Happy new moon!

I went and lay on the fairy ring last night after dusk, Venus shining brightly, the oyster catchers in full song and the odd sea gull flying home. I was curious to dowse the energy flow and enjoy the peace of being out there on my own on the dark moon.

For a while it was peaceful, just me and the birds and the stars and of course the fairies, and then the International Space Station appeared, and flew straight over and the planes started up, high in the sky, passing over Guernsey, and I was soon aware of the light from the Hanois and I thought what a crazy world it is that we can never escape modernity and all it’s intrusion.

That is, until I walked up through the woods and here by the well shimmering in the darkness, I found the solitude I was seeking, nestled and hidden amongst the undergrowth and the trees, and could take the exhale I had been longing to take all day, to settle into the silence and feel the energy of the dark moon and what it was trying to bring in.

It’s been an interesting moon cycle, I’ve listened to many of you as you process the eclipse and the changes it has been trying to make, to align us again and again to live more simply, more lightly with greater respect for our heart and soul and the heart and soul of the planet and indeed the universe.

I am told that the new moon today ushers in significant new beginnings, but I hear this every new moon. The new beginnings will come in, I’m quite sure of that, as we continue to let go of whatever gets in the way of us realising more of our true self. It’s when we make these changes internally, towards greater self-love, peace and acceptance that the outer world changes to accommodate the perspective shift.

So if you can maybe find the time to rest into yourself, enter the undergrowth, see what lies in the darkness, connecting with that deeper part that knows…and trust in whatever comes through…noticing the self sabotage and the obstacles that you put in your path by the thoughts you think and by caring too much about the thoughts other people think, of stumbling up against yourself, and realise it’s all a big illusion to keep you small, and step beyond that and notice how nature allows itself to be all it can be, in all its wonderful and magnificent beauty - try telling an oyster catcher that its too much, too noisy, too vibrant, or a pink campion to stop being so pink and bright and uplifting…be all that you are and enjoy the ride!

A new cycle begins today, be conscious of the choices you make as you create your own reality…like the oyster catchers, just being who you are…and settling into the unknown and uncertain without having to control things…let it all be, the blending, the ancient and modernity, the space station and the fairies, all of it…

Here’s what Rebekah has to say…https://mailchi.mp/rebekahshaman.com/taurusnewmoon2023?e=eae0fe6be6

Love Emma x

Freedom is...

Being able to get out to the cliffs on a Monday morning to enjoy the beautiful wildflowers…

And running…

And getting in the sea without needing to wear any clothes…

And being immersed in the thick of it, land and sea and sky…

And not seeing anyone else…

And enjoying the abundance…

And getting off the beaten path to little visited bays with the sun now out…

Guernsey drives me mad at times. I am very rooted in the land and there are still pockets of magic thank goodness, but the politicians and developers are doing their very best to ruin it, far too much development, far too many cars, far to much materialism and far too much greed…I find myself longing for those days well gone where there was more space and simplicity and people lived in houses to shelter themselves, when it didn’t matter about size or location, when all of the island was valued and the road works didn’t drive us to the same degree of distraction and frustration!

But regardless, the island is still beautiful, the spring flowers are stunning, we are very lucky, there is much to be grateful for and I am very grateful to call this island home, to have been born and bred here, to have its essence in my bones. This is sacred land when one gets beyond the commercial and the nonsense.

Out on the cliffs you can forget about everything else, you can’t hear the traffic and while there are pockets of housing, some extravagant, you can ignore them too, looking out to sea, freedom awaits, space, simplicity, the elements, life slows down…we merge back into nature, for we are nature, if only we remembered this.

Enjoy the wane to the new moon, the energy is manic, it’s a time to stabilise, get low to the earth, do your very best to slow down and go within…and get out on the cliffs and down to the beach and into the sea and breathe the fresh air, get hands in the earth, feet bare, there is much magic if you can open to it.

Love Emma x

A little pilgrimage

Up the Tor!

I have just returned from a little pilgrimage to Glastonbury to feel into the energy on 8 May, which is St Michael’s day, where the sun rises along the St Michael ley line, and is intertwined with the Mary ley line in Chalice Wells and up the Tor. This is alchemy, the sacred marriage, all that May represents with its potent energy, full of potential and union. It was raining so I didn’t make sunrise, but I did get to feel into the energy which certainly made me feel very energised.

The north-easter circle

My stone friend and I headed out to Stanton Drew through the fog and the rain. This is an amazing place. I have been here a few times now but this time I got to properly feel it, using my dowsing rods to trace the energy flow and I found quartz in the rocks that I hadn’t realised was there previously, this interspersed within the sandstone, breccia and limestone.

The site consists of three stone circles, two avenues and an associated group of stones referred to as the Cove. Then main circle is 113 metres and a true circle too, the second largest in England after Avebury. It is thought that there were originally between thirty to forty stones of which twenty seven now remain, with only a handful left actually standing. Something happened here, someone didn’t want the stones standing.

The north-eastern circle is only 30 metres and slightly elliptical and contains eight stones, of which only four remain actually standing tall. There’s two avenues here, one into this north-eastern circle and another into the main circle. This was the first time I got to dowse the energy of the circles and enter them properly, waiting until they opened up to me, so I could feel their differing energy. It was really interesting how the shape affects the energy and the way it flows, and what it might therefore do.

There’s a south-western circle too, a true circle of eleven fallen stones of a possible original dozen stones. I really like this littler circle, it has a very calm ad loving energy to it, but then they’re all lovely in their own way! The Cove sits by the church and as I was by then absolutely drenched through thanks to the rather persistent rain, I only briefly stopped to touch the stones, no dowsing!

