Letting go again and again and again
Dare I say that it has felt autumnal the last few mornings. I am not sure about anyone else but I was surprised to find that actually, the feeling felt okay inside. I thought perhaps I may want to hold tightly to summer, and I suppose a part of me does, really, but actually there is also much joy in moving on and letting go and opening to the wonderful seasonal changes ahead.
This concept of letting go has arisen quite frequently in my life recently. Perhaps that is the nature of pregnancy, such a huge transition from one way of being to another, that I am frequently faced with the task of letting go of how things have been, of getting away with late nights for example, of drinking wine when returning from a busy and chaotic day in the office to unwind, of calming all the ideas buzzing in my mind for Yoga workshops, classes and Reiki attunements and also for that endless desire to travel and attend courses myself - I thin of Nepal and ,my heart literally feels sad, sad that once again I won't be able to visit this year.
It would be easy to get caught up in all the letting go, in fact I know I have done, there has been frustration and weeping, the very process encourages both, but I also know that you need to let go to let the new enter, and the new, albeit quite unknown (and perhaps that is the problem, fear of the unknown) looks very promising indeed. I can't wait, ,my whole life I have been waiting, so of course I can wait, but you know what I mean, I am very much, incredibly in fact, looking forward to a new way of living with E and the bean, because it is so full of potential and love and joy and all those marvellous things, albeit taking me far away from my comfort zone! But perhaps I need to be letting go of that too, of the idea of what is next. Perhaps it is all a process of letting go.
Letting go is an interesting one, and I am very thankful for my limited - yes - Buddhist practice and my asana practice, which have both helped enormously with the concept but also the process of letting go. To me this is the joy of the spiritual practice. It is not easy, never easy, would be easier to run away from it indeed, but if you go through it, raw and open as it encourages you to be, well it offers so much to you, to the spirit, to life, to your experience of life, it helps to enlighten you, literally, lighten and then enlighten, shining spirit, clarity, clearer mind and essentially a greater strength and connection to the truth.
Let's face it, everything changes. The greatest joke is to imprison ourselves in the understanding, the mental formation, that we stay the same. We don't. Life doesn't. I suppose it can, but are we truly alive to the moment? Everything changes, the weather, the seasons, nature, everything ebbs and flows, there is movement, energy, transformation. And how about how we see ourselves, how we place ourselves in this world, as "success" or not, as this or that, as mothers, fathers, children, managers, workers, wealthy, poor, successful, how do we define all this, and doesn't this all change too, at some point we have to let go of our parents, of our children, of what we do when we retire, of our ability to move in the same way we may have done as a child, well Yoga may help keep us agile though of course, but you know what I mean, it all falls away eventually. Life is series of letting go moment.
I have been truly inspired by Jack Kornfield's book, "After the Ecstasy, the Laundry", in which he quotes one Western lama who came out of seven years of silent retreat to travel and teach for seven more: "The biggest surprise for me was how much I still needed to trust. For years I thought spiritual life was about some special state of perfection or enlightenment. It is really about releasing attachment. Life doesn't depend on what you do. The big illusions we strive for, whether in the world or our spiritual life, turn out to be false. When you learn to let go, you find tremendous faith in the ground of all things, that which is true before and after all our plans. Everything arises and passes - this is the true perfection. I found I could trust this."
So we can take comfort in the fact that everything does arise and pass. In those moments of darkness, when we feel we have been given a rubbish hand, well we can sit back and breathe and remember that this will pass too. It all passes. The breath is a constant, from the moment we are born to the moment we die, so sit with your breath, and practice, take to your mat and practice, the body is a marvellous tool for helping us to feel connected, helping us to let go, helping us to be present and helping us to awaken to our heart and every moment.
To quote Jack Kornfield, "Wise letting go is not a detached removal from life. It is the heart's embrace of life itself, a willing opening to the full reality if the present. This is the wisdom of the Tao:
Rushing into action, you fail.
Trying to grasp things, you lose them.
Therefore the master takes action by letting things
take their course.
She remains as calm at the end as at the beginning.
(tr. Stephen Mitchell)."
