spent trying to care for a dying gannet. I was told that 75% of the gannet colony off Alderney has died of bird flu this year and there were concerns that this gannet had it too, but tests by the States Vet showed it died of something else. It was sad of course but we felt very privileged to be able to get so close to such a marvellous bird in our quest to feed and care for it.

We watched the sun set into the sea the first night up on the top at the magic stones, or so they feel to me. The second night we had a fire on the pebbles having collected a whole heap of fire wood from the beaches that morning. It was lovely to sit and watch the many seagulls and it made me long to hear what they communicate to each other, they are certainly noisy and there were far more of them than I remember, maybe I’m confusing it with Herm but I seem to remember oyster catchers in the past and this time there were none. There were many kestrels though and lots of little birds who will go unidentified I’m afraid!

There is also a plethora of butterflies on Lihou currently, some really beautiful blue and mauve ones. In fact it really did feel like butterfly heaven, they clearly love the unspoilt wildness of the terrain and these beautiful yellow flowers which may be liver wort but don’t quote me on that!

The children were completely feral and free, and I enjoyed the freedom of this too and being able to practice yoga outside with views of the birds and the sea, and to be able to potter, read books, prepare food, chatter, go for walks and spend time alone if one chose. I cannot recommend it enough and I think we all returned to Guernsey feeling infinitely calmer than when we left and fortunately that feeling has continued and I hope it might continue on as the summer holidays take us to a gentler flow, albeit the weather could do with warming a little!

I guess really what I’m trying to say is that the soul has been nourished and the heart warmed after all the drama and chaos of the last few months has settled and the re-alignment clearer and the path ahead clearer too. The universe always knows best and we are always best to get out of our own way and flow with it, but it is very challenging when we feel we are being challenged and therefore we try to control things only to know that really we need to let go, but not knowing what are letting go into and struggling because we are up against our conditioning that encourages us to make everything known and certain and therefore, often boring, because we compromise the soul and become increasingly stagnant. Phew.

It’s all about the flow. And knowing when we have boxed ourselves. Which I did for a while there, blaming the universe but really it was my own mind trying to figure things out, but obviously the mind can only work on what has happened previously so it might try to do more of that and we’ll wonder why we feel so urghhh and heavy and depressed, or it might send these ridiculous imaginings of the future, which cause us to drop into fear because we don’t know and we imagine and frequently the mind imagines worst case scenario, another urge and anxiety. Better still to stop going backwards and stop going forwards and live in the moment…time is such a killer for the soul.

I’m currently re-reading the Tao Te Ching, which is a book about the way and the power of the way and I love this particular chapter called Being Quiet

Being quiet

Brim-fill the bowl,

it’ll spill over.

Keep sharpening the blade,

you’ll soon blunt it.

Nobody can protect

a house full of gold and jade.

Wealth, status, pride,

are their own ruin.

To do good work, work well, and lie low

is the way of the blessing.

I feel like Being Quiet and being quiet with others in healing and sacred and gentle space. I have a session on Tuesday for those who are free, called Spiritual Rejuvination to calm the mind, release tension from the body, uplift the spirt and nourish the soul with breath, movement, resting and sound. We will incorporate some yogic breathing exercises with some very gentle movement (you can sit in a chair if easier), followed by a Yoga Nidra (guided relaxation) and a sound bath, where you can lie/sit back and immerse yourself in the healing vibration of sound - all welcome book here https://www.beinspiredby.co.uk/events-calendar/spiritual-rejuvenation

It is time to be quiet within ourselves, making the most of all this season has to offer, filling up on Vitamin D and all this bountiful harvest - I say that and all I have harvested since Lihou is one courgette, one bean and a handful of spinach and kale, but not to worry, they were yummy and I’m grateful just for them. Still we have another week until Lughnasadh and the celebration of the first harvest, I have a class for that too, see here, https://www.beinspiredby.co.uk/events-calendar/yoni-yoga-lughnasadh

New beginnings have found me now having started the Spiritual Life Coaching and I am available on an ongoing basis for those of you who need a little bit of help, combining my love of Reiki, Yoga, Ayurveda and all things spiritual…You can read more here https://www.beinspiredby.co.uk/spiritual-life-coaching

Have a lovely week.

A huge thank you to Kristin Rathje for her brilliant photos and photography. I took the one of the fire, Kristin kindly took all the rest!

Love Emma x

Emma Despres 17/07/2023 Emma Despres 17/07/2023

My moon garden - happy new moon!

My moon garden is a source of much joy to me as I am sure your garden is a joy to you too - gardening is brilliant!. The moon garden is a few years in the growing now, and a couple of my medical plants ended their cycle last year so I experimented this year with planting a variety of medicinal and non-medicinal plants wherever space allowed, sort of intuitive, but more so about what was ready for planting when and the space available.

I’ll probably do things differently next year. This year I wanted to plant Mugwort without realising that Mugwort grows easily and is very tall! So it is sadly blocking light to some of my other plants. Not that these other plants aren’t growing, only that they’re probably not growing as well as they might be if they received more light!

Still, I rather love the Mugwort. It has a long history of medicinal and magical use, and while it is more commonly known as a digestive stimulant and to support the female reproductive system, it was used for many centuries for its protective powers in warding off evil and combatting black witchcraft!

It is one of one herbs that was said to be sacred to anglo-saxon tribes, and it was known as the mother of all herbs. It’s a visionary plant that creates more lucid dreams and is seeing a revival. I’m just growing it for the love of it, albeit I might dry some of it for its protective qualities, you know, just in case…

My favourite medical plant is the wood betony with its purple flowers. I’ve grown more of this this year because it just feels lovely, energetically, and adds a certain something to the moon garden energy. This is considered one of the most important herbs of medical Britain, revered both for its medicinal uses and its association with the spiritual realm. It’s a talky plant and it makes me happy. It is renowned for easing tension headaches and the feeling of overwhelm, which is probably the reason I love it so much!