Glastonbury from the Tor

I made the most of the time in Glastonbury, to get in the spring a couple of times and visit Chalice Wells. I discovered some vegan cafes I didn’t know were there previously. I had a good browse through the crystals shops too, I’m very drawn to working with crystals currently and invested in a number of these that you may benefit from if you happen to come for a treatment here in my healing space.

I also bought a rather large crystal singing bowl, which I am very excited about! Crystal singing bowls were my first introduction to sound healing back in 2005 and I was utterly blown away by the experience, which I have never had the chance to enjoy since. Some of you may get to enjoy this new bowl too - it certainly has an amazing sound to it!

Corfe castle

We headed down to Corfe castle on our last day, having walked the Tor only hours earlier and I was reminded of the similarity. The mounds are very similar in feel and potency and there is something about the remains of Corfe Castle which evoke a certain feel to the place, it looks stunning as you approach. There was a peregrine falcon nesting up in one of the towers, disturbed by a noise and swooping around above, quite a magical experience all in all.

Remp stone circle

The magic continued as we found Remp stone circle out in a forest not far from Corfe. It was fun trying to match the discarded stones with their original placing, and work out how it might have looked when it was standing properly. It’s a beautiful site in amongst the trees with the bluebells and pink campion adding to its beauty. We had the place to our self as dusk approached, and were able to enjoy the forest bathing!

The circle in the forest!

Back now on Guernsey, the plants are coming on well and everything feels vibrant and alive. There’s still a few places on next week’s yoni yoga class if any of you fancy it, I might bring my new bowl along…please book here https://www.beinspiredby.co.uk/events-calendar/yoni-yoga/16-05-23

Love Emma x

Stepping out of the shadows - the full moon lunar penumbral eclipse

The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty: not knowing what comes next.” - Ursula K Le Guin

The full moon lunar penumbral eclipse in Scorpio (ouch) is almost upon us, when the moon will pass deep into the outer part of the Earth’s shadow (known as the penumbra). On this occasion the moon just misses the darker, inner part of the Earth’s shadow (the umbra). This will be the deepest penumbral eclipse since February 2017 and until September 2042. It’s a big deal! Especially as this is the last time that we have a lunar eclipse in a fixed water sign for another eight years or so…

Eclipses, as we know, change things and the run of eclipses these last couple of years have certainly changed things in my life and no doubt in yours too. We have been slowly - and at times forcibly - encouraged to connect with our truth and align to it, accept it, own it and live it. In the process we have been encouraged to let go of ways of being and false identifications that have fed more of the illusion and kept us contained and small and - in most cases - dumbed down and disempowered.

It hasn’t always been easy, but then it never is on this path of heart. We have had to dig deep and look courageously into the shadows to see more clearly what has needed to be processed, digested, forgiven, discarded and indeed loved. We have been up against our conditioning and training, and against our self depreciating and self sabotaging ego and inner critic with all its ideas of how things should be and how we should be, opposed to who we actually are, from a soulful level at least.

Those who have been doing the work will likely be enjoying this recent eclipse energy ushering us on to pull up the last strands that are tying us to the past, so that we can truly enjoy the new beginnings that these eclipses are gifting us. It’s as if the eclipse energy literally lifts any remaining debris that we have managed to bring to the surface that can now be cleared away, like an eclipse cleanse, all those old patterns and limited mindsets and unhelpful behaviour patterns.

Maybe you’ve noticed that people from your past are appearing again, not least because we are awakening from a sleep that has kept some of us separated while we have gone through this two year reorientation and cleanse , but to highlight how much you and your life has changed, how you have managed to let go of much of the old insecurity and lack of self worth and self love that may have held you back for years.

You may be encouraged to put your new found sense of security and inner worth into practice, staying true as you voice your ‘yes’ and your ‘no’ when you really mean it. You may also find yourself judged and criticised by others, rejected too, as a test, to see whether you’ll fall back into old patterns and feeling not good enough and as if something is wrong with you. Remember we are not all the same and what we are offering in this world may just not resonate. We come in at different stages of evolution, some are more ready than others and some just need to find another path to tread - we can’t be everything to everybody (we can try, but we’ll end up compromising on our authenticity).

Others are still trawling through this. The moon is really highlighting where we are lacking self belief and still standing in the shadows, fearful to put ourselves out there, worrying what others may think and buying into impostor syndrome. I’ve had many conversations with people this week who are all trying to accept more of who they are and realise that they can do it, if only they can quiet the little voice that tells them they can’t and if only they could own it and truly see that their talent, their unique gifts, are very much needed in this changing world, that their life absolutely does not need to look a certain way and that they just need to put one foot in front of the other, leaning into uncertainty and the unknown, and letting the path reveal more of itself when the time is right.

If you are not sure where you are at then don’t worry, this astrological phenomenon is notorious for ushering in life-altering changes and uncomfortable shake-ups, but please remember that this is all part of the divine plan. The more we can surrender our need to control outcome the easier the ride - and remember that before rising from the ashes like the Phoenix, there needs to be a death of the ego-identified self. This can be very uncomfortable as I know only too well, but essential to the alchemical process that is our evolution. Whatever is still lurking in the shadows (and let’s face it, we will still all have a good few of these) will no doubt become clearer.

I have been reminded many times to pay attention to synchronicities, especially now, with this eclipse, and to try not to explain them away. They are gifts. Take notice and accept the gift gracefully, because it is divine intervention, and will undoubtably positively change your life in immeasurable ways. Synchronistic encounters have been the greatest blessing in my life, like a road map, they can open up routes that you didn’t know where there and open up your heart and expand your vision, and indeed your perception of reality in ways you could never ever have imagined - beyond the vision board.

