Strong female character

Well that was certainly a beautiful full moon in libra last Thursday. I managed to watch it rise from a neolithic site, a huge ball of orange rising into the sky, quite a treat! I’m on a mission you see to try to follow and understand it’s movement patterns ahead of the next major lunar standstill in 2025.

The moon fascinates me. It does what the sun does in a year, in a month, it is always on the go, much like me! It also moves through its prior of waxing and waning, as we women do too, with our monthly cycles, and is never constant, reminding us that we also don’t need to be constant - that’s a very masculine and linear energy.

I love how each month the new and full moons gift us new insights and opportunities to go within, to know ourselves on a deeper level. This full moon was no different and my perspective has certainly shifted as I have been encouraged to consider my sensitivity in a new light and reminded that there is nothing to fix, just an allowing instead. I’m grateful to my bold friends for reaching out.

I’m reading this really amazingly honest, like truly breathtakingly honest, book at the moment, written by Fern Brady about her journey as a woman with autism called Strong Female Character. As written in the synopsis, “Fern Brady was told she couldn't be autistic because she's had loads of boyfriends and is good at eye contact. This is a story of how being female can get in the way of being autistic and how being autistic gets in the way of being the 'right kind' of woman.”

This is a book that refreshingly cuts through the right/wrong, good/bad bias and gives one permission to just be oneself regardless of social norms and expectations, which is so often the root of all of our issues around our identity and relationship with self.

Even in spiritualism we can get ourselves caught up in this, if not more really, holding ourselves up because we are not meditating enough, able to practice ‘advanced’ (or indeed so called ‘basic’) yoga poses despite our years of practice, of not being confident enough yet in ourselves despite all the circles we have attended, still feeling wounded, despite all the therapists we have seen and the crystals we wear, still uncomfortable in our own skin despite all the different nutritional approaches we have tried, with all their powders and supplements and probiotics. If we’re not careful we can get caught in the same paradigm we are trying to escape - the one of labelling and judgement.

The trouble is, our own conditioning is often so deep, that even when we make some breakthroughs in terms of how we see the world and other people in it, we still hold ourselves up to our internal judgement system, still giving ourselves a hard time if we don’t live up to our individual sense of perfection, until we finally realise that perfection doesn’t exist and all we’ve done is transfer perfection in the mundane world to perfection in the spiritual realm instead.

I did this myself so I talk from experiences, of popping myself up on a pedestal when I first started teaching yoga, not because I thought I was better, but because I thought I had to be a certain way and almost causing a break down in the process because of the tension and stress of trying to be someone I wasn’t and giving myself a bloody hard time for my inability to be as spiritually perfect as I felt I needed to be to teach yoga in the first place.

Back then I was still smoking roll-ups and joints when off island and I would give myself such a hard time, because this absolutely wasn’t what yoga teachers should be doing. I also put myself under a huge amount of pressure to look a certain way, because in my head, yoga teachers had to be slim and lithe and all this did was keep triggering my eating disorder at the time, so that I was never truly healing, just masking, and disappearing regularly down a rabbit hole instead.

I also felt I needed to know everything, because of the intensity of the imposter syndrome and not wanting to get ‘caught out’, so I attended an extensive number of yoga workshops, some of which were a complete waste of time and money because I either wasn’t ready or wasn’t engaged simply because I find it so difficult to sit still and focus for hours on end to someone talking - as many of you know who try to send me audios to listen to or videos to watch, sorry, but I can’t do it, I have the attention span of a nat, unless it totally engages me, I’ll drift off within minutes. Thus, I was always far more engaged on the courses which involved practice and first hand experience.

I’ll never forget attending a yoga therapy course in Vancouver with the most lovely bunch of women and being offered dark chocolate as a snack during the course. This was revolutionary to me - chocolate on a yoga course, but um, isn’t that bad? Actually no, it’s wonderful and one of the many attractions of attending Uma Dinsmore-Tuli’s courses in London (another truly inspiring lady) were the chocolates on the altar that we could snack on during the day to keep us grounded, what with all the yoga nidra.

As many of you know, I like to bring chocolate or energy balls along to my courses for this very reason, to ground, and also to remove the association of chocolate somehow being bad or unspiritual. It isn’t. Nothing is. It is only our mind that creates the separation and division and determines something good and something bad. We can find the spiritual in everything. One of my friend’s went to prison one time and he found that one of the most spiritually growing periods of his life. I had a yoga teacher who spent time surrounded by death at some funeral pyre in India for months on end and for him that was his most enlightened experience thus far.

I have always found that my most enlightening experiences have been in the dross, when I have been severely challenged and have had to learn, ta da, to surrender…and this is really what it is all about, surrendering the mind and it’s conditioning to see ourselves, each other and life a certain way, to set ourselves free from our judgements and our limiting sense of right/wrong, good/bad etc. It is whatever you make it. And when you reflect on it, you realise that initially you’ll make it what you were told to make it, how you were trained to make it.

But my golly, the mind has a hard time getting go. The ego has a vested interest in maintaining the status quo. It has spent a lifetime protecting this option/judgement/way of seeing things and to realise that they’re is no truth to it, to realise that it is just a conditioning/training/fabrication is a tricky process to go through because the ego fights to hold onto its way of seeing things, it’ll hold on and on, and get very annoyed if anyone challenges it, and only after some time, some experience, some challenge, something that the universe brings in to help us let go will we do so, but often anyway, not without a lot of anger and tears and frustration…it’s a big deal, our pride has to drop away too, our righteousness, never easy for those of us pitta folk!

Mind you the kapha folk don’t have an easy time ether as they loathe letting go. And the vata types will often disappear into anxiety and might struggle then to move on because the anxiety can be all encompassing, almost freezing them, until they can gently let go into a new way of being as they come to terms with whatever mental patterning is no longer serving them. We are all different in ours ways of surrendering and the drama that may or may not accompany this, let alone the physical symptoms and emotional outpouring.

It’s interesting to me to pull it all the way back and to wonder how our mind as a human being was right at the beginning of our existence on planet earth. When there was no religion, no culture, no social norms, no education, no systems, no technology, no media, no medical industry, no BigPharma, no social media, no nothing other than us as part of nature - not even us and nature, or us in nature, but us literally as a part of it all, no separation. No wonder neolithic man and women were capable of creating such amazing stone structures, connecting areas of the earth, like one big crystal grids charged by the sun and the moon, and living in harmony.

Over the years I have found myself questioning my inability to fit in to conventional society, my always being different, which is not a choice, it’s just what it is. I mean we’re all different in our own ways, but it is one thing being different and trying to fit in, and quite another being different and being ok with that to the extent that at some point you stop trying to fit in. It was a relief when I reached that point. It was also a relief when one of my friend’s gave me permission to celebrate my differences. Celebrate the differences!

I remind my clients of this when they are battling away with their uniqueness and trying to see it as something that needs fixing or changing. No! Embrace it. It’s what makes you YOU. Why try to be someone else? Yet we do this from an early age, such is our social conditioning to be accepted and liked by others, so that we can easily lose ourselves along the way. Others stay true and have to endure the bullying and judgements that comes because they’re not the same as others, whether that be because they dress or behave differently. We’re really not very nice at times, threatened by others for this very reason - they’re being themselves.

That’s the reason I loved Fern’s book so much, because she is herself. This is one of the many gifts of autism. I see it with Elijah and I see it with my friend’s son too. They are very much true, and wouldn’t even consider that there could be another way, because their sense of honesty is so embedded. Women are different though. Women try to camouflage to fit in. And this is the reason it is more difficult to diagnose autism in girls and more so in women.

And I know that there are many judgements about diagnosing or not, about the benefit of doing so versus the stigma that still remains, but research does indicate that for the autistic person receiving a diagnosis is usually a huge relief and allows them to make sense of the reason they are different and to be in a better position to celebrate that or indeed just be ok with it. And let’s be honest, at the end of the day, it’s just our society’s way of trig to make sense of their sensitivity and higher vibrational frequency - we know that they are the lighter ones sent in to help us to make changes here on planet earth, because their brains perceive life differently and therefore they can help create a different, lighter reality…

Anyway, for me and my clients/students, the full moon was digging deep into the solar plexus and heart, asking people to take back their power and within this, their identification with self, and to truly celebrate who they are IN THIS MOMENT, not as the person they feel they should be, or want to be in the future, but their core self right now in this moment. And to love, obviously, themselves for who they are, not to give their power away to others seeking external validation of worth, or requiring love from others to make up for the love they don’t feel for themselves. Self-love is key.

Thus letting go of our judgements about ourselves and others is important. To question why we feel the way we do, why we hold an opinion one way or the other. And to consider the many ways we look outside ourself for validation of worth and love, and what therefore prevents us finding this within ourselves.

