Stonehenge for solstice sunrise and other adventures

Our stone adventure began at Stanton Drew on Monday, the third largest stone circle complex in England. This was Elijah and my third visit, we needed to complete the three, and were guided where we needed to be. I walked barefoot and accidentally trod in a cow pat. Elijah thought this highly amusing, with my squelchy cow poo toe.

I found it amusing too, especially that his memory of Stanton Drew on this trip will not be one of wandering around and climbing on the stones as I connect with the place, but of my foot, and the dreaded cow pat. We dowsed a few spots to stand and the stones told him they didn’t really like him standing on them, a whole new level of respect arrives at age 8! We also visited the Cove, which is my favourite. The stones spoke; “Be gentle, let go”.

We weaved our way to Stoney Littleton from there, a long barrow nestled in beautiful countryside. I was amazed to find a couple here, there has been people at Stanton Drew earlier, very unusual, we’ve always had the place to ourselves previously. Now here we had to share Stoney too, although we did get a few minutes when those people left before the next people arrived.

This stone and earth tomb was thought to be built in the early Neolithic period, probably between 3,800BC and 3,400BC but really who truly knows. Elijah dowsed it as being much older than that and who am I to tell him otherwise. It contained the buried remains of several individuals, perhaps three or four generations of men, women and children. It’s also thought it might have been a religious shrine for the living. To me it’s utterly amazing and to build something like this as a container of energy for the dead and the living is a testament to how much people used to care…

Chambered long barrows are thought to be the oldest monuments in Britain and about 200 were built in the Cotswolds and elsewhere in Southern Britain. They say that Stoney is one of the finest surviving examples and I certainly felt it’s incredible energy. It’s an amazing place, feels clean, clear, and very welcoming. What struck me most was the plethora of wildflowers growing along the way including the medicinal plant, clary sage, and a selection of thistles reminding me of the clary sage and milk thistle that I’m growing back home.

I would’ve liked more time here, as the landscape is stunning, off the beaten track. There is a pretty river too, always a water source close by, and the smell of the elderflowers fills the air, how I love elderflowers, having made my second batch of cordial just before we left (as an aside, if you walk up the St Martin’s side of Petit Bot hill here on Guernsey, it is awash with elder trees and the smell of the flowers is a tonic for the soul)

The place near where one can park is perfect for a picnic, but we were headed onwards, this time for Elijah, and a visit to Bowood House, a Georgian house, and the playground. We’ve taken him, E and I  a few times over the years as Tractor Ted world used to be located here and he has always been mad about tractors – in fact one of the joys of these trips, for him at least, is seeing all the tractors we pass along the way, he knows them all, and gets super excited by the size of some of them.

The adventure playground at Bowood House is fun, Elijah enjoyed it, especially as there were only a handful of other children there, quite a different experience to when I took Eben on a bank holiday and the place was packed. He was happy to walk through some of the Capability Brown landscaped parkland (not the whole 100 acres!), with its grotto and lake. I studied Capability Brown at uni and while I don’t really like the landscaped approach, it’s still a stunning place with a ton of amazing specimen and mature trees and I could have spent the whole day just wandering amongst these.

But alas, we were on a schedule and from Bowood House we drove the ten minutes or so onto Avebury, the largest stone circle in Britain.  I was particularly keen to access the coves but the whole of the village was lined with ‘no stopping’ cones, which I can only imagine had something to do with the solstice. Even the carpark in the pub was closed so I couldn’t stop there, nor up the Avenue where I usually park. It was all a bit random but I ignored the cones, momentarily leaving the car in a field exit at Adam and Eve cove and we ran out to the stones. I LOVE these stones, and needed to hear their message, continuing a theme.

I parked up the car momentarily again at the bottom of the Avenue and rushed out to the first two stones, I love these stones and I had a message to deliver, Elijah running with me, to touch the stones, before running back to the car again, no harm done and no parking ticket! It does seem ridiculous that on one of the most auspicious days of the years, at least from a Neolithic stone alignment perspective, one cannot park at Avebury, sigh!

Leaving Avebury, I kept accidentally missing our turn off and on third time lucky, the road took us all the way past Alton Springs, which I’d strangely wanted to visit but didn’t think we’d have time. So we stopped, as I wanted Elijah to see and touch the supposed 1,700 year old Ewe tree in the church grounds, and we managed to make it into the small medieval church itself to sign the book and absorb the stained glass windows . They found a trap door in here with a sarsen stone buried so a bit like the goddess statues found hidden in two churches in Guernsey, one imagines this was a special site from a Neolithic perspective.

We also saw the Alton white horse, this our second white horse of the trip having seen Cherhill white horse earlier. This created much excitement for Elijah as he hadn’t seen any previously. There is something quite remarkable about these white horses carved into the limestone – something to look out for in this area of the world!

Alton springs seemed all overgrown since last time, clogged by greenery and not nearly as vibrant and alive as they had been when I visited with Eben back in spring, reminding me how the land changes season to season. It’s interesting actually, visiting these places at different times of year, I noticed this at Adam and Eve, the once exposed and windy field was now a scene of beautiful wild flowers including lots of ox daisies.

From there, we followed the road straight down (or so it felt), through Durrington and past Woodhenge, to Amesbury, where we had booked a YHA for the evening, before heading down to Southampton airport to collect Star and Willow off their evening flight from Guernsey. I was a little stressed by then, not least by all the driving, having done my usual thing of over extending myself, but also because I was slightly conscious of all the crowds I’d seen at Amesbury presumably intending to go to Stonehenge for the solstice.

We did attempt to get to Stonehenge for sunset, but the traffic queue was so long that we aborted when it became clear that we wouldn’t make it to the stones in time, not with the 20-25 minute walk from the carpark, and anyway, we weren’t really there for sunset, sunrise was the important bit at least from an alignment perspective. The situation was actually a blessing, for it meant we could go back to the YHA and get a few hours of sleep, plus it was already beyond the children’s bedtime and asking them to walk for almost an hour would have been a little challenging, for all of us!

I have already done solstice sunrise at Stonehenge, seven years ago now for my 40th birthday, and I couldn’t remember us having any problems accessing the site, but the queues on the A303 awaiting entry that evening were making me slightly concerned about our morning arrival time. Thus we decided to err on the side of caution, and all three alarms were set for 1.45am, yikes. 

As it happened, we could probably have stayed in bed a little longer, as we arrived into the carpark at Stonehenge without any queuing and were out at the stones by 2.45am, giving us a clear two hours until sunrise. Still, I’m grateful that we had this much time to take in the atmosphere, and be able to touch every single stone in the inner and outer ring, stepping our way over sleeping bodies and those nestled against stones. The combined smell of cannabis, sage, frankincense, alcohol and burgers permeated the air – yes, here at Stonehenge on solstice there are fast food vans and I was certainly grateful of the cup of tea.