The other thing coming through - we’re still on this path towards greater simplicity, which is causing many more of you to question how you are living and how you are earning money and whether this is fulfilling and making the most of your precious time on Planet Earth. More are questioning their (our collective) disconnect from nature, noticing how much better they feel when they are in nature, given that WE are nature too, not separate from it as we believe ourselves to be or better than it (thank you Bible). By continuing to feed the illusion of separation, we keep ourselves separated form our true self and our own true nature. We are all connected. The Earth does communicate with those who listen.

Elijah and I had quite an experience this week out at Pleinmont. I needed to lie on the fairy ring to adjust to life here on traffic-laden Guernsey after the peace of Sark, and we continued up from there to the - terrifying -rope swing and an opportunity to sit amongst the trees and all those stunning wildflowers with the also stunning view out to Lihou. Anyway, on our walk back to the dreaded car we were walking up a tarmac path when something came hmm, well this is the thing, it was moving towards us quickly at ground level but my mind couldn’t figure it out quick enough because it had never seen it previously.

It spun through rat, no, rabbit, no, dog, no, why is it, all puffed up, robot, no, and then I quickly realised as Elijah and I braced ourselves and stepped back quickly, a very protective and defensive moorhen with some baby moorhens further up the track, trying to get themselves up into the side bank. We walked back further and talked to mother moorhen assuring her we didn’t want to hurt her babies. She rushed off to them (do moorhen’s waddle, walk, scuttle, do let me know if there is a ‘proper’ term. Anyway she took herself off to the babies and almost seemed to count them into the hedge.

We paused a little while before carrying on, checking she wasn't about to attack us fearing we may take her babies, talking to her still, reassuring her we were/are safe. It was a wonderful experience as it highlighted to Elijah that we are all so similar, that the moorhen will do what she needs to do to defend and protect her babies because of her motherly instinct and need to care for them and ensure their survival. We are no different. It saddens me beyond belief that we are always negating the sentient nature of all living beings, to the extent that people still tell children to stop crying or allowing their emotional state, invalidating it in most cases, while others will think nothing of squashing insects or killing other living beings.

And in this return to nature, and our nature, some of you are rightly questioning the ‘broken’ mentality. You’re not broken, you’re right and nothing needs fixing. All that needs doing, is to quieten, drop in and chip away at anything that prevents you being more of your true self. More often than not that’s the false ego-identifications referenced above and any crap that you’ve picked ups long the way that has clouded your inner light. I’m reminded of those awful dinosaur eggs that you used to be able to buy at the Herm gift shop that make a real mess as children chip away at the chalk to find the tiny plastic dinosaur inside challenging those of us with cleaning OCD tendencies and an aversion to pointless plastic crap.

But the point is, the tiny plastic dinosaur is not broken, it doesn’t need fixing, it just needs to be set free from the chalk encasing. We are exactly the same. That tiny dinosaur is our essence and we are just chipping away at anything which prevents us from not only accessing it, but allowing it and letting it be just as it is, free! [Fortunately we’re a bit more useful than the tiny plastic dinosaur is, well we have the potential to be, and might spare ourselves a trip to landfill if we connect with our possibility and live it.]

Freedom is the word that is coming up for me with these eclipses - they are gifting freedom; freedom to make conscious choices, to decide what we put into our bodies, to decide how we earn a living, to decide where we might live, to decide whether we will put up with situations that are not in alignment with love, and to decide how life on Planet Earth looks next - remember we are a micro of the macro, our every action has a consequence, we need to each individually be the change we’d like to see collectively in the world if we hope to create a world that places freedom and love above power and control.

Being a full moon in scorpio we might find it brings a sting and high emotions. But one has to remember that scorpions gather strength from daring the edge of what is known and unknown in themselves and their experience of life - time to step out of the shadows!

Further, scorpions bring passion and depth to life, being drawn to that which seems too mysterious, taboo and strange to other signs. It’s a time of magic. Remember the humour and that you have a choice how you perceive and indeed respond to whatever the universe brings…laughter will keep your spirits high and help you navigate these next two weeks and the cosmic jokes that will undoubtably present themselves to get your attention - you have been warned!

So be grateful for all that the eclipse gifts - don’t be limited by your sense of right/wrong, good/bad, it is All just an experience. Sadly we won’t see the eclipse here on Guernsey, but we will feel its energy regardless.

Love Emma x

Happy Beltane!

The word ‘Beltane’ comes from Old Irish meaning ‘bright fire’ and marks the transition between spring and summer. It is a celebration of the fertility and rampant potency of life force, when earth energies are at their strongest and most active and there is greater union between earth and sky and the merging of the self with the Self (the sacred marriage). This is a powerful time for union and for bringing dreams into reality; creating a new and greater aligned world in the process - it very REAL!

I LOVE Beltane. The energy is remarkable. Last year my life was changed immeasurably by this energy, in a way I could never have imagined or predicted, the Goddess did enter and weave her magic, strengthening my trust and faith in the process and reminding me that we are never in control, that there are always higher forces at work - read the beginning of the second chapter of the Yoga Sutras if you need reminding of this.

This year too, off the back of the new moon solar eclipse with all its new beginnings, the Beltane energy has weaved its magic into my life, helped no doubt by the Tantric and Taoist practices helping to deepen my connection to heart and yoni, to encourage greater clarity and the inspiration to create again, in a more aligned way, what has been sitting in the shadows awaiting my connection.

I suspect you too are feeling clearer about the path ahead, more connected to that part of you that longs to create and fertilise more of your dreams. This Is Beltane. It encourages greater union on all levels of being, like joining up the dots so that you can see a little more of the bigger picture, and it will awaken dormant energy in yoni, my whole being feels very alive with it, nature is incredibly vibrant, encouraging this opening and desire to move forward in one’s life in a potent way.

Potency really is the word! I managed to catch sunrise this morning from a neolithic sacred space, and enjoy the tranquility of being up so early while many are still asleep! I visited the Goddesses, we are so lucky here to have these menhirs and I had been beaten to it with adorning them, my spring flower offering looks a little simple in comparison to those beautiful garlands, thank you to whoever left them, they look beautiful.

