The road less travelled

Returning from holiday is always a tricky transition but I must admit I did land hard this time. Being on sacred land and around ancient stone sites shifts our consciousness and changes our energy, so returning back to the ‘old’ can be challenging simply because of the dis-resonance that takes place.

Mind you, I have been dipping in and out of depressive dark nights of the soul since, ironically, publishing my book on depression back in October. I hadn’t realised how much that  would affect me, not least in opening to greater vulnerability and the impact this would have on others in my family, but also in the unhelpful patterns it highlighted that still needed healing and also in fulfilling a long held dream of publishing books.  What then?

Difficult as it has been, I am aware that all the dark nights and bouts of depression are simply my soul seeking greater expression and with that the need for healing and letting go of unhelpful conditionings, ways of thinking and behaviour patterning. Yet the process that one has to go through to allow this, is not always easy and I know many of you have also been navigating this especially those of you going through your Reiki cleanses, let alone those who practice traditional yoga regularly.

These spiritual practices by their very nature demand that we expand consciously and this generally requires that we let go of anything that is restricting and limiting us from living our truth. Of course we don’t know what this is until we know what it is! But the practices will help to highlight the unhealthy patterns playing out in our lives and the various ways we buy into false notions of ourselves, identities that we have constructed as a result of our conditioning and the expectations of others and society and the many the ways in which we compromise our authenticity to receive conditional love from caregivers, family and friend etc, let alone the lens through which we view life.

Spiritual practice sets us free as the falsehoods gradually drop away and the perspective shifts. Or they don’t and we stay stuck and depressed and unhappy and miserable, having outgrown a part of ourselves and yet struggling to let go of our identifying with how we see ourselves, even though this is not the true us, just the us that we have created through the life experiences we have had and our reaction to them and the way that we try to keep ourselves safe and make our lives controlled, known and therefore certain.

A path of heart doesn’t care about any of this. The heart is not linear in its approach to life. It offers a path less travelled, one that is not known and certain because it has not been lived previously. It is unique to us and it won’t therefore look like anyone else’s life, it won’t be predictable or mainstream, or in any way bound and contained. It will be flowing and curvy and take us up and down and around and through the labyrinth and the spiral and back up and down again. All it asks is that we put one foot in front of the other and deepen into faith and trust as we walk the path presenting itself to us, moment by moment.

This is not easy as I know only too well and the mind will cling on to what it knows, not wanting to let go of control or it’s idea of how it should be. Generally, the mind has it all figured out, it knows the path it wants us to take, generally one that has been lived previously, if not by us than by someone else. It is conditioned to see life a certain way, to view success from a capitalist perspective that has been drilled into us since we were old enough to walk, of material gain and being someone, of recognition and external validation of worth be that through academic qualification, job title, salary or the kind of house we live in or the car we drive.

The heart absolutely doesn’t care about any of this, it doesn’t use the language of the mind, it doesn’t care about money or material gain, it doesn’t care about being known, about winning awards for the best business or being the best influencer, or yoga teacher or writer or any of the other many ways we distract ourselves from what is important in our lives. It cares only whether we love and whether we love the life we are living and the people who we share it with, let alone this beautiful planet upon which we live.

Furthermore, the heart doesn’t care about the creative outcome, it cares only about the creative process, about what this brings up in us. It is the ego that attaches itself to outcome. Writing my last book really made me come face to face with the demands of my ego and my mind versus the gentle voice of my heart and soul.

While I had been gradually chipping away at the need for external validation of my worth there was still an element of this lurking in the background that required my attention. In looking at this I realised how much I was still feeding old patterns laid down in childhood around the expectation of others and the compromise between authenticity and love and attention. I also noticed the ways that I cared too much about what others think of me, and how this influences my behaviour and then my stress levels because I might behave in a way that is not entirely natural to me.

There were other patterns too, around the mind having an idea of how my life should be lived, still buying into the old conditioning about what it means to be a success and again feeding too much into the caring what others think, especially those closest to me and being super sensitive to any form of criticism and rejection, which is just an interpretation of my mind and is not real, because actually who really cares what others think, because thoughts come and go and opinions change like the wind depending on our life experiences and the challenges we face. 

At the end of the day there is no rule book, only the rules that are imposed on us by our culture and society, by educators and care givers, by parents and friends and religion and philosophers and the medical model that still places doctors and science in a God-like capacity, and a media that moulds our minds into seeing the world a certain way depending on their bias and the billionaires who control how we think through the social media and entertainment and procurement platforms that we subject ourselves too if we spend our life online and the many other ways that we allow ourselves to be influenced by those in our lives. 

It’s never easy letting go of this though, of a mind-set that sees the world and our place in it in a certain way. We have a vested interest in maintaining the status quo, of holding onto what we believe to be true. We have invested time and energy into creating the life that we find ourselves living and it’s not always easy to let this go. Sometimes we may question the path we have taken, considering that maybe we failed or got it wrong. It wasn’t wrong and we didn’t fail. That’s just more of the old conditioning about there being a right way or a wrong way. There is just the way.