Also, just to accept all the ways we are different, to make peace with ourselves and to let go all the striving (as I know only too well) and the stress that accompanies this need to be someone other than who we are - to be more evolved or spiritually awake or any of the other new age terms that end up limiting us by their very nature - and just accepting ourselves in this moment with all our awkwardness and quirkiness and strangeness and beautifulness too.

Now we’re on the wane, which is usually a gentle time, but let’s see, we have an eclipse coming on the new moon on April 20th…

Those of you keen to get more into your cycle and embrace the yin energy, especially with Beltane approaching, then my next Yoni course starts on Tuesday 26 April and there is a drop-in option this course, because of all the bank holidays. You can sign up here, https://www.beinspiredby.co.uk/events-calendar/april-may-yoni-yoga-course

Love Emma x

My quirky guide to Glastonbury

The mists of Avalon, view from Lower Coxbridge House

I’ve been meaning to write about this for ages as many of you have asked me directly and I always kept thinking that rather than repeating myself a blog is required. Glastonbury has been on my mind all day, so I guess this is as good a time as any!

Glastonbury is a little bit like Sark and Byron Bay. All three places are very sacred, the land is infused with a magical energy, yet many will never see beyond the superficial and even fewer will access the deeper realms that each offer.

In Sark, for example, many will never venture beyond the Bel Air Inn. Others won’t make it to Little Sark either and of those that do, few will ever get beyond the Venus Pool and out to the dolmen and fewer still will walk the land at night, entering its ethereal realms, the wells, especially, coming alive. In Byron Bay, many will see it solely as a party town on the backpacker trail, or somewhere you go to surf. Others might take a yoga class, but not everyone will allow themselves to be touched by its deep healing energy, sacred to the Aborigines, a vortex, which can spin your life a different direction.

Glastonbury has many different sides to it too. Many will never see beyond the commercialism of the crystal shops, plethora of charity shops and the various metaphysical book shops. Some won’t make it beyond lunch in one of the many vegetarian cafes. Others will be side tracked by the witches and wizards, the gypsies and the priestesses and conclude it a crazy town. Other will be intimidated by the counterculture and locals who hang out on the high street, some playing tunes and others just sitting and chatting, the smell of pot sometimes permeating the air, a few homeless begging, and they’ll leave believing that’s all Glastonbury has to offer.

Eben with his handmade wizard wand bought from Wild Wood on Glastonbury high street

But the thing is Glastonbury has so much to offer, it just depends on the energy that you are putting out when you visit and your own conditioning and openness to the ethereal, other worldly and indeed true spirit. Many people are surprised simply because they expect Glastonbury to be more spiritual and less commercial, but true spirit can not be seen so easily simply because it is not trying to be seen - it lives in the ordinary, beyond all that is visible on the surface to much deeper realms both within side ourselves and within Avalon too.

For those who don’t know, Glastonbury its not just a music festival, albeit a musical festival does take place on the outskirts of Glastonbury each June. Glastonbury is actually a mystical town in Somerset going back into the mists of time. In ancient times Glastonbury (Glass-town-borough) and the surrounding hills were islands in a swampy inland sea called the Sea of Glass. Glastonbury was also variously called the Isle of Avalon, Apple Orchard, and the Isle of Glass. Spiritual sites and power spots surround Glastonbury and the various ley lines weave their magical spiritual energies together creating a beautiful ambiance of peace and joy, at least if you are open to experiencing it.

Glastonbury is a magical mirror too, and it will mirror back to us what we are putting out. This might explain why people have such different experiences when visiting. However, as the heart chakra of the world, Glastonbury has always been kind to me, it has an energy which hugely resonates offering an entrance point into higher dimensions, and it is this which draws healers and other spiritual pilgrims from all over the planet, and those who come and don’t know why and will only later discover a side to themselves that has a Glastonbury resonance.

Elijah at St. Michael’s Tower

The distinctive hill of Glastonbury Tor surmounted by its iconic church tower of St Michael dominates the horizon for miles around and acts almost like a magnet, drawing people to it. With the ruins of the once-powerful mediaeval abbey still standing in the heart of the town, the whole area is extraordinarily rich in magic and myth and closely linked to Arthurian legend and Jesus and the Holy grail too.

There is a widespread belief that Glastonbury is the magical (this word will appear lots when I write about Glastonbury!) Isle of Avalon where the wounded Arthur was taken after his final battle. I’m not excited about Arthurian legend, but when the mists of Avalon roll in, as I have witnessed many times, and conceal the lowlands so that all you can see is the Tor rising above a blanket of white mist, then Glastonbury does indeed resemble an island.

Ewan and Elijah headed up the Tor (again!)

Standing proud and iconic on the summit of Glastonbury Tor is the mediaeval tower and all that remains of a church once dedicated to Archangel Michael. The Tor sits on the St. Michael's Ley, which has a Neolithic provenance, and is known as one of the celtic 'Perpetual Choirs', said to maintain the spiritual integrity of Britain. The primeval mound was a fundamental theme in prehistory, and as mentioned earlier, Glastonbury was surrounded by water until the Somerset flats were drained in the 4th century.

Up the Tor

St Michael’s ley line is one of two powerful ley lines within the UK, the other one being the Mary line. The Michael line was first mapped by John Michell and crosses England from east to west, starting near Great Yarmouth in Norfolk and ending at St Michael’s mount on the western tip of Cornwall. The Mary line is thought to be more meandering and entwines around the Michael line, meeting at certain points. Dowsers say that the energies they feel for each line are different - the Michael line is solar and masculine while the Mary line is lunar and feminine.

Dowsers, Paul Broadhurst and Hamish Miller, followed these two lines in their entirety and wrote about their findings in their book The Sun and the Serpent. I have read the book and was fascinated to find that the pair traced both the Michael and Mary energy lines climbing the Tor in a labyrinth manner forming two interlocking shapes at the summit suggesting a chalice & probe (Cove & Obelisk perhaps) or sexual union. This fits beautifully with my interest in alchemy and might account for the reason that so many are drawn to the Tor in the first place - magic happens here and interestingly on Beltane too, which is one of the most potent times of year from a fertility and creative perspective (think maypole).

Running down the Tor

Beltane is also known as May Day and the Michael’s line is in close alignment to the May day sunrise, which is celebrated annually in Glastonbury. It’s been suggested that the rising of the sun on the Beltane could have coincided with beacons lit along the Michael line to celebrate it. Others say that the line follows the direction of sunrise on the 8th May, the spring festival of St Michael. I have yet to feel into the energy of Beltane in Glastonbury or indeed on May 8th but have the intention to do so one day so will let you know. I have dowsed the St Michael line out at Avebury, and love lying on the earth at the Serpentine, where the Mary line entwines the Michale line - there is something magical about the energy of the union of the divine masculine and feminine, harmony!

I did find myself traipsing off the Tor a different way on my trip with Elijah last June, just before we headed to Stonehenge for the summer solstice and it did humour me that we unintentionally found our way to Dods Lane, which is meant to be the ancient trackway from Glastonbury Abbey all the way to Stonehenge, this in alignment with our trip and highlighting again to me that Glastonbury has this deeper element to it that reveals itself when the time is right and that there are all these sacred connections across the country, like a crystal grid magnifying energies.

Elijah and I sunset from the Tor

Maybe it was around then I learned of a winter solstice alignment from one of the nearby hills where you stand and witness the winter solstice sun rolling up the Tor, which is just one of the many wonderful reasons that the ancients sculptured the land, to make a play with the sun and the moon and capture the essence of both. Annoyingly we were once there on a 24 hour visit for the winter solstice but I didn’t know about that alignment, I just got cheap flights and wanted to do something different…Being in Glastonbury naturally aligns you more fully to the sun and the moon and I have witnessed some spectacular sunsets, sunrises and moon rises too while in town - my photo album is full of them.

There is a hidden cave beneath the Tor through which you can pass into the fairy realm of Annwn and there dwells Gwyn ab Nubbiest, the lord of the Celtic underworld, with the Cauldron of Rebirth. This I like to think of as the White Spring, which I’ll write about more later, as certainly a rebirth of sorts takes place when you dip in the cold waters. Definitely there is an ethereal realm that reveals itself if you attuned to it and vibrating appropriately, no easy feat in this heavy world of technology and 4 and 5G, let alone the general heaviness in our individual energy fields, but alas it is a possibility however crazy it may sound.