It was cold and busy, and the children didn’t like the crowds and the noise – the Hare Krishnas were in full chant, there were South American panpipers, a group of men and women dressed all in red sang together, a whole heap of drummers and just general talking, shouting and everything in between – so we hung out at the heel stone, which is a beautifully calming stone and a wise teacher. The half-moon was prominent in the sky to our right and ahead of us the sun below the horizon started lightening the view (the heel stone is aligned with the rising sun on summer solstice)

Star and I took it in turns to stay with the children who had settled themselves on my mum’s raincoat on the grass, Elijah playing a tractor game on his iPad and Willow alternating between watching his game and having a lie down. This created quite some interest from some of the other people, who commented on the coming together of the two worlds – an ancient monument aligned to the moon and the sun, and here my son playing games on the technology that is an iPad. I really loved that, that we can be accepting of it all. They actually had their photo taken at least twice!

People don’t necessarily get this, but stones have a consciousness as does the land, and the two talk more loudly at these ancient sites. Sometimes we might just get drawn to a certain stone or find ourselves by one, as I did with the heel stone, or we dowse, which I also did and there is a funny story with that one. In one of my rambles around the stones on my own, I dowsed a stone to visit and I was taken to one of the ones in the outer circle just to the left of the sunrise alignment. I found a spot to stand against it and take it in before carrying on.

Later, about ten minutes before sunrise, I suddenly remembered my stone friend back at home and thought I should take a small stone from the earth back home to him, so he could feel the Stonehenge energy. We were standing near to the dowsed stone by then so I ran over and nestled my way between the various people to dig my nails into the earth and try and find a little stone at the base of the HUGE stone. I managed to find a few little ones and rushed back to Star, only to realsie that I had collected a heart-shaped shell that someone had clearly left as an offering at some point, as it had wire tied around it.

It was quite mind blowing actually because it’s a big site and I could have gone anywhere to get a stone from the earth (we’re talking nail size here before you think I took a piece of the sarsen stones, nope, this was a bit of stone in the actual earth), but I went to the exact spot where there was a heart shaped shell buried. I couldn’t help wondering how long ago the shell had been placed there, whether it was my friend’s all along, perhaps from another life time, or just a sign that Stonehenge wanted to send its love to him!

We felt the boost as the sun rose, not that we could see it until we were leaving the site, but you can feel the energy coursing through the place nonetheless. The land and stones are super alive and no doubt delighted to have so many make the journey to celebrate, regardless of the differing backgrounds, perspectives and expectations - stones bring unity, such a contrast to our current intense polarisation.

We were definitely guided and I am grateful to the Goddess; the two hours was an absolute blessing on that land and we were lucky to get the bus back to the car park and have an easy journey all the way back to the airport. We were back in Guernsey by 9.15am and home on my yoga mat by 10! I was wired all day and managed to stay up late into the evening catching the sunset from an aligned site here on Guernsey, it was almost a 22 hour day in the end!

Back home I am very aware that the solstice just ushered in a huge shift for us. We are on very shaky ground all of us, as we are each being forced to look at our shadows and where we are living out of alignment with our truth. This is really not easy as our conditioning runs deep and we are living in a way that constantly denies us our deepest truth because of all the expectations placed on us, all the ways that we have been told (and continue to be told) how to be and live and relate to ourselves and this world.

Constantly we are caged and boxed, I’ve talked about this previously, from our culture, religion, tradition, care givers, friends, family, educators, society, from every area of our life, so that we don’t know who we are beyond what is expected of us and the way we have trained to be in this world. There is a part of us that is wild and yearns for greater freedom but this means we must sift through all the layers that prevent us from accessing this deeper part of self, the part that cannot be tamed, caged or boxed away that knows that there is more to us and our life than we are living.

Simultaneously we are reaping what we sowed and having to deal with those consequences of actions taken that weren’t necessarily in alignment with where we’re at in our lives and within ourselves now. This is highlighting the classic battle that is played out between head and heart and we might have to come to terms with the fact that while we thought we were living from the heart, we were actually living from our head – the ego is a tricky thing and does a heart disguise well. We’re also having to accept the uncomfortableness of the lack of deeper connection.

But in many respects this is all part of the process and necessary. What’s called for now is deep stillness and courage. Courage to sit still and courage to act when the moment becomes clearer. Now we’re just in a squishy and squeeze time. Things are shifting rapidly and nothing will necessarily make sense. We’re all connected but moving at different paces, and there is a divine timing to everything. Essentially though, we are being encouraged to free ourselves from anything which binds us to an outdated idea, narrative or belief about ourself and the old world that we are being asked to leave behind.

There is a real shift towards new beginnings and this on a fundamental level, in terms of not only how we relate to ourselves but how we live in this world. I’ve had numerous conversations with people about this these last few days on Guernsey and in Glastonbury. It’s time for wholeness and to walk our truth, make the changes we have been talking about but haven’t necessarily done anything about, the changes that the pandemic tried to usher in, but isn’t quite there yet in reality.

Essentially it’s about simplicity and shifting our perspective away from the human centric view of the world where money, power and control are seen as the motivation for all that we do and the way that we live on planet earth, to one where we appreciate our place within nature and attempt to live in greater harmony not just with nature but with our own nature too. So much of the way we have been living, not only destroys nature but denies our own inherent nature.

The pandemic slowed us all down and encouraged us to begin the process of seeing through more of the illusion, it gifted us the opportunity to live a different way, at a different pace. Many people preferred it, the slower more home and family based life, where they had time to appreciate nature, and others fought it as it went beyond their conditioning and what had become ‘normal’ to them and therefore felt safe. Because we seek safety outside of ourselves, many have been keen to rush back to the pre-pandemic way of life without appreciating that life has changed and will never be the same again.

We see this with air travel. People have been desperate to travel again but the industry has changed and there are no longer the staff levels to support it so people are finding flights and holidays cancelled and many are left stranded. It’s a lesson! Life has changed! I’m also having to come to terms with this and I did decide in Glastonbury that all this air travel has to stop. It’s not easy living on a small island but we each have to play our bit. We really do need to be the change we’d like to see, and I’d like to see less airplanes up in the air, as much as I’d love to see less people with their heads in their phones and 5G killing us all quietly.

Really though what’s happening is an intense polarisation between those waking up and those staying asleep. Our opinions are divided on everything and the systems no longer fit. This is potentially a huge shifting time for humanity on planet earth and I can’t help wondering if there’ll be something else that wakes up more of those asleep, so that they too can see beyond the conditioning that keeps us trapped in the illusionary world.