So with that in mind, I shall take myself to my mat to sit with my breath for a while, before moving a little and being open to what arises, and what passes, the pain in my sacrum, the stretching of my stomach muscles as the bean grows inside, his/her gentle kicking when the singing blow resonates its sound, and then out into the world, an August morning with rain cleansing the earth and feeding the garden outside. - this too will pass, well let us hope so anyway, high tide this evening would be wonderful with the sun shining!!!!
With much gratitude.
x
Happy hips!
WOMAD festival was wonderful. For anyone who enjoys a more relaxed and family-friendly approach to festival going then this is the one for you, helps if you like world music of course! We thoroughly enjoyed the experience, wonderful music (well in my opinion, but then I like the Sitar and folk and all that kind of stuff even if E did struggle a little!), fantastic shopping, great vibe and lots of lovely people especially the ones we joined!
The trouble is, being 23 weeks pregnant does make things a little tricky in terms of energy levels. Being anaemic does not help, nor the fact that we ended up camping in a really noisy place so that sleep was challenging and by the end of the weekend, well I was certainly feeling it! Still the bean kicked his/her way through the weekend so clearly gained some benefit from the energy of it all - especially in the wonderful Arboretum, what wonderful places these are with the large red woods and those fabulous Himalayan birch and the Japanese paper barks maple. Inspired by trees again. And yes, I tried hugging the red wood, so soft indeed!!
Back here I am now 24 weeks pregnant and feeling it a little, the energy levels are tested and the scar tissue from a previous operation is being stretched to full capacity so sitting at a desk can be a little challenging! I had this wonderful cranio osteopathy treatment this week to release my sacrum, no idea how it works, it is indeed magic, but gosh what a release. I do find it all fascinating how pregnancy and all the changes going on in the body throw up so much old stuff, especially when you have your spine manipulated and hips opened too.
In fact hips has been the major focus in class this week too. Approached from the ground of non-harming, or Ahimsa, we have been practicing hip opening sequences in general and private classes. There is this wonderful extract from Cyndi Lee's book, "Yoga Body, Buddha Mind", in which she writes, "Yoga and meditation invite us to see who we are right now. The very first step on the path of yoga is found in the yamas and niyamas, the ethical "do's" and "don't" set out by Patanjali in his Yoga Sutra. It is ahimsa, which means non-harming to self or others. the first step is also referred t0 as the ground of the practice, or the foundation from which all our choices evolve. When you commit to practicing ahimsa, you flip the habitual approach to your entire situation, including your attitude toward your own body.
In "The Wisdom of No Escape: And the Path of Loving-Kindness", Pema Chodron writes, "Practice isn't about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better. It's about befriending who we are already. the ground of practice is you or me or whoever we are right now, just as we are".
"Your back tightness, your squishy tummy, and the irritation and discomfort that arise from your wishing they were different is known as dukha, or suffering. The only way to reverse the claustrophobia of dukha is to acknowledge it. It's the same with our bodies. if you pretend your legs are loose when they are tight, you will end up straining a back muscle. Your legs will not open more, they will tighten up more. Your pain will increase until the point you cannot ignore it anymore. This is not ahimsa."
"You begin to reverse the pattern by letting your mindfulness practice and your physical sensations help you understand your body. Letting ahimsa be your guide means, at the very least, don't be a nuisance. We don't often think of ourselves as nuisances to ourselves, but if we take a closer look we might see how we get in the way of our own happiness, how we create our own suffering, through habitual pulling and pushing. This tendency to engage in personal tugs-of-war shows up frequently in seated poses, especially forward bends and hip openers".
Seated forward bends and hip openers fascinate me, not least in my own practice, but also witnessing the shift in others when they are practicing in the class environment, indeed the shift in the energy of the room. For some, seated forward bends are a true joy, where one can be with oneself in the yumminess of the introspective nature of such poses, for others they are a constant reminder of the pain in hamstrings and back and the sense that one is never quite progressing enough. Hip opening poses can throw up all sorts of things, for some there is indeed an ease that sees them falling gently into that quiet space within, for others there is intense discomfort, the mental urge to run away, the pain, the heat, the sweating and the grimacing on the face.
Cyndi Lee talks beautifully about the hips and pelvis, "Our pelvis is home to a lot of movement: digestion, elimination, reproduction. Add on walking, sitting, and breathing and you get the ordinary activities that keep us involved and circulating in our world. Restrict those activities and your entire existence shrinks...there are lots of reasons - societal and personal - that each of us has for minimising our pelvic and hip movement."