Beauty is the word today. The land is beautiful. Nature is really abundant. We are off to Sark to celebrate and enjoy the beauty and potency of that land, which is so very magical and so very much alive.

For those keen to celebrate, then I am teaching a Yoni Yoga class tomorrow, Tuesday 2 May, in St Martin’s Community Centre, 6-7pm. All women are welcome but please book ahead, https://www.beinspiredby.co.uk/events-calendar/yoni-yoga-for-beltane

 Happy Beltane, enjoy the wax, we have the full moon Friday, I can’t wait!

Love Emma x

Being in our nature - needs and not really caring

I know, I can feel it too, there’s a shakiness in the air, but we shouldn’t be surprised, the eclipse gifted us new beginnings and here they are. You only have to look at nature to see how vulnerable new beginnings are, think about baby shoots or baby birds or baby saplings, let alone human babies, we’re all at that stage delicate in our newness and needing of support, from caregivers, from water, from sun, from oxygen, from life force.

I’m feeling into new beginnings too, a new way of relating and being and while I am aware of the triggers, the old patterns that have only just been let go of, I have discovered a trust that was not there previously, a trust that allows the edginess and the slight restless feeling that I might have labelled anxiety before now, but which I can re-label as excitement and anticipation, which changes things and I know now to not get caught up in the mind games, to acknowledge that the thoughts are there that used to send me into a spin, down a well trodden pathway, but I have chosen to move away from those pathways now and create new ones, so I breathe, catch myself and get out into nature.

Nature positively changes things for me. I am nature. You are nature. The problem arises when we separate ourselves from it. If I can be in it, in the thick of it, then I am brought back to my thickness too, to my solidity, to my part in the whole. And if I am quiet and watchful then I notice how nature is constantly communicating with me and how that helps me to rest more easily. How there are blackbirds everywhere currently, because my friend is a blackbird and away from me in space, but with me always, checking in, being present, and I can watch the buzzards bring their message of flying the thermals, resting into the energy, and the tinkering of the water flowing gently down the streams, and the beauty…

…oh my gosh, so breathtakingly beautiful, the beauty of the spring flowers adorning, literally adorning the hedgerows, if ever we doubted abundance then here it is, and the fact that the universe loves to give, that there is beauty there if we open our hearts to see it, beyond the darkness and the fear and the imaginings of what might be, of trying to make life known of the potential disasters upon us, be that political, environmental or otherwise, I just can’t buy into conspiracy. If we can just let go, for a moment and surrender to the experience, then when we are in nature, we realise that there is only presence and this presence is indeed the present, the gift, in the moment, where everything is truly OK.

I practised yoga yesterday with this view (see image) and while my focus was primarily inside myself, and my eyes were closed for the most, there were moments where I stared out at this delight and it struck me, of course nature was, in that moment, teaching me openness. Just look at those blackberry leaves, on the left, and how open they are. They trust. They ask for their needs to be met. They don’t shy away, considering themselves unworthy, or unloveable, no, they open themselves up, ready to receive the sun and the rain and all they need to grow and thrive in this world. They are what they are and they have no question or shame about it.

Working with people, I often have the conversation about needs not being met, of blaming others without recognising and appreciating that only we can truly meet our needs by being honest about what they are in the first place and being able to voice them. I have a wonderful friend who always hates her birthday because each year it is a disappointment and yet I can see so clearly that this is of her own making, on some level she doesn’t feel worthy of making the day her special day, and on other level she doesn’t ask for what she needs to make it a special day and instead expects others to know, and then ends up disheartened when they don’t meet her needs because they don’t know what they are because she hasn’t voiced them let alone owned them.

It’s the same sexually. Many women end up frustrated as their needs are not met and yet many don’t know what those needs are, and lack the confidence or the courage to give voice to them when they do know - to ask to be touched a certain way, or to allow greater intimacy, or to just be without having to reach an outcome - orgasm, for example. I’m fortunate to be immersed in Tantric and Taoist exploration and have a couple of wonderful female friends with whom we can talk very honestly, and with the Tantric collective, very honest sharing, because this conversation is so little heard, we don’t talk enough about our sexuality and our needs as women (or indeed men). We are still so limited by media and the pornographic industry.

I always like to share something that my Ayurvedic doctor told me about the root chakra, and how there were three pillars to it, the one of sex and procreation, as a survival of the species and another of food, to nourish and fuel us and the third, the sacred. At some point in time, maybe when patriarchy marched on in, or maybe it was later, I’m not sure, but at some point, society whipped the sacred out of both and we end up with sex having to look a certain way, think of pornographic imagery, let alone Hollywood film industry portrayal, which has made us collectively feel that that is the way. It isn’t. At least, if you want to explore and experience the sacred in sex, allow it to be a pleasurable and spiritual experience, increasing vitality and positive relationship to self, let alone a path to enlightenment and the alchemy and the sacred marriage, then turn off the TV and turn in instead.

Food too, has had the sacred removed from it. It’s an industry now, about money, always about money, so that people don’t necessarily eat ‘food’ as I might describe food, as something that has prana in it, that nourishes every cell in our body, that enhances our health and wellbeing on all levels of being. Many will take a protein shake or some ochre food stuff manufactured in a factory, devoid of the loving touch of human hands, of hearts and love, of the sun and the moon and the stars, which might infuse our vegetables and fruits growing outside or in greenhouses and we wonder why our digestion is messed up, why we feel bloated and get constipated or have heart burn and acid reflux.