I mean there are other realities beyond the one we can see, but even in the one we can see, we are all looking at it from different perspectives and with different interests and even amongst friends, opinions can be divided. There is little middle ground. This can lead to greater disharmony as we see the other as bad and wrong…overlooking that again this is just more of the illusion…it’s not real, just more conditioning helping to keep us caged to maintain systems. The minute we take a side, is the minute we lose ourselves to it. Really, what is the right thing? Or the good thing?

No doubt we can come up with an answer quickly, but what is this based on? I suspect it’s based on something someone told us or taught us or programmed into us. To put it another way, at some point we took on a contract that told us that we would see the world a certain way. And now we’re being asked to break that contract, because it’s no longer real. There are new contracts to form instead, contracts which offer freedom. But first we must set ourselves free. We must break everything that is misaligned and outdated, that has us believe we need something outside of ourselves to be happy. 

We must let go of the idea that we need more technology, bigger and better houses, a brand new Range Rover to prove we’ve made it, inflated lips to look like a celebrity, bigger boobs to prove our attractiveness, or a smaller waist to show that we’re great, or more qualifications to show that we can use our left brain and be trained to use it a certain way too (denying the right side), so that we might see more of the world the same way that others want us to see it, or that somehow gives us a false sense of worth, much like the need for ‘likes’ on social media because we can’t find this within ourselves and need the external validation and us women up against ourselves, trying to be all things and slowly dying from tiredness and frustration on the inside.

We must let go of the endless doing to be anywhere but where we are now, of continuously focusing on outcome and overlooking the joy and beauty of the process, of denying our creativity because it’s undervalued and pouring all our efforts into achievement for the sake of achievement, of feeling guilty when we put our own needs first, of feeling shame because a relationship didn’t work or we fell in love with someone else, of caring what others think of us to the extent that we dress and behave a certain way, not because it’s our nature but because we care more about them than our own sanity.

We must let go of it all being about material gain, about upwards flows being good and downward flows being bad, of good and bad in its entirety, of right and wrong, of should and shouldn’t, and find the joy and abundance in all of it. It is all of it spiritual, the only difference is our perspective and whether it fills us up or depletes us. This is an abundant universe, but true abundance goes beyond materialism, it is about cycles and nature and the joy that comes from being ourselves, without our petty concerns, worries, doubt, uncertainties and anxieties exhausting us.

We need it all, the ups and the downs, the dark and the light, and everything in the middle. Look at nature. See how the sun now wanes and the moon too, we’re on the wane too if we allow it. Even this messiness is OK. It’s all OK. Our pain is needed, as much as our joy. For now we have to settle into the messy transformational energy that’s triggering old patterns so that they can be seen and let go of. Within all this is trust, always trust and an invitation to be more discerning between the voice of the head and the voice of the heart…and to orientate towards our true self, beyond all our conditioning…and live simply, treading lightly on this earth…good luck!

Happy turning of the wheel!

Love Emma x

PS. A HUGE thank you to Star for many of the Stonehenge photos and for joining us for 13 hours of adventure, fun and memories made, sometimes we just have to do these crazy things!

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For all you need to know about Stonehenge, visit stonehengevisit.co.uk

Solstice adventures - Avalon

Happy solstice! I hope you’ve had a good one. We’ve had an amazing solstice adventure beginning Sunday…

Sitting here writing this from a really comfortable bed in a yurt on the land of Avalon, looking through the open door, I can see the Tor in the distance, I think I might well have died and gone to heaven.

All the obstacles and challenges that the path of heart creates are more than worth it in these moments. I had a few other moments yesterday too, in Glastonbury itself, of synchronicities, coincidence, ‘aha’ and magical moments. Some things just suddenly made sense and with that a perspective shift.

I had forgotten how amazing it is here in the yurts at Lower Coxbridge. I used to run yoga retreats here, hiring the main house and the barn too, but the house and barn are now rented out long term, so the yurts are the only bits now available and what a joy they are. We had the log burning stove going all night to keep us cosy and warm, and enjoyed seeing sunset as the sun set beyond the Tor, and not long after then a rainbow filled the sky, it’s a magical place here alright.

This morning the sun is rising to my right, and over behind me, in the left, the moon is half full, on her wane. Today we head away from Glastonbury on another adventure ending up at Stonehenge for sunset…excited to see what the day offers, and hopefully be on the land that little bit more…

Yesterday we did a lot of walking, up and around the Tor, back down a different way through Dod’s lane which is an ancient track linking Glastonbury and Stonehenge. I had read about it only the night before, but now we stumbled across it as we headed into the town to visit the Godess Temple. There is something profoundly magical about the land on and around the Tor.

We spent time at Chalice Wells too, my soul craved the quietness and healing and this too is a potent place, the land talks and you can more clearly hear your own inner guidance. It’s just next to the White Spring and we visited her a few times, lit candles, dunked in the spring, I even sang a little bit, joining in with other women finding their voice in the darkness of the cavern, it was a moment I shan’t forget, how energy finds energy and music begins.

We didn’t shop like we might have done previously, after all, there’s only so many crystals that one needs! We left time for hanging out here at the yurt, and I’m pleased we did. No WIFI is bliss for me, not so for Elijah, but it’s so wonderful to tread the earth and just be absolutely surrounded by nature, with very few other sounds, just bleating sheep and the birds.

Sometimes we don’t realise how much our environment impacts on us until we step away from it.   How much the same thoughts can consume us until we make a conscious decision to let them go, remembering that we are not our thoughts, any more than we are our feelings, they come and go, there is no consistency to them.

It’s stability though that I’m working with, a complete lack of it actually, and trying to be OK with that, to let that go as a concept that has underpinned so much of my life and see if I can still find my peace without it. It’s a work in progress, as is so much, but being here on the land, one realises that this is enough, this connection, the land. If only we can find space away from WIFI and noise and activity, never easy in a place like Guernsey!

The funny thing is, there was a time when the idea of no WIFI spun me out. When coming here and staying in the yurts was wonderful bar the lack of effective phone signal, let alone access to internet, it was an issue and I’d find myself hovering around the back of the main house trying to connect in, trying to stay connected, feeling it essential somehow. Not now. Now I try not to go online unless I need to, which drives friends and family mad, especially as I’m no longer attached to a phone. Funny how much we’ve come to expect 24/7 response time to our messages and emails.

xxx

Sitting here on my mat, the sun rising one side and the moon the other, the Tor ahead, it dawns on me how THIS is the stability I seek. It’s here. Every day. It crossed my mind yesterday but I can feel it and see it so clearly today. It is the land. It has a consciousness and it holds us well, if we allow it. I hear myself telling others this and I know I lean into it, but have I truly learned to trust it?

Today I trust it. Yesterday I trusted it too. I felt it at Chalice Wells closing in on me and hugging me close. I felt it up the Tor and as we walked down the back way into town. Today there is a knowing that was once just an idea forming in my head, now I know it deep within me, now I know that this is the only stability in our lives and to try to create greater stability is to waste our energy because everything changes, nothing is certain, not really, even the run and moon have their cycles so they are not one constant. There is no consistency. We live in a dynamic universe, it is chaos mainly.