"Everywhere we look, advertisements, TV, and film tell us that there is only one good body shape for women and one good body shape for men. No wonder this area is so full of emotional baggage for us. My yoga teacher friend told me her mother lives in her right hip and her father in her left. Almost everybody wants to change what's going on in there - as if that would make us happier."
"Fashion may dictate that we all look the same, but yoga and meditation invite us to be our most authentic, genuine, unique personal self. When we go to a garden, we don't consider only two of the flowers to be beautiful and expect all the others to look like those two. To find our personal balance of earth and heaven, heat and heart, is an individual journey that requires ahimsa, befriending our own being inside and out".
So it is too in our practice, that we befriend what is present within us, in that moment. Hip opening poses and seated forward bends can teach us so much about our relationship to ourselves, the attitude with which we practice, the pulling and pushing, the fighting against the resistance, or the gentle surrender, the grace as we softly and gently allow the unfolding to begin, the acknowledgment and letting go and of course the acceptance.
So you see it comes to pass that once again we are reminded of how beautiful we already are, tight hips or loose hips, skinny hips or larger hips! It is what it is and all things come to pass. Ahimsa, let us be kind to ourselves and sit on the floor and walk on the earth and get those hips moving!
The sun is shining, the tide is rising, what a glorious day for the beach!
Happy practicing.
xx
The annual Yoga "class on the grass" in aid of the Priaulx Premature Baby Foundation
Sunday morning and I must admit I was awake at 4am checking out the weather through the window and was fairly appalled to see a misty start to the day. A short while later and there was thunder and lightening and the dreaded rain too. Ahhh, no back up plan for the annual Yoga "class on the grass", in its sixth year now (I think!).
Still it all came good in the end and by 10am the sun was shining and the grass was drying! I must admit I was not expecting quite so many people to come along and support, so this was incredibly touching. Joe at 7 to Val at 71, a complete range of ages and abilities and yet Yoga brought us all together for an hour of fun in the sun while raising an incredibly generous £502 for the Priaulx Premature Baby Foundation.
There is something rather special about practicing outside in the sunshine, we spent a few minutes allowing the body to soften quite literally onto the earth, muscles relaxing, spine lengthening, energy flowing, grounding, before bringing awareness to the breath, the gentle movement of prana in and out, further energising, calming and of course centring.
The practice attempted to cater for all the abilities and ages attending the class, we started gently, Apanasana the wind relieving pose and then up to hands and knees for the cat pose to encourage more connection with the breath and the movement of the spine, and from there a little more actively into dog pose and through plank, cobra and back to dog pose again. Up to stand and time to really ground, I was incredibly impressed actually, despite us being a day away from the full moon, we had a whole class of trees swaying gently in the breeze!
We moved through Trikonasana and half moon pose, always a challenge looking up to the sky with the clouds moving overhead! From there Warrior 2 and Utthita Parsvakonasana to lengthen the side body and further ground those feet to the earth. Balancing a little more we did well, Natarajasana, the cosmic dancer filled with grace as we create and destroy here on our mats, before Garudasana, that wonderful mystical Tibetan bird that never lands, not that you feel always feel so light when practicing this pose and of course Warrior 3, the superman, capital "T" shaped position that really helps to strengthen the legs and buttocks!!
Hoorah for the soft grass, a chance to practice the crow pose without the fear of head butting the hard studio floor, so too Bhujapidasana, which gets us thinking how we can possibly bring our hands underneath our feet and then cross our ankles and lift them off the earth? Well it is possible as a few clearly demonstrated! The joyful boat pose to take us to the very core of our being, so too Ubhaya Padagusthasana, as we attempted to balance on the sitting bones while also extending the feet to the sky, hoorah for soft grass again!
For many it was their first attempt at Yoga and I just loved the way one little girl described it to her Mum - it was a little like Twister, having to figure out where to put your right hand, your right foot, your left hand and your left foot, all the while trying to stay balanced on your mat - which admittedly is not quite so easy when the mat is on soft grass - brilliant, such truth in those so young.