At some point it felt aligned, but then we change and what our heart needs changes too and our soul demands greater expression, it wants to know more of itself in this world, in this reality.

Then it is up to us to find the courage to let go of everything we have created to allow more of the new to come in, and usually we won’t know what that is, until we’ve let go into the void of not knowing and created space. Some will play around with this, dipping in and out and then get scared and contract back to their old ways. But often the change is forced upon us, through illness, accident, a stress, a despair, a niggle that just won’t go away, a little voice saying “change, time to change”…

Often the only thing we need to do is go deeper within and surrender to life as it unfolds moment to moment.

Initially we might fight against it. Our mind is powerful. It plans and organises our life into neat boxes. If we do this, we get that. If we do this, it keeps us safe. If we do this, it means we’re worth something. If we do this, people will appreciate us. If we do this, we’ll be happy.

No. The heart and soul cannot be organised or planned.

Plans often have to change. We get to the point - as I have done - where we throw our hands up in teh air and say, “well let’s just see”…we require flexibility….

The mind is being encouraged to a place of greater flexibility. To let go of its fixed ways, it’s rigidity, it’s, “I know best”. It doesn’t.

We don’t need to read a zillion books or go on a million courses, albeit sometimes we might pick up a book or attend a course that tips us gently over the edge, whispers of another way, gives us the courage to make start looking at things differently, to reach out for help, to be deeply honest with ourselves as we keep chipping away at our falsehoods and mis-identifications, and listen, really listen, to the soft whisperings of our heart beyond the noise of our mind.

The mind needs security, it wants certainty, it’s attached to outcome, it often wants to be recognised for being someone, it requires validation of worth from outside ourselves, it relishes the opinions and feedback from others, it wants to be absolutely sure before it makes a decision.

The heart couldn’t care less about any of that.

So we’re up against ourselves as I know only too well.

We push and will things to happen.

We come at it back to front.

My bike accident was my awakening. The earth disappeared beneath me and the shock fed an old pattern that Marie’s death also triggered. There was no way I could ignore it. My heart chakra was cracked right open and the pain in my left shoulder demanded healing.

And this took me on an inner journey. I turned deeper into practice, going for weekly Reiki with a fellow Reiki practitioner, mixing up my yoga practice to ensure I wasn’t creating or getting stuck in old patterns, spending as much time as I could in nature and slowly making changes.

“If we always do what we’ve always done, then we’ll always get what we’ve always got”.

The process was messy.

We have to shed the old, we have to let go of people pleasing and caring what other think, of conforming and doing what is expected of us, of judging ourselves and others, of saying yes when we mean no, of valuing others more than we value ourselves, of thinking that there is a right and a wrong, a  good and a bad, a black and a white and appreciating that there are many different ways to look at and view the same experience, to appreciate that being centred in ourselves is a positive thing, to look honestly at the reason we do what we do, is it from a place of heart or from duty, guilt, shame, financial gain and/or regret? We have to learn to love ourselves over and over again. 

It’s not easy. The changes can be difficult for others in our lives unless they too are doing the work on themselves and then they understand. We care less about the mainstream and about convention. We are not motivated by the same things that motivate others, we don’t care so much about material gain or external validation of worth, we are turned off by anything which tries to box us, constrain us, cage us or in any way limit us in our lives.

We see life differently. We turn off and turn in. We can’t tolerate superficial chatter or noise. Artificial light is too bright. We need fresh air and open space. We appreciate that nature is sentient and divine. We don’t want to harm other living things. We talk to our crystals and our plants as friends. We question the media bias and turn off the TV. We avoid pharmaceuticals, appreciating that they don’t always have our best interests at heart, and we find alternative ways to heal ourselves, at the root, not just easing symptoms.

We notice the moon. We appreciate the signs that nature brings to help us navigate our lives from a higher perspective. We let go of energy vampires from our lives. We appreciate that we can only be responsible for ourselves not for anyone else. We cultivate discernment. We stop feeding our addictions. We crave wholesome food. We try to live lightly, reducing our negative impact on the environment. We start standing up for what we believe in. We find our voice and are not scared to use it. We might become activists. We care about our fellow man. We care about the planet. We care about the world we are leaving for our children.

We find a new inner strength, a deeper connection with self, we won’t accept the crap that people have been throwing at us, we value ourselves in a way we never have, we recognise our worth and don’t need anyone to validate this to us, we don’t need medals or awards or a great big pat on the back, because we just know, and in that way we naturally create better boundaries, we protect ourselves from negative influences and energies, we relish solitude, we re-prioritise our life, let go of the stuff, clear out, reduce our possessions, we wear clothes that feel comfortable, that we choose for ourselves, not for anyone else, we attract new friends into our lives, we thrive on deeper conversation, we see life differently and are more selective about who we share this with.