Furthermore, we eat food transported half way around the world, flooded with pesticides and other questionable chemicals, grown in soil devoid of nutrients, handled by people who don’t care, and we wonder why we’re not thriving as a species, increasing numbers of people needing medical care. The sacred has been ripped from our lives. We don’t even necessarily take the time to sit down to eat, we munch at our desks, completely oblivious to what we are shoving in our mouths, not aware of chewing, let alone of whether we’re eating what our body truly needs, not giving ourselves the space the feel or to digest properly (our life experiences as much as our food stuff!)

Life is busy, the demands on us are great, there is little time to just be, unless we have cultivated it, consciously made it so, so maybe it’s not surprising that we don’t always know what our needs are. And when we do, maybe we struggle because we haven’t been taught how to give voice to what we do need, because it’s not always the same as others, and we might have to own our differences and be OK with that, with our non conforming, when we have been taught to conform and be the same - think of school and the uniform and all those rules and regulations, as if some book was gifted when the world was first created about how human beings should live and behave. There is NO book btw, just someone else deciding something at some point and insisting that everyone else live that way. Sigh.

But it is more than that. More often than not, our poor relationship with our Self (note capital “S” as in soul, as in our essence, as in all that is and all that will ever be, our true self) means that we are always looking outside ourself to be filled up, made whole, accepted, loved, make everything OK. Unfortunately this doesn’t work, not long term. To be dependent on another to make us feel whole, creates not only co-dependence but neediness which merely compound our insecurity and lack of worthiness and love for self.

Someone shared this lovely imagery, of holding your hands out together and cupping them as if to receive, because the cup is empty, and how this becomes a begging bowl when we hold it out to others asking them to make us whole, how old we can truly fill ourselves up and make ourselves whole.

Thus every time we notice that we are looking to others to give us love or respect or in some way to value us, we need to pay attention. Rather than blaming them for not giving us this, we need to come back to self and appreciate that it is more often than not us who is not loving, respecting and/or valuing ourselves. This is where the work is required, not on ‘fixing’ the external or changing someone else, but on changing ourselves instead. This doesn’t mean doing anything. It means the opposite. It means letting go of all the doing, of all the conditioning, of all the training, of all the studying that has caused us to relate to self in an unhealthy way - that has caused us to be anything other than who we are at core.

And of course there’s the not caring. This conversation has been coming up increasingly too since the eclipse. We care too much this is the problem. We have been trained to care too much because this keeps us dumbed down, disempowered, insecure, needing validation, and this makes us controllable and causes us to lose our connection with Self, which is emPOWERing, brings us home.

Notice how many times a day you care what others THINK about you. Notice how many THOUGHTS you have in a day. Notice how many times in a week your THOUGHTS change. Yes, you’ll begin to notice the transient nature of thoughts and indeed feelings and most certainly opinions. Honestly, who cares what others THINK about us. Thoughts come and go, come and go, and yet people spend their lives being limited and restricted by the thoughts of others, to the extent that people suffer simply because they don’t feel that they can be themselves.

There are people who will readily share their thoughts and opinions about you. Do you care? Probably. It’s hard not to be at times, when we feel judged and therefore vulnerable, when we are forced to question some aspect of our self or the way that we are living our life, even though we are/were entirely comfortable with it. But really we shouldn’t care, because those people are merely projecting on us their own conditioning and limitations and also there own insecurity, shame, guilt, or whatever it may be, some feeling in them that they are uncomfortable with, or some way that they have been trained to see the world which is different to the way we might might see the world.

When we are feeling vulnerable and unsure, especially now, as we begin again, new beginnings, a new venture, whatever it may be, especially if we are putting ourselves out into the public domain, then this vulnerability, this urghness in the solar plexus and throat, let alone the shakiness in our root, may well invite in (not consciously but from a higher perspective) some challenge, some opportunity for us to look at how much we care and be done with it.

There will be someone who will trigger us, who is triggered by us in the first place. People hate it when we step up and step into our power, they feel threatened by it, because it highlights their own inability to do that. So they criticise and judge and do what they can to try to make us feel uncomfortable - it’s an energetic power game. It’s sad really, because a some point we need to realise and recognise that we are in this together, it’s NOT a competition. I see it played out in the new age spiritual realm, in yoga too, the ego has such a hard time sometimes accepting that whatever is meant for us all not pass us by and that we EACH have a role to play on this planet in serving humanity/the planet in some way and the more doing this, the better I say.

Remember though, that NO ONE can make us feel a certain way. It is US who choose how we feel in response to another person and whatever it is they are bringing to us. No one can make us feel unworthy. No one can make us feel unloveable. Only we can choose to feel these things and if the path is well trodden within us, then we will easily fall back into that thinking. I hope that makes sense. It is our mind! It is always our mind! And believe it or not, you have a choice to change your mind.

So when the challenge comes and someone triggers you and you immediately go into response, buy into your unworthiness, your unloveableness, your insecurity, your imposter syndrome, whatever it may be, stop and breathe. Catch yourself. Go into the body. Feel it. Own it. Accept it. Don’t resist it or reject it - remember what we resist persists. Just breathe into it. Is it a truth? No. It’s someone else’s stuff that they are projecting to us - trying to pass on like a hot potato. Smile. Thank them for being the wonderful teacher that they are. And change the patterning. Own your love, your worthiness, you inner security. Delight in your whole.

And then, like the blackberry leaf we can STAY OPEN. So even when we are vulnerable. Even when we are unsure. Even when it is cloudy and there’s no chance of rain, even when someone is trampling all over us, we can stay OPEN. And we can TRUST that our needs will be met because we know what they are and we are open to receiving them - we know we are worthy, loveable and therefore feel secure in ourselves.

So therefore, even when we are putting ourselves in those new situations that make us feel shaky, we can stay open and not close down our hearts and our soul - we can maintain our faith and trust in the universe and in the process. And the more we do this, the more we will start to notice how often we close down and go into defensive patterning because of the fear of the pain of the rejection or criticism or just not getting our needs met, or not making our dream come true.