We rested and enjoyed the sensation of the warm sun, the light breeze and the sounds of the birds and the rustling of the leaves, allowing the body to integrate the effects of the practice, the mind to calm and the spirit to resonate with the energy of nature. Wonderful! The pose of humility and a final chant, brought the class to a close, "may all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness".
There was brunch on offer for those who chose to stay, yummy food prepared by my lovely parents, teas and coffees and juices, breads with homemade jam, croissants, fresh fruit salad, and a choice of banana, walnut and sultana loaf and the very popular carrot and sultana cake, which I admit I had helped to make the night before and was looking forward to the left overs - only there weren't any! Recipe to follow!!!
So thank you to everyone who supported. The money we have raised will help enormously to support a premature baby and his or her family. With much gratitude, om shanti xx
Awakening with all beings, Lihou and lots of sunshine fun
What has happened to this month, it is literally flying back, thankfully in a haze of memories of such glorious weather. Yes, it seems all prayers have indeed been answered and here we are, second week or so of such wonderful weather, sun still shining, temperatures higher than usual, and a blissful wind to cool things down a little. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I have to say that this weather does make a huge difference to one's experience of the summer. After a few weeks of feeling a little disconnected to nature with a busy schedule and a lack of quiet time, I now feel totally back in the zone after a few weeks of outdoor living. Last weekend we made the most of the sunshine and sat out for dinner at Vazon on Friday night before enjoying a bike ride along the West coast to Portlet on Saturday and a low tide warm swim with all small lady crabs - I had not idea this is the place you go for crabbing here in Guernsey, let alone the fact it is so much warmer to swim than on the South coast, I kid not.
We managed breakfast on the beach at Petit Bot on Sunday, tide rising, sun shining, wonderful especially with a couple of super cold swims to wake us up for the day ahead. And then Sunday afternoon we were off to Lihou for our annual Lihou trip with E's Mum and our friends Hayley and Mike. How wonderful, heat wave in Lihou and the Island all to ourselves, bliss, just love this little Island connected to Guernsey by a causeway at low tide.
Upon arrival we headed to the glorious Venus pool, what incredible light and healing energy, we all managed a swim, even Hayley and Val, well done ladies. That evening we enjoyed supper outside, just us and the elements, all those birds, the sun setting, the moon rising, the stars shining, wow, I thought I had died and gone to heaven. The next morning we awoke to find the tide rising, cut off as we were from the outside world, no laptop, yet more bliss, breakfast on the decking with the sun shining and views of Guernsey in the background. We sat on the beach and chatted and watched the birds, the oyster catchers adjusting to our presence, yet more swimming, yet more awareness of the movement of the tides, coming and going, all day long.
I went for a walk on my own and was fascinated by the way the seagulls communicate with one another to warn of potential danger, human approaching, fledglings to take cover. We visited when the eggs were laid and then the sea gulls would dive bomb you if you got to close to the nests, things haven't changed much now, rather intimidating to find all these sea gulls going crazy simply because you are walking along the path a few metres away from their offspring who merge into the surrounding scenery, clever the way the young are given such a chance in life.
By the time we returned to Guernsey, chasing the tide and wading through a small part of the causeway to get back to Guernsey in time to teach that evening, I was feeling rather sunburnt and completely grounded to the earth, connected once more to the cycle of nature so that all week I have been rising with the sun and collapsing a little as it drops in the evening.
There is a simplicity to the flow of nature, easy to underestimate the positive impact this can have on our souls, on our hearts, on our inner rhythm and sense of connection to the greater picture. When I was sick with adrenal fatigue and exhaustion a few years ago now that left me depressed and anxious and taking a few months out from teaching and working, E encouraged me into the garden and out into nature and it was this, I believe, the gardening, the walking, the camping, the being with nature, that helped to heal my delicate soul, that helped to slow me down and bring me back to myself, to my heart, to the greater joy of being alive. I recommend to others to get out there too, work with the land, get some soil in your hand, smell the roses, feel the grass, the sand beneath your feet, cleanse your aura with some sea swimming. It does help to make one feel quite a live - as does trekking in mountains, another attraction for us in Nepal.