So perhaps the lesson is not to try to control this and make it something it isn’t, so that we may rest easily into it, but to accept and embrace that everything changes, including us, and just go with the flow of this. I mean I know this. But to truly live it, beyond the concept, to absolutely let go of the various societal constructs we have created to make things stable, well, it’s not easy, because once again there is a going against the mainstream flow of ‘this being the way it is’. No. There are many ways. But to find yourself going against the grain. Well you have to dig deep. But, but, but, the land holds you when you do.  

 More to follow…onwards to stones, playgrounds and Stonehenge…

Light always follows the dark

Wow, that was some intense full moon and I know I am not the only one who is still feeling the ripple of it as the moon wanes. Usually the energy drops away pretty quickly afterwards, but not this time and I know some are still being squeezed, this intense sun energy not helping matters - and actually when you think about it, it was the closest full moon to the summer solstice next Tuesday and the full join merely reflects more sunlight onto the planet, and it was a super full moon too, so we have a lot of energy coming in!

Anyway I will never forget being sat up at a menhir watching the moon rise on Tuesday evening with one of my stone friends. It was incredible. The moon was huge! I had watched it building in the sky the few days prior to that, had been out walking, as I shared in my last blog, and ventured down to Fermain for a swim in her light as she rose on the Monday evening, menstruation having just literally started as I ventured down Fermain hill to meet a friend. I did feel an alignment it has to be said. So i shouldn’t have been surprised by the intensity of it, rocking cores and roots, the cards had all said it was coming and we all knew on some level…

But alas, I wasn’t expecting it to arrive so suddenly. My friend said something as the huge moon rose, her light lightening the landscape, it had been strange wandering about, and not having her light to guide us, she rose late, or at least it felt later than usual, and lower in the sky too as she followed her path around to the west, and that was that. The way the words were spoken, or, more to the point, and it really is more to the point, the way I received them and interpreted them triggered me big time. A very old pattern was squeezed and my power was automatically sucked from me.

I spent the next couple of hours trying to process. I was extremely tired. Tired in a way I have not been for an awfully long time. So tired that I had to give in and leave earlier than I would usually. So tired that I barely remember the drive home as I was so incredibly desperate to get to bed. I never feel that tired. I never have that much of a need for my bed. It was the strangest feeling of all this stuff coming up for me and this feeling that the life forcs had literally been sucked from me. In my mind I blamed my friend, it was he who had taken my power away, and with that blame the victimhood came in, poor old me.

I awoke the next morning totally depleted. I hadn’t had enough sleep, Eben awoke super early and i was not impressed my this, but alas, one has to keep going. I was well and truly stuck in victimhood albeit I couldn’t see it at the time. Very old feelings of hopelessness, despair and just being sick of this world came in. I’m familiar with this feelings, i spent much of my later twenties feeling them, and I write at length about that in my book From Darkness Comes Light, for they were the feelings that fed my depression for many years.

It’s a feeling that when it’s acute, makes me want to take myself away from the world, because it seems so pointless and hopeless being here. I feel utterly powerless to make changes and just feel very angry with it all. It’s not a feeling I experience these days so it was interesting to be able to witness it, knowing on one level it was an old pattern which had been triggered and which now needed healing and releasing, and on another being caught up in it to the extent I ranted at home, shouted a bit, and then cried a lot.

But fortunately it passed quickly and I could see it for what it is/was. I could see that my friend didn’t take my power away, how could he? No one can take our power away, sure they can trigger us, find our weak spots, but it is US who GIVE OUR POWER AWAY. The tone of his voice had triggered a memory, of being criticised, and my reaction to the notion that I was being criticised has been to internalise it, consider myself bad/wrong/useless and with that step into victimhood and give my power away and enter into a state of depression (and sometimes anxiety).

I was so joyful to finally see this pattern and understand what I have been doing since a child. We all have patterns, that become unhelpful, that constantly keep us stuck in the past, that cause us to react in the same way we’ve done our whole lives. While this pattern hasn’t been triggered for a long while, it was clearly still there, and needed to be gone, for me to find another way to be, that does not automatically pop me into victimhood each time there is a trigger and especially on which I interpret as criticism. But it could be any other trigger, that somehow makes me feel insecure and not worthy.

Anyway, I realised too that the process of reclaiming my power has always been transformative, so the perceived loss of power has played a role in my knowing more of myself. However it used to take months, if not years, of bobbing around in and out of depression, until I found yoga and Reiki and came to understand a little more of what was happening, and these modalities helped me to strengthen and reclaim my power when it dropped out. I now I realise that those were the times, which I might have named ‘times of awakening’, the times when rally all that happened was I reclaimed my power, and with that my centre and greater wholeness.

Usually that process caused me to dig deeper into practice and into heart and to follow my inner guidance, even though it always tends to go against the flow of society and of others’ expectations for me. Again this all feeds the pattern around victimhood - often in life we do things not because we want to, but because others want us to do them - and this causes us to give our power away because we are going against our own wisdom and nature. We can also give our power away to the extent that the only way we can think to gain some back again is to find some way to control our inner world, whether that be through eating disorder or obsessive behaviour, some way that we can feel that we own our life, just a little…

This all became very clear to me on Thursday, it took a whole day of swimming in the discomfort of the muddiness, trying not to sink, and yet tempted by the sinking, to find the light and my way again. I should be grateful though, in the past it might have taken me weeks or months to clear an old pattern, being stuck in my discomfort during that period, reaching out to therapists for help. The other day it took 24 hours of going deep into myself with lots of Reiki and paying attention to what each of my clients was saying as they each carry a message (we learn from each other), and to a soul friend, who helped me to shift my perspective.

Now I’ve seen that it is not about being criticised, because that’s just my mind that determines that anyway, as fas as my friend was concerned, he wasn’t criticising me, he was trying to help me understand something, so it was literally my mind that interpreted it a certain way because the context is clearly a weak spot for me, and my ego didn’t like it. Always the ego!

But because the mind searches for previous examples of ‘the feeling’ and labelled it ‘criticism’ it followed the pattern…criticise means being attacked, so we must therefore retreat into ourself and give yourself a hard time for not being ‘good enough’ because if we were good enough we wouldn’t have been criticised. See, it’s a very old child-like pattern around the notion of goodness which runs deep - we are encouraged from a young age to be ‘good’ children. And if we take that on as a truth as I did and most others did too, then when we feel we are somehow bad, we will have a pattern of giving ourselves a very hard time and give our power away in that moment of turning in on ourselves.

