Following your joy
I’ve been trying to follow my joy over the last couple of months, I realised that it seemed silly not to, after all, we’re only here on Planet Earth in this incarnation the once, so best make the most of it, and let go of all that crappy conditioning that says it has to be hard work and negative.
This means that I’m currently growing most of my medicinal plants for the joy of it! This is quite a turn around for me, albeit one I have been working towards the last few years, moving away from the emphasis on outcome and achievement and focusing instead on the process. I guess this fits rather nicely with one of the main teachings from the Bhagavad Gita about letting go of the fruits of our labour:
You have control over your actions alone, never over its fruits.
Live not for the fruits of action, nor attach yourself to inaction. Established in Yoga, O Arjuna, perform actions having abandoned attachment and having become balanced in success and failure, for balance of mind is called Yoga. Krishna speaking Arjuna in Bhagavad-Gita (Chapter 2)
This concept shows up in Buddhist Teachings too with the notion that equanimity (a balanced mind) is letting go of the fruits of our actions. In the Yoga Sutras, the last Niyama refers to “Isvara Pranidhara” , surrendering our ego and selfish desires to God/consciousness and offering our actions up to ‘the divine’ and humanity. Its similar therefore to this notion of letting go of the fruits of our actions.
This for me is the creative process, one of creating for the love of creating, without getting attached to the outcome of our creation. I’ve mentioned it before, but often people get stuck before they get started, simply because they worry and fret about how their creation will turn out, rather than just getting on and embracing the process of creation itself. It took me two books to realise this as I was very concerned about the outcome of their publication and how they might be received, which sort of took away from the creative process itself. But by the third I had learned and let go of my attachment to it before it was published, I was done, I did it for the love of it, as a creative process, nothing more than that.
The last two years with my medicinal plants, while I’ve enjoyed the process of growing and planting, I was always focused on the outcome and whether I might be able to make my teas and tinctures from the plants and while this was satisfying, the whole process became time-consuming, laborious and stressful. The joy was taken out of it. This year I figured I’d probably do the same, even though I knew that sounded silly given that I’m on a mission to reduce stress levels not feed them, and it wasn’t until the calendula started flowering that I suddenly realised I would do it differently this year.
I heard myself in class this morning using one of my favourite quotes, the one that goes something along the lines of ‘if you always do what you’ve always done, then you will always get what you always got’ and it reminded me of my plants and I felt the validation in my decision to do it differently this year, to let go of the outcome and just do it for the sheer joy of it, without having to compromise that or complicate it.
When I came home there they were, blooming in the sun, my dedicated bed of calendula, which could make soothing oils and lotions, but the flowers just look to beautiful to pick, they’re a joy to me! I added a whole heap of clear quartz shards into the soil and attempted some sacred geometry with some other stones before planting out the plants so whether that’s the reason they’re so beautiful I will never now, but I can certainly feel their energy, which is now permeating out into the universe and the insects sure do love them.
I incorporated some clear quartz into the moon garden too and that is taking shape. I admit I will be picking the Tulsi for tea, and I might make a tincture from both the arnica and milk thistle as this the first year I have grown these, but the rest, I’m probably just going to let do their thing, and free up my summer to keep following my joy in other ways.
I have planted a whole heap of echinacea this year too, which I have planted out in the front garden, so that clients will have the joy of seeing these flower in the summer and imbuing their energy on the way into the cottage and my healing space, but let’s see, I’ve grown them for the joy of growing them really, whatever the outcome may be!
I really recommend “following your joy” as a spiritual practice and enquiry because it highlights the many ways we deny our joy as a result of our conditioning and patterns that tell us otherwise. It highlights our sense of worthiness and deserving - or lack of - and might just take us deeper into our sacral chakra where a lot of this sits unconsciously affecting our reality and our ability to create the reality of our dreams. You’ll find yourself up against yourself at times and it might cause you to become more conscious of the reason you do certain things. It’s certainly one of my more interesting enquires, and I’m curious to see where it might take me next.
So enjoy this weekend and keep the feelings of joy high!
Love Emma x
Cultivating a positive and heart orientated perspective
What’s become clearer to me is that we are indeed going through a period of re-prioritisation and re-orientation, realising more of what is important and therefore how we expend our energy and time. There appears to me to be a draw towards gratitude and acknowledging and celebrating all the beauty and blessings in our life.
If we are used to catastrophising and always seeking the negative then this will be a significant shift for us, and we will likely have to pay great attention because old habits and patterns of negativity will still be there, ingrained, and we will have to work to replace them with a more positive approach to our perspective and life. But it can be done!
Yoga Sutra 33 reads, “Vitarka badhane pratipaksha bhavanam’’ which basically means when improper thoughts trouble you then take the opposite side. This can be applied to our thinking. if we notice we are thinking negative thoughts and caught in a pattern of head versus heart, fear/insecurity versus love and future/past versus now, then we can begin to cultivate greater awareness of shifting away from our habitual patterning and instead rest into the heart, feel into love and be here NOW. This is the first Yoga Sutra - “Atha yoga anushasanam” - Now, the teachings of Yoga. This stresses the importance of being in the here and now.
When we are in the here and now, it is much easier to rest into the heart and be grateful for all that we are and have in our lives. The problem comes when our head takes over, as it has a tendency to flitter between what has happened in the past and our imaginings of the future, and before we know it we can find ourselves entering a rabbit hole…we can stick ourselves in the past simply because we cannot move away from our memories (false or real) of what happened to us previously and therefore we will be less likely to take a step into the unknown and uncertain of the future. Furthermore, we can get stuck in our imaginings if the future, based on our memories of the past, and again, be so much in our head that we also don’t allow ourselves to move forward in our lives.
I go into this in my new book, From Darkness Comes Light, which should be available to buy in September…but as a summary, the fear of the unknown and uncertain sticks us in our head and fills us with fear. Then we lose all sense of gratitude, because we are busily trying to figure everything out mentally and intellectually. If we can orientate back to the heart - which frankly couldn’t care less about certainty and being known because it just wants to help you express your soul in the world just for the sheer joy of experiencing itself (to therefore to gain anything from the experience, hence all the spiritual emphasis on letting go of the fruits of our labour and having no expectation to outcome, just create for the sheer joy of the creative process, not for the end result (therefore if you want to write or paint, just do it for the love of it, not to sell a best seller!))- then we will fin ourselves in the present moment where all is well and all is possible. There is nothing to fear, nothing to gain and nothing to let go of either. We just be.