The elecampane has grown again this year. This has beautiful yellow flowers which the bees love. It is respected as one of Europe’s strongest respiratory tonics helping to alleviate irritated and chesty coughs, but I shan’t harvest it and will leave it for the bees.

The bees also love the yellow flowers of St John’s Wort, which have returned again the year. It’s such a cheery flower, no wonder if helps with depression, I’ll be sad to lose them.

They bees also love the purple hyssop flowers as well, you can try and find the bee nestled in the photo. Sadly but I don’t have as many as last year as they are slowly dying back, which is a shame as they have a lovely scent to them.

I grew a whole heap of Echinacea last year but they didn’t come back again this year sadly. So I grew a whole lot more from seed but they won’t flower until next year, and actually they are taking time to settle, nestled within the moon garden and on an extra bed at the back.

I’ve got liquorice mint, valerian, oregano, thyme, marshmallow, mother’s wort and lovage on the go too.

Courgettes, Tulsi, peas, kale and spinach all nestled together!

From a veggie perspective, my broccoli didn't thrive, but I have had peas and spinach and the kale has been tasty. Courgettes, beans and aubergines are yet to come through. Down at my folks I have tons of carrots and leeks, kind of funny as the children don’t like either so E and I have a lot to eat! It’s been a funny year for the veg, funny year weather wise generally though.

Talking of the weather I smelt autumn yesterday, which was a bit of a shock given we haven’t really had our summer yet. I’m hopeful its coming back again. We’re off to Lihou this week for a proper get away and with luck the sun will shine.

Enjoy the Cancerian new moon and all this crazy energy has to offer in upgrading us! It’s been intense, not sure if that’s because of being Cancerian, but definitely there’s been a clear out ahead of this new cycle. Loved that one of the reiki attunements aligned with the mon by coincidence yesterday and grateful that calm has returned for this new cycle, let’s bring in peace ladies and gents, peace, peace, peace.

Love Emma x

Emma Despres 13/07/2023 Emma Despres 13/07/2023

Just being as we are

Yes, it’s true, there is a reflectiveness in the air today, a certain melancholy, a grieving for the past gone and an indifference almost to the future to come, a sort of in-between nothingness, another clearing.

There is much to be grateful for and we are reminded of this. So too the happy times been and the changes in our life since then that speak of new direction and new experiences, yet still there is a longing for more of what once was and is no longer possible because of age, or children, or separation, to a change in circumstance.

Separation has been coming up today too, the many ways we separate from our soul and our truth. How we get bogged down in this 3D reality and lose perspective of what’s really important from a higher perspective, from the higher self’s perspective at least, which talks in a language that cannot be spoken with others easily.

I wonder if this is what happens before change comes in, because I can’t yet be certain that change is coming, yet this new moon energy building, the waning down, seems to be encouraging it, as if everything is jumbled and uncertain, not yet known, ahead of the reality yet to come, which will bring with it the change we need, but have been thus far unable to make. Always the change is inside of ourselves, a letting go and surrendering so that the new can come in.

I realise I haven’t shared much of my garden this year, because of letting go of the need to achieve and to just be with it intuitively, reducing my stress levels enormously, no picking and drying and making of oils, tincture, balms and ointments. This year I wanted to grow for the love of growing, for the bees and the birds and the earth and the moon and the sun and the heavens and for everything in-between - and for my enjoyment of it! It’s gorgeous out there. I’ll take a photo if I remember.

It feels a little bit like this in life generally, when we begin to surrender more of our need for control and outcome, that everything shifts a little and we are not hunting for change, instead change finds us at just the right time. All we need to do is remain aware and take action when we know the time is right…stay open and in the heart.

The time feels like it might be coming.

If you’re riding this similar wave, I believe we’re being asked to go deeper still…inside ourselves, being more of who we are, like the flowers, just surrendering to whatever comes up and waiting until it does…

Enjoy this next stage of the journey!

Love Emma xxx

Emma Despres 06/07/2023 Emma Despres 06/07/2023

Emptiness

We can all breathe a sigh of relief now as we are on the wane and the energy is calming. Yet we cannot rest on our laurels, the universe is trying to move us on and re-align us and it will make it very clear if we are not listening and paying attention.

We’re also being asked to look at our collective emptiness. It keeps coming up. Last week there was a theme around concern for others and this week the theme is around emptiness and what we do to fill it - do we eat, drink, smoke, over-work, over-exercise; I suppose what it comes down to, is what do we do excessively to fill our emptiness?

Not to say that all emptiness is bad. Emptiness is actually ripe with potential and possibilities. It just depends if we can learn to be with it and allow it to be transformed into something positive in our lives, or whether we distract ourselves from it.

This week is also bringing up responsibility. We’re very good at blaming others, without realising that there is no one to blame, we just need to take ownership and look within. This is uncomfortable though and so we often look outside ourselves - surely our discomfort is someone’s fault.

At the end of the day we do need to take responsibility because no one else is going to do it for us. Doctors can give us pills, holistic workers can lay hands and give us potions a supplements, but more often than not the issue lies deep within us, either the way we are living, the environment we put ourselves in or the way we are thinking. Never underestimate the power of thoughts - in the spirt world, what you think, you create.

Here life had calmed. It never fails to interest me how our children can shape our lives if we allow them and allow their individual needs. We’re now home schooling both children and I’m certainly enjoying the increased flow and freedom this brings. Sometimes, it’s not until you are forced to make changes that you appreciate how much that change needed to be made.

I’ve also been reminded exactly what I have written above that we need to take responsibility and be the change that needs to be made. We also need to trust that the help we need will come when we most need it, and never usually from where we might expect it - don’t ever rely on the State!

Meanwhile the labyrinth walk was a joy, thank you to those who joined me. I dowsed auras before entering the labyrinth and these were stronger than I would normally expect, which demonstrated to me how much our energy field expands on a full moon - I know it does this on the land so I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was! I dowsed afterwards too and the auras had doubled - amazing!