It is thought by some that the hill was artificially shaped into its present form, an idea which finds favour in the seven-levelled ritual terraced pathway that winds up the Tor. This is suggested to have been a deliberate pathway, either designed to entrap passing spirits, which were believed to travel in straight lines (ley-lines) as mentioned earlier or, as a ritual pathway (labyrinth) for pilgrims. I haven’t walked the labyrinth as I usually have children with me on any visit to Glastonbury but it is on my list of things to do as one of my friend’s has done it and says it is quite an experience. There is an egg stone on the Tor, which most miss as it is the other side from the main path and this signifies the entrance to this other realm that the Tor offers.

As mentioned earlier, Glastonbury abounds in myths and legends and two significant ones concern Joseph of Arimathea and King Arthur. Joseph was the Biblical figure who took Jesus' body after the crucifixion. According to some legends he was actually Jesus' uncle and had visited Britain years before with Jesus in the pursuit of his interests in the tin trade. It appears that there actually was a strong Jewish presence in the west of England at that time, and many of the tin miners may have been Jewish settlers.

In any case, when Jesus died, Joseph thought it prudent to flee Palestine, and after many travels, he came to Britain with a company of followers including Mary, mother of Jesus and Mary Magdalene, more on her below. He brought with him the Holy Grail, the cup used by Jesus at the Last Supper. Some versions of the legend have it that the Grail contained two drops of blood captured from Jesus' side when he was wounded on the cross.

When Joseph came to Britain he was granted land at Glastonbury by the local king. When he arrived at Glastonbury, Joseph stuck his thorn staff in the earth at Wearyall Hill, whereupon it rooted and burst into bloom. A cutting from that first tree was planted in the grounds of the later Glastonbury Abbey, where it continued to bloom every year thereafter at Christmas time. More on this to follow.

Joseph was said to have established the first church in England at Glastonbury, and archaeological records show that there may well have been an extremely early Christian church here. What happened to the Holy Grail is another matter. Some legends suggest that Joseph buried the Grail at the foot of the Tor, whereupon a spring of blood gushed forth from the ground.

There is a well at the base of the Tor, in the form of Chalice Well, and the water that issues from it does indeed have a reddish tinge to it, from the iron content of the water, more on that to follow too. Other legends suggest that the Holy Grail was interred with Joseph when he died, in a secret grave. The search for the mysterious Grail emerges throughout the tales of Glastonbury.

Meanwhile the association of Arthur and Glastonbury goes back at least to the early Middle Ages. In the late 12th century the monks of Glastonbury Abbey announced that they had found the grave of Arthur and Guinivere, his queen. According to the monks, an excavation found a stone inscribed ‘Here lies Arthur, king.’ Below the stone, they found the bones of a large man and the smaller skeleton of a woman. The monks reburied the bones in the grounds of the Abbey, where they were a very handy draw for pilgrims. The site of the grave can be seen today in the Abbey grounds.

While I’m on the subject, one final myth of Arthur at Glastonbury includes the suggestion that the landscape around Glastonbury has been moulded and shaped so that the features including roads, churches, and burial mounds create a zodiac calendar replete with Arthurian symbology. But of course like all myth, this is all open to one’s interpretation.

Glastonbury has a particular association with Mary Magdalene and many women will come to town seeking her divine presence and that aspect within themselves and some believe themselves to be a reincarnation of her and come seeking familiarity. For those unaware, Mary is believed to be the partner of Jesus and mother of their daughter, Sarah. She is also renowned for being a gifted healer and spiritual devotee.

Certainly if you are on a Mary Magdalene quest then you will likely find yourself in the Abbey and also St Margaret’s Chapel, as well as the various springs and wells. Lisa Lister and Rebecca Campbell both reference Mary Magdalene in their books and if you are curious then I recommend reading Claire Heartsong’s channelled books Anna, The Grandmother of Jesus: A Message of Wisdom and Love and Anna: The Voice of the Magdalenes as well as Megan Watterson’s Mary Magdalene Revealed: The First Apostle, Her Feminist Gospel & the Christianity We Haven't Tried Yet .

I first visited Glastonbury when I was 20, in my final year of university and with my best friend at the time. I just had this feeling I wanted to visit the place. I was a little bit different even then, before I came back to Guernsey and tried to fit in. I smoked pot, I liked wearing hippie clothes, I surfed, I wrote poetry, I liked staying up late on my own staring at the stars and listening to music. I don’t know what drew me to Glastonbury especially, and I don’t remember doing much while we were there. I was a bit disappointed really as I imagined us sitting in a cafe with other alternative types smoking pot, but I think my friend and I sat there alone, drinking tea instead.

I found myself back in Glastonbury again when Elijah was 3 months old. We walked through the town initially, Elijah in a sling, looking for the Rainbow cafe, a vegetarian place, which had been recommended. On the high street, a witchy lady suddenly appeared in front of me and told me not to vaccinate Elijah. I’ve never forgotten that moment as she appeared from nowhere and disappeared as quickly too. I had no intention of vaccinating him, but I was feeling the pressure of continuously defending myself to opinionated people and her approaching me like this, while very strange, was the validation I needed to stand true to my gut on this one.

We made it up the Tor that trip, the first time of many, wind swept, but invigorated, there is definitely something about the Tor that makes one feel profoundly more connected, maybe to the heart of the world, certainly if I am feeling disconnected I find myself dreaming of the Tor and getting up it. You never know what you might find at the top, every trip is different depending on the time of the day, sometimes there’s Kirtan or drumming, the smell of pot or frankincense might permeate the air, maybe people are making offerings or holding ceremony and sometimes people are simply trying to shelter from the crazy winds which can whip over the hill.

Something about Glastonbury was getting under my skin and we found ourselves back there again, for a few days this time, when I was awaiting embryo transfer following a frozen IVF cycle (you can read all about this in my book Dancing with the Moon. I went for angel Reik, or something similar, up in a room in someone’s house just off the hight street. I remember feeling that the energy was all wrong, that the Reiki wasn’t as grounded as I needed it to be, and I left feeing even more flighty than when I arrived. It didn't help that I knew the lady knew that I wasn’t ready for this IVF cycle, that there as no soul waiting to come in, that I was indeed ungrounded and too up in the air myself energetically, life all over the place at that time.

Still, while I didn't conceive on that cycle, it was the wake up call I needed to get myself back to earth again and sort myself out, having lost my way with the pressures of early motherhood and a strained relationship with self as much as with E. Something else positive did come of this trip though, in that spirit directed me to Lower Coxbridge House and Sarah Orme, who is now a friend. Sarah is a fellow yoga teacher and at that time was renting her property for small and intimate yoga retreats. I just knew I had to run a retreat, not least to encourage more Guernsey folk to this sacred place but to have an excuse to immerse myself more in the energy of it too.

Elijah jumping at Lower Coxbridge House, with beautiful skies (I have a significant number of photos of sunrise and sunset from here and even full moon!)

Ten months later and in the early stages of pregnancy and feeling decidedly nauseas and tired, I ran my first yoga and wellbeing retreat in Glastonbury - well at Lower Coxbridge, three miles away from Glastonbury but with magnificent views of the Tor and on some energy vortex that had me and another student ‘travelling’ during a Kirtan session. That was the first of many retreats that I ran there, and many of my students joined me many times over as it is such a magical spot. That trip was all about sussing it out with my students, getting up the Tor, visiting the Abbey and of course enjoying the crystal shops too.

Like Elijah, Eben first got to visit Glastonbury when he was just over three months old. I was in the UK to celebrate Steph’s 21st birthday down in Exeter and I had a few hours to spare and thought I’d pop up to Glastonbury. I didn’t know why, beyond getting up the Tor, and visiting a crystal shop or two. This time though I found myself at Chalice Wells, which might have been my first visit, or at least the first time the place had called me to it.

Elijah at Chalice Wells

It wasn't until I was in Chalice Wells and reading up on the place and the red iron water that I realised the reason I has been drawn there - I was iron deficient post-natal and needed the iron, plus it’s a tonic for a tired and weary soul and mine was definitely both. This is the thing with Glastonbury, you might have an idea of what you want to do, but the place will direct you if you allow it. On my last trip, in February, at the last minute I found myself drawn into Chalice Wells and £3.60 later (£1.80 per child), I realised that just five minutes of the peace that it provides is sometimes all that is needed to refresh before a journey home (I thought I was just popping to the White Spring to gather water while the children played with Ewan…)

Chalice Wells lies in a protected area of natural beauty, at the foot of a narrow valley running between the Tor and Chalice Hill and is most definitely an integral part of the sacred landscape of Glastonbury. For over two thousand years the Red Spring, or Blood Spring as it is often known, has flowed here and it is a place where people have gathered to drink the waters and find solace, peace, inspiration and, ultimately, healing.

Elijah by Chalice Well with the robin!