We might start praying, not because we’re religious, but because we recognise that there is a higher power which is always trying to support us, we live in a universe that is alive, that loves to say yes, that loves to love, if only we open up to it. Some might call us weird, eccentric, wonder if we’re OK, gone too far, and some will drop away simply because we become too much, too different, too challenging to their belief system, some might even confront us, try to change us, make us more like them. But we know who we are and we don’t need to prove it to anyone.

When we pop through the other side of this often messy process that the path ope heart takes us on, into a more aligned life, we may feel deeper peace and contentment, a sense of belonging that wasn’t there previously and a deeper joy in our connection to self, there is greater authenticity and truth. We know then that it is worth all the turmoil, this path of heart, this road less travelled. There is potential where there wasn’t previously, the world seems brighter, lighter and with more space for us to play in.

Our outer life changes simply because the way we relate to ourselves has changed. Our stress levels reduce because we’re unifying our inner and outer environments, rather than causing tea to pull apart - we feel stress when our organism isn’t able to cope with its environment. We get anxious when we fear for our safety, when we don’t trust the earth to support us and hold us and nourish us and sustain us, and we forget about spirit and our spirit guides who are always supporting us and trying to communicate with us if only we can listen beyond the mental chatter of fear and uncertainty and this being ‘the way’ come what may. Ha!

Maybe others notice, maybe they don’t. The tightening of our boundaries, the deeper awareness of what makes us tick, of our passions, of the love in our life, of our dreams, this can all re-orientate us. So too our deeper connection to spirit and to the essence that holds us and nourishes us, certainly my relationship with Goddess, with Mother Earth has deepened.

But so too can our awareness of self. My boys have helped enormously with this as I watch them being themselves, one super sensitive and autistic, the other hypertastic who needs to be constantly entertained, whose energy levels challenge even mine. I shouldn’t be surprised, they’ve highlighted my own sensitivity and inability to sit still, and helped me to make greater sense of myself and allow for it, rather than deny it or ignore it or somehow have to defend it or change it. Who cares! We are who we are.

My dreams have changed, I crave more fun and playful time with the boys, of simplicity and peace, of being outside as much as we can, in nature, growing and living in greater harmony with the land and the natural world, of travels that fill us up and respect the planet, of visiting stones and ancient landscapes, of sharing my passions for yoga, Reiki and Ayurveda where I can, from the heart, of kindness and compassion. There is greater discernment. Less planning. More present moment. No doubt it won’t last long. We have to relish the alignment when it is there…and remember to surrender over and over again, following the road ahead…wherever it may take us…

One of my clients sent me this beautiful poem, which is timely to share…

The Road not Taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

 Love Emma x

Cornwall and Glastonbury family pilgrimage

We just returned from an amazing family trip to Cornwall and upwards to Glastonbury, enjoying time together, visiting stones and wells, getting onto a little bit of Bodmin and out to the rugged Cornish coastline and being free and able to flow with the energy. I loved the stone circles, Boscawen-Un especially, with its central stone, and the boys and I loved Chun Quoit where we learned about protection, and all the walking on the heather-clad moors, and the fun on the beach and finding Logan’s Rock and all the laughter that brought, the various springs and wells and wet shoes and the memories made.

Glastonbury felt almost a shock after the spaciousness of Cornwall, but it is always lovely to connect with the sacred land and see familiar faces, and of course get up the Tor and dip in the white spring! The boys loved it too for different reasons - ice cream for Eben at an Italian restaurant and rolling down the Tor for Elijah, with rabbit poo and all!

In Cornwall, one thing which struck me when away is all the development and the parcelling of the agricultural fields, all devoid of bio-diversity. It was so sad to see so many neolithic complexes now destroyed with the stones lining fields as walls. One day I took the boys for lunch at Land’s End and we sat in the restaurant with views out to the Scilly Isles and I looked around me and asked the boys to notice the commonality - every single person in that restaurant, whether on their own or eating with others, was looking at a phone! It struck me then how much we’ve checked out and not in, how we don’t even notice our surroundings.

I have been questioning whether to continue blogging, because one of my explorations while away was to see what life might be like lived offline, having left my laptop at home for the first trip since having a laptop all these years…it was liberating, I had more time, was less distracted, could listen more clearly…and thus I am questioning the merits of encouraging others to be online, and yet I know that sometimes there is benefit, that sometimes we need the external to help us access more of the internal - the universe is always communicating with us, we just have to notice the patterns.