We will notice how we close down to spirit (close the crown), close down to our intuition (close the third eye), tighten in the throat (close the throat chakra), close down to heart (close the heart chakra), feel empty in the stomach and do what we can to fill this up in unhealthy and unhelpful ways (think wine, chocolate, junk food, drugs etc) (floppy solar plexus), turn in on ourselves, self deprecating, self depriving, self hatred, self negligence (close sacral chakra) and stop testing the support of the earth and NATURE - our own nature, we slip out of the body and up into the head, creating separation, just as we have been trained to separate ourselves from nature (close root chakra). It’s not surprising we lose connection to self.

So we have to learn to stay present, to life as it unfolds, to all that is happening. Remember it is never happening to us, but for us. We can meet our own needs. We are worthy. TRUST. OPEN. It’s not easy, but like everything, the more we practice and the more we cultivate this state of being then the easier it becomes until we’re being it without even noticing that it could be any other way.

There’s a lot to learn you see by just sitting in nature. The ancient yogis did exactly this and this gave rise to the yoga postures that we still practice today, there’s a reason that many are named after the species from which they derived. Nature provide all that we need to thrive. Knowing our own nature will empower us more than we can imagine, so that we step beyond our limitations and experience greater freedom. Maybe I’m biased, but for me, it is all about freedom - freedom to be in our nature and not caring if anyone else has a problem about that!

Happy wax, we have a penumbral lunar eclipse coming on Friday 5 May…a week away…but Beltane first on 1 May, which we will be celebrating on Tuesday 2 May at the Yoni yoga class in St Martin’s Community Centre 6-7pm, all women are welcome to drop-in for £12 but you will need to book via the website. Please don’t forget the new Wednesday morning yoga class in St Martin’s Parish Hall 9.30-10.30am, which is literally drop-in, no need to book.

And if you are wobbling and need to talk it through, then book in for a Reiki session. While healing, often these sessions end up being a spiritual coaching experience, I often find myself trying to help clients shift perspective and work through whatever is coming up for them, which I might intuitively pick up to help validate how they are feeling. Again, book in via the website.

Love Emma x

New Moon - New Beginnings - New story can now be written...

The build up to this new moon solar eclipse energy is intense, but in an exciting way, well for me at least. I can feel the shift that it is bringing towards greater freedom and simplicity, of the opportunity to shed what is no longer needed and re-identify in a more positive way with who we are at heart, beyond all the labels and woundings and traumas that hold us back and limit us from shining more brightly into the world.

I know many of you are feeling the squeeze, the discomfort of the not knowing and the uncertainty and the chaos that ensues, the challenges, the obstacles and just coming up against yourself over and over again. This my friends is LIFE. It is the NOW, and the now and the now. And as I am always reminded when I pick up the Yoga Sutras, the practice is for the NOW. NOW. With all its drudgery and suffering, all its confusion and discomfort. It is not for when everything is rosy and lovely and light fulled, because that would be to reject the NOW and to live in Disney world again.

Yes, beautiful beings, it is indeed a harsh day when we realise that so much of what we have been told about life here on Planet Earth is actually an illusion, that there is no happy ever after, no Prince Charming appearing after we kiss the frog (no Prince appearing when we buy new shoes that feel so right either for that matter), no gold under the rainbow and no finally, finally, finally, feeling that it all fits together and we can float on our cloud of love and light and beautiful radiant ever lasting harmony. Ha, ha, bloody ha.

I wanted to believe it, so badly. And I DID believe it for a good while. That was the problem. And I held myself up against the Disney ideal for too many miserable years of never quite making it and believing I must have it wrong, or be wrong, or not be good enough, or worthy enough, or just not be in favour with the universe. You know, the one you see in the movies, where everything is seemingly wonderful and perfect - the perfect marriage, the perfect family, the perfect home, the perfect body, the perfect job, the perfect blinking life. Companies make an absolute fortune feeding this illusion - it is the reality of capitalism.

Obviously I was disappointed. No happy ever after? No perfect, well anything? Because I had been sold it. I had bought into it. I did believe in it. Crickey, I even tried to live it - the perfect me, goodness, what an exhausting concept and even more exhausting reality, trying to make it so. It’s not surprising I aways felt so hopeless. New age spiritualism only complicated matters. This told me that if I just imagined it, visualised it, cut out images that represented it, thought only thoughts that allowed it, kept orientating to love and light, fixed myself a little bit more, then I’d make it so IN THE FUTURE. Ha, ha, ha. More of the illusion.

Nope my friends. This is IT. NOW. This messy and tricky moment, this squeeze, this uncertainty, this urghness, this coming up against ourselves. All of this, is IT. And it seems to me the sooner that we can accept this and stop rejecting it, or fighting it, or trying to avoid it, deny it, get any from it, or in any way try to make it different, the easier our ride will be. The way supports us. We’ve just got to get out of our way first. IT truly is about living in the PRESENT. It is a gift. Not what happened previously and not what might happen eventually.

In fact it is this ruminating, towards the future, our imaginings, when it might just come together, that screws us up the most, that feeds us an unrealistic expectation of what might happen when we have our shit together. WHEN WE MIGHT have made all the changes that we feel we need to make to make life easier than it is right now in this moment if only this hadn’t happened to us, or this person did this for us, or the weather didn’t get in the way of our plans.