And what a full moon it was too. Phew. If we needed to see more of the illusion then Monday brought it in, also our entitlement and controlling things…or feeling we are in control, when we’re not really and the beautiful spiritual ego.

Oh well, lets make the most of the calmer half moon on its way and enjoy the weekend!

Love Emma

Emma Despres 03/07/2023 Emma Despres 03/07/2023

Seeing through more of the illusion

If I thought my life imploded after our trip to Sark, little did I appreciate what might happen after a trip to Carnac, immersing myself in the magic of its neolithic landscape and enjoying time out from the usual routine.

I arrived back on a Sunday and by the Tuesday I was fully immersed in the washing machine of life, not quite sure which spin and how long it may last but being challenged in every area of my life.

I know I’m not alone though. The universe has ramped things up and last week we were all going through it in some way or form. if we’re not aligned with our truth, then the universe is intervening and re-aliging us. This is rarely a pleasant experience. It’s like having our roots tugged up and being planted somewhere else in the garden. It is pointless trying to hold on, just causes us more suffering. But the letting go into the unknown, allowing a different view, settling into new soil, well it’s all a little challenging.

Life has certainly been challenging. Tuesday my gentle and kind uncle sadly passed and we made the difficult decision to take our slightly traumatised youngest son out of the school system, for now at least. There were a few other things that asked me to dig deeper and be clear about my boundaries. It was one of those days. One of endings and new beginnings simultaneously, when you don’t know whether to laugh or cry and are reminded of the paradoxical nature of life. Death is rarely welcomed, until it eases suffering. Home schooling is not easy, but neither is watching a child suffering.

I watched my uncle’s breath a long time. How the body can slowly shut down but the breathe carries on. Until it can’t carry on anymore, until there’s no energy for breath. My cousin and I talked about these transitions, the one of death and birth, when you’re not sure when it’s going to happen, what comes next. There’s waiting, waiting for something to change, for the contractions to increase or the breath to change, something that indicates that the shift is happening, that birth or death is imminent.

These are transition times. Nothing is ever the same again. There’s before and after. There was before Carnac and there was after. Places can offer us a death and a birthing simultaneously. Part of us dies so that the new can be born and life is never quite the same again - more of the illusion of who we thought we were, of ego identification drops away. My life has been full of dragonflies, here in the garden when I was practising yoga before I left for Carnac. In Carnac itself. The dolmen of illusions was surrounded by them, it was kind of funny, and even coming back here, more dragon flies in the garden. You know life is going to change when you see dragon flies, they are the master of illusions.

I am grateful to the practice because without that I’m not sure how one maintains one ‘s centre and grounding, how one can ride the rough and the smooth, the births and the deaths. I always remember my yoga teacher saying that our yoga practice is preparing us for a good death, because it is teaching us (in theory) to let go. Certainly I have had to do a lot of letting go recently. But death really, is the ultimate letting go. And this into the unknown. I watched my uncle and I realised how hard it truly is, to take that last breath and slip away, slip away, slip away.

It’s the unknown, we have such a hard time settling into this. I’ve blogged about this before, because often we want certainly, we want a guarantee of outcome, we want to know how it all turn out so that we can feel as if we are in control, assured that we are safe, come what may. Life isn’t like that though. It throws us curved balls, to remind us that we are never in control.

That said, I had a sense that all this change was coming, that it was my uncle’s time and that Eben needed a change, that we were trying to live one foot in each camp and running ourselves ragged in the process. For now at least. This is one of my mantras of late. For now. Today. Because tomorrow we might do things differently. Nothing is certain. Nothing is forever. Always there is the possibility…and more potential…and greater alignment to truth…as one comes to know more of one’s Self with a capital S.

Thursday the cycle ended and I was hung out to dry, exhausted. We were all exhausted. Friday was my birthday, a strange one this year, a day of water, of tears and rain, of swimming and surfing, of visiting a dolmen and getting out to the fairy ring, of solitude on my mat and sociability with the boys and family and of playing chess with a good friend. It was a little bit of everything I love, but tinged with the apprehension and uncertainty of the unknown, of wanting things to be different this year and beginning as I mean to go on, surrendering to whatever the universe brings and letting go of the small voice that talks of fear.

It interests me how my clients go through phases of needing the same Bach flower remedy. This week it has been Red Chestnut. Even I dowsed it for myself today as if proving the theme. Red Chestnut is is for people who feel fear for the well-being of others, for example the husband who is afraid when his wife goes out alone after dark or the mother fretting over what may happen to her child at school.

Red Chestnut fears are natural, normal concerns magnified to the point where they have a negative effect on the people who are the object of concern, undermining their confidence and self-belief. When we are in this state the remedy helps us send out calm, unworried thoughts to our loved ones, so that instead of making everyone anxious we are rocks on whom others lean.

We are going through a collective period of concern. Because the world has gone mad. We are living in a way that is out of harmony with our true nature. This morning on the Spiritual Love-liness course, we were using dowsing charts and my dowsing indicated that I carry a sense of hopelessness on a sub-conscious level. It’s shown up before. And there is a hopelessness, simply because of the state of the world. The planet doesn't concern me too much as I know that she will take care of herself, but humanity. Where are we going, what kind of world are we creating for our children, how are we shaping their minds and perception of reality?

I have to trust that we will all be aligned in a way that benefits all of humanity. That harmony is possible. That if we all do the work to be loving and kind, to live true to our heart and soul, to let go of our limiting conditioning and the binds of society as society has become, which tries to make life known and certain, squashing our spirit in the process, then we can create a humanity which sees beyond the illusion of money and power as being the only way, and find something much simpler and magical in the innocence of our lives, in those moments where we watch a sunset or witness a baby born or hold someone’s hand as they die. That these are the moments we capture deep in our hearts, that make us who we truly are, reminding us of the sacredness of our time here on Planet Earth.