So for now life continues anon. There’s lots going on at Beinspired to keep us busy but still the energy is tricky and I feel it will be until the equinox when things will shift on. We’ve finally received an autism diagnosis for Elijah and feeling into that, and all that life brings with its changes…but one thing is clear, that we have little control and little choice but to keep surrendering to it, and living moment to moment, in simplicity and as much peace as we can muster, and praying for help when needed, to the Goddess, Mother Earth herself, this is a fab book if you need reminding...https://www.amazon.co.uk/Way-Rose-Radical-Divine-Feminine/dp/B07YXCV2WB/ref=sr_1_1?crid=SOFKJ4E0KMJ9&keywords=the+way+of+the+rose&qid=1677618921&sprefix=the+way+f+the+rose%2Caps%2C260&sr=8-1

Love Emma x

A true gift - my witch hazel!

I mainly just want to show my witch hazel, which is bringing me a lot of joy. I have been waiting alll winter for this beautiful healing shrub to flower. Each week one of my client’s and I stand outside examining it, while we wait for her husband to collect her. Typically the week it flowers, I’m off away so she won’t be coming to see me, so this is for you, lovely lover of flower lady.

There is nothing more beautiful then nature coming alive again after her sleep, and the witch hazel just adds to the cheer, what with all the daffodils and violets, the primroses and crocuses. The boys and I spent a couple of hours out walking Pleinmont and I managed some time in the lanes on my own today and the energy is just so amazingly vibrant and spring is most definitely here - the bird song is divine.

We’re off to Cornwall for a few days, right down the bottom, on the crystal grid, with plenty of neolithic stones to keep up busy! And a trip up to Glastonbury for a dip in the White Spring (fingers and toes crossed), so there’s no classes with me this week, back to normal next, and a new series of yoni yoga for anyone wanting to join me. Also Kristin’s kundalini yoga, which I attended last night and thoroughly enjoyed, a great way to shift stagnant energy and most definitely connect with your breath, highly recommend.

There has been a lot of gifts in my life recently, and I am really thankful to have such loving, thoughtful and kind students, clients, friends and family in my life. Thank you.

Happy waxing moon now and the new beginnings this brings.

Love Emma x

Authenticity

I found that last full moon rather intense in its shining brightly as I walked the lanes exploring ancient wells, I got myself rather wired, couldn’t sleep easily after that, but was beautiful, there is something so special about being out on one’s own at night, when everyone else is asleep, or at least, there’s very little signs of life, no traffic and just a quietness to the energy.

Since then the energy keeps pushing us to go deeper still. I know I’m not the only one who has seen some pretty old patterns coming up, ones that come and go, but that fundamentally ask us to compromise our authenticity to suit the needs of others. It was timely that I started reading Gabor Mate’s book, The Myth of Normal, courtesy of one of my clients, which so many of you have been reading too. I was a bit resistant, because of this, it becoming mainstream, but there are some pertinent bits in it.

The bit I have found helpful is the dynamic between attachment and authenticity. How we compromise our authenticity, our true self, for our need to essentially be accepted and approved by others, especially care givers, and that fundamental need for love and connection - attachment then.

It can be really uncomfortable choosing authenticity over attachment, if the choice has to be made, of being true to who we are even if that is at odds with what is expected of us, whether that be by care givers or by society. Many of you will also be up against this. The more we open to spiritual practice, the more the practice helps us to let go of and free ourselves from all the many ways we have been moulded by others and by society, so that we become more of who we truly are, soul, beyond what is expected of us.

While this is liberating, it can also be very uncomfortable. To be truly authentic is not easy. To be our true selves is difficult for others and we can be up against this, and, like I mentioned earlier, their expectations of us, and their understanding of the world. We don’t fit, that’s the trouble. Because our true self is not limited by society’s boundaries, it doesn’t look a certain way, and it doesn't behave a certain way either, it is unique to each of us and thus the way we live becomes increasing unique and often, unconventional.

Furthermore, being authentic, generally involves a letting go of mis-identification from a personality perspective too, and this is tricky. We become conditioned from an early age, to be a certain way, for reasons above as much as anything else, as coping mechanisms too in this crazy world we live in to the extent that here we are, with all these mental imprints, and we identify with this sense of being and relating as if this is who we truly are, yet this is mere personality including behaviour patterns and ways of seeing the world (lenses), generally to keep us safe, which can change, is not constant, yet we see ourselves as consistent.

Spiritual practice will help us recognise this mis-identification and ultimately let it go, so that we become more of who we truly are and less limited by what has come before. This process is not easy because of our over identification and therefore clinging to what is known, in terms of our relationship to self. To let go of the bits that no longer serve us, that prevent us being more of who we truly are, can create feelings of intense vulnerability, because essentially we have to change patterns, we have to not react to situations in the way we did previously, to stop feeding the mental patterning.