I do feel that many of us might be treading this space. The eclipse awoke each of us a little bit more to our potential and wants his to step further out of our comfort zone and to truly express our soul and our gifts in this world. We just have to let go of old patterns around not being good enough, not being deserving/worthy enough of a bloody good life, and not letting old feelings of insecurity and fear of loss get in our way. There is nothing to lose as we don’t own anyone or anything anyway! And we are good enough, beautiful enough, deserving enough, because we are SOUL.. and how can it be any other way. It’s just our silly little ego that tells us otherwise.
So we can really work with this sutra to shift our perspective and remember to express gratitude, to acknowledge all the many blessings and gifts in our life. The Kirtan on the beach last night with the children was an absolute blessing. Eben slept on me the whole time, which was a gift in itself as he can be a pickle playing with other children, and it was wonderful to see Elijah off playing with his friends, and my other mum-friends able to enjoy the chanting while their children played too. It was a delightful evening, the weather was amazing, the fire an added joy and beautiful people sharing their lovely energy - thank you Katie! We’ll do another family friendly Kirtan again soon.
So with gratitude to all of you who read this, albeit I’d write it anyway, but nonetheless, I do appreciate the support and all the joy that writing and sharing brings into my life. Hope to see some of you around a fire or on your yoga mat or even joining me online tonight for the free Reiki share at 8.30 where we will be sending Reiki to those in need and to ourselves too.
Love Emma x
The post-eclipse rumblings
Well, here we are, a few days now after the lunar eclipse and on the waning moon and there are some intense energies filtering through. It feels to me that we are all being really encouraged to let go now, of what has been. A soul contract has ended. We should have learned all we needed from that contract and it is time to take on a new one.
This means letting go of all that has been, including our attachment to our wounding, and letting down our defence patterning to open to greater vulnerability, self-compassion and kindness - ultimately bringing greater depth and meaning into our lives. There is a deep grieving which is accompanying this letting go, and a deep tiredness and weariness too. We are collectively tired and weary of all the bullshit and of being continuously encouraged to live in a way that negates our own nature, and nature generally.
Underneath the tiredness and the weariness is a deep anger. A roar. A scream. Something which does need to come out. We are tired of being told how we should be, how we should live, of always selling out on something deeper inside us and outside of us too, of needing to keep up with technology because this is our future, of materalism, commercialism, conventional and limiting thinking. If you’re reading this, the chances are you’ve had enough. But where to go now?
Well the same place we have been going for eons and should be going again, deep inwards. It’s going to be an interesting ride these next 5 weeks or so until the summer solstice. The light is ramping up. We can’t keep ignoring that inner voice inside us that is desperate to change the story, to go on a new journey, to live a different way, to throw caution to the wind and step beyond mainstream. This is the new soul contract. This is about something more than us individually, it’s not even about the collective, it’s about Mother Earth and nature.
I didn’t realise it when I arranged it, because I just had a feeling I wanted to share more of Yoni Yoga locally, because it is a Tantric practice and if there’s one thing the world needs now, women especially, it is Tantra, to raise consciousness and liberate the mind, body and soul, but it has been arranged at just the right time, to bring greater love and support to those of you who can attend, as we journey through the summer solstice. I’m very passionate about Yoni Yoga. It has changed my life immeasurably, bringing me back home to myself, to a deeper place inside, bringing greater feelings of pleasure and joy both in my body and in my life generally, it has liberated me from some of my own crappy conditioning and set me free in a way I never thought possible or previously imagined.
It has become increasingly clear to me that this is the time to follow our joy, to let go of our stories of wounding and victimhood and to each do our bit to become increasingly conscious of teh way we are living and the motivation for our actions. I have become increasingly aware how many continue to play out their need for control and power (the old paradigm, which I wish we could move on from now) in new age spiritualism. Perhaps its a process we all go through. We discover spirituality and can get very excited abut it, throwing ourselves into it, trying to convert all our friend and family to it, wanting to live, breathe and teach it share it, be it, enlightenment within a few years please.
But then sadly because it takes time to truly evolve, at least with any embodiment and grounding (to make it real and not just something we can intellectualise and talk about) we end up playing out our old patterns in it, so we still seek to control and gain power, just that we do it under the guise of ‘being spiritual’, which makes it all OK. We still want our followers and people to look up to us and see what a wonderful spiritual business we have created because we are oh so spiritual and look at our power and the way we can control ourselves to make things happen…
All ten while not yet realising that true spirituality is the exact opposite of this. It is letting it all go. Including our need to control and pop ourselves on a pedestal. We gradually retreat from the world. Our work becomes increasingly sacred and we don’t want to share it with everyone, certainly not those who in any way devalue it or abuse it. We are not seeking fame nor fortunate, we just have a passion for the practice and we are keen to share it.
I’m really keen to share Yoni Yoga. And lots of other things. But Yoni speaks to me the most now, because the yonis are talking. The yonis have had enough. The yonis seek greater freedom from the shame that has held them bondage for too many sad and long years now. The wild feminine wants too be free again, will, liberated and loved. You here me right? Great. Come along and join me, and if you can’t, well there’s the online Menstruation and Moon course to get you deeper into your truth and our Greater Authenticity worshop on the 29th too. Here’s the link for Yoni, limited spaces, https://www.beinspiredby.co.uk/events-calendar/2022/6/7
Other than that, be gentle, rest on Mother Earth and rest into yourself and above all else, be kind.
Love Emma x
Happy full moon lunar eclipse!
Happy full moon lunar eclipse!
I’ve been lucky enough to spend the weekend on Sark running another magical yoga & wellbeing retreat. A huge thank you to all you beautiful attendees who helped to make the weekend so special for me. This was helped no doubt by the amazing weather and the moon waxing, which brought with it some tremendous energy. The only trouble with this, was Eben’s inability to sleep, he’s a real moon boy and gets affected easily by her energy.
Regardless, I managed to get out on the Friday night and enjoy the moonlight. I have my favourite sacred spots that I like to visit, it feels a little like coming home, and allows me the time to just be on my own, in nature, and centre myself ahead of the weekend. I was spoilt as always and the land held well, thank you sacred Sark for being as magical as ever.