Life is changing as we know it. We always have a choice. Are we going to let spirit guide us or are we going to cling on to what is known? There is no such thing as good and bad, right and wrong, that’s all in the mind. There is only this moment and the next and the one after that too. How we live is up to us. The Capricorn full moon is pulling out the stops. Pay attention. Dive deep. Breath. Notice the patterns and lets all set ourselves free, letting go of more of the illusion of how we think it should be to let something far more magical in instead.

Love Emma x

Emma Despres 27/06/2023 Emma Despres 27/06/2023

Walking the Labyrinth

I’ve never walked a Labyrinth before so I jumped at the chance when Tony, our home school dowsing teacher, suggested it. And what an incredible experience it was, far beyond my expectations, albeit I knew very little about labyrinths until then!

The Labyrinth is up at Nic Gee’s farm in Castle with stunning views towards Vazon. The Labyrinth itself is huge and Nic has done an amazing job in creating it and was very keen to share it with us group of dowsing and energy working enthusiasts!

Tony explained that most people think a Labyrinth is the same as a maze but they are actually complete opposites. A maze is a complex network of paths and hedges designed as a puzzle full of dead ends and false turns, while a Labyrinth has only one path that leads from the outer edge in a circuitous way to the centre - you cannot get lost.

Its history dates back to about the time of the pyramids and Labyrinth designs have been found on pottery, tablets and tiles that date as far back as 5000 years. Many patterns are based on spirals and circles mirrored in nature. In Native American tradition, the labyrinth is identical to the Medicine Wheel and Man in the Maze while the Celts described the labyrinth as the Never Ending Circle.

In terms of its use, Tony explained that people walk the labyrinth to get into a peaceful state of mind and it is now recognised as a tool for personal, spiritual and psychological transformation. Research indicates that Labyrinths help to quieten the mind, calm anxieties, recover balance in life, enhance creativity, encourage meditation, insight, self-reflection and reduce stress.

Tony’s research found many studies world-wide which have backed this up. For example a study by the London Health Sciences Centre showed that the use of Labyrinths resulted in increased focus and calm, along with a reduction in blood pressure and stress.

He also shared with us a comment from a medical practitioner called Helen Malcolm, senior lecturer in rural general practice at the University of Melbourne, Australia, who said she uses a Labyrinth with patients and staff members.”I get a variety of responses from patients,” she said. “For some there is a sense of calmness, some come out feeling like singing, and some certainly emerge with a solution to a problem, or feeling stronger. For staff it is extremely good as a stress management tool, too.”

I was also told that the magic of the Labyrinth is that it seems to hold a positive energy that appears to transform stress and anxiety into peace and calm and I was keen to explore this.

Before we entered the labyrinth Tony used his rods to dowse our auras. Most of us had an aura that one would expect, that stretches an arm’s distance from the body. Into the Labyrinth we then went, some of us removed our shoes and went bare foot, which was hilarious, because there were some prickles and certainly Elijah and a few of the other children seemed to tread mainly on these, so there were lots of “oohs and “owws” which was of course completely counter-productive to the meditative and contemplative environment we were meant to be experiencing!

Shoes back on everything quietened down a bit, well for a little while until the children got restless and fortunately rushed off ahead so us mums could then enjoy the meditative and contemplative quality of the Labyrinth! I remained barefoot and mindful of the prickles, not sure whether I might wear shoes next time, but there is something so lovely about being barefoot on the earth.

Prior to entering the Labyrinth, and before the shoe/barefoot drama, Tony had encouraged us to clear our minds as much as we could and to perhaps focus on a worry or concern. There is an understanding that in doing so, by the end of the Labyrinth, you will have a solution or have somehow let it go. I brought to mind a concern and began the Labyrinth, trying to focus on my breath and my step and let go of the thinking and analysing mind as much as I could.

The Labyrinth weaves back and forth so that it seems to take you close to the destination at the centre before sending you off on many more zig-zags before you once again appear to be nearing the centre. It is said that this alone can bring to mind expectations about goals and how unpredictable tangents can arise in our lives - I know I’m not alone in experiencing this recently, the curved balls that life sends reminding us that we are never on in control and the pointlessness of attempting to be either, let alone the exhausting nature of our society’s obsession with goal orientation.

Furthermore, it is said that a Labyrinth is a metaphor for life. This because you might pause, you might take a break, you might charge forward, you might also become annoyed if someone is ‘in your way’ or even experience loneliness if you are walking alone. Alternatively, you may feel a sense of solace from being alone.

It is true, we had our own experiences walking the Labyrinth, the thorns and the barefoot played into this perfectly, also our habits, do we rush, do we want to get there first, or can we just be with the experience as it unfolds, without attachment to outcome or destination? We can learn a lot about our mind and its tendencies walking a labyrinth.

I certainly enjoyed walking it alone and felt no need to rush or hurry (such a relief as life usually involves too much rushing!). When I reached the centre I stood and took a few depth breaths, feeling into my body. Already i felt calmer than when I had began, clearer, less bothered about what had been bothering me previously. This continued as I started walking back again the way I had come, passing others, and keeping my awareness within as much as I could.

It was a warm and sunny day and the children were already congregated together by the time I finished. Soon Tony joined us and dowsed our auras again. I was amazed to find that my aura has more than doubled in size. Furthermore I felt better, more energised, clearer, no longer concerned by my concern and very grounded and centred.

We laughed because Elijah’s aura had only increased a little bit, which Tony explained was likely due to the drama with the prickles, which had caused more concern - this was helpful in highlighting how sensitive our energy field is to external factors and our reaction to them. By comparison, I hadn’t been the slightest bit concerned about then prickles and my energy field had not been adversely affected by them.

My elevated and more energised state of being continued throughout the day, which both amazed and interested me that walking a Labyrinth could have such a transformational and healing effect on one’s state of being. Needles to say I was immediately keen to share this positive experience with others who I know would also appreciate the opportunity. Nic was delighted that our home school group were so enthused because not everyone ‘gets’ the Labyrinth and understands the reason he created it.