Despite its uncomfortableness, there really is no other way, because to stay stuck just means more of the same and will deny our true authenticity. We will always be compromising who we are for others, or for some mental construct that was maybe set up to keep us safe but is now creating more of the same, be that stress, anxiety, depression etc. that can also affect our health and wellbeing and lead to dis-ease in the body because of our limiting our truth - the classic head/heart battle. We see this with auto-immune and I can talk from experience with skin conditions, but the list is endless, cancer is of course a huge one.

It’s an ongoing process, the universe only gives us what we can handle in any one moment, and we do well to remember that! It’s definitely worth remembering this as we wane down to the new moon on Monday, the energy is triggering situations to help us remember the fullness of who we are, and this can cause friction, so change the pattern, don’t feed it, care less, love more. It’s always about love and self-love ultimately - realising that we are just pure love and putting our Self first (after all, why give ourselves away to others?)

Love Emma x

Happy Imbolc!

We’re here! The sun really is coming back again! I love Imbolc and the shifting energy, all that new potential, and the increasing lighter evenings and indeed mornings.

I went and saw the sunrise from an aligned spot, only that the sun didn’t show itself until later in the day, but the boost was felt nonetheless and I did manage to get out in the sun later in the day and found myself at the holy well opposite St Andrew’s church which felt fitting as this is the day of wells and poetry and the fire and hearth.

We had children’s fire yesterday, a home school gathering courtesy of Tara at WildGuernsey, which Elijah and I love. We had a fire and we also got to walk the lanes in search of wild garlic, which coincidentally and indeed fortunately took us past an old well I discovered at Christmas in the lanes off the west coast where I was cat sitting over the holidays. There is a Goddess stone there too, which I finally captured to share with my stone friends, here’s a view for you too!

So really it has been a time of fire and wells, with a little bit of poetry thrown in. Here’s a link to poem I love about Imbolc….https://talesfromtheseed.wordpress.com/2016/01/24/imbolc-a-poem/ and a little poem I wrote…

Imbolc, imbolc, where all is
almost bursting with the potential
of new beginnings
where all is ready and waiting
for the right timing
to burst for into life and make
manifest all these dreams
and visions that have
been building and transform
hope into precious reality
all alive and potent, all
waiting patiently, patiently
it will all soon come
all is well, the light is returning.

Love Emma x

Imbolc approaching, spring on its way!

The signs of Spring are here and I am very excited about that. As I said before I love Imbolc with all its hope and potential and I love seeing this out in nature.

Elijah and I went for a walk this morning, to see what we could see, how the land is changing and the flowers are beginning to appear. As you can see, we spotted snowdrops, dog violet, primroses and daffodils. For me the daffodils as captured sum up Imbolc perfectly - bursting with potential…

I also got some photos of Elijah and a well we found. Imbolc is represented by the goddess Bridgid who represents healing, smith craft and poetry. Although she is known as a fire and solar goddess, She is also associated with rivers and often particularly wells.

Throughout Great Britain and Ireland there are many wells named after Brigid. As the story goes, when pools of water appeared without an apparent source, ancient people thought these waters originated from springs the Otherworld – they arose from within the‘oimbelc’, the belly or womb of Mother Earth. It was understood that their waters could impart knowledge and healing. The waters of different wells offered an array of virtues. For example, one might restore sight to the blind or cure diseases of the eyes, one might have the power to bring an individual back from insanity or to cure arthritis, one might make a barren woman fertile.

In Ireland there are at least 15 wells dedicated to St Brigid, albeit there are said to be approximately 3,000 holy wells dotted throughout Ireland itself. The ones dedicated to Brigid are visited on Imbolc and the water drawn from them.

In England, Brighid is one of the primary Goddesses associated with my favourite place across the channel - namely my spiritual home of Glastonbury, and a holy well is dedicated to her. I know any of you have visited Glastonbury and have been disappointed, not able to see beyond the crystal shops and those who choose to frequent the high street, some begging, and some clearly high on drugs, but it is one of those places, like Sark as a student reminded me, that has various layers to it, and the more you rest into the place and trust it, the more it will reveal more of itself (and indeed yourself) to you, so that you begin to see things that you did’t see previously.

Anyway, wells are my current thing and a bit like neolithic stones, Guernsey is gradually revealing more of them to me. It’s a rather magical land this one upon which I am lucky enough to live and many of you too. There are layers here as well, and I am enjoying finding more of them as Elijah and I explore more of this land, and Eben when he’s not at school. Albeit after school today, he got up this tree, fortunately E is with him!

Anyway, enjoy the increasing light, it’s 5pm as I write this and the boys are still outside, it’ll pick up the pace soon and before we know it. it’ll be the spring equinox and we’ll be half way to the longest day. So enjoy every minute of this fabulous shifting energy as Imbolc approaches on Wednesday!

Love Emma x

The cycles that find us letting go before Imbolc

I’ve been walking the lanes quite a bit recently and yesterday I really noticed the change in light, which I find super exciting. The sun is higher in the sky and it changes everything, the shadows fall differently, and nature looks greener, more vibrant.