The weekend brought with it lessons on all levels, not simply on the yoga mat but in the form of WIFI, or lack of access to it. I am thoroughly enjoying no longer having a smart phone, it is really liberating to no longer be beholden to technology to the extent that I was previously, and to not be able to get online when out and about, creating better boundaries around working hours and reducing my stress levels. As texting is so painful on the Nokia, I am now only doing this when absolutely essential, and it has made me realise how much time was spent messaging for the sake of messaging.
I have been debating the merits of switching off the WIFI, so that there are WIFI times, opposed to it being available all the time, this to reduce my family’s exposure to this microwave frequency. From what I gather, repeated WIFI studies have shown that WiFI causes oxidative stress as ell as cellular DNA damage, endocrine changes and calcium overload. It can also disturb energy levels and sleep patterns. I’m curious to explore how different we might feel, and how our family dynamics may positively change by switching away from continuous WIFI.
Our weekend on Sark without WIFI showed that life did indeed continue. I can’t say that we slept any better, because we absolutely didn’t, the moon was very bright and the sunrise is starting earlier every day, but I did enjoy the fact that I couldn’t get online, so couldn’t check emails, and the boys weren’t inclined to use their iPads quite so much, and there was much less fighting too. This will be my next work in progress and I will share with you how we get along if you too are also considering turning off from time to time.
Elijah and I spent Sunday afternoon with our Sark friends, Estelle and Robin, going to a part of Sark we had not visited previously, playing with dowsing rods and having a much needed catch up. I love Estelle and Robin and I love being on Sark so all in all it was a very special way to end the weekend. Elijah and I travel well together, and we enjoyed the gentle end with a swim in Le Creux harbour, which I always feel is like a big crystal grid, another special place on planet Earth!
Back here on Guernsey, I managed to get up in the night to see the moon as it was eclipsing and then met my soul friend, Chris, out at one of our sacred sites for the actual eclipse about 4.30am. We couldn’t see the moon by then, due to the cloudy skies, but we got to sit together and imbue it’s energy anyway, the sun rising the other side, albeit that was only partially visible. Still, it was all rather magical and special, which seems to be my words of this blog and I am very grateful to the powers that be for all of this.
The moon has now peaked and I do believe I felt the release. It has been a potent time between eclipses, lots has shifted and it really does feel as if a new world is being ushered in. I did read about soul contracts coming to an end so that new ones can begin and I do feel an alignment to this. None of it is ever negative and this perspective helps enormously, that all things must die at some point, and be re-born again, including aspects of ourselves, as we delve deeper in, discarding what now needs to be let go and allowing greater alignment in the process.
There will no doubt be some after shock of the eclipse, a bubbling through our lives of what does indeed need to shift and hasn’t yet. Eclipses have this wonderful way of making changes for us, if we haven’t managed to make them ourselves, not that this is necessarily easy in the moment, but a necessary process nonetheless. I’m curious to see what happens next, not least in my own life but collectively.
I have noticed that there has been behaviour changes since Covid started to ease (at least as the media stoped being so obsessed about reporting on it) there has been a dissipation in spiritual connection. Whether this is also a reflection of a change in season remains to be seen, but I know I am not the only one who has felt this energy shifting - Covid seemed to encourage people to dig deeper and be curious about their spirituality, and now that the fear has eased, there is perhaps less need for the collective holding that spiritual groups and practices provided. Let’s see!
For now I am happy to enjoy all that this season gives, all this light and abundance and the beauty of nature, let alone the warmer weather. Katie and I are hoping to optimise this with some impromptu Kirtan sessions on the beach around a fire, and I am also running a 5-week Yoni Yoga course to help support any of you women who would like to delve deeper into your self and connect more fully with the innate wisdom of your womb space and the inner guidance of your heart - this will incorporate various Tantric practices, which will help with ongoing healing and also support spiritual and personal development, increasing consciousness and inner joy/pleasure in the process. See the website for more details.
Freedom from the Smart phone!
Well it finally happened, I finally ditched the iPhone! It’s been a long time in coming and it’s early days but nonetheless the step has been made.
Two years ago, during the first lockdown I finally deleted myself from Facebook, Instagram and What’s App, not least because I have reservations about Mark Zuckenberg but also because I was losing hours of my life to social media and felt a slave to technology, constantly at the beck and call of others. It was ridiculous really as there were numerous ways people could contact me, phone, email, messenger, personal and biusiness What’s App and on the list went. I wanted to be free!
This was a process too. It took me a while to play with the idea and reach a point where I was tired of the energy of social media and the demand it made of my time and regain my freedom again - after all there was a life before social media. It’s not a decision I have ever regretted, albeit I do pay someone else to maintain a Beinspired Facebook account for those students/clients who prefer to receive updates this way and I’m grateful to her for doing so. I did try to delete this account too, but I realised that that wasn’t then serving those who prefer the social media approach so a middle ground was found.
The phone has taken longer. We are conditioned now to believe that we need a phone to exist here on Planet Earth. I fell for this as much as anyone else and wondered how I might cope without it. I have a friend who has an old style mobile telephone and another friend who doesn’t have one at all and I spoke with both of them to gain their perspective and to assure myself that life can continue without a phone. Both assured me that it could and that I might be happier not being a slave to it. Both said that other people have more of a problem with it than they do, which is what i found when I deleted my Facebook accounts.
I started to pay greater attention to my phone usage. I was aware that it frequently distracted me from being present to the children and this was one of my motivations to ditching it. Despite my best efforts not to be distracted by it, I would still find myself regularly checking it. Over the years it has been a bug bear of my Dad’s, even though he can also be distracted by his own, but such is the nature of mobile phones, it becomes normal to check them frequently throughout the day and lose time pottering around online believing it essential to be doing so at that time.
I noticed too how it impacted my stress levels, just as Facebook had done for many years. I felt a pressure to respond to messages promptly and be at the beck and call of others, instantly resolving perceived problems regardless f were I might be shopping or on the beach with the children. I could lose easily lose an hour engaged in endless back and forth messaging, getting caught up in it so that once again I found myself frequently saying to the children, “give me a minute, I’ve just got to respond to this…” and missing their moment to give my energy to someone else, albeit online, instead.