In 1959 Wellesley Tudor Pole, secured the Well and surrounding land for the future, creating the Chalice Well Trust, which continues to run the site today, with many lovely volunteers giving their time freely to help. His intention was to preserve the whole area as a sacred site to ‘encourage individual spiritual evolution by offering this place to members of the public, of whatever religious persuasion or none, for pilgrimage, quiet contemplation and healing’.

Needless to say, there are many legends associated with Chalice Wells. Many believe that the waters represent the blood of Christ, which miraculously sprung forth from the ground when Joseph of Arimathea buried or washed the cup used at the Last Supper. For others the waters are seen as the essence of life, a gift from Mother Earth to sustain living beings, with springs being a direct expression of her generosity and unbounded life force energy.

Chalice Well and the Vesica Piscis

Apparently, the archaeologist Bligh Bond designed and gifted the wellhead cover. It depicts the Vesica Piscis, an ancient sacred symbol of transformation and maybe it is this alone and the energy it creates that draws people to it. I would urge you to visit it if you are in town. This magical symbol is visible in several places in the gardens and reminds us of the duality of existence and the quest for unity - thus not buying into the bag/good, right/wrong, fail/success conditioning that has us constantly separating and dividing, if not within ourselves then with others.

The red iron water flows through the length of the gardens and appearing in different forms: at the well, as a fountain at the Lion’s Head where you can collect the water for drinking (you can collect it outside Chalice wells, just opposite the White Spring), as a waterfall in Arthur’s Court flowing into the healing pool where you can foot bathe, before rushing down through the flow-form in the lower gardens collecting in the Vesica Pool before leaving the site and continuing on its underground way towards the Abbey.

The lower gardens at Chalice Wells

In the gardens there are several Holy Thorn trees, believed to have descended from the original Holy Thorn planted by Joseph of Arimathea. We did make an effort one time to traipse out to Wearywall Hill, because - as written earlier - this is where Joseph of Arimathea supposedly climbed on his arrival in Britain and, exhausted, thrust his staff into the ground and rested. By morning his staff had taken root and grown into a miraculous thorn tree that bloomed twice a year. Unless you particularly want to get out to Wearywall Hill then the Holy Thorns at Chalice Wells or the Abbey might well suffice!

Chalice Wells is also one of the meeting places of the Michael and Mary lines and I suspect it is this union, which creates such magical energy. I loved the energy of Chalice Wells on that first visit, it is so serene and peaceful and being a lover of water and wells especially, I found it deeply soothing and healing - and still do.. I love the goddess figurines scattered throughout the place too and no doubt that visit, helped to further awaken my connection to her energy, as she had only drawn me to her three months earlier on the eve of Eben’s birth, as you can read about in my book Dancing with the Moon.

In Chalice Wells

Visiting Chalice Wells should be on everyone’s itinerary, not least as a a welcome relief on a busy Saturday in town (one is encouraged to turn off mobile telephones and keep noise an absolute minimum) but because the gardens themselves and the flowers, shrubs and trees are beautiful. Take your tea or lunch there! I have spent many happy moments sitting by the well itself and imbuing its energy and the peace and quiet, watching the robin which inevitably appears, enjoying the goddess undertone and feeling my heart opened by the experience.

It was probably my increasing fascination and love for goddess and goddess energy that was drawing me to the town and each time I visited I found myself leaving with a new Goddess figurine, representing and containing the quality of something - I now realise - I was trying to access and embody at that time. My interest in Goddess figurines led me to partake in an online course all about Goddess culture and representation on landscape and in sculptures and figurines too. Kathy Jones, Priestess of Avalon and founder of The Glastonbury Goddess House and Temple.

I have always been fascinated by landscape. I studied landscape and culture within my geography degree and had signed up to specialise in this post-graduate, but it wasn’t the right environment for me, and I let it go for many years. However it has woven its way back into my life as many of you regular readers will know as I am fascinated by the neolithic landscape especially, because of its sacredness and the manner in which it affects and effects consciousness and allows access to other realms and other entities should one wish (I have always been fascinated by, and drawn to fairy realm, for example, and Guernsey of course has a rich fairy history)

I have also become increasingly passionate about the neolithic stones themselves and rock art and there is nothing more special than a goddess, and here on Guernsey we are so very, very lucky to have two incredible neolithic Goddess menhirs and a Goddess temple to boot! I’m not sure people realise how unusual and magical that is - Guernsey’s very sacred, if you can get beyond the materialism and capitalism that flourishes here nowadays. I found the course with Kathy really inspiring (especially as it took place during lock down when I couldn’t get to Glastonbury) as I learned lots more about Goddess landscape and culture and about the various figurines that have been discovered over the years.

Anyway, we were back all four of us a few months later, in the May, Eben eight months old by then and Elijah three for mummy’s second Glastonbury yoga & wellbeing retreat, camping out in one of the amazing yurts at Lower Coxbridge House, affording awe-inspiring views of the Tor through the open door while lying in bed. They were yet more magical times, barefoot on earth, in touch with the moon, the sun the stars (peeing under moonlight and hearing the owls overhead, let alone the baaing sheep in the fields!), yummy vegan food on retreat and lovely people to chatter with. E was marvellously supportive and patient, entertaining both boys for up to four hours a day while I taught and us managing the expressing/breast and bottle feeding that was required at that stage, let alone all the nappy changes, but this for the love of sharing Glastonbury with others and because he and the boys both enjoy the place too.

Back in the day…running a yoga and wellbeing retreat at Lower Coxbridge House with boys so little, yurts in background and Tor beyond

It was on that trip that the White Spring came into my world. It was referenced in one of Lisa Lister’s books, which I happened to be reading on the boat on the way over to the UK, a day before the Glastonbury retreat. I couldn't believe I had not heard about it previously, but this is the thing with Glastonbury, it gives a little bit more of itself each time we visit. The White Spring though has become one of my most favourite places on this earth and it was the first place I visited post-lock-down, albeit on reduced hours at the time, with Elijah in tow for a mummy and Elijah spiritual pilgrimage to Avebury and Stonehenge too.

Others don’t necessarily get the appeal of the White Spring and struggle to see beyond those hanging outside the entrance to the Spring, playing hang drums, smoking pot and collecting spring water. Inside it’s dark but for the many tea light and the natural light that comes in through the doors. It echoes too, which is absolutely amazing if someone is playing the drums or singing, but my boys, for example, find it all too much. However I just LOVE it and when things get too much here, I find myself planning a return trip, and imagining myself immersing in the spring water and that lovely space.

The thing is, a trip to Glastonbury is quite easy from Guernsey. We have gone on the boat and taken our own car, which might well work out cheaper, but is a bit of a hassle. Instead I prefer to fly to Exeter which sometimes only takes 45 minutes on a direct flight (sometimes you have to go via Bristol so it takes 1.5 hours instead) and hire a car. On a clear run I have managed to get to Glastonbury within an hour of leaving the airport, up the M5 and then on the A39. It’s really easy, which makes it all the more tempting!. During the pandemic, we flew through Southampton, which means a 2-2.5 hour drive instead, and much more traffic.

Ewan and the boys outside the White Spring

Anyway, there is something about the White Spring that just positively changes things for me. Located next to Chalice Well, in Well House Lane, the site of the White Spring is steeped in history and mythology, the antiquarians said that stone foundations could be seen and possibly the remnants of monk’s cells. It’s also thought to be the entrance to the underworld of Gwyn ap Nudd as referenced earlier.

The building of a reservoir over an attractive combe, by the Water Board in 1872, was met with huge opposition from local antiquarians, objecting to the destruction of a popular beauty spot much frequented by locals. However, after building the reservoir, the Water board soon discovered that the high calciferous content of the water caused pipes to block and by the end of the 19th century water was piped into Glastonbury from out of town.

After lying derelict for many years, the Water Board sold the White Spring to the White Spring Glastonbury Foundation and now the temple is created by, cared for and supported by the Companions of the White Spring. This includes men and women who give their time and resources freely, for the love of it, and find their lives blessed because of it. In keeping with their belief in the sacredness of all creation they endeavor only to use natural and pre-used materials. They receive no state funding and while donations are not expected, I would encourage anyone visiting to donate generously.

Eben inside the White Spring (bit naughty as you’re not meant to take photos, mainly because of people bathing naked)

It was the pump house that was converted into a temple space, created in gratitude for  the gift of pure water. In blackness or candle lit, the White Spring offers a wonderful contrast to the sunlit gardens of Chalice Well literally across the road and separated from the wall that surrounds the land owned now by the Chalice Wells Trust. With its constant temperature and the sound of the perpetually flowing water, it really is a very unique and sacred space - even Ewan takes a dip in here and I have shared the space with many lovely students on retreat.