What struck me the most though was the cycles. I’ve been following the turning of the wheel for a good few years now, so too the moon cycle and my menstrual cycle, and it’s only now though, that I truly feel the different energetic shifts as the sun cycles and we greet each new turning point.

It’s Imbolc next week and there is a real sense of letting go. I’ve found myself dowsing the same Bach floral remedy for each of my clients this week, all about letting go of the past, and there is that energy in the air, of letting go and clearing out, before the new beginnings that Imbolc ushers in. If you read about Imbolc it will tell you this, but it’s very real. The energy really does encourage you to let go of the past and to look to the future, clearing out the old and making both outer and inner space for new beginnings.

Maybe some of you have found yourself spring cleaning. I certainly found myself having a good clear up in the healing space last night and with it in mind to clear out al the clutter that has accumulated in the shed over the winter, let alone in the boys’ bedroom. But it’s not just spring cleaning our homes, but clearing the mind and heart to allow inspiration to enter for the new cycle. Last night in yoni yoga, and actually on Sunday too, we did focus on letting go into the exhalation and there was a fair bit of shaking it out too.

Furthermore I know I am not the only one who has embarked on a healing journey at the beginning of this year. I am a month now into weekly Reiki sessions from a lovely Reiki Master I have found on the island. Some of you have been coming to see me weekly too, to really go deeper and clear away some of the clutter, which has accumulated and needs now to go so that there is space for the new to enter in.

I didn’t do this consciously, in so much, as I wasn’t thinking, “ah ha, Imbolc is approaching, most let go”, but some part of me clearly recognised the benefit in doing so in tune with the energetic shift of letting go that this time between winter solstice and Imbolc brings, reminding us to trust those intuitive nudges, even if we don’t feel we can afford it, or have the time for it or whatever obstacle we place in our path to prevent us starting in the first place.

I mean there is another element to this, in so much as Imbolc is traditionally the festival which honours and celebrates the pagan Goddess, Bridgid, who is the goddess of healing, poetry and smith craft. She is essentially the goddess of fire, of the sun and of the hearth. She brings fertility to the land and its people and is closely connected to midwives and new born babies. She is also known as the Triple Goddess but at imbolc she is in her maiden aspect. Thus this is a fabulous time for healing as we embrace the energy of Bridgid within ourselves. We should probably be writing some poetry too, in front of the fire!

It’s kind of funny though because back in the day, 10 and 7 years ago now when we were going through IVF, I knew lots about the moon cycle and my menstrual cycle, and while I celebrated the turning of the wheel, I wasn’t so aware of the reality of the energetic shifts and how these could be used to opportune whatever we are trying to bring into our lives. I mean, sure we can read about it, but to truly trust in it and live by it is a another thing.

Yet I was sort of doing that without truly realising it, in so much as we were embarking on IVF at this time of yea, over Imbolc. I was indeed the maiden, and I was keen to conceive and become pregnant. Of course there’s lots I did to support this, which some of you have probably read about in my book Dancing with the Moon, but there is no doubt that the energy of Imbolc, and the fact my eggs were collected and fertilised on a full moon helped enormously. It was just coincidence on the one hand and yet, probably entirely not on the other - in so much as sometimes we’re aligned and sometimes we’re not. Sometimes we’re in our flow and supported by the cosmos and sometimes not.

When we tried a frozen cycle in the summer it was no surprise to me that it failed. Not least because I wasn’t in the right place to go through IVF at that time, but also because the energy was all wrong. For the embryo too it wasn’t right, it had been frozen in springtime, full of that vital cosmic energy of newness and it was being defrosted after Lammas, towards the autumnal equinox, when the energy was waning considerably. It was still a shock, but I just knew that energetically it wasn’t supported, the alignment wasn’t there, the timing off and a process that I had to go through to have greater empathy for my clients who experience failed IVF cycles.

Anyway, Imbolc is one of my favourite turning of the wheel celebrations because of the new energy. It marks the beginning of the lambing season and signals the beginning of spring too with the stirrings of new life. The original word ‘Imbolc’ means ‘in the belly’. All is pregnant and expectant and only just visible if at all, like the gentle curve of a ‘just-showing’ pregnancy - I love this comparison. It is the promise of renewal, of hidden potential, or earth awakening and life stirring. It’s about hope really.

But it’s one thing reading this and quite another being actually able to feel it and to live one’s life in accordance with this cosmic shift. Perhaps we’re all doing it anyway, but to be conscious of it and live one’s life in alignment with the shifts is empowering and indeed magical. But it does take time, and one does need to make an effort to connect with nature and her cycles, as well as one’s own cycles and this in itself can involve some significant letting go, reshuffling and orientation and in most cases, a change of being within the world.