We need to let go of our attachment to outcome, of believing it needs to look a certain way - this is without doubt one of our greatest sufferings. We need to let go of trying to control things, possibly one of the most difficult things in the world because so many of us are control freaks because of the fear of…well, being out of control of course…which arises because of our fear of….usually it’s around loss of feelings of security and safety, usually because we’ve experienced that feeling at some point in our life, maybe as children, and we do all we can to avoid feeling the feeling again…

Of course it’s the EGO. And yes, we need the ego, it’s our friend at times trying to keep us safe, but also our enemy at times too, keeping us limited because of its fear of repeating painful experiences from the past and therefore keeping us trapped in unhelpful patterns. It has this annoying tendency to believe itself to be right, and therefore makes the mind rigid which makes it hard to let go because the mind will do all it can to prove that it is right, and will give us a very hard time if we question it, until something happens and we finally surrender and feel lighter and freer for it, until we do it all over again, buying into the idea that there is a right/wrong, good/bad, black/white, fixing ourselves one way and having to prove it and generally trapping ourselves in the process.

It’s a perspective shift for sure, and a letting go of the conditioning too. We have been conditioned to believe that we can have it all. We can’t. It’s an illusion. Instead we take what we need and we leave the rest…simplicity is the way of ease, why overcomplicate things? But here we are again, conditioned to complicate things.

Conditioned too, by modern psychology, to ruminate indefinitely about our PAST. Which can cause us to get stuck there, over-identifying with what has happened to us. This has formed part of my enquiry of late, which arose on reading Gabor Mate’s new book about trauma. I noticed, having never really come across him previously, that he identifies very much with his childhood trauma story and it made me question whether we ever stop being defined by our past and our perceived trauma, or whether we constantly allow it to inform our present and therefore our future too - so that in effect we become our trauma/condition and reinforce it over and over again by our (over) identification with it.

It is my experience that we need to be careful here. It may just be words but words are powerful things. Is it MY depression or did I just suffer WITH depression? Because I suffered with depression, does that make me a depressive all my life, or was it just a momentary thing, an experience?

Personally, depression was not a part of me, I existed before depression and I existed after it. And yes, while I wrote a book about it, in a quest to process the story and share it in the hope it may help others, I do not want to be defined by it. I am so much more than that experience. The story has been told and I don’t now feel to re-live it, or be limited by it.

It’s the same with the life experiences and perceived trauma that contributed to the depression. I am aware that it is very easy to get caught up in these, to lay blame and hold onto stubborn unforgiveness. I have worked hard to overcome this in my own life, to accept that life happens for us, not to us and t find peace with this and forgiveness too. Forgiveness sets us free but is one of the most difficult things in the world, when we feel we have been harmed in some way and harbour anger about this. At some point we have to find the strength to let this go too - more often than not the hardest bit is forgiving ourselves and letting of the related defensive patterns that thread and weave their way through our various energy centres like invisible thread.

The trouble is, unless we do find some peace, then we allow ourselves to keep re-living the pattern, because there will be triggers and our mentality will be thus affected and it is easy to drop into a pattern of negativity all over again. We have to realise that this too is a choice. Our mindset is a choice. It was a revelation to me the moment I realised this and noticed my tendency towards the negative. It takes effort to change this, one has to gently cultivate a more positive mindset, it doesn’t just arise easily, we have to witness our thoughts and notice our patterning and question it and consciously change it.

Always there is the opportunity for change. And changing our story is entirely possible, when we change our mindset and decide to move on, let go, move on and begin again. Personally I have no interest in perpetuating old stories. I look back at old photos and there was a time I was really down about these, about the way I behaved, about the person I was back then, because I was so unhappy and often drunk (at least in the photos) and I noticed how my spirit flagged, almost giving myself a hard time NOW for what happened THEN.

I decided to set myself free. We can only work with our level of consciousness in any one moment. I was not conscious back then. I was suffering. In the midst of eating disorder, hating and loathing myself on a daily basis. I found solace in drinking alcohol, it number me from my pain. I didn’t know another way back then. But the way found me. And many of you will know this from reading my book. There is always another way. And I took it. And while it’s not been easy at times, I know there is no going back. That there is another story, always another story, not yet written.

I am happy to make peace with that part of me that knew no better. What is the point in perpetuating my suffering by giving myself a hard time about it? Only we can truly set ourselves free. And we have this moment to do it. NOW. I’ve had an amazing life thus far and I’m grateful for all the crazy experiences, even those very drunken ones, they were fun! But I didn’t want that story to be the only one.

The trouble is, people love their stories to the extent that they can get trapped by them, boring the pants off others with their re-telling and over-identification, frustrating others too, because of the manner in which it prevents them living in the PRESENT.

But letting go is tricky. Who are we without these stories?

For me, it’s very EXCITING when we reach this moment. When we realise that we don’t need to be burdened by our past anymore. That we can let go and write a new story now.

And this is what is exciting about this new moon because it is gifting us the opportunity to be more than how we have labelled, defined and limited ourselves from our PAST experience. We are being given the chance to break free. NOW is the time to change the story.

Remember, life happens for us, not to us. Our higher self draws in experiences to help us realise more of itself in this lifetime. We are never given more than we can handle. And we are always supported. We are never alone. There is always a WAY. We just have to keep surrendering moment to moment because life will rarely turn out the way we expect, or want it to. BUT it will always give us what we need - helping us to let go of trying to control outcome, of being able to rest more easily into the flow, of being able to find a greater depth to our love than we could have ever possibly imagined…

The moment we think we’ve got it, made it, found it, is the moment we probably haven’t, and is the moment the universe will usher in another challenge or experience or obstacle for us to navigate, to bring us deeper into the PRESENT.

It’s an illusion to believe that only love and light exists. It doesn’t. This is to deny the shadow. We all have shadows. Usually they’re being mirrored back at us. The moment we are triggered by another, is the moment to pay greater attention, because that other will be mirroring back to us the aspect within ourselves that we have rejected and/or not integrated, that in some way annoys us about ourself to the extent that we deny it…

When we find ourselves blaming others for our experience, take note. It is ALWAYS about US. Not someone else. Take responsibility for each experience and truly own it. You are NOT being punished. You ARE enough. You have ALL you need within you. Switch off, switch IN.