A series of pools have been built according to the principles of sacred geometry, and simple shrines in honour of the ancient energies and spirits of Avalon have been created within the temple. All of this is enhanced by the Michael line which flows through this place from Chalice Wells and up to the Tor as referenced earlier. In fact, it is one of the greatest mysteries of the Isle of Avalon is that two different healing springs, one touched red with iron, the other white with calcite, should rise within a few feet of each other from the caverns beneath Glastonbury Tor, both healing too.

Eben collecting the red water

On the wall outside the White Spring is a tap to collect its calciferous water and across the road is another tap, this one to collect the iron water from Chalice Wells. Thus you can collect both the red and white water within metres of one another, and many do, people pile up with their huge water canisters from communities and retreat centres nearby and fill on up, taking a break to let us one bottle peeps fill up too. I always leave space in my luggage to bring a 1.5 litre bottle of mixed red and white water back to Guernsey with me and put in a request to anyone visiting, especially with a car to bring water back for me.

Eben collecting the white water outside the White Spring

What I love most though is literally getting in the white water. There are two pools, a wide shallow one that maybe goes half way up my shins and a much deeper and smaller one right at the back, on the left, like a plunge pool. While you can wear bathers if you choose, most people bathe naked. In many respects it’s probably helped give me the confidence over the years to undress in public like this, embracing my body and its nudity and dipping in sight of others. It feels wrong wearing bathers on the beach now is the only thing…

The water is very cold, which is wonderful in the warmer months but a touch testing in winter! But my goodness, it always makes me feel incredibly alive afterwards. I tend to dip before and after going up the Tor. It isn’t open every day so do check before you visit and don’t forget to take a towel - you can wear bathers if you choose. Usually it is open to the public on Tuesdays, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays from 1-5pm. Tip generously. It is run by volunteers who give so much of their time for free. There is more information here http://www.whitespring.org.uk

On that trip, I was all into the Goddess and I was keen to visit the supposed bleeding stone behind the Abbot’s kitchen in the Abbey grounds, where women were purported to have crouched and bled so that their menstrual blood could be collected. The shaped stone is believed to be a pagan omphalos discovered at the Abbey in the 1910s by architect Frederick Bligh Bond. The ancient Greeks also used ‘omphalos’ to refer to a sacred, rounded stone in the Temple of Delphi denoting the centre of the earth. Many will just call it an egg stone, which has some significance even if it is not entirely clear the nature of that significance.

Elijah at Glastonbury Abbey

The ruins of the Abbey are set in 36 acres peaceful parkland at the centre of the town where Joseph of Arimathea is said to have founded his initial church, the first in Britain and this making it a a particularly holy destination for medieval pilgrims. Of course there is the connection with King Arthur and his second wife Guinevere reference earlier and even today the supposed site of King Arthur’s tomb is marked out with stones in the grass within the abbey ruins.

It’s a beautiful place to visit, serene, and peaceful, with lots of beautiful mature trees and a duck pond too. The boys love it as they can run around at will, but also because it has a certain energy that calms everything! We’ve often gone there just to walk and sit and contemplate. I just read that an adult can take two under 16s for free nowadays which makes it much more affordable. There is often lots going on at the Abbey, we were in town when there was a mediaeval fair, for example, so just check as you may need to book tickets ahead.

Elijah in the Abbey grounds

So it follows that although Glastonbury is an important centre of early Christian history, it was a sacred place before Christianity and its modern pagan communities continue to flourish. As I mentioned earlier, there is a strong Goddess presence in town, helped hugely by the work of Kathy Jones, founder of the Goddess House and Goddess Temple and director of the three year Priestess of Avalon training.

It was certainly all about the Goddess on my next trip, a few months later, with my sister in law, Star, and Eben, still being breastfed at the time. We only visited town for 24 hours but packed a lot into a small amount of time and the focus was definitely on accessing as much Goddess energy as possible. I’m especially fond of the Goddess Temple, which is set upstairs in one of the courtyards off the main high street. It’s not particularly elaborate or anything, but it does have a lovely energy and there is always a fabulous altar encapsulating the energy of the turning of the wheel at any particular time of year. I usually have a child in tow, we light a candle, make a wish, say a prayer and pull an oracle card.

Elijah in the Goddess temple in the autumn

The retreats continued twice yearly up to the pandemic and we squeezed in the odd family trip too. Once we were lucky to housesit for our retreat chef, Olga’s, parents in law one February half term and that time I discovered the treatments at the Goddess House and the Ashram at the foot of the Tor, which has sadly since closed. I joined some yoga classes on that trip too, which is the only time I have done that in Glastonbury. That’s the one thing that has always surprised me and yet equally delighted me about the town, in that there isn’t an obvious dedicated yoga studio, and you have to seek a class.

There’s been so many trips over the years and always I have an idea of where I want to go, but like I say, always something else reveals itself to me. Generally I like to go to the shop, Wild Wood, on the high street, as I like the friendly witchy lady who works in there, we don’t know each other’s names but we like to have a chatter each time I visit. I also like to get to a crystal shop, usually there’s a crystal I know I need, the recent trip I bought Okenite for me and two friends and it has come in super handy for using with my clients too ever since.

Elijah at play!

I always like to get up to the Goddess Temple and there’s the Goddess Temple shop in the same courtyard and I like to go in there to see what’s new and there are more oracle cards you can pull. If I have time I LOVE to go charity shopping there are lots of charity shops up and down the high street but this does depend on the patience of the children. There’s Earthfare towards the top, a health food shop, which I like to visit, because I love these kind of places, even if I can rarely get a tea; they really need to make that more available to people because their turmeric latte is lovely.

Eben hanging around at the playground just down the road from the Abbey

Sometimes we head to the Abbey, to give the children space to roam free. We always make an effort to take them to the playgrounds of which there are two decent ones, one not far from the Abbey and the other just down the road from Chalice Wells/the White Spring. In fact often we park here as it is free, there’s just a little lay-by, and we walk from there up to the Tor and Chalice Wells and the White Spring.

However if there isn’t parking there, you can park quite easily at Drapers of Glastonbury, which is a family run sheepskin business with its factory on the left after you pass Chalice Wells on the right if you are coming into town from Shepton Mallet on the A361, otherwise it is on the right as you are leaving Glastonbury for Shepton Mallet, (Chalice Wells and the Tor on the right). It costs maybe £3 for a few hours and £5 for the whole day. We used to park here all the time as it is easy and you get to go in to the factory, which sells brilliant sheepskin rugs and boots and gloves, all of which I have enjoyed!

At the playground just down the lane from the Tor

There is free parking in town on the hight street, maybe for thirty minutes at a time, or paid parking in the car parks behind the Earthfare side of the high street. There is also paid parking right outside the Abbey and here there are free public toilets too and you can get a take-away tea in the bakery. The boys love that bakery and their gingerbread men. E loves all the cakes. It is a highlight of any Glastonbury trip to get to Burns!

A Burns ginger bread break!

They also love the Italian, Gigi’s, which is virtually opposite the Abbey. I’m always frustrated by the food in Glastonbury, simply because all the yummy veggie places I’d love to frequent don’t have anything the boys will eat so I end up going without. Last trip we stumbled across a pub, just off the main square, I think it was called King Arthur’s Inn, it looked like it would have worked for us and the children, only they had been so busy that day they had sold out of food. It’s helpful to be aware that lots of the cafes close late afternoon and booking is probably helpful on a Sunday. I’ve got a feeling some places are closed on a Monday.

As far as supermarkets are concerned, there is a CoOp on the High Street which is open late, but otherwise you’ll need a car. There’s a Morrisons, Tesco and Aldi on the way out of town towards Street, not far from the Premier Inn. I’m pretty sure there’s a Farmer’s Market that runs during the summer. I always expect there to be more local fresh food available, but end up using Earthfare.

There’s places to visit in the area too - Street is down the road with Clark’s Village (and it has a swimming pool if you are taking the children) and Wells is up the road with its famous cathedral. There’s a lido in Shepton Mallet that we haven’t yet visited and Wookey Hole, again if you are traveling with the children. It’s not too far to Stanton Drew or Stoney Littleton if you are into your neolithic stones, or even Avebury and Stonehenge for that matter, and there’s the lovely Bowood House, again great with children, if you are having an away day.

As for accommodation, well when we’re only there for one or two nights its super easy and cheap to stay at the Premier Inn, albeit the WIFI is crappy unless you pay to upgrade and the buzz from it does disturb one’s energy, let alone the inability to open the windows, but if you’re just crashing it’s affordable at least. Otherwise from May to September we tend to make the most of Sarah’s yurts at Lower Coxbridge House, which I think are available through Air BNB. Taking of which, my brother got a lovely Air BNB at the bottom of the Tor as did a friend. We’ve also stayed at the Crossways out towards Shepton Mallet and also in a wooden lodge too, which name now escapes me. There are some retreat centres in the area which might be worth a look too.