When I think back to when this all started, well my life is significantly different now. I spend a good percentage of my life outside now, which I did’t do back then bar the daily sea swimming which took me at least to the beach. I don’t swim much in the winter now, but I am outside daily, not least cycling on the school run and to the shops but out walking and with my little home school lot as we tend to meet outdoors. I get out at night too, when the moon and the neolithic stones call, so I am lucky to have an awareness of the cycles as they unfold.

It wasn’t always this way, I think back now to my twenties, before I found yoga and Reiki and how I would get outside to play netball but I didn’t have any awareness of the changes in moon and/or season other than from the netball court and the office window! The outdoor living is much preferred, and has been well worth the financial sacrifice that it has demanded. Mind you how can one put a price on one’s freedom and time spent with children, well more so Elijah in my case, i don’t see as much of Eben as he is at school and I am often working when he is at home.

But somehow we find a way. It’s a dance, a give and take, but that’s the thing with life, it is a cycle in itself. We live in a universe of cycles. Nothing stays the same. And while at times this can be extremely disorientating and maybe even scary, at other times it’s a blessed relief. We need the dark to see the light as much as we need the light to see the dark. It is only us who place value on one more than the other, but really they’re both parts of a whole and so there is nothing to fear, but fear itself.

And the other thing is that really, there’s a lot of comfort that comes from knowing these cycles, because we begin to see that there is actually order in this universe, despite the seeming chaos. You know, the menstrual cycle, the moon cycle, the daily sun cycle, the annual sun cycle, the cycle of nature, all just a wax and a wane and everything in between. There is something very comforting about not only knowing this but seeing it manifest in nature and feeling into it in our own energy field.

When we follow our own menstual cycle, for example, we begin to notice when our outer life is out of balance because our menstrual cycle, and especially our blood, loses its flow a bit. We can also notice when we are going through a period of transition as we will transition from menstruating on the full moon to the new moon or vice versa instead. We will also notice when we are not nurturing ourselves as much as we should because we might experience more pre-menstrual symptoms than usual. We’ll notice how much stress affects our cycle and the repression of emotions too, because they’ll all come up just before menstruation and we’ll either end up angry, or a blubbering mess, or both!

But it doesn’t have to be that way. It can be much gentler the more we reclaim all parts of ourselves and wax and wane with our energetic flow, knowing when to be active and when to slow down. But anyway, pointless me writing about this here as you can go and read much more about this in my online menstrual cycle and moon pack, which also contains a selection of yoga and meditation practices to help you understand more of the nature of your own cycle and the moon cycle and much better for you to have first hand knowledge and experience and indeed embodiment, than reading my embodied experiences here!

There is much more I could share about the shifting energy as we cycle the year, about how I met a best friend in a dolmen on the spring equinox bringing together the masculine and feminine, he with a Bengal cat too and also a Reiki Master and lover of neolithic stones and in service to Gran Mere too. Let alone the intense energy at Beltane that has us all wanting to dance and come together in union, sexual or otherwise, and not surprising therefore that the St Michael’s line, which is aligned with Beltane, runs through Glastonbury Tor for here the chalice and the meeting with the Mary line for alchemy and indeed the sacred marriage.

Let alone the energy at the summer solstice that has us up early in the morning and hyper all day after watching those first sun rays even more so if you’re at a site like Stonehenge, which has been built with an alignment to that auspicious day. And the shift that one feels at autumn, as we descend deeper into the darkness knowing that there is literally no way back now and then the joy that arrives at the winter solstice, snug in our blankets, fires warming us, and knowing that the light will now return again.

There is great joy in all these cycles and I never cease to be blown away by the magic that pervades our world if we let it, if we take the time to tune into it and notice it, not least within ourselves but out there in nature - we are a micro or the macro. I’m grateful for this opportunity to heal and let go, for this transition that is upon us as we move from one way of being to another. I have a feeling that life will look very different by the time we celebrate the spring equinox and tip the balance to further light.

Happy cycling and happy letting go ahead of Imbolc. You have probably seen but I am offering a last minute Imbolc yoni yoga session on Sunday to truly let go of the past, of whatever is hiding you back, and embrace the newness of this beautiful new energy and new beginnings.

Love Emma x

. Or the active energy at the summer solstice that has us up in the early hours to see sunrise and energised ALL day off the potency of the experience, let alone the wane

New moon and the egg

So we have a new moon in Aquarius arriving on Saturday and I am loving its gentle and yet potent energy!

This is the first new moon of the year and it feels as if it is truly ushering in new beginnings. This is new beginnings in terms of or relationship with ourself, which will undoubtably filter out into our external world.