I started playing around with leaving the phone at home but this was edgy for me; what if I needed it, had an accident, one of the children required immediate medical attention or something happened to a family member? I noticed how my phone became my security and safety, how I felt safer having it with me. This really showed up at night. I like to wander about in the dark, here on Guernsey, but also on Sark and it was the various trips to Sark last year that made me realise how much I would rely on having my phone in my pocket as a form of protection when ambling about at night, because I had this notion that I could always phone someone to come and help me if I got, hmm, attacked?!
It was this false sense of phone security that was really my obstacle. That and the ease of the camera and staying in group chats with my family through Signal. The iMessage facility was helpful too, albeit I realised that this was partly the distraction, as it was all too easy to type out big long messages to friends, rather than just catching up with them in person.
Then Elijah and I went to Avebury back in February and some of you may have read that blog post, but certainly the universe got involved. Basically my iPhone was old and losing battery easily so I had to keep charging it throughout the day. However in this instance I’d actually forgotten to take my phone charger with me and this sent me into a spin, here I was in the UK with Elijah and a hire car and a phone losing charge quickly - what would happen if I needed it?
I was distracted stressing about it and approached a couple out at West Kennett (when I should have been enjoying this long barrow instead!) to ask where i might buy a charger. They directed me to the nearest town of Marlborough and so I decided we’d head there and get the charger so at least I knew I had one, before continuing our neolithic stone journey. On the way to Marlborough however the car started playing up and showing warning signs and telling me to seek immediate assistance. I was thrown into a total spin and panic did indeed set in, my stress levels elevated significantly and my skin, which wears my stress, was flushed red with the drain on my adrenals.
I managed to park the car, find a phone shop and buy a charger. We then settled in a cafe and bought a drink while charging my phone. I phoned the emergency numbers given to me by the hire car company but none of these worked. I accessed their website hoping for a different number but again I couldn’t get through to anyone, the offices were apparently closed for the weekend. I phoned both Ewan and my Dad back home in Guernsey, but neither one of them were able to help either and I was left wondering what to do, but beginning now to have a sense that on some level this was a test from the universe, because it was all about the phone!
So I composed myself and pictured the car surrounded by Reiki. I realised that despite having a phone, a phone was not helping me. My greatest concern was not making it Glastonbury later that day and having my plans ruined. I realised that I needed to let go of this, that is the universe wanted me to stay in Avebury for the whole trip then so be it, there would be a reason for this. That decision made, the pressure to sort the car eased a little. But I was aware that, by chance, I had parked next to a Police Station so I decided that if the car continued to show an emergency light I would go into the station and someone would be able to point me in the direction of a local garage.
Needless to say when I started the car there was no longer an emergency light showing. It had been a test and a significant one too. I realised that the phone had not been able to help me and all my notion around it keeping me safe were indeed flawed, just an idea in my mind. I realised again that the universe is really our only true support and it will always guide us towards help should we need it. I know this to be true from previous experiences, of people appearing at just the right time, earth angels and things just working out somehow in some strange ways!
Back home on Guernsey it still took me a further three months to come to terms with letting go of the phone. In the interim there was another trip to Avebury and Glastonbury, this time with Eben. I can’t roam on my contract and I felt liberated not being able to check my phone when out and about, especially as we visited a good few play parks and ordinarily I might sit down and check my phone while Eben played, but not being able to do that meant that I was much more involved and present to him. It was liberating!
I felt lighter, not carrying around the thought that there were messages that needed my response, because I could literally do nothing about it unless I sought a WIFI area. I noticed how much I went to check my phone forgetting that I couldn’t receive messages and I realised then the extent of my phone-checking-addiction. I started to enquire further into this, why did I want to be distracted, what was wrong with my present reality, why did I need to keep dropping out of it? I started considering that it was no different to Eben and the way he lashes out to create a dopamine hit as his brain messaging doesn’t always work like other children.
But this isn’t like a chocolate hit, a burst of serotonin and feel good feeling, I never felt good from the phone hit, it was just something that I did because I did it, because it had become a norm in my life, to check messages, look something up online, somehow orientate my brain in a different way. I started reflecting on how the phone is affecting my brain chemistry and my thought processes and therefore my perception and the way I see the world.
I also gave some thought to the health implications of smart phones because they emit radiofrequency energy, a form of non-ionising electromagnetic radiation, which - apparently - can be absorbed by tissues close to the phone. The amount of radiofrequency energy to which you might be exposed depends on many things including the technology of the phone, the distance between you and the phone, the extent and type of mobile phone use and your distance from cell phone towers.
In 2011, the International Agency for Research on Cancer classified mobile phone radiation possibly carcinogenic, meaning that there ‘could be some risk’ of carcinogenicity, but no one really wants to admit or accept this. More often than not if you research mobile phone and cancer on the internet, you’ll find reports of the lack of data to substantiate this. One of my mum’s friends sadly died from cancer which had started in her breast, the breast against which she kept her phone, lodged as it was in her bra. She always believed her mobile phone was the cause of her cancer.
In addition to the potential connection between mobile telephones and cancer, scientists have also reported concerns about the impact on brain activity, reaction times, and sleep patterns and more studies are being carried out on this. However it’s a bit like trying to scientifically validate the benefit of Reiki to health and wellbeing - there’s no impetus to it simply because it massively challenges Big Pharma and Big Pharma pretty much control the world alongside Technology companies and those very wealthy individuals like Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk, who’ll do all they can to ensure that people stay addicted to technology, as much as Big Pharma will always promote ‘science’ as a God - in the end we become slaves to technology and drugs believing we cannot exist without them.
I mean when you think about it, of course mobile telephones must affect us, how can they not? It’s known that when mobile phones are used very close to some medical devices (including pacemakers, implantable defibrillators and certain hearing aids) there is the possibility of operational interference. There is also the potential of interference between mobile phones signals and aircraft electronics, this to the extent that some countries have licensed mobile phone use on aircraft during flight, using systems that control the phone output power.
But alas, still we are encouraged to use our phones. Recently on my return to Guernsey from Glastonbury I sat at Southampton airport observing what was happening around me - mostly everyone was sitting head down looking at their phones! A family member, at the age of 16, was visiting the island last summer and was wearing a phone carrier, so that her phone was virtually strapped to her, and she did indeed spend much of the evening constantly checking it. We are breeding a generation who zone out, rather than zone in. It’s all about the external and not the internal - the world has gone mad and back to front, we are losing touch with what’s real.