For those of you reading this who would like to walk the labyrinth then I have arranged an opportunity on Monday 3 July, to coincide with the waxing full moon. Please see here for more details https://www.beinspiredby.co.uk/events-calendar/2023/6/23/walking-the-labyrinth-full-moon

Emma Despres 17/06/2023 Emma Despres 17/06/2023

Be here now.

It feels as if life has imploded a little since the Sark trip and I know that others are also experiencing this. Whether we want it or not folks, we are being encouraged to close a chapter on our life and prepare ourselves for the next.

I hear you, the new can be scary because it is unknown and uncertain and totally unscripted, however, if we can dig deep we will find that there is much excitement in this. But one has to be open to going with the flow - any resistance will just make life harder work.

While we like to think that we are in control, we’re really not. And trying to resist change in an effort to feel as if we are staying in control will only cause suffering in the long term - that which we have outgrown needs to drop away, so that a more aligned and authentic way of being can enter instead.

This year I decided I would do things differently. I let go of the visioning and manifesting, the dreaming and the wishing, and I figured I’d just let life unfold in its own way without trying to control outcome or make it look a certain way. This because over the years I have expanded vast amounts of energy making things happen, of manifesting my dreams, only to find myself still feeling empty and unfulfilled. And so off I’d go again, another mission, another dream to manifest, another project, another focus and the outcome would be exactly the same and yet I’d keep repeating!

I began to realise that this in itself was a pattern of mine. To take that away was challenging. What next? I found myself up against my internal judgments, the inner critic, my conditioning around what it means to drift and be lazy ad realised that this prevented me being present. For the first time in years, I didn’t seek any courses or trainings, no qualifications to obtain, nothing to fill time, nothing to achieve, nothing to work towards, nothing to prove my worth. Many of you will have read my ramblings on this in earlier blogs.

The problem is we are so conditioned and trained to be productive, to be slaves essentially, workers for a system, ‘tax payers’, we’re not even human beings anymore, just here to bring taxes to the government and keep the whole system ticking over. Well this doesn’t sit easily to me. I don’t want to be a slave. I don’t want to keep feeding then system that keeps me disempowered by telling me that I am not enough unless I have bits of paper to validate my worth and a bank balance to match, that unless I’m always busy, always productive, always achieving something then I am nothing.

I didn’t realise how much I was conditioned to all of this until I started to question and strip back the layers that told me how to see the world and my place in it and look more honestly at how it might be, if I can only get beyond my own restlessness and insecurity about just being, all of who I am, without needing to prove that externally to anyone else, without being triggered when people tell me the zillion courses they are doing, all the trainings, the endless trainings, all the many ways that they try to advance themselves.

It wasn’t comfortable at times. I was triggered. And this in itself was revealing, because I noticed how my conditioning around achieving had found its way into the spiritual realm. How even here, I was caught up in the notion of achieving and progressing, of it being about outcome and results, a linear path, always taking me away form the present moment, always that sense of the future, “when I gain this qualification or do that training, then I’ll be…”. What? What will I be? More evolved, a better person, calmer, more peaceful, accepting, happier? Or maybe just more secure in myself.

I realised that this was also part of the illusion, this future goal orientated orientation, even in the spiritual realm. There is only this moment. We are exactly where we need to be. And we’ll miss it, because of always wanting to be somewhere else instead. And if we can’t accept ourselves right now, why do we think we’ll accept ourselves anymore then? At some point we have to start befriending ourselves. We have to put down the stick that beats us up for all our perceived imperfections, we have to lay down the armour, lighten our load, open our heart and learn to love ourselves regardless of…

I noticed all sorts of things. That I could lose days lost in thought about future travel and miss the moment., That this in itself had become a pattern, of always wanting to be somewhere else. I started asking what it was about those other places that I missed by living in Guernsey. I realised that it wasn’t about the place, but about my frame of mind, about being more at ease within myself when I am anonymous, of feeling a greater degree of freedom.

I realised how much I was restricting my sense of freedom simply because of feeling I had to be a certain way, wear a mask, because maybe I was working or maybe I was meant to be home schooling, as if each of these different activities demanded a different mask and a different version of me. They don’t. It is only my mind that tells me so.

I recognised how it was this lack of true authenticity that was actually creating so much of my suffering. When I dug deeper still I realised that this all came about because of me caring too much what others thought of me and because my mind had this notion of how I should behave in certain situations, simply because of my training.

I’m reminded of Glennie Doyle’s book, Untamed, in which she writes about the tiger in the circus being trained and how in that training the tiger loses its essence, so that it is no longer itself but a trained version who puts on shows.

I don’t want to be tamed. I don’t want to be trained to lose my essence. And yet we are. Each time we do a course or a training (the give away is in the name), we are training ourselves to be something other than who we are and we are frequently denying our own intuition and wisdom. We feel that unless we do it the exact way we have been taught then it won’t be right. And because we don’t want to run the risk of doing it wrong, we often never get going in the first place.

This is the reason I love Scaravelli yoga, Tantra and Reiki, because these spiritual practices help us to realise more of our true self by helping us let go of all that gets in our way, without training us to another way. Instead they each help us connect with OUR way instead, and begin to trust in it and live it, empowering us in the process. We don’t need a qualification to prove this, quite the contrary.

Ultimately I realised that my mind and its conditioning has a lot to answer for.

That I cared too much about other people’s opinions and thoughts, despite knowing that my own thoughts and opinions change all the time, that these are not fixed. Giving myself permission to not care was extremely helpful.

I realised that the only person really judging me is me. That those who judge me are doing a really good job at judging themselves too. I realised that if I could have compassion for those judging me, then I could also have compassion for myself and heal the root of the insecurity that caused me to judge myself in the first place. We can only know what we know based on our level of consciousness in any one moment.