It serves no one to play the victim and give our power away. I don’t want to give my power away! And yes, it is a process, and yes, the reclaiming as I said, can help us to transform, because we have to, at some point, let go of our victimhood and that process, of digging deeper, can be enlightening, and can cause us to make decisions that change our life in innumerable ways, but at the same time, there are other kinder ways that facilitate, allow and support that too, and I’m definitely done with the old ways that disempower and close down my heart and soul to the world.

So seeing a pattern is helpful, because then we will more likely see it next time it comes too. And it will come. There will be a time soon when I feel like I am being criticised but I will have a better chance at making a better choice, a moment where I will be able to catch myself, and consider how I respond - whether I react the same way I’ve always done of retreat, withdraw, give power away and step into victimhood, or stay in my power, in my centre, acknowledge the situation and make a kinder and more heart orientated way of managing it. What I hope to do is catch myself and laugh at my silly monkey mind with its crazy mind games, to acknowledge what is happening and then just smile and move on.

Someone may well be criticising me, but I still have a choice about how I respond to it. At the end of the day people criticise us from THEIR perspective. It’s from their way of seeing the world and how they think we should ‘be’ within it. And at the end of the day why should we care? That’s their stuff not ours. You can be guaranteed that anyone criticising us, is criticising themselves far more. So we can be compassionate to that, and forgiving of their need to externalise their crap! We can be so good at projecting our rubbish onto others, but as the other, we have a choice about whether we let it affect us or not.

Anyway, its clear to say, from my various conversations with clients and friends that the moon was most definitely bringing up old patterns for each of us that now need to go, especially old patterns around loss of power and insecurity and closing of hearts. With that there may be heightened feelings of anxiety and paranoia, depending on our patterning. Tied in with all this is self worth, and the moon was also bringing up patterning around joy and deserving - do we allow our joy, move towards it, or when it appears do we sabotage it because we don’t feel we are worthy, deserving or enough for it? Further, are fearful of it being whipped away from us, so better not to go there in the first place, keep the heart a little bit closed?

I certainly noticed myself sabotaging joy because of my inherent vulnerability and when I acknowledged this it felt like a huge weight was released from my heart. I realised the subtleties of our defence and how we might think we’re open hearted and able to love unconditionally, but when it comes down to it, we can be very quick to pop up the defences and attach conditions to our love, based on previous experiences around loss of safety and giving our power away/feeling that we’ve lost control etc. In the process we allow our victimhood and start blaming others and we close our heart.

When i close my heart, as i did the other evening, I feel a depression because a part of me is not allowed expression. It’s not easy to explain, I make an attempt in my book on depression, but depression, that feeling of constriction and darkness is generally an indication that I’ve outgrown my life, that i need to let go of a pattern that is keeping my heart closed down and my soul in some way restricted. So when the trigger comes, it’s actually a gift, because itfgives us the opportunity to see it for what it is and break through to the other side. It’s never easy, we have to break down to break through, but this is all part of the journey to greater love and wholeness.

The reason its not easy is because a part of our ego construct, the part that is trying to keep us safe by setting up the pattern in the first place needs to drop away, it needs to be annihilated, but of course the ego doesn’t want to be annihilated so it fights. The fight is the messy bit because essentially we’re up against ourselves, but we can very easily externalise this and blame others and fight with them. It’s tough sometimes to work through our crap and see it for what it is. But if we have chosen the path of heart and spiritual growth then we have no choice. It doesn’t just happen. We have to do teh work. And the work is tough. And many give up and others get lost along the way. It helps to know we’re not alone and to have a good support network who can guide us through to the other side.

At the end of the day the light always follows the dark and sometimes we need to go into the dark to find a new way. It generally involves surrendering, letting go of everything we thought was true and real to instead be shown a new way. The new way will inevitably allow more heart and soul and make us feel infinitely lighter and more joyful in the process.

And on that note as we approach the lightest day of the year, we can anticipate more of our darkness popping to the surface to be cleared. So be gentle and follow the joy, pay attention to the patterns as they arise. I am reminded of Rumi’s poem, The Guesthouse, and how each thing that comes, however testing it might be, is really a gift to one you up to some new delight.

As for me, I’m off to Glastonbury on Sunday, for a little spiritual pilgrimage, ending up at Stonehenge for midsummer’s eve on Monday and sunrise on the solstice on Tuesday… my traveling buddy, Elijah, is coming along with me, so we’ll do some exploring, and my sister-in law, Star, and neice, Willow, are joining us at Stonehenge, arriving as they are from Australia with my brother, Ross, this afternoon. Exciting times!

Have an amazing weekend.

Love Emma x

Cycles

I went out dowsing last night, an utterly magical experience, with the sun setting one side and the moon rising the other, and the magic of the night revealing a couple of menhirs to me that I hadn’t noticed previously. It’s stunning in the lanes at dusk too, the smell of the honeysuckle and the elderflowers.

It pains me a little that we have to cut back hedgerows here on Guernsey, they were abundant previously with the pink campion and cornflower. Fortunately some sensitive hedge cutters have avoided the honey suckle, at least in the lanes by us. The elderflowers are in abundance this year, I’ve mangled to make some elderflower cordial with more to be made soon, anything to capture their fullness, Petit Bot hill is full of them.

What I love most though, is getting out in the moonlight and enjoying her energy on my own. My cycle is currently aligned with the moon, which means I’m in the dark stage, sort of back to front, in so much as I’ll likely be menstruating on the full moon, and ovulating on the new, while the moon is in the reverse, her full is like ovulation, and new like menstruation…the beginning of the cycle.

Some will say there’s a reason that we menstruate when we do, and especially if we are in alignment with the moon. I touch on this in my online Menstruation and Moon course, in so much as the white moon cycle and the red moon cycle. The white moon cycle is said to be the most common cycle and is linked to the new moon so when you’re on a white moon cycle, you bleed around the new moon and ovulate around the full moon.

Because this cycle mirrors the traditional cycle of the moon and Mother Earth, a woman with a white moon cycle is said to be in the mother phase of her life - either she wishes to conceives and start a family or she is focusing on nurturing and raising her children. This is due to the fact that the full moon is considered to be the Earth’s most fertile time - which is where we are at now. So when a woman goes through the most fertile stage of her cycle in alignment with the moon cycle, then both energies are aligned and enhanced.

This was my experience when trying to conceive through IVF. I write about it in my book Dancing with the Moon (you can buy from Amazon) about my excitement that even though I was taking all these various IVF drugs, egg collection happened on the full moon, so I was effectively ovulating then. It was from those eggs that Elijah and Eben came to be, albeit Eben frozen as a blastocyst for 3 years, which still blows my mind even now! Eben is completely aligned with the moon, in so much as my waters broke on a super full moon 6 weeks early and he has gone totally crazy on full moons ever since!