I noticed my boys getting caught up in this. The iPad is the bane of my life because on the one hand it is extremely helpful and Elijah does a lot of learning from it, but on the other it is a complete distraction and he can lose himself in online games rather than out playing imaginary games with his brother. It was this that also prompted me to give a good look to the mobile telephone because how could I lecture him, and indeed Eben (albeit he self regulates and gets bored of the iPad quickly) about their iPad usage if I was constantly checking my phone.
And so with this all in mind, I knew I just needed to get on with it, helped by the fact my phone was dying and safe in the knowledge that my brother is visiting for 10 weeks this summer so the family group chat seemed less of an obstacle, real life communication would be much easier! I started leaving my phone at home and getting my mind used to the idea that I could easily live without it. Anytime I doubted that, I gave it consideration to see if there might be another way around it. The camera became the obstacle but I realised that I had existed with a separate camera previously and could do the same again.
Beltane, the new moon and the solar eclipse were soon upon us and the combined energy was most definitely one of signifiant change, in my life as much as in everyone else’s. Current soul contracts are all coming to an end and we are being asked to let these go so that we can adopt new contracts for our ongoing transformation and growth. I see this clearly in my life and I know that many of you are going through it too. It’s helpful to see it as that, that one part of our life has now been lived and it’s time to let to let it go, rather than buying into the drama of something being wrong or needing to be fixed. There is nothing wrong and nothing needs to be fixed, it’s just a significant time in planetary and soul shifting.
Anyway, I had it in mind to let go of the phone on 1 May, because for some reason I let go of smoking on 1 May all those years ago, albeit I wasn’t conscious then of it coinciding with Beltane. But of course Beltane brings with it this urge for spring cleaning and I suppose I had tapped into that in terms of spring cleaning my lungs with the stopping smoking and now spring cleaning my energy field by letting go of the mobile phone turbulence created. I managed to find a simple Nokia telephone and priced up cameras for that eventuality, but taking it one day at a time, just in case…
I the procrastinated, I couldn’t work out how to use the Nokia, my brain and hand are both used to touch screen and the Nokia is old style tapping out the letters one at a time, so that text messaging is painfully slow. Not that I could work this out either, or how to actually turn the phone on, fortunately Elijah had paid attention in the shop and watched what the shop assistant did. He also taught me how to unlock it. Ewan kindly set up the date and time and worked out how to sent a text, mainly as he has to help his Mum do this on her old Nokia! I now understood why her messages to him are always so brief. Some of you have no doubt noticed my brief and poorly written texts since the swap!
I procrastinated some more, none of my contacts had transferred across and it was a painful thought having to re-establish them. And yet there was a certain liberation that came with this. I trawled through my contacts on the iPhone and realised that so many of them are redundant now, a couple of people even passed on, and here I’ve been lugging all that energy around with me. So I scrawled down only those contacts I actually keep and decided to add them in when and if I actually need to make contact with said individual - a process and enquiry in itself.
Then lo and behold the universe intervened, this was on bank holiday Monday, 2 May. I had spent an hour writing out contacts while hanging out at my folks’ house so I was sort of ready to transfer to Nokia but still I was holding out a bit longer through that last residual uncomfortableness of letting go…Then we went rock pooling and for the first time ever in the history of my mobile phone usage - and I was one of the first to get one back in my early twenties so over a good twenty years now, one of those Ericsson bricks as they were at the time and all my friends laughing about the pointlessness of it, because none of them had one and this was before WIFI and social media and internet, when a phone was just for a phone, even text messaging was in its infancy - my phone fell out of my rucksack and into the rock pool!
I grabbed it as quickly as I could but the damage had been done, while the phone still worked, as the day progressed, the water seeped further into the screen and the touch facility stopped working on all areas of the screen and I could no longer operate messenger, for example. I realised the universe was encouraging me on and with that I switched on the Nokia, moved across the SIM card and let go of my iPhone, popping it in a drawer with the intention that Eben can take a hammer to it at some point - he loves destroying things!
We’re a week on and while texting on the Nokia is still painful, I do feel incredibly liberated, there is much greater freedom. I’ve noticed that people text less, mainly because I direct them to email instead, and because I am not encouraging it. There is now only email and text, no Signal, so even less ways that people can contact me. I’ve noticed that I’m more inclined to phone family members to make arrangements and ask how they’re feeling. I’m also less inclined to pointlessly surf the internet. If I need to email or go online then I just use my laptop, at home, and when it’s convenient to the family so there are automatically better boundaries around this, something I’ve been trying to put in place for years now.
I appreciate it is early days but I do have a sense that there is no going back now. I realise how much of our current world is an illusion, how we are conditioned to believe that technology is helping but how we instead become a slave to it. We are continuously encouraged to look outside ourselves and distract ourselves from looking in. All we wish for in this world is within us and it’s around feelings of love, joy, connection, peace and happiness.
We all know this. But it is one thing knowing it and another thing living it and I really feel that the energy is currently encouraging more of us to live it - to appreciate that our inherent grief is about our separation from all the joy, pleasure and abundance of the universe which is our inherent gift - the universe longs to give us all our heart desire’s, all or deepest joy and pleasure, yet our minds have been conditioned to believing that we are not deserving of this, and that it has to be hard work and material instead. I guess the fact you’re reading this, and all the way to this bit means that something within your is also stirring to this greater truth.
Tips for getting in touch with your flow
I make no secret of the fact we had trouble conceiving to the extent that we had no option left available to us but IVF. My journey to conceive was a blessing in many respects because it allowed me the opportunity to become increasingly intimate with my menstrual cycle and all it has since revealed to me. Whether you are trying to conceive or not, it can be really enlightening and helpful to know more about your cycle and your flow. Here are my top tips for getting to know it better:
Notice the moon cycle. Get outside and see where she is in the night sky and how your own cycle relates to her cycle – do you ovulate on the full moon when she too is at her juiciest? Do you bleed when she is new, so that you share a dark night together, the night before your period and her before she turns new? The more you notice the moon, the more your cycle will align with hers. But please do note that not every lady’s cycle is 29.5 days, so you might not always be in tune with her to the extent that you bless/ovulate on a new/full moon.