I mentioned in a recent blog post that 2022 was about getting our ducks in a row and I have been aware this week that that continues for many, stilll there is a holding on to the past and that which needs to now be let go of. The bind is huge though for many, for some a marriage bind, that vow that was taken that forms an energetic link that is difficult to break for all sorts of reasons, and that might involve a ceremony of sorts to set you free from each other, and binds in terms of core beliefs we have taken on and invested a lot of energy in maintaining all these years

You see sometimes its difficult to let go of that which we have become, even when we know how much we now need to move on. It’s not that fear binds us, although it absolutely does, but also our lack of faith in the universe and in ourselves and lack of trust that all will be well. We might ask ourselves wo will we be when we let go of this story and that narrative - and that relationship/career that is deadening us - but actually who are we if we keep continuing to tell ourselves the same story over and over again, getting bored of our own narrative in the process.

It has felt a little ground hog day for some this week in their healing. More of the old coming up, which they felt they had let go of. The thing is, and I talk about this from my own experience, we don’t aways realise the extent of the protection we have put around our heart, the invisible armour we use to hide our vulnerability and the mask we apply to our face to hide the pain and suffering and sheer anguish we are feeling on the inside. We are all very good at putting on a show to the world.

And then we are surprised when we find that a part of the costume needs to drop away, because we had forgotten it was there in the first place, having placed it there many years ago perhaps, in childhood for many, when we first faced pain and instability, when the earth may have momentarily dropped away and our life as we knew it changed. We should never underestimate the effect of the transitions we make in our lives, leaving our mothers for the first time, or her leaving us, starting school, having our best friend turn on us, our parent being late to collect us, our first sleep over, having to read a poem by heart to the class…all of these things can cause us to grab a piece of invisible costume and pop it on.

But alas, the costume is dropping away! Bit by bit. So that we get to see who we really are on the inside. We just don’t know until we know. And sometimes that process is painful, like the uncasing of a seed within a shell, we are fragile, this new version of us that was always there but which was hidden, is revealed to the world. How will we be received? Well, the thing is, we actually stop caring. Because we start to realise that it is the caring too much about what others think that has caused us so much of our pain in the first place, that has caused us to runaway from who we truly are for fear of our brightness and standing out.

It feels as if this is the time to stand out though. To be our lovely self come what may and what opinions other people have about that. Opinions change like the wind and there has certainly been a lot of that lately. Best not to get rigid then, not least in our opinions about others, but in our opinion about ourself. We are all where we are meant to be and we are all doing the best we can do with our current level of awareness and relationship with fear. Thus if we do want to set ourselves free, then it is our level of awareness that needs to shift, letting go of our fear that sticks us in the process. And when the awareness shifts and we set ourselves free of our fear, well the costume drops away a little bit. Its genius really.

I am constantly reminded that we are in a world that is always changing due to the thoughts we think and the collective reality that we create because of these thoughts on a collective basis. Also because of the thoughts we think, we see life a particular way - our perception then is shifted by our thinking and our level of consciousness in any given moment. So really we come down to those thoughts and how we might shift them at a very deep level. But as any of you will know who have tried to meditate, we get a whole lot of thoughts running through our mind seemingly endlessly and not all of them are very kind, and many of them are very fear based. And these are only the ones we are conscious of, let alone all the ones in our subconscious mind.

All of this becomes more apparent with awareness. With awareness we start to witness more of our thinking and the way that it informs our relationship with ourselves and with others as well as the wider world - we notice our fears and how these limit us and keep us small, stop us saying what we truly want to say or ding what we truly want to do or just being who we truly are at heart.

We are gifted the opportunity then, with awareness, to see where we are reacting from a place of wounding and/or conditioning and/or fear (all of these are interlinked usually) that is no longer helpful in our life, and do something about it to the extent that we can then respond differently next time. It is incredibly liberating when we can put this into play, set beyond our fear and our limited view of things.

All the time the universe is nudging us on. There are gifts left here and there. I found a little white egg clearly fallen from a nest on my walk through the lanes yesterday. It was kind of funny as later that evening I found myself reading up on egg shaped stone circles and then this morning I pulled the cosmos egg card from an oracle pack. Egg is deinfitely then a theme in my life, but I also feel it is a theme for many more of us too.

We are at the beginning of something new. And we need to rest into that a while longer now. We might know where we want to go and what it is we are trying to birth into the world, create then, but now is the time to just let everything be, look after ourselves, keep warm, keep nourished and let the rest take care of itself in divine timing. If we push, if we try to make things happen before the time is right, then we end up with a scrambled egg and while that might taste yummy, its not the creation we were necessarily intending to birth into the world and it won’t have flowed with ease from spirit and the heart.

Enjoy the energy of this new moon. The light is returning, I have seen it shifted the last few days, the sun is higher, visible longer, and the bird are singing a different chorus. The shoots are evident and Imbolc is only just around the corner. We really are in the fragile stages of new beginnings. Be gentle. Be kind. And love yourself as much as you can. The egg will be hatched at just the right time and remember it has the whole of the universe contained within it, just as you do too.

Love Emma x