The thing with Glastonbury is to allow the energy of the town to bring to you what you need, be that accommodation, eatery or indeed places to visit. If you are there to discover more of the mystery and the mystical and are open to the realm of Avalon and the goddess, then let the spirit flow you. I have never felt scared or intimidated. The people have always been lovely, but remember, it is a place of mirrors and it is does provide an opportunity for spiritual growth so see beyond the superficial and it might be that it helps you to do so.

I asked Elijah today if he’d prefer to go back to Glastonbury or take a trip to France next time we travel. He said, “France. I’ve been to Glastonbury like a hundred times and I know it like the back of my hand, like Sark”. Then he added, “actually I know Glastonbury and Sark better than the palm of my hand as I don’t know the palm of my hand that well”. He makes me laugh. I keep a travel diary for each child and they have been to Glastonbury and Sark A LOT of times, which is amazing really. Maybe one day they’ll get to go and visit Uncle Rossi out in Byron Bay. looks like it might just be me going to Glastonbury next time, which’ll be a novelty, I’ve never gone on a solo trip!).

Enjoy visiting if you get the chance, and bring me back some spring water if you can! If I can help in any way then do let me know, but like I’ve said, it’s one of those places to just go with the flow of it and enjoy every second!

Love Emma x

The unknown and the uncertain

A storm is coming here on Guernsey, highlighting this week’s theme around uncertainty and the unknown. What will the storm bring? What will happen when the winds hit 69mph and we’re all snug in our beds trying to sleep?

You can almost feel the trepidation in the air, because it’s unknown and uncertain. Yet we should be familiar with this now. Covid and Government’s response to Covid highlight how much the future is unknown and uncertain, despite our efforts to make known and certain. We have entire societal systems and structures and rules and regulations in place to give us a false sense of everything being known and certain. Then nature comes along with a curved ball and throws all that up in the air.

The spiritual path is partly about becoming comfortable with the unknown and uncertain, so that we are not thrown off balance when life pulls the rug from under our feet, when we are challenged to see if we can maintain our centre in the chaos. It’s actually those moments, the ones where everything is turned on its head, that we might later come to appreciate as the richest moments in our lives. But at the time, it can be a touch challenging.

Sometimes we have to pull the rug from under our own feet, because life has become stagnant and it is time to enter new territory. It can be scary though, causing our own stepping into the void and emptiness of not truly knowing what is next, of being uncertain about how things will turn out. We can find ourselves clinging, knowing we need to let go but being too fearful to actually go through with it, even if it just a letting go of a thought process as much as a letting go of a relationship or career.

Often we seek certainty, wanting to be sure that the place we are headed to will offer us what it is that we need, and we will obsessively look for signs, which might validate the choices we make. Sometimes we’ll put a foot forward, and then pull it back again. Other times we’ll do something new and then find ourselves trying to repeat more of what has happened previously, simply because it all gets too scary and we want the reassurance of what has happened previously, even though we know that it isn’t going to give us the joy that we seek.

I know all this because I have lived it. The rug was firmly pulled from under my feet last November with the bike accident and the cancelled Tantra trip that followed, because things had to change, but I was so invested in my life as it was then that the universe had to intervene, simply to make me see and indeed listen. I had no choice, my shoulder was calling out for attention and the attempted healing of that has taken me on quite an inner journey to realise the extent to which we burden ourselves with the past and power plays and with unnecessary responsibilities, simply because we don’t want others to suffer, even if we end up creating our own suffering in the process.

Furthermore, it has helped me to realise how tricky it can be for the mind to let go of its unhelpful and limiting thought processes that get triggered whenever we feel fear, about something unknown and uncertain to the extent that we can easily imagine ourselves into a state of anxiety, simply because of our patterning around safety, or lack of safety, and previous painful experiences which cause our mind to create these patterns in the first place.

I was trying to explain this to a client who I could see was struggling, simply because of her own thoughts that kept going around and around in her head and were causing her anxiety. The thoughts were of an imagined illness. There was nothing to evidence her imaginings. They were simply imaginings. Her mind had a thought about her getting ill and she kept giving that thought energy, to the extent that she was feeding it daily and the thought was becoming more ingrained in her mind and her anxiety levels were rising. She will soon be proving the well known fact that our thoughts create our realty, because she will think herself ill. Then she will have her evidence.

But really she doesn’t need to do this to herself. There is no evidence that she is ill. She has just let fear get the better of her. False Evidence Appearing Real. FEAR. The thought comes and she feeds it. So it starts to feel real. But it is just a thought. Instead maybe she could choose to think about a flower. Or a butterfly. Or a fairy. Or a tree bud. Or her good health. But no. The pathway was set and she chose to keep feeding the fear, letting the thought become even more established in her mind, like a car choosing the same muddy path over and over again so that the tracks become more deeply ingrained in the earth.

Maybe its helpful to liken thoughts to pieces of material. Some have super glue on the back of them and they get super stuck on our mind so that we don’t recognise the difference between the mind and the thought; it seems that the thought becomes our mind and we identify with it as part of who we are. Other times the material has velcro on the back and it attaches to our mind and we give it some sense of being part of us but then something changes and we rip it away and we realise it never was us, we were never that person, that thought was not part of us and we didn’t let it define us. Other times the material has no sticky stuff on the back, its like a butterfly, it flutters in and flutters out.

So many of our thought are like this. they come and go. But there are lots of our thoughts that stick around and some that stick in there for the long haul so that we identify with them and believe that they are us, we are them. Like thinking we’re useless at technology or with money. Or that we’ll get sick. if we think it enough, we’ll start identifying with it and if we’re really clever (or really silly) we’ll actually start creating it, we’ll think ourselves useless at technology, poor or even worse, sick. But if we are cleverer, we’ll think ourselves competent at technology, amazingly rich and well instead. We do have that choice!

Last night I dreamt all my toes had been cut off. Apparently this indicates a lack of balance and stability in my life. Also a fear about moving forward. This is true. Moving forward into the unknown is indeed scary. But staying stuck is also scary. In my dream, I stuck my toes back on again and I was so pleased to have a pair of shoes that helped to keep them stuck on, black shoes, like ballet pumps. My well called to me too. I went to visit it today. I also made sure to place my feet on the earth and spread my toes. Face my fear. Step into the unknown. Isn’t the subconscious a funny thing.

Meanwhile Elijah has been thriving on the back of his diagnosis. Some say a diagnosis is not helpful and a label even less so, and there was a time when I wondered if that might be so, but he has found it validating, helping him to understand more of himself and make better sense of his world. I spoke to the autism support lady yesterday and she said that studies have shown that those being diagnosed are always grateful for the diagnosis, that it does make a difference. I have spoken to a number of you navigating the assessment and it is worth the wait - we were in the queue for a year. I believe there is a timing to everything.

As for Eben, sadly his hearing has deteriorated over the last six months and we have been finding our way with this, discovering that he has an allergy to dust mites (all those HUGE cuddly toys filing the bedroom have had to be banished to the corner and all bedding changes, rugs removed blah blah blah, can’t escape a dust mite though) and a marginal one to the cat, who isn’t going anywhere for now so we have to manage that. We’ve been exploring homeopathy, Reiki and Bowen as holistic support while we await further allergy testing to see if this is creating an inflammatory response. We’ve also been considering our parenting given that the ears are all about being heard and listening…

And this has inevitably caused us to make some changes at home to quieten things down (no pun intended) to see where we can reduce stress and create a more harmonious environment for him, to reduce his frustration at not hearing properly. It’s so true that if we let them, our children can really show us another way, that might just help us too in the process. Not that it’s easy. All this letting go without any certainty of where it is headed. How life has changed for us and so many since the pandemic! It’s taking a while to adjust to it, to let go of the old identities and accept our current reality.

And of settling into the unknown of where it is all headed, this process of simplification has created changes at Beinspired, as some of you know and I have no way of knowing where it is headed but knowing enough that the changes have to be made, the being more honest with self (yikes), the saying no and then saying yes and then no again because sometimes it isn’t certain, and the tightening of boundaries, the not pushing after a lifetime of doing exactly that, and the trying to do it again and noticing and pulling back and messing everyone around in the process (sorry!) and of trying not to focus on outcome either and doing whatever we are doing for the love of it, it is the love really, in the quest to be more compassionate to our children’s individual needs and to our own needs too and to the bigger picture, which isn’t clear until much later on when it has been lived.

It’s all a work in progress, no beginning, no end, just moment to moment, some days more easy than others, some days more challenging too, it is what it is in this world and in this life as a human - full of possibility and potential, if only we can get out of our own way and unstick ourselves and set our minds free from any of the limiting thoughts that stick it in an old reality and with outgrown identities.