All of this helped me to be much more accepting and to BE HERE NOW. There is no rule book. No particular way to be, we don’t have to be the way that society and our culture has determined, that is reinforced through education, family, friends, media etc, we have a choice…

I realised how much of my life has been spent fighting reality. How much I have wanted it to be different, tried to make it different, and as a consequence, the more I lived in the future, an imagined future when suddenly everything would come together…as if the dream could really come true just like that, feeding more of the illusion of perfection. Disney has a lot to answer for.

I also couldn’t ignore the fact that the most profound moments of my life have occurred without any effort on my part, those moments which change everything. My bike accident in December was one of those moments meeting my stone friend by chance in a dolmen on the spring equinox sunrise was another such time, literally bumping into my Nepali yoga teacher on a road in Dharamasala, mini Tibet in India was another, meeting a yoga teacher in the Outer Hebrides who led me to my current teacher, meeting my Reiki Master through a random yoga class that I was desperate to attend and then finding her flyer in the kitchen at work the next day, all of these moments have re-orientated my life in ways that I could never have imagined, reminding me that we are never really in control, that spirit infuses all of life…we just have to keep walking our path.

It’s been wonderful really. I realise how much I have been my own slave driver over the years, as if I was holding a whip to myself, pushing myself all the time to work harder, achieve more, accrue qualifications as if all of this proved my worth. I realised the extent of my need to be needed, because of my inability to meet my own needs, putting others’ needs before my own with poor boundaries and giving too much of my time, often at the expense of time with my children as if they didn't matter so much, as if being a mum was not enough.

It’s been quite a shift, a re-prioritisation of all the various aspects of my life, which I didn't know was possible because of my slave worker mentality and my inherent insecurity and lack of self worth which drove so much of my previous choices. Having reclaimed my worth and found a depth of love for myself that I didn’t realise was possible, has helped me to make very different choices, supporting the notion that the only changes we really need to make are internal - the external will shift to reflect this.

I have gone deeper within, I have opened to my joy and made an effort to follow it, and to realise that I have nothing to prove to anyone else and that it is absolutely OK to just be myself. The task master has let go a bit. I realise the nonsense of our conditioning towards perfectionism and the manner in which media and industry feeds this, not least to disempower us, but to keep us spending money, as if we can somehow buy the dream, buy our happiness and self confidence and self worth, as if this is a commodity and comes from outside ourselves. Ha.

All we need to know is within ourselves. Life throws us challenges and obstacles to encourage us to dig deeper, to find parts of ourselves that we have kept hidden or denied, to look more clearly at the pattens which limit our freedom and keep us repeating the same old crap over and over again - we might find ourselves in a different relationship or a different country, for example, but unless we change the way we relate to ourselves, then we’ll just keep coming up against ourselves over and over again.

I’ve enjoyed not studying or having something to work towards. I have loved the time spent immersed with the children, not distracted by a phone or by thinking I should be doing something more productive with my time. I have enjoyed growing without having a plan, of just planting on intuition. I have loved my work with a new found passion, simply because of giving myself permission to just be me, not feeling I have to put on a mask because I am working or representing a company or a charity. It’s the small things.

I know I’m not alone in all this. We have been encouraged to come back to basics and simplify and re-prioritise this year, to step away from mainstream collective consciousness and become more of who we are.

And now we are being encouraged to look back at all that’s been and to acknowledge the victories and the learnings, the joys and the sorrows and to bless all of them for helping to make us who we are today. I am grateful for all of it and while it is never easy looking back and making peace with what’s been, forgiving and letting go, it is essential to create the space for the new to come in.

We’re in this space now. The void. Neither here nor there. Where nothing is known or certain. Where one chapter has ended and another had not yet been written.

Even here I noticed my patterning to cling on to what’s been, to find something stable, to make life known. I now know that when I do this, it is a sign that I actually need to keep going. That I need to step up and believe in myself and my ability to be OK with uncertainty and a life not yet known. That it is a gift, even if it seems to go against the grain. There is no going back. Not really. There is only this moment and the one after it and the one after that too.

So if you too are in this void, where you have turned the page on the last chapter but aren’t yet ready to start reading the next, then take heart. Whatever brought you to this point in your life will help you to navigate your way to the next. We can trust in that.

But it takes time. We need to be patient. Not push. Not try to control. Not try to ensure a desired outcome. instead just breathe and take it one day at a time, noticing our patterns, noticing our vulnerability, noticing our attempts at closing and yet making every effort to stay wide open.

Meanwhile I’m off to Carnac for the solstice, which is a big stepping into the unknown as I am not taking the children with me, which has opened up a whole new line of inner enquiry and shifting patterns..

So if I don’t have time to write, enjoy the new moon tomorrow and the solstice on Wednesday and enjoy the light flooding in and the clarity this brings and the shadows it highlights and just keep flowing.

Love Emma x

Emma Despres 01/06/2023 Emma Despres 01/06/2023

Sark: An Island Paradise

Down by Rouge Terrier looking towards Dixcart and Terrible

I love Sark. It is one of the most magical places on this Earth. I love that there are no cars, that you can only move as fast as your legs can take you either on foot or on bike (unless you have a mobility scooter or a tractor of course!), that you are surrounded by nature; by the sea and the sky and the trees and the fields full of wild flowers and the birds and the butterflies and the movement of the sun and the moon across the sky so visible and the stars shining brightly at night, a dark sky isle.

I love that the wind blows the cobwebs away and that there is always somewhere to go where you might escape it, even if the northerly does whip over the cliffs so you have to find a break in a valley, Dixcart Valley is one of my favourites, but there are so many magical spots, where you can hide amongst the trees and enjoy the shifting light and the tinkering of the streams, where you can find solitude and space, away from the maddening of the crowds on Guernsey, the endless traffic that saps the soul and the pull on time.

An impromptu Downward Facing Dog on the cliff path!

Getting off the beaten track, views towards Bec du Nez and Herm in the distance

Here one can be timeless, I don’t have a phone or a watch on this trip, mind you I haven’t worn a watch since i was a teenager, and as for the phone, it is freeing not to be tied to this either, to flow, no messages distracting me, making me think about the future, or what has happened previously, to feel no pressure to connect for the sake of connecting (and disconnecting as a result) , nothing to tell me I have to be anywhere at any particular time, just the freedom to be and enjoy this rare spaciousness - sometimes it is helpful to get out of one’s routine and comfort zone to find that there is another way.