Journaling is a really helpful way to connect with your cycle, writing down how you feel each day and noticing the differences throughout the month and the commonalities from month to month too.
Notice changes in secretion and discharge throughout your cycle, especially if you are trying to conceive, so that you will have a better understanding of the time of ovulation and the discharge that this brings with it (like egg white!).
Notice how you are drawn to different activities throughout the month, sometimes needing to rest, sometimes needing to be active, sometimes needing to be creative, other times needing to be quiet and retreat away from the world. Honour these, it is important that you recognise your cyclical nature as a woman and do not deny this in the quest to fit into a linear and masculine world.
Notice how you crave different foodstuffs at different timed of the month, and honour this, you might well crave sweeter foods prior to your bleed, chocolate especially, go with it, it might be just what you need
Start to notice how you are likely to feel tender and vulnerable just after your bleed, becoming more positive and outgoing towards ovulation, before your energy begins to wane and you feel to retreat as you near your bleed and how the dark days prior to your bleed while often desperately uncomfortable can be extremely insightful and allow you to access deeper parts of yourself than you may have realised previously, such as visions and inner knowing. If you are truly honest with yourself at this time, you will notice what needs to change in your life.
Pay attention to the messages your body is giving you throughout the cycle, notice any pain and tension that arises as this is your body trying to highlight that something is out of balance, that you are holding onto some inner tension, emotional or otherwise, suppressing some aspect of you that is desperate for expression.
If you suffer with PMS as I did, then absolutely pay attention, especially in the dark days just prior to your bleed. Notice thoughts and dreams that arise during this latter stage of your cycle when your symptoms are at their worst. Notice any old feelings of shame and resentment, of anger and irritation. Do your best to release old emotions through various healing modalities such as SHEN or Reiki at this time, and slow and mindful yoga can help too.
When you bleed perhaps wear something red, so that you come to recognise and ritualise this time of your monthly cycle and be proud of it rather than shamed by it. Each bleed brings with it the opportunity for a deep release, for letting go and endings, before you begin your next cycle and allow more of the new into your life. This is the reason it can be helpful to undertake healing work and any kind of journeying towards the end of your cycle, or on the dark moon of the moon cycle – ideal if the two align!
It’s a step too far for most but when you are bleeding, take yourself outside into a hidden place within your garden, where no one else can see you, even better if you can do it at night under the glow of the moon if she is in the night’s sky, and bleed directly onto the earth. I know for some it sounds absolutely gross, but there is a deep grounding, intimate and empowering that comes from this act of bleeding back to the earth, she who nourishes you and connects you to all life. Don’t tell anyone, just make it a ceremonial act between you, mother earth and the moon.
Avoid tampons and anything which prevents your flow, or collects blood and holds it stagnant inside you. Allow the flow. Use reusable pads if you can.
Cultivate a feeling of thankfulness towards your cycle, of allowing more of your deep wisdom, intuition and inner knowing. We women are cyclical in nature and should celebrate that, we are not linear, nor should we attempt to live our lives in a linear and masculine fashion. Embrace the twists and turns, the ups and downs, the tears and the laughter, embrace it all, and enjoy being more of who you truly are beyond the limitations of our inherent patriarchal culture, which attempts to shame menstruation and the emotional and cyclical nature of life lived as a woman.
Let your emotions come and go, don’t try to supress them because whatever is repressed will find a way to express itself and this will show up in your menstrual cycle one way or another through pain or other irregularities. Cry, let the tears flow and cleanse and calm you and clear you out for the new. Don’t be ashamed of your emotional vulnerability, don’t be ashamed of menstruation and talking about it, don’t be ashamed of being a woman.
Visit a site of ancient worship to the goddess, the mother. Here in Guernsey we are very blessed to have two notable ancient goddesses available to us, one outside St Martin’s church and another outside Castel church. Churches were frequently built on sites of ancient ceremony and worship, often to the goddess who was revered before patriarchy arrived into our world. Go visit a goddess, touch her, talk to her, invoke her energy into your life. You might invest in a goddess you can keep in your spiritual space (if you have one), you can buy them online from the Goddess Temple in Glastonbury (https://goddesstemplegifts.co.uk).
Use my free yoga videos and audios for menstruation and Yoni Yoga, the later a deliciously nourishing and healing Tantric practice that absolutely supports your cycle, all available from my website at https://www.beinspiredby.co.uk/free-videos.
There are lots of books you can read, I recommend Code Red by Lisa Lister, Yoni Shakti by Dr Uma Dinsmore-Tuli, Women’s Bodies: Women’s Wisdom by Dr Christiane Northrup and Wild Power by Alexandra Pope. If you are trying to conceive then I highly recommend my own book Dancing with the Moon.
I also have an online Menstruation and the Moon Course, which will absolutely connect you more deeply with your menstrual cycle and blood wisdom and all it is trying to reveal to you, as well as the moon. The Course includes a guided meditation and yoga practice for each phase of your menstrual cycle as well as practices to help you connect more deeply with the moon and lots of sharing and info to get you passionate about being a woman and help to free you wherever you may be stuck (whether that be infertility, lack of ability to experience pleasure/orgasm, healing from sexual, medical and/or birth trauma, healing from any shame which may have previously accompanied menstruation and menstrual cycle. Go here to sign up https://www.beinspiredby.co.uk/shop/online-courses/the-moon-and-menstrual-cycle-pack
Love Emma x
Happy Beltain!
Happy Beltain!
This is another one of my favourite turning of the wheel moments, such potent energy and the land alive with fertility and potential, this is an energy of creation and making, of bringing into being all that is possible.
It does feel as if there has been a shft energetically in my own life to reflect this, and I am sure others are feeing the same too. The new moon was well timed too, to usher in potent new beginnings, it really is time to let go of what has been, and I can certainly relate to that, as life is literally changing. It’s not that things necessarily change on the outside (although they do), but that the inner landscape changes and this changes everything about the outside, simply because of the perspective shifting.
The perspective shifting changes everything in time, simply because we see the world differently and think differently, so we make different choices therefore, which shifts things. It’s about alignment. The greater we are aligned to our truth, the more aligned we will feel in the way we’re living our life and relating to self.
I managed to find a sun alignment this morning for the Beltain sunrise, before a swim in the sea and a visit to the Goddess with a simple Beltain day chain. This is a day for deeply honouring the earth and all that she brings.