It’s said that women on a white moon cycle pull energy inwards towards themselves and use this to replenish themselves on all levels of being including physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. However, finding yourself on a white cycle doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in the mother phase of your life. A white moon cycle could also indicate that you need to give more energy and nurturing to yourself and this may be an intuitive nudge reminding you that you need more love and care for yourself and your resources need to be directed inward instead of outward for a while.

White moon women were often favoured by the patriarchy (and still are today) because all their energy was solely focused on the men and children in their life…

The red moon cycle is less common than the white moon cycle and is linked to the full moon. If you have a red moon cycle, you will menstruate during the full moon and ovulate during the new moon, which is the cycle I’ve been on the last few months. In ancient times, these women were the known as the priestesses, the healers, the witches and the medicine women. In contrast to the white moon, these women are focused on channeling their creative energy outward.

These women may also be mothers and raising children but they are focused on, and passionate about, being in union with their community, teaching and leading others. Further, women with a red moon cycle have a deep desire for spiritual growth and self-actualisation, creativity, business, leadership, mentorship and personal development. Everything they learn and experience helps empower them from within, enabling them to empower other women around them.

The red moon cycle is also said to offer a deep connection to a woman’s sexual energy. This is the powerful and potent energy that patriarchy has tried (and continues) to disconnect women from. In theory, a woman on a red moon cycle is a woman of great power. Needless to say that it was these same women, labelled as witches, that were punished, vilified and ostracised from society for being in their power and therefore threatening patriarchy. This theme has certainly been coming up in my life and shared in recent blog posts, the trauma of this that threads its way through our wombs and genetic line from olden times.

It’s worth noting though that we can easily shift between a red and white moon cycle when life has been particularly imbalanced, challenging and/or frenetic. I have noticed this in my own life, that my cycle can swing between the full and new moons when there are big transitions in my life, and my body is shifting stagnant energy and seeking to move past some heavy emotional blocks.

For example, after my friend died last September my cycle did a turn, as I was asked to go deeper in and see what I hadn’t wanted to previously see, about various aspects of my life that weren’t working, nurturing, nourishing and/or supporting me. Menstrual awareness was extremely helpful to me, as the changes in my cycle encouraged me inwards to listen and understand more of what I was previously ignoring. When the changes had been made my cycle settled into a new alignment with the moon cycle and life has taken on a different rhythm.

Not to say that there aren’t still triggers. It was pre-menstrual symptoms, depression especially, that brought me to yoga and Reiki and holistic therapies back in my late twenties. I write about this in new book From Darkness Comes Light, how these symptoms were actually a blessing in disguise, not something to banish, turn away from or somehow numb from, but an opportunity to go within and see where my life was out of balance with my innate nature and indeed cycle. The anger and frustration I felt before my period was a result of me living in a way that didn’t feel in anyway aligned to heart. Once I made changes in my life and in my relationship to myself, and came more from the heart, the anger and frustration gradually dropped away.

Further, the not feeling comfortable in my own skin reflected the fact I had a very poor relationship with my body at that time, living with an eating disorder I didn’t want to accept, and giving myself a very hard time on a daily basis. The more I accepted myself and came to terms with the disorder, and took steps to heal from it, the less I felt squeezed prior to menstruation. The weepiness eased too, with the healing, because I was no longer holding on to repressed tears, and living in a constant state of overwhelm and stress. The sore breasts too, which turned up in my life when I was forgetting to nourish myself with love and kindness…

Not to say life isn’t without its stresses and now I use menstrual awareness as a form of spiritual practice, to notice when my stress levels have become a touch too elevated and I am entering the pattern of overwhelm and exhaustion. We each have our patterns and those of us pitta-orientated (from an Ayurvedic perspective) will tend to veer towards the overwhelm/frustrated, if we are out of balance, and to over extent ourselves …it’a constant awareness and I’m grateful to my menstrual cycle for being a guide.

Going back to the white/red moon cycles, of course it’s not a constant. Not every woman has a cycle that is 29.5 days long. From an Ayurvedic perspective certainly we are all different depending on our natural constitution and dosha (fault) and as I mentioned earlier, if life is throwing us challenges and stresses, and if we are going through life changes, then this will affect the length of our cycle too.

For example, pitta people tend to have a regular cycle that is between 28-30 days with heavy blood flow often lasting 5 days, and they are likely to feel angry ad aggressive prior to menstruation. Vata people will tend to have an irregular cycle, anywhere from 21 to 35 days, sometimes longer, with lighter/shorter periods and be weepy and emotional prior to menstruation. Kapha individuals will have a regular and longer cycle, maybe 28 to 33 days, with heavy blood flow lasting 5-7 days, and be lethargic and sleepy prior to menstruation. This just shows how different we can all be and how our cycle might not always align with the moon.

It’s helpful to know though that there is a tendency towards certain pre-menstrual emotions and that rather than denying them we can work with them. There is a reason for them! I know some women find their symptoms so extreme that they feel they have no choice but to medicate them and that is their right to do so. But I am also aware that working with my own cycle, they can be a messenger to help us better know ourselves and let go of whatever we are holding onto from our past or genetic line that needs to be cleared to help us feel whole.

They say that the more we do this work on ourselves in our menstrual age then the easier the transition to menopause. Menopause is a huge transition for women in their lives and some have a really hard time navigating it, for many this is the first time, during the peri-menopause, that they’ve even noticed they might have had a cycle as it starts to go astray, disorientating them, much like the post-natal period. In fact the two are often likened, so if you were conscious of navigating the post-natal phase of change then it might well make it easier to navigate peri-menopausal…maybe…

Furthermore, i have been told that the more you work with your menstrual cycle and do the healing required by the insight you gain through it, so the transition to menopause is easier - menopause will throw up all the unresolved stuff, and hence the excess pitta that many experience, the hot flushes, anger outbursts, overwhelm, disorientation and general loss of vitality, simply because it’s all coming up in one big go, asking women to go deeper still…or perhaps deeper for the first time, and to really feel into what they want to do with the later stages of their life. My Ayuvedic doctor says post-menopause is an incredible time in a woman’s life, no longer hijacked by her emotions on a monthly basis and thus there is nothing to fear…

For me, trying to be conscious of my cycle and working with it, has been a source of much insight and wisdom, and I’m grateful to the moon and the goddess for their holding and the deeper connection that this creates. No doubt when the time comes there will be support to navigate the peri-menopausal and menopausal states too, and

So enjoy the approaching full moon energy and all she is trying to reveal to you. I did have some clarity out in the lanes last night, her light no doubt helping to bring light to the previous shadow of awareness. This is a super full moon so her energy will be felt even stronger than usual! Connect with her as best you can, and be open to all that she reveals, however uncomfortable!