On Little Sark, views towards Breqhou and Havre Goslin

I love the wells and springs and streams. Water has always been celebrated, it is of course the life blood of the Planet and its presence will determine whether we humans can survive or not. On Sark, the streams and wells that provide fresh water have long been honoured as sacred and with good reason - they provide life here on Sark because there is no mains water on Sark, and residents are dependant on boreholes and wells to fulfil their water needs.

Sark is interesting because it is comprised solely of igneous rocks which cannot hold water in quite the same way as porous rocks and it takes about twenty years for rainwater to seep down to the level that boreholes are drilled and about one hundred years to get right down to its lowest point in the ‘Aquifer’. Therefore all the rainwater on Sark collects in a giant bowl beneath the island, precariously floating on the denser salty sea water - quiet amazing!

Hanging out on ‘the rock’ at Port du Moulin

I love the fact you can find a quiet place to swim, without anyone else, so that you don’t always need to bother wearing bathers, one can be as free as a mermaid, without having to find a naturalist beach as one does on Guernsey. There are places that are lovelier to swim at high tide and those at low tide and over the years my soul Sark friend, Estelle, has taught me a lot about this. She has shown me so much of the island that has taken us off the beaten path, that finds us surrounded only by nature in dips and magical cliff and swimming spots.

Amazing tree out on cliffs on walk down to the Harbour

Little Sark is one of my favourite spots and when you look at the geology, maybe it’s not surprising as it sits on granite (diorite), while the majority of main Sark sits on Biotite gneiss. Granite usually contains some quartz and quartz, like other crystals, is piezoelectric, which is to say that it generates electricity when it is compressed and when subjected to shocks or vibrations. So, in simple terms, one finds (in theory), both electricity and magnetism in granite at the same time, which will have an energetic effect on us humans, especially those more sensitive to energy.

Out on the cliffs, off the beaten track, windy!

What is interesting is that the northern tip of Sark, where you find Bec du Nez and L’Eperquerie also sits on granite (diorite) and both this northern tip and Little Sark are where you find the majority of the neolithic structures, which tend to tap into vibrational frequency to echo the sacred geometry of the planet, in creating harmony, well in theory. Of course we don’t live in a very harmonic world anymore, but if you spend time in and around neolithic structures, you may well experience greater inner harmony and a progressive expansion of consciousness - they are built where they are built for a reason!

One of my favourite spots on Little Sark is the dolmen, which is unusual in its positioning, but is not alone, there is another neolithic site on Brittany that has a chamber aligned with the midday sun on the winter solstice. It’s a fabulous spot to get away from it all and sit back and just listen to the sound of the sea and the trees and watch the sea birds. The clear skies at night here are just incredible, I have often gotten a clear visual of the milky way and the plethora of shooting stars that you might miss with all then light pollution elsewhere. It’s always a shock cycling back to main Sark and being bombarded by the artificial lighting on Guernsey

I love the fact that the whole island is alive, there’s a plethora of crystals that can be found. Copper and silver mines were once in existence on Little Sark but little can now be seen of either as they have been picked over by generations of mineral collectors since Victorian times. But nonetheless there’s pyrite and serpentine, violet coloured Sark Amethyst, chalcedony, jasper and white-quartz, and we keep our eyes out as we move from bay to bay, each one offering something different, it can get very exciting!

Yesterday we spent a good while forging in the Creux Harbour where there is a plethora of quartz. Eben is amazing at finding just the right pieces, and I was lucky too, little bits, such sparkly. We have learned to be selective and to ask first. We have a stone dotted with pyrite in the healing space at home that Eben insisted we bring home with us one trip but we promised to return and we will do so when the time is right.

We love cycling to new places, exploring the nooks and crannies, the bits that are virgin to us. I am always on the look out for stones, for magical stones at that. A rose quartz boulder was unearthed during archeological excavation in July 2011. It is believed to have been one of four marker stones (two pink, two green) carried up the beach and placed on a terraced site that was buried by Neolithic people over 4,000 years ago. I am always keen to spot something similar and yesterday we stumbled across some beautiful quartz boulders not far from the dirt, I just had this feeing and there they were.

I can’t help thinking that the mineral content of the land here is what makes Sark so special, that and the fact it is an island surrounded by sea, but I’m biased as I LOVE islands and I LOVE crystals and the combination of the two is really rather sublime, let alone the lack of traffic, yes, i know, I wrote that earlier, but I really loathe cars. I also loathe development and Sark is lucky that development thus far is kept to a minimum, or at least it’s subtler than Guernsey which is gradually becoming a metropolis.

There is no doubt that a trip to Sark soothes the soul, well as long as you can get yourself beyond the pubs! This is the reason I have always enjoyed offering yoga retreats here, to support the process of slowing down and reconnecting with nature, which is the balm, as it helps to ease feelings of separation, from true Self as much as from the outer world. Teamed with Caragh and her yoga and Qi gong fusion, the retreats have always been well received and this year we have decided to go more intimate, just a small group, with Reiki and chocolate making on offer too.

Talking of Caragh, I enjoy getting to one of her classes while here and went last night and was treated to a sound healing relaxation. A lady who has moved here from Germany has a selection of Tibetan singing bowls and Caragh had asked her to come and play for us - what a treat. Those of you coming for treatments recently or to Yoni Yoga will know that I am very fond of my new crystals singing bowl and have been incorporating it into sessions, hoping to expand on my collection. Sound healing is a fave and what a surprise to find sound healing here too - a wonderful compliment to a fabulous class with Caragh in the Island Hall!