It’s also a time for fertility and honouring the growth that comes from the union of polarity. It is also about the sacredness and power of unbridled love and sexual pleasure, and a deepening connection to heart. Union is key, not just sexually, but in all areas of our life and energetically therefore too, bringing together. This is a time of sacred marriage of uniting the self with the Self. The would benefit from feeling into our sacral and heart chakras and let these guide us, a perfect time for my Yoni Yoga class this morning!
I’s important to be clear in our intentions as this will help us to tap into the strong life force energy that helps us to manifest in our lives - alchemy. This really is a wonderful time make things happen in our life, simply be aligning to them and working the energy.
Many of you will relate to all this. I can certainly feel and see this life force in action, both in nature and in my own world too. These are exciting times and the opportunity to deepen to womb and heart is rather profound.
Have a wonderful day and turning of the wheel ahead.
Love Emma x
Cunt!
I bet that got your attention didn’t it! It certainly got mine when I was on a course with Yoni Shakti teacher, Uma Dinsmore-Tuli, and she used the term. I had always been taught never to use it, that it was totally out of bounds, the most uncouth word in the English language, and hearing her using it in class was completely out of my comfort zone. I wasn’t sure what to make of it, could I trust this woman who was calling a vagina (as I used to call it back then) a cunt?
It still interests me to this day how challenged we are by anything outside our conventional thinking or understanding; how we will likely feel a sense of distrust towards anyone who is somehow different to us, who looks, behaves or talks in an unfamiliar or slightly edgy way. This to the extent that we may well reject them simply because it challenges our perception of right/wrong, good/bad, acceptable/unacceptable, and therefore throws into question how we’ve been taught how to see and perceive the world.
The word ‘cunt’ kept appearing in my life though. Every time I read Uma’s definition of the term ‘Yoni Shakti’, there it was in black and white in her book, Yoni Shakti, a fabulous creation on all things yoni, yoga and Tantric. But for many years when sharing this definition from her book during my Yoni Yoga classes, I would skip the word ‘cunt’ simply because I couldn’t bring myself to say it out loud.
However, the word continued to bubble in and out of my consciousness. For example, it appeared in a Tantra course recently and one of my friend’s uses it a lot, not least as a swear word but to define what I now call a yoni, and what you might call a vagina or a flower or vulva or pussy, or any of the many terms that are used to describe this most amazing part of a female’s body.
However not all these words are accurate, the word ‘vagina’, for example, only relates to the sexual passage of the female from the vulva to the uterus, not the entire female genitalia. ‘The word ‘cunt’, however, like ‘yoni’, describes the whole lot, external and internal, including labia, vulva, pudendum, vagina, and clitoris. Therefore the term ‘cunt’ actually allows for female sexual pleasure, because it includes all the bits and bobs, which might be visited during sexual exploration.
This is another subject that interests me, female sexual pleasure, and the extent to which so many women don’t experience this, not least in their own exploration of their yoni, or indeed cunt, through masturbation for example, but also in their sexual relationship with another, even if that relationship is loving and - on some level - intimate. Many women simply cannot give voice to what they need, still feeling that they have to do what they do to meet the other person’s needs, many still have a notion of what sex is based on what they see on the big screen with all that thrusting and well, more thrusting, and many just don’t know what to do about it and suffer on in silence hoping things will change.
Today conducted a poll In honor of Women's History month back in 2020 and 46% of females reported not being sexually satisfied. This is a big deal. On the recent Tantra course, a number of the women expressed similar concerns, that they struggled to touch their yoni for pleasure, let alone experience orgasm with a partner. Many were attending the course for that very reason, to be guided to connect more deeply with their yoni with the intention of opening to greater pleasure and reaching orgasm. Despite the support and sensitive guidance some just couldn’t do it though, touching their yoni was just too much for them, and their feelings of disempowerment continued.
It was during this same course that a discussion arose about terminology and the fact the word ‘cunt’ still has so much shame attached to it, despite, as referenced above, it describing the entirety of the female genitalia. Further, I have recognised that even the term ‘yoni’ can be challenging for some women, let alone mention of menstruation. Many women just don’t talk about their genitalia or in any way relate to it, it’s just something ‘down there’ that certainly isn’t talked to or looked at, or in any way respected. This made me consider that to reclaim our power as women, we really do need to form a more intimate relationship with our yoni, or cunt then, so that we are less ashamed by it and by the terminology we use to describe it.
In many respects it’s a patriarchal hangover and a frustrating one at that. I was told recently that rates of cancer of the vulva on the Guernsey are on the increase, and in younger women too. I have experienced first hand the devastating effect of this cancer, losing a young friend to it in September and another family member suffering with it since then, who is now fortunately on the mend. But both of them left it late to seek medical advice simply because of the embarrassment of approaching a doctor about their genitalia.
This highlights to me how far we still have to go as women to not only deepen our connection to our body but also to reclaim our inherent sexual power. Many have no idea what their genitalia looks like, let alone the wisdom of the womb space and sacral chakra. Many have no idea about the wisdom of the menstrual cycle and the messages our monthly pains and tribulations may be trying to convey to us, let alone issues ‘in this area of the body’, such as fibroids, endometriosis, infertility and menstrual irregularities/blood flow. And as mentioned above, still more have no idea how to access pleasure and experience orgasm.
All of this inspires me to continue sharing Yoni Yoga with women locally, because it helps women to access their yoni and connect with their innate wisdom. It is a healing and nourishing practice which really changes things - and I talk from experience. It heals trauma, whether that be from birth, termination, medical procedure(s), IVF and/or sexual and can help women to access sensation and pleasure therefore. It helps to connect women more deeply with their creative, passionate and sexual energy of this chakra, which is huge - a woman in her sexual power is alive and bursting with limitless potential.
Inherent within all this, for me at least, is the need to reclaim the word ‘cunt’ and use it without shame or awkwardness. It feels important, that in using this old term, it helps to further liberate me from the binds of patriarchy that has made it offensive, that has turned the female genitalia into something shameful and hidden and that has denied women their most incredible shakti energy and power.
I began researching the history of the term ‘cunt’ and what I found was rather interesting. The earliest known use of the word - according to the Oxford English dictionary - was as part of a place name of a London street called Gropecunt Lane in 1230. The word was not as taboo back in the Middle Ages as it is now, becoming taboo towards the end of the eighteenth century, and then it wasn’t allowable in print until the later part of the twentieth century!