At the end of the day we are just human and we are doing our best, and sometimes we need to just let things go and other times we need to stand our ground, and sometimes we have to take a risk and step out of the comfort zone and into the unknown and other times we just need to retreat and let the world go on. And often we need to change our minds and be open to it too, let the butterflies come and go…

It’s a week until the full moon, I have a feeling it might well be an enlightening one.

With love

Emma x

Happy Equinox!

I hope those of you who have been clearing out ahead of the Equinox get to enjoy the lightness of the space created in your life and the greater inner harmony that accompanies this. And may this day usher in even more balance and harmony as nature embraces the balance of equal day and night and the divine masculine and feminine that come together to co-create…

May you also enjoy the dark void of the moon cycle and the insights this allows, especially those of you navigating the dark moon of your cycle too.

It’s exciting times!

Happy Equinox, may the light flood into your life now as you embrace the active principles.

Thank you to those of you who joined me on Saturday afternoon to celebrate with a yoni yoga practice and stayed on to make your own Runes.

Here’s a beautiful Spring poem form one of my favourite poets, thinking of you Chris!

Spring

Somewhere
a black bear
has just risen from sleep
and is staring

down the mountain.
All night
in the brisk and shallow restlessness
of early spring

I think of her,
her four black fists
flicking the gravel,
her tongue

like a red fire
touching the grass,
the cold water.
There is only one question:

how to love this world.
I think of her
rising
like a black and leafy ledge

to sharpen her claws against
the silence
of the trees.
Whatever else

my life is
with its poems
and its music
and its glass cities,

it is also this dazzling darkness
coming
down the mountain,
breathing and tasting;

all day I think of her -—
her white teeth,
her wordlessness,
her perfect love.

Love Emma xx

The gift of creating and birthing out into the world

I was chatting to my friend, Al, earlier, who has recently qualified as a yoga teacher, hoorah, and will soon be teaching her own classes, hoorah again, beginners and yoga for surfers, see more below. I was saying how not one single person turned up to my first class, which I held in what was (I think) Jan’s fitness studio in Amherst. I remember returning home and crying on my Dad’s shoulder. Still, I didn’t give up. The next class there were 3 people, one of whom was definitely a friend. I still wouldn’t give up, even though I was effectively paying to teach.

And while maybe another 3 turned up next time, and 5 the time after that, and I quickly realised that I would still need to keep the day job, I still kept going, because I knew in my heart that I wanted to teach yoga and something was telling me to just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

That was almost 17 years ago now and it took me until I’d been going for 14 years to give up the day job. I did try back in 2010 but my boundaries were rubbish and I soon ended up exhausted and depleted rushing around the island teaching private yoga, giving endless sessions of Reiki at home and in the Castel Day' Patient’s unit as it was known at the time, and teaching class after class to school children and the general public. It was too much and the joy went out of it, I felt as if I was churning out yoga and it became about the money, rather than the love of it.

And this is my advice to those of you starting out. Do it for the love of it. Do it because something is telling you to do it. And remember one of the main teachings from the Bhagavad Gita, do not be attached to the fruits of your labour. Which is very similar to the other spiritual advice, of not being attached to outcome. The minute you focus on the notion of an end ‘result’ or achievement, then you effectively set yourself up for a fall.

Expect to fall along the way too. There’s an awful to learn when you begin a new venture, and the universe will bring in its obstacles and challenges to help you grow and realise more of your soul and therefore true potential in this lifetime. So don’t give up. You might need to let go, but that is not the same as giving up, or indeed collapsing. This is more about flowing, of knowing when it is time to make changes and not letting your mental idea of how it should be or your pride or stubbornness or your insecurity get in the way.

Because that’s the other thing - we often externalise our value to the extent that we seek validation of worth from outside ourself. If we’re basing our sense of worth and our inner security on the number of people who attend our yoga clases/workshops or approach us for private Reiki etc then we’re up against it and the universe will keep challenging us with it to the extent that people literally send themselves mad because of it You have to find your sense of value and security within yourself and this comes with working on yourself and healing from any wounding that tells you otherwise.

One of my inspirations in running Beinspired has always been and continues to be Carol Champion, a nutritionist based here on Guernsey. Not only is she a fabulous nutritionist but she has very clear boundaries and a strong sense of respect for self. I have learned a lot from Carol our the years and often find myself consulting not least for dietary advice but for life advice too! Boundaries are so important and as I mentioned in a recent log post, these arise, not because you are riding about it, but because you value and love yourself and your time and energy.

I wrote the ‘Setting up in Practice’ guide to help those of you who want to set out as Reiki practitioners but don’t know where too start. I had to figure it all out for myself too, because it is all part of the process, I certainly didn't learn the business die on my yoga teacher training course either, but it certainly supports one personal and spiritual development! This document, however, hopefully makes it a little easier and can be helpful even if you are starting out in other modalities, such as yoga, reflexology etc. You can invest in it here for a mere £20 https://www.beinspiredby.co.uk/shop/online-courses/setting-up-in-practice

What it probably doesn’t emphasis enough though is the hard work involved in running your own venture. From the moment the idea is born to the moment you get going, there’s a lot to get done, and it doesn’t stop there - ongoing admin and finances and tax etc. etc. So if your heart isn’t in it, it’s going to be even harder work. If your heart’s in it, sometimes you won’t know when to stop because it can be all consuming, which is why I find myself writing about this on a Saturday night when I promised myself I would give myself the night off…oh well!

Anyway, I’m all excited that Al’s all set up now. Like me with Beinspired she didn’t know that Aissance was about to be born, but she came along and did her Master Reiki attunement and spirit came in and within two weeks it had come through and after a whirlwind of a few weeks and lots of hard work she’s all set up with her fabulous website and her first offerings of a six week beginner’s course and yoga for surfing classes, more details/to book please go here https://www.aissanceyoga.com/sessions Please do tell others. Al’s heart is very much in it and she teaches in a very real and authentic way based on what she has learned from year’s of practice and going through the mill, as well as the various courses she has attended/trainings completed.

It just goes to show that we never do know, we just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, heed the call and find the courage to overcome our often self imposed limitation about not being good enough, or not possibly being able to make it work. You can. While the birthing process can be messy - and the incubation process for that matter too, with spirit supporting you who have no choice really, but to keep on keeping on and bringing whatever is inside you, out into the world.

I came across this lovely poem ahead of the Spring Equinox which seemed apt because with the new moon in Aries and the beginning of the Zodiac cycle coming in next week too, it really is all about new beginnings and following the spring horny energy, to create, even if you’re not sure where the path is headed or what you are creating, because inevitably it changes along the way, but it is a gift whatever it is, from your heart out to the world…

The Gift

Lift one foot. Surrender

Place the other. Claim

Step by step life unfolds behind me

The future beckons me forward

The path wasn’t clear until I chose it.

It will be gone once I have passed.

The gift is in this choice to surrender and claim

This choice to create my life one step at a time.

The gift is right here where I am.

Sending love, enjoy the energy shifting these next few days!

xx

Energy balls - Deliciously Ella

I make these regularly for Reiki attunement sessions and yoga events and often people ask for the recipe, so here it is, well used! Enjoy!

P.S. The photo I used was the only one I could find that looked vaguely like energy balls - I think they rolled theirs in coconut, which I don’t usually do but you could. You can actually do whatever you like as I usually use a selection of nuts and seeds, not just almonds.

Opening to heart

Eben, my six year old has a girlfriend. He has been referencing this girlfriend all week, but it took persistence on my part to get him to admit a name. “Do you hold hands, do you kiss?”, I asked him. “Urgh, no!”, he exclaimed as if it was the most ridiculous notion in the world. But he would like her to come for a play date!

It did make me reflect a little on the innocence and openness of love at that age, when one’s heart has not been broken and there is no armour yet. I hope Eben can feel that openness to love his whole life, that’s one of my wishes for him. Because I know only too well, how tricky it is to heal a broken heart so that one can open to love, greater love too, and let go of the defence which says it cannot be so.

I have been chipping away at that armour, cracked open by my bike accident as I have blogged previously. My left shoulder has taken me on quite an inner journey and i’ve thrown myself into Reiki, with my 8th session of the year booked next week. Reiki changes things. It heals. It helps us to understand the root cause of any loss of wellbeing or pain and discomfort. It frees stagnate energy and helps to move us forwards.

I have finally become conscious of the underlying reason for the left shoulder tension, which turns out to be about responsibility and burden and which interestingly has its root in the root chakra, not the heart. We don’t know until we know, the extent of the responsibility we take on for holding others so that they don’t need to suffer. It had gotten heavy, all that holding, and become a burden, which ironically, was all of my own making!