Love Emma x

Take a seat

It became clearer after working with clients this week that we are indeed being squeezed. It’s not an easy time and many are feeling completely exhausted and tired by all it. Unresolved patterns, especially those around insecurity, unforgiveness, distrust and betrayal, are coming up.

Eclipses change things. The ancients knew this. Many of the neolithic stone alignments were placed to be able to help the ancients know when an eclipse was coming. Eclipse interrupt the flow of the terrestrial magnetic current and this impacts us. The energetic shift bubbles on for a good while after the eclipse has taken place. The new moon has a similar effect so added to the ‘weight’ of the eclipse. It might well be a relief to make it to the full moon next week.

Not to say full moons are necessarily easy to navigate. They tend to highlight more of the shadows, the stuff we don’t want to look at. We can be really good at deceiving ourselves, of not seeing what is literally in front of our eyes, simply because it can be too painful to accept the reality of our reality - the fantasy in our heads seems easier and kinder even if it is just that, an imagining. Plus this next one is a super full moon, meaning its closer to the earth than usual so emotions may well be heightened.

The one thing that has become clearer to me though is this need always to determine more of the future, to make it somehow certain. You might think we should have already learned that lesson, in so much as the pandemic changed this perspective for us, we had only the moment, the future became increasingly uncertain and planning went out the window. But we are back in that zone again, of planning and making certain, and yet there is this little voice telling us not to get too carried away…all the media talk of Monkeypox illustrates this…

I’m not sure yet where i sit with all this, mainly because I haven’t yet done enough sitting with it! I did get out dowsing the other night though and that always helps me feel a little more connected, beyond the mundane of the 3D world. I finally got to visit the healing well opposite St Andrew’s church which I didn’t know was there. It’s funny how these things can be on our door step and we know no better!

But this is life ins’t it. There is a timing to everything. I have to remind myself of this when I get impatient and try to force things to happen. It’s not to say we can’t do that, only that it won’t feel as aligned as when we just allow life to unfold in its own pace. We are always reminded not to give up ourselves for the sake of it, but to enjoy the dance, and the movement between places - the uncertainty of it. Easier said than done and an ongoing awareness and deepening into faith, trust and positive perspective - Ishavara Pranidhana, which basically means surrender to a supreme being however you define ‘it’.

So if you are being squeezed, take note. Try not to collapse yourself into it but elevate the perspective, there are higher forces at work and this might be the time to literally take a seat (under a tree, on the beach, on sacred land, in a dolmen, be still) and let the universe carry on anon…no doubt you’re being re-aligned and all you have to do is to let go of trying to control the outcome. Having fun might help too!

The full moon will soon be upon us. I’d like to think it will make things clearer, the surprises that the eclipse brought in might well settle into something more sustainable, or maybe we just need to let go of that too…and see that the gift was in the shift in perspective, of opening us to greater potential…no doubt it’ll all become clearer in the next few days.

Happy Friday!

Love Emma x

Between moons

I don’t know what happened, but the new moon seemed to usher in a slightly turbulent and agitated energy. I mean, the universe has been ramping things up this year, lots of change, and the eclipse definitely brought in a huge shift, for me at least, and I am aware that the post-eclipse energy takes some time to settle, but nonetheless, it does feel that the previous new moon stirred things up a little.

There’s been a lot of air and fire it seems to me, lots of chatter and movement and lots of frustration and anger. I know I’m not the only one who has experienced an anger outburst seemingly coming from nowhere this last week. I haven’t had an anger outburst like that for a long time, not aimed at anyone, and always its a silly trigger, but I guess it helps to free up a lot of frustrated energy that was sitting somewhere inside me. Other have reported similar.

The ‘air’ in the air has resulted in children who did not stop chattering all bank holiday. In my own life I am aware of things still being very much ‘up in the air’. And emotions are running high. Or low. Or a bit of both. Up and down. There is a lack of consistency and stability. Even in the outer world, people are trying to get on with their lives, but things are not ‘back the way they were’ pre-pandemic. Look at all the flights being cancelled and the chaos this is causing for some, as they try to live old patterns of travel all over again. Escalating costs of living don’t help - food prices keep changing and keeping us on our toes…we are being asked to be more conscious of how we spend money and indeed earn it too.

For me that’s what this energy is highlighting - old patterns and the need for change. Old unhelpful and outdated patterns around guilt and trust especially, and how we value things in this world, for us to work through as the moon waxes in the sky. This next full moon is supposed to be ushering in a sense of fun and this does feel needed. It can get very serious on this healing and spiritually orientated path if we are not careful. The universe is no doubt having a laugh at us as we get stuck in our stories and outdated narratives and identifications.

I have been exploring some of these with Michelle Johansen through her systematic work and family constellations. It’s incredibly insightful and has helped me to recognise another theme which threads it’s way through things…that of the feminine and of the freedom that we women have been gifted in this lifetime, in comparison to how it may have been for those women down our ancestral line, since the time that the Goddess was rejected and patriarchy denied the feminine. Men have suffered the result of this too. I watched The Wickerman last week and this highlighted patriarchal and religious stifling.

Thank God to be living now and not then - even if I find myself moaning not the overwhelm that life for women now creates, because so much is expected of us and many of us crave more time simply in the home. This has been my orientation recently and I am grateful to work form home. Home is where the heart is they say and certainly a home needs the fire tending, of women being present to it and enjoying the space it provides. Lack of space is crushing for the soul and creativity especially and us women are creative beings. Trouble is, if we are always doing and rushing and giving, there is little time for spacious being.

There are many things to be grateful for - I have been reminded that there was a time when women like me and many of my students, clients and friends would have been killed for what we do, in healing and growing medicinal plants, for example. Its easy to forget that this distrust and guilt will run through the ancestral line, that we may be living our reality based on what happened to our previous family members, simply because of our DNA and the generational patterning that feeds its way up and down the line.

This has led me to reflect on medicinal plants and the way that we have commodified these, or made os many illegal and the harm this causes. Look at cannabis and its medicinal and spiritual use (this used in the right content btw, not sitting around doing bongs or smoking spliffs…) and how many lives are ruined here on Guernsey for small possession. But that’s a whole other story, and one I hope we will address as a society at some point. Anything we have a war on is only going to result in more pain and disharmony, when will we learn?

As always we have to come back to ourselves individually. The only way we can fix the outer is by addressing the inner. We know everything we need to know deep within us and the more we come back to ourselves the better for everyone. I was delighted to begin a new Yoni Yoga course on that basis yesterday, to join together with other women all keen to come back to themselves a little more and open to their innate knowing and wisdom.