The actual etymology of ‘cunt’ is still a matter of some debate. However most sources consider the word to have derived from a Germanic word which appeared as kunta in Old Norse, but it is impossible to really know exactly where it originated . The prefix ‘cu’ has been deemed “quintessentially feminine” and pre-dates written language and therefore it is found in many forms such as ‘cu’, ‘qu’, ‘coo’, ‘qy’ or ‘cy’. There are many varied and interesting linguistic paths that could be taken in exploring this in depth but I stumbled across an article written by “cherishthecunt”(oh how I love this!) and am going to share some of his/her findings because they are especially interesting to me at least…
In india, for example, “it is believed that the word ‘Cunt’ came from the Proto German word ‘Kunto’ which is said to have come from the Indo-European word ‘Kunti’ which is the name of a much respected and revered Hindu goddess who was also known as ‘Cunti-Devi’ and is said to be the ruler of ‘Kunta’ which we know as ‘Kundalini’ energy. The snake like feminine energy that travels up our spine. Legend stories say how she sang to the gods to call them to sleep with her. She eventually had a son with the Sun God, Surya and ‘The Teachings of Queen Kunti’ can still be read today.
Many say that ‘Cunt’ derived from the Oriental Great Goddess Cunti, also known in ancient Hinduism as the ‘Yoni of the Universe’ (yoni means ‘sacred temple’ in Sanskrit and is used to describe the womb and cunt). Also Indian children who were born out of wedlock were know as ‘Kuntas’ and revered as gifts of the Goddess Kunti’. The word ‘Kunda’ is also used in India for a hole or pit in the ground (agni-kunda, fire-pit) for storing fire on alters in the Vedic religion.”
What I’m particularly fond of, however, is the connection to the River Kennet in Wiltshire and Swallowhead Springs, which I visited with Elijah back in February, where the the Mary ley line comes through both the Great River Kennet and through the spring. I LOVE springs and wells, I’m a water being and they really calm me and there’s just something profoundly magical about them, especially at night; I often sit by a well in Guernsey and there’s one I love in Sark too, they’re wonderful places for meditation and being still.
Swallowhead Springs had quite an effect on me, albeit I didn’t realise about the Mary ley line until later. For whatever reason I have been weaving my way, following the Mary and St Michael lines, during my last three trips in the UK. The White Spring in Glastonbury, one of my most favourite places in the world, for the cleansing and uplifting effect it has on me, is on the Michael ley line, which continues its way up Glastonbury Tor to meet with the Mary ley line, creating a chalice and the grail, and in effect therefore the sacred marriage…what’s there not to love about that!
But anyway, what’s fascinating about all this (bear with me), is the fact that the River Kennet was known as ‘Cunnit’ until 1740 and many people believe this is related to the word ‘cunt’. As “cherishthecunt” writes, “ it is a beautiful, vibrant river and a home to many species of plants, animals and fish. One of the Kennet’s sources is a chalk cave named Swallowhead Spring near Silbury Hill, a prehistoric artificial chalk mound which is part of the UNESCO Heritage site that includes Stonehenge and Avebury. At 40 metres it is the tallest human-made mound in Europe and one of the largest in the world.
It is thought to be approximately 4750 years old. Many people believe that it was built as a representation of the pregnant belly of a Celtic Goddess called ‘Sil’ or ‘Sulis’ who was worshipped in that area of Celtic Britain and in north-western France. Her name tells us she was both a sun and an eye-goddess (eyes =wisdom and all-seeing, just like the sun). And local historian, Michael Dames believes that the quarry surrounding it was deliberately shaped to resemble the rest of her head, neck and body. He takes this one step further by suggesting that if Silbury Hill is the pregnant belly, then the cave from which the Swallowhead Spring begins is ‘The Cunt’ with the River Cunnit flowing from it.”
Certainly in my neolithic world of menhirs, dolmens, springs and rivers, there is a deep connection to cunt and to masculine and feminine energy and the sacred marriage of the land, of union and consciousness. Menhirs are representation of the lingam, the masculine, it’s phallic symbolism obvious, and dolmens represent the feminine, leading to the womb of the earth, or the cunt, in its entirety therefore. And here we are, Beltane only days aways, which celebrates the sacred marriage, the union of the earth and the sky, which has been re-enacted by humans throughout the centuries. This is the night of the Greenwood marriage, of sensuality, passion, sexuality, vitality, joy and conception.
But back to ‘cunt’, what fascinates me is how the word has become such a negative one, as if a representation of the manner in which women with sexual power got a bad reputation when society became patriarchal and the notions of female sexual power and goddesses disappeared. There are many who think that the word is only an insult if you believe strong women with sexual desire are a bad thing, which I don’t, but patriarchal society still has us believing so…
And so, if you go to vocabulary.com for example, then you find the following definition:
‘A vulgar slang word for a woman's genitals or a person you dislike, cunt is a contender for most offensive word in English. The c-word should be avoided at all costs. This is one of the most disliked and inappropriate words around. The word is a little more accepted in England as a term for a jerk, but in the U.S., you'll rarely hear this word because it is considered obscene and extremely offensive to women. The main thing you need to know about this word is that you really shouldn't use it. Ever.”
This seems a shame though doesn’t it, that a word that is used to describe all the whole shebang of the female genital inside and out should be so, well, shamed, despised and hated. I don’t feel that way about the word and each time that I use it, I feel more comfortable in doing so. I used it this week during my Yoni Yoga class to set the scene, and I wasn’t concerned as I may have been previously, about how it is received, because in my humble way of seeing things, it is time to reclaim our sexual power and not be so shamed about our beautiful cunt with all its magic and mystery and opportunity to take us to deeper places within on ALL levels of being.
So here’s to the cunt in all her glory, and may you ladies take care of yours, commune with it and hear what ‘she’ has to say, and honour your inherent sexual power and energy for the benefit of the whole of humanity and this planet. This Sunday I am teaching a Yoni Yoga class to celebrate Beltane and tap into the potent energy at this turning of the wheel, and to deepen connection to our innate female power and wisdom through yoni (cunt) and heart, all are welcome, you can sign up online.
Love Emma x