Caragh’s chocolates is always a pull too. Not least because Caragh is a friend and I like to say hi and support her, and the chocolate is very yummy, especially the vegan coconut truffles, but because there is a trampoline and a pool up there too. The boys love the trampoline and many an hour is spent watching them bounce away. They love Sark’s relatively new children’s playground too, which I have to say is my favourite children’s playground too as often it is just us using it and it is peaceful and fun.

On the way to the dolmen and all the Ox-Eye daisies

Mon Plaisir shop its virtually opposite the playground and I love visiting this, sharing friendly chatter with the ladies who run the shop, who have been best friends since school, and seeing what fresh and home made cakes are for sale, and whatever else we need to keep us going during the day. There is a larger shop in town, which sells Waitrose products, and this now offers freshly baked French artisans breads and pastries too, including sourdoughs, which the boys tell me are amazing!

There are nw numerous places to grab a coffee and a croissant, or to sit down and eat a proper meal. For a time, just after the pandemic, you were hard pushed to find much that wasn’t deep fried, unless the Fleur du Jardin was open for a salad or you went to Stocks, but now Hugo’s has appeared, with an Italian themed menu in Dixcart Valley, and Nova’s in the high street and Hathaway’s has new owners, and a more extensive menu. Stocks is still a favourite for many, especially as you can use the outdoor pool at lunchtime, ideal if you have children.

We’re lucky, we’re staying at Le Grand Dixcart cottage, just up the road from Stocks and owned by the lovely Helen and Alex Magell. They are a really inspiring couple, trying to live as sustainably as possible, they use solar and have adopted permaculture principles to grow fresh produce for Stocks. The gardens are just beautiful, the flowers exquisite and the herbs too. They have chickens providing eggs for their B&B residents, sadly not enough to sell. But that’s OK as we collect your eggs from Josie, who studied Reiki with me once, and now lives on Sark with her partner and many happy chickens - the eggs certainly are different when the chickens are loved.

The cottage is perfect for us, cosy and clutter free with everything that a family of four needs and held by nature which surrounds it and the beautiful energy of Dixcart Valley. There’s an indoor pool we can use too, which is a bonus for the boys! We can also use the pool at Stocks if we choose but the weather hasn't been warm enough for that with these crazy NE winds blowing in, which has been challenging the horses and the boat and indeed local business. It’s also a little relentless for the skin, but hey, at least its not raining!

The late spring/early summer flowers are just incredible. Walking out on the Gouillot Headland earlier, I was blown away by the diversity; the bright yellow broom, the gorgeous pink foxgloves, the pink thrift, the wall pennywort (I have to stop Eben destroying this, he loves to run his hand along it, pulling at the seeds!), the glorious pink campion, the pale purple dove’s-foot Crane’s bill, the copious white sea campion, the bright lilac-blue sheep’s-bit scabious, the mauve common Stork’s-Bill and my favourite, the Ox-eye daisies - Eben stumbled across a double head out by Dixart the other day, quite amazing!.

Pink Campion and hands held in prayer in rocks

I am particularly fond of the grasses, some glow purple when the sun catches them at a certain angle, nodding their heads in the breeze that has lessened today but due to come up again. The butterflies - Red Admiral especially - are in abundance which is surprising given the wind, and they up on the path towards Caragh’s chocolates and fluttering in Port du Moulin valley.

I’m very excited about the elderflowers appearing again, these are one of my most favourite smells, a treat for my nose, and I am keen to get making elderflower cordial when I get home - I get really excited when the elderflowers appear, summer is on its way!. The honey suckle is absolutely exquisite too, another of my most favourite smells, a treat when out walking the lanes at night.

We watched a Gannet dive bomb in the sea off Port Moulin, which was also a treat. We visited Gannet’s Rock off Alderney a few year’s ago and I have been fond of these birds ever since, but they don’t tend to venture to Guernsey, so it was a real joy to see this one in action. The oyster catchers sound divine down on Derrible Bay and we have caught sight of a Buzzard too.

Walking down Dixcart Valley this morning on our way to Derrible I was blown away by the bird song, reminding me of those nature programmes of the bird song in the rain forest. It was music to the ears and we just stood and listened, I just wish I knew which birds were which!

Tractor heaven for tractor boys like Elijah

One of the many magical valleys, this one on the way to the boat

There are an abundance of little birds flitting in and out of the hedges and fields. We stumbled across some netting attached to poles up in Ewok Village, and a bird caught within it. We set it free without realising that the netting was intentionally placed there by a Nature group visiting the Island to tag birds and learn what happens to them year by year. Apparently there is an abundance of tits at this particular part of the island, making it a real bird paradise.

To be honest, there’s not many places we haven’t been, maybe Pot Bay on Little Sark, which we wanted to get to but time and tides didn’t coincide. We’ve swum at a plethora of beaches, avoiding those on the NE coast because of the wind. We also didn’t make it to the Venus pool now I think about it, but I don’t get excited about that place particularly, too popular!

The boys both love animals so we went and visited the dog on Little Sark and they have been very taken by Ninja, the black cat living back next to the cottage. We’ve visited the Sark dairy and communed with the cows, and we’ve visited the pig and tried to give all of them some Reiki. We’ve even caught up with the sheep out towards the north when we were on the hunt for local honey, which isn’t yet available.

We’ve had an absolutely amazing time and it’ll be a shock returning home. There is no doubt that life slows down a pace over here. I feel rested and renewed, restored and I have started writing again, after a lull - you need space to be creative and I didn’t have much of that the last few weeks at home. It’s been a joy to hang out with the boys and flow, I’ve enjoyed the lack of time and needing to be somewhere (other than yoga) other than where I’m at. I’ve learned a lot. Nature is a wise teacher.

Home for the full moon on Sunday, looking forward to that as I have been watching the moon rise each afternoon getting fuller…hope you enjoy the ride and manage to get to Sark yourself sometime - we will be running another intimate retreat next April, our October retreat is currently fully booked but do email me if you’d like to go on the list for April and have first refusal when dates known, emma@beinspiredby.co.uk

Thank you Sark and you beautiful Sarkees, we love you!

Love Emma x