It wasn’t conscious but I also now realise that it hasn’t been helpful, to try to carry people, make it easier for them, not least because they have not asked me to do this, but because I am preventing them, in part, from standing truly on their own two feet. Furthermore, it is a blessed relief to know that don’t need to take on responsibility for healing mankind and this planet, that the only person I can truly be responsible for is myself. Sometimes we forget this, especially as we got used to taking on responsibility for siblings and other family members at some point in our life.

Further, I realised that this has all fed a need in me to be needed. It wasn’t conscious. I don’t consciously want to feel needed to validate my presence or worth here on planet earth, but at some point in my past I probably did. I probably wanted to feel needed for all of those reasons, so i took on too much, burdened myself with other people’s crap, and tried to make it all OK, for everyone to have a jolly lovely time without feeling pain, to make life easier somehow, without realising the stress that I was causing to myself.

I can’t tell you the relief to set this all down. To stop identifying with the rescuer and holder part of myself. Because that is not truly me, just roles I had taken on at some point, and kept identifying with, as if I have come here to planet earth merely to hold and take responsibility for others. I haven’t. None of us have. These are just coping mechanisms and traits that we develop/take on for one reason or another, that we can let go of in any moment.

The trouble with the letting go is that we have been holding on for so long that we don’t know how it might be live differently. Furthermore, we might worry what others think when we stop making ourselves to available to them, when we stop trying to prop and hold them and be there for them. Even as friends, we can sometimes overlook the extent to which we give of ourselves and make their problems our problems, and as healers and yoga teachers we have to be super careful about this pattern running into our work - we cannot do it for anyone else and to feel that we can denies them the opportunity to heal, for we can only truly heal ourselves.

What I’ve also discovered is that when we do heal a little more of the wounding to our heart, peel away a layer or two of the armour that creates a defensiveness that we barely recognised was there as we were so used to identifying with this too (this is just who we are), that we realise the extent of the capacity we have to feel love. This isn’t just love for others, although we will feel this, but what has surprised me the most, is the extent to which we reclaim and feel love for ourself.

It’s not that we awaken one day and recognise that we love ourself more than we did the day before, although I imagine that this is entirely possible, but that we suddenly realise that the choices we are now making and the way we have made changes in and to the way we live life comes from a place of deeper love for the self - the outer world has changed to reflect the changes in our inner world even if we didn’t realise that these were taking place.

My relationship with myself has changed quite a bit since the beginning of the year, others may not see this, because it is inside myself, my relationship with my heart and soul, but the changes are beginning to settle into the outer world and there is much more freedom and space and this drive towards simplicity is perhaps a reflection of this. What’s surprising is how we don’t need to make effort, that our boundaries tighten and our inner dialogue shifts into something far more positive, not because we are trying to make it so, but because it feels wrong not to allow it to be so.

The final thing I have been reminded, as I step into more of the unknown, pending p to more of my potential and allowing Beinspired to find a new flow (this after a good year now of more stepping into then unknown with Elijah leaving school and E and I splitting romantically) is that it is not until we start putting one foot in front of the other on this path of heart, that the path reveals more of itself.

Initially we may have a sense of where we need to walk next, but often this is based on what has happened previously - the past which is, for the best part, known and certain - and the new will take us into territory unknown which can be scary, but the reality is we have no choice, not if we want to continue to grow and know more of ourselves in this life time.

I know there are a few of you navigating this path of heart into territory unknown and I know that this is bringing up all sorts of insecurities and questionings and doubts. But you can do it! You have all worked realy hard to get to this point, clearing out the old and in most cases, making significant life changes to re-align you with more of your truth. Please don’t get attached to it having to look a certain way, nor lose yourselves to fear as you contemplate outcome and get attached to this too. Just embrace the courage of your heart and the strength of your soul and take it one baby step at a time, following the path as it begins to open to you.

There will inevitably be obstacles and moments where you wonder whether you might give up or go back to how life was lived previously, but really, once you have started, you just can’t stop. There will never be too many yoga teachers or Reiki practitioners and more fool anyone for believing it so and buying into that crappy notion of lack and there not being enough to go around, or of competition and that outdated business model gifted to us (urgh) from capitalism that says we have to compete with our fellow men and women. There is another way and your heart knows it.

We are all of us mankind and I long for the day when we support each other to be the best version of ourselves, where we encourage each other to share our unique gifts with the world for the greater good and realise that we are all in this together come what may and to stop, please stop, with putting each other down, judging each other and competing against each other or worse, hoping that we might each fail. There are many ways to live our life, we just need to align with the way that works for us - sod anyone else, let them carry on their way.

Furthermore, we each have this beautiful heart within us, which just wants to love, and this amazing soul which just wants to know more of itself, and to deprive the world of both is a shame, so really we have little choice but to step beyond our fear and keep going, walking the path and ignoring anyone or anything that in any way tries to put us down, disempower us or tell us that it cannot be so. This is your vision, your life, you create it and live it as you choose. From my heart to your heart, there is much love in this world, we just have to open ourselves up to it and share it when we can.

Love Emma x

P.S. for those of you who are setting up in practice, Reiki or not, then you may find my guide to setting up in practice helpful. I wrote it to share my experiences, of what I have learned over the years. You can buy it for the bargain price of £20 from here https://www.beinspiredby.co.uk/shop/online-courses/setting-up-in-practice

Practice, practice, practice and all is coming

Wowers, what an enlightening and liberating moon this has turned out to be. I knew it was coming, building up to the Spring Equinox when we’ll really propel forwards with the new moon in Aries and the beginning of the new Zodiac cycle ahead.

Times are changing, as if we are awakening, from the big sleep, which was Covid and the pandemic, like a bomb sent in to see which way we’d flee, to spirit or to fear. Whether we’d give away our power to science and more of what’s been, other people’s opinions and the pressure of being judged for decisions made, or if we trusted in intuition and heart, dug deep, stood our ground and let our inner knowing guide us.

It feels that we can now let go of all that has been, of the weight of decisions made, as more of the lies are revealed and we increasingly see that what has been is a little bit broken, that it doesn’t always work and that maybe there is a new way that has not yet been, that was once improbable, but now entirely possible.

I noticed that Valpys has now given up its plastic till protection, slowly the fear has dropped away, the worry that the Covid strain would strengthen or there’d be a further lockdown. It’s like we’re opening the curtains, taking a big stretch and asking ourselves, “which way next?”.

And the universe has responded by sending in a huge wave of energy that has been encouraging us to let go, spring clearing, clutter going, freeing up space in our lives for the new. I know I’m not the only one who has been clearing out books and clothes and files, especially those clogging my hard drive, which is perhaps reflective of what also needed clearing from my mind and with that, the change has flowed in.

As you know, I have been keen to simplify and I have started making changes not only in my life generally but at Beinspired too. Sadly Katie is poorly and has had to step back from Beinspired (I miss you Katie, hope you get better soon) but fortunately her big sister, Steph, who many of you know, as she managed Beinspired’s website and social media for me a good few years ago now, has stepped in to help me out and this has given me the opportunity to make changes, that I didn’t know needed changing until the dust settled after Cornwall.

Within us we have all we ever need to know, all the wisdom and knowledge of the universe. And this is the reason I love Reiki and yoga, because they take us to that place, and all they ask of us is to show up and practice. Whenever I need healing or I know that change is needed, I throw myself into Reiki and onto my mat and inevitably, after the tears and the breaking down and the letting go, the new begins slowly, ever so slowly to emerge.

The process absolutely cannot be rushed. The ego may well try to rush it. But there is a divine timing to everything and if the ego is in service to the soul, then we can surrender to divine timing and allow our unfolding in just the right time.

Exciting times ahead my friends,' “practice, practice, practice and all is coming” Pattabhi Jois used to say, quoting from the Bhagavad Gita. Reiki and yoga are both practices and the more you practice them, the more you experience the benefit.

Meanwhile down in the greenhouse, I made the most of the waxing moon energy to plant some seeds that I dowsed and needed to be planted now, and I hope that the temperatures rise soon. Still, those seeds I planted on the waning moon are coming through, peas and courgettes, thyme and lots of swiss chard. The season is beginning and I couldn’t be more excited. I love growing and hands in the earth, and seeing what might come through, it is exciting - but then it’s generally exciting right now.

A big congrats to Al Crosland for qualifying as a yoga teacher (with distinction), and a big thank you to Kristin for her lovely kundalini classes and to all of you who have been attending our classes, and a big well done to those of you who have stepped up as Reiki Masters this month, and Reiki practitioners too, ushering in more light and healing and raising the collective vibration in the process.

Happy practising and happy full moon and happy changes taking place!

Love Emma x