We each have the choice each day, to close to fear and the negative or to open to love and the positive.

The mind can be both our greatest enemy, and our greatest liberator. It is a choice.

This is the reason I love yoga because it is all about containing the mind. It is only in containing the mind that we can realise more of our eternal self, the part of us that doesn’t need stories or labels or false identifications. Not to say that those stories and labels and identifications don’t help us access more of our eternal self - our soul - because they can, only that we have to make sure that we, at some point, let them go…

It is about FREEDOM.

Celebrate your differences.

Being completely selfish. After all, who really wants to be selfless? I mean what is the point in that? I’ve never understood why we celebrate selflessness. At core, we are Self. Why give our Self away to others?

This new moon is gifting us freedom. Freedom to choose again. Freedom to write new stories. Freedom to let go of all those responsibilities and burdens we have been carrying that are holding us back, all those old stories and labels and identifications that keep us tied to the past. Freedom to let go of ANYTHING that is holding us back. Freedom to just BE…positive…loving…trusting.

Ultimately it always comes down to trust, faith and love. Trust in the self. Trust in the path. Trust in the practice. Trust in the Earth. Trust in spirit, Trust in Source.

But trusting has to be cultivated. Faith has to be cultivated. Love has to be allowed to flow.

Acceptance of what is happening NOW is truly helpful. Not projecting to a future when it all works out. This is IT.

So really there is nothing that needs to be DONE. Instead we have to undo the doing and the trying to be anything more than our unique and wonderful and beautiful selves, each a drop of God, radiating out into the world…and this brings us back to simplicity and to this MOMENT and to our HEART.

Sometimes we just have to trust…and pay attention…listen to our heart…and try not to buy into the ILLUSION.

Happy new moon solar eclipse, may it bring you exactly what you most need to write a new story now of what happens next.

Love Emma x

The menopause - a fresh perspective

This is a copy of an article I wrote for the Guernsey press, which was published on Wednesday 5 April.

On the one hand it is good news, the menopause is no longer as stigmatised and shamed as it once was, but we still have a long way to go to welcome it as the potentially empowering and positively life changing transition in a woman’s life that it can be.

Sadly there is still a lot of fear around menopause and the medical mindset is often one of deficiency and ‘management’, requiring women to take medication for fear that as soon as they ‘go through’ menopause their bodies will simply fall apart and waste away, that ‘normal’ (whatever that means) will never be quite the same again.

Hoorah I say. Who wants to be ‘normal’ anyway. We are all of us different and unique with different and unique needs and often all the menopause is highlighting is where we are out of alignment with our individual needs as a human being, both mental, emotional, spiritual, psychological and physiological.

If we can find the courage to go within, to cultivate respect for this natural process, then we may actually find it an incredibly empowering and life affirming experience, as we literally transition from one way of being to another. 

There is much I could write about the pressures of our ageist culture, about our attractiveness as women as sexual objects and the accompanying fear around how we might become dry, brittle, parched and devoid of our sexual energy, or how we might turn into the eccentric crone or witch of fairy tales with our hairy moles to boot, or simply become invisible to the rest of society, redundant now that we can no longer pro-create.

But really this is all nonsense, general cultural negativity that is not true and yet feeds some of our fear around the changes that the menopause creates. Yet in reality, no other time in a woman’s life provides quite the same potential for understanding and tapping into a woman’s power as this one. This of course, if a woman can negotiate her way through this cultural negativity that has clouded and indeed shrouded menopause for centuries - and supports any nutritional depletion in her diet – otherwise a negative and self-destructive experience of menopause can manifest.

However if a woman can challenge the negativity and address her specific nutritional needs after years of most likely being all things to many different people - raising children, running a household, building careers, founding businesses, looking after elderly parents, supporting friends and extended family members – then she has, during the menopause, an opportunity to discover a deeper layer of self, which brings with it increasing freedom and self-love/worth.

Essentially, at menopause, women find themselves at a crossroads, where they have the choice to both burn away much of the rubbish from the first half of their lives and complete some of the tasks that they started in adolescence. At this time, a woman may look back at her life and question her journey, where she has been and what she has done, achieved and experienced.  Now is the time to let go of and grieve broken and unrealised dreams, and prepare the foundations for the later stage of her life. It is possible that a crisis ensues which has nothing to do with hormonal changes, but is more so about where she has directed her life thus far and whether she feels that she has fulfilled earlier dreams and ambitions and allowed herself to follow her passions.

It is at this stage that women begin to feel a deep need for self-expression that likely went ignored after adolescence as women instead did what was required to “fit in” and ignored various unique aspects of self.

As Dr Christiane Northrup writes in her fabulous book, “Women’s bodies, women’s wisdom”, “I like to think of midlife women like myself as dangerous – dangerous to any forces existing in our lives that seek to turn us into silent little ladies, dangerous to the deadening effects of convention and niceness, and dangerous to any accommodations we have made that are stifling who we are now capable of becoming”.

Menopause is a time when women may scrutinise all aspects of their lives and let go of dead end relationships that lack the love and intimacy that she craves, quitting jobs and ending careers that she has now outgrown, that are no longer aligned with her deepest truth and may well never have been, but she lacked the courage until now to do something about it. Essentially she begins to clear all dead wood that no longer serve who she is becoming, that waste her time and energy and in some way limit the truth of who she is at heart and soul – that person she was in adolescence!

Menopause is truly an exciting time if women can do the developmental work – the inner work – that her body and her hormone levels call out for. This is a time for her to honour her heart and soul and to live from this perspective, to truly give to herself what she most needs, and to let go of anything out of alignment with this. When she dares to take herself seriously and realise her power, then she can truly prepare for the unfolding of the second half of her life.