Anyhow, I don’t know that I have any advice as such, but I have been reminded this week to live each moment as if it was our last and to truly look at those patterns that will be revealing themselves and to stand back and notice when we are entertaining victimhood and blame, as this is often when we need to notice more of ourselves, and take our power back again. Things are moving and that’s half the problem. My book, From Darkness Comes Light, is in its final typeset now and being reviewed by a couple of friends and family, soon to go through the next stage towards publication, watch this space. And we adjust as a family to our changes of consciously uncoupling I think they call it now, it’s a new way, and new ways need to find their way…

We did enjoy, the boys and I, a trip to Herm on Sunday. Yes we got to some stones, the Island is awash in them, it’s a sacred isle, but we also had fun on Shell beach. Oh how lucky we are to have Herm on our doorstep even if it has become a bit too much of a business for my liking, but this, sadly, is the way of the world…

Oh and Neptune is causing fogginess and confusion…so let that be…all will become clearer…

Enjoy the waxing energy.

Love xx

Living without a Smart Phone

Well it’s almost a month now that I have been without the Smart Phone and I have to say that it’s really been a much easier transition than I was expecting, far easier than giving up smoking all these years ago!

I pop it in the same category as smoking as my use of my phone had an addictive quality to it. I found myself checking it just for the sake of it, a little like I might have smoked a roll-up just for the sake of it. It was an addiction that was distracting me from my children and from being truly present to what was unfolding around me.

As I’ve mentioned previously, it is the building up to the letting go that is actually worse than the letting go itself. I had to get my mind used to the idea that I could live my life without a smart phone, which is tricky, because we are increasingly conditioned to believe that we can’t live without a smart phone. But alas we can! We just have to make the shift beyond the conditioning that tells us this isn’t true.

The first few days were strange, because I kept reaching for it, mainly to take a photo. This interested me, the extent to which I was taking photos and my motivation for doing so. I realised that partly I was taking photos for other people, like a show and tell, “look where we’ve been and what we’ve seen” rather than just being truly present to the moment. Social media of course is based on this whole notion of showing ourselves to the world - of fulfilling that need to be seen and heard, which may have been denied during childhood.

I’m not sure its healthy though, to live our life through the lense, of being more concerned with sharing our experiences with others rather than simply living them. I’ll never forget being up at Lukla in the Himalayas, on our descent to Kathmandu having trekked to Everest Base Camp, and my fellow gap year students being obsessed about trying to upload their photos to Facebook. This was back in 2007 and Facebook was relatively new. It was beyond my comprehension. Especially the fact it cost them a fortune, not least in internet cafe fees (this before WIFI) but in the time it took them, which prevented them to enjoy this little town up in the mountains. You can read much more about this in my book Namaste btw.

My Nokia brick phone - “oh look, how cute your retro phone is”, one of my friends said - is painful to use. It took me two weeks to work out how to make a phone call, let alone how to respond to text. Still, it’s been a helpful process, automatically bringing with it better boundaries. People don’t text me so much now and if they do, my response is short and sweet simply because it is too difficult to text more than the basics! This prevents the exchange of unnecessary offloading and sharing and means that we are more likely to meet and talk in person.

It’s also cleared my contacts and the energy that I was previously lugging around with me. I only put people in as contacts if I actually have some contact with them and this is not many - my world has got smaller, and yet richer too!

Maybe I email more now. But I like emailing. I’m a writer. I like to write. So it’s not really a big deal for me. Albeit it is a big deal for others and while I might send ‘catch up’ emails to my older friends who all live off island, very few of them have the time or interest to respond to me - it has made me realise how superficial our friendship had become and how much energy has been wasted trying to hold onto them. So even this has brought with it a letting go and a deeper recognition of the amazing friendships I have made since, here on the island, and the depth of those friendships that sustain that need for deep nourishment that only genuine two-way friendships can provide.

Whether I’ll always be without a smart phone who knows, but for now it is working, and has reduced my stress levels simply because I’m not ‘on call’ 24 hours and nor did I need to be - that was just another illusion. I’m able to switch off further from this crazy world and enjoy more peace in the process. There’s this wonderful poem by Mary Oliver, which keeps coming to mind and which I’ll end this blog post by sharing…

“Today I'm flying low and I'm not saying a word. I'm letting all the voodoos of ambition sleep. The world goes on as it must, the bees in the garden rumbling a little, the fish leaping, the gnats getting eaten. And so forth. But I'm taking the day off. Quiet as a feather. I hardly move though really I'm traveling a terrific distance. Stillness. One of the doors into the temple.”

Love Emma xx

Happy new moon coming!

We’re in the dark moon today, with for some can be tricky, but I’ve actually found it refreshingly clear in its message that there is no going back now. The eclipse season is finished and this new moon feels like it is integrating the changes that the eclipses brought with them.

I’ve seen some fundamental changes in many of my clients over the eclipses, and or many I have seen this week, there is an acceptance of that change and an integration thing place. Things aren’t necessarily sorted - when are they ever - but there is greater clarity that the changes were necessary and we just have to keep on keeping on, putting one foot in front of the other.

The weight of all this change has laid heavily on shoulders and spines and much of the emotions have been overwhelming for the hips. I have seen a common tightness around the collarbones in many I have seen, the battle between the head and the heart weighs heavily on the neck and the shoulder girdle, which includes the collarbones. We can carry a lot of misguided guilt, especially if we feel we have upset the apple cart and set things spiralling.

We haven’t really, even this is part of the illusion, sometimes we have to do what we have to do regardless of the not being certain of outcome, or the impact that our decisions may have on others. At the end of the day the changes we wish to see in the world have to begin with us individually - sure, we might try to do external fixing, but this is just a distraction from getting inside ourselves and making the changes there - always easier to look outside ourselves and moan about the world’s disharmonious situation (for example) rather than looking at our own inner disharmony.

It always has to be about the internal and about being honest with ourselves and living as authentically as possible. It does seem to me that this new moon is helping with this, helping us to be more honest with ourselves and to see more clearly who we have become, so we can let go of notions of who we were and who we’d lie to be, and see ourselves clearly as we are, even if this is uncomfortable because we’re not as love and light (thank god) as we might believe ourselves to be.

In many respects it’s time to drop the act, to stop caring about what others think, to stop being anything but our true selves, warts and all, and learning to love the shadow. We are who we are. Some people will like us, some won’t, but that’s life. Some people will criticise us and others won’t. Why should we care? If we are contended and happy within ourselves then really it shouldn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Opinions change as often as the season. And of the they’re merely based on a conditioned perspective that will only ever se life a certain way. Why should any of us be limited by this, by someone else’s way of seeing the world?

At some point we have to break free, stand on our own two feet, take responsibility for our experience of life, but let go of worrying about everyone else. Always easier said than done and a constant work in progress in my life, but one worth preserving with for it does bring much greater freedom. These are exciting times. There is a sense of creating a new world, of dreaming the dream of a new world, and allowing ourselves to get on with creating it. We have the power. The only thing often getting in our way is our own crap. Sooner we let that go, the better for the planet!

Happy new moon coming.

Love Emma x