Jack Kornfield in his book, "After the Ecstasy, the Laundry", writes:
"The Elders of the forest tradition tell us to spend time in the natural world. We begin to transform our spirit each time we go for a walk and smell the bay laurel after the rain, each time we pause to admire the quince in spring, the fire maple in autumn, today's certain shade of rose at twilight, the budding lily on our neighbour's porch, the last rustle of small animals into the astonishing silence at nightfall in the mountains. We renew our spiritual life each time we walk back into the wilderness of our world and sense the beauty that has given us birth and the untameable cycles vaster than all our plans. In this way, our care for the none human world can grow, not out of duty but out of love, out of gratitude and reverence for the web of creation, an unceasing holiness.
Tending this earth, we become part of its awakening. As Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, "To appreciate beauty and find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, a redeemed social condition, to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived, this is to have succeeded". Caring for the natural world is one way we also tend to the human one."
Very much looking forward to the Yoga "class on the grass" this weekend, donations only to the Priaulx Premature Baby Foundation. Such a joy to practice Yoga in the garden, I try and take my practice into this environment when I can, makes for a blissful beginning to the day. This Sunday should be wonderful with the sun shining and a light breeze cooling us down a little. Brunch follows for those who fancy some nourishment, sadly the tides are wrong for a high tide swim, have to wait for later afternoon for that one. All are welcome, send me an email for directions.
22 weeks pregnant today, bean seems to be doing well in there. This is a lovely part of the pregnancy as there is no sickness and energy levels are not as tested as they have been, plus I can still enjoy swimming and cycling and my own Yoga practice, albeit much gentler than it may have been previously. Long may this continue, although as ever better not to get too attached to any way of being, just means something to let go of, because as we all know, everything passes!
Enjoy the sunshine.
Love and much gratitude.
xx
New moon energy
Amazing. Thank you dear Universe for this wonderful weather. Hooray for the sunshine, what a difference it makes. Makes everyone cheerier and happier somehow. It is a new moon today too, happy new moon everyone, you can feel the energy changing, the wind has blown in to blow away the old, to make way for the new.
Great timing too. Sometimes life has a habit of getting a bit out of balance and my soul has been crying out for some down time in the sunshine surrounded by nature. All prayers have indeed been answered these last 3 days. Friday afternoon I was fortunate to lie in the garden for at least an hour before meeting E and his friend at Vazon for a high tide swim and a lie down in yet more sunshine hearing the sound of the sea and feeling the sensation of all those warm pebbles under my back.
On Saturday we went to Jersey with the folks for this most magnificent party. Wow. A 15th wedding anniversary with absolutely no expense spared. E joked at me before we went about the prospect of dancing girls. Well how funny then to arrive and find exactly that! So too fire throwers, hoola hoopers, music, yet more dancing and indeed signing ladies, a comedian from the UK, a beautiful buffet, fireworks, endless champagne, the most marvellous marquee, wow, this was certainly well worth the short journey from Guernsey!
Sunday with the folks, we all went down to a beach on Jersey's north coast, lovely, a couple of hours of sunshine, sea air, sand and a couple of dips in the freezing cold sea was indeed very good for the soul!
I have been reading this wonderful book by Jack Kornfield called "After the Ecstasy, the Laundry", which resonates hugely with my experience of spirituality and its ups and downs. To me the experiential nature of one's spirituality is paramount, it is all very well intellectualising, but at the end of the day it is all about the hear and now and living it, being conscious and awake to each moment. This in itself is indeed an on going process, for it is all too easy to fall asleep again, so too is it necessary to go allow for integration and moments of down time to absorb, reflect and of course let go to make room for the new.
This whole concept of letting go has sprung itself back in my face again. I would like to think that by now I am able to read the signs, but of course I am only human and it takes me almost to crash and burn to realise that it is time to re-balance and retire to that quiet place where one can let go and sit quietly. There is this beautiful angel card called "Surrender & Release", which reads,
"Let go, and allow God and the angels to help you. Everything that you release will either be replaced by something better or will be returned to you healed. When you hold on tightly to a part of your life that's not working, it has no room to heal. Whether you're unhappy with your love life, finances, career, home, or health, this card asks you to let go. If you hang on to these aspects of your life because of fears such as "What if I can't find someone or something better?" then the situation will only worsen. However if you're willing to open your hands and allow the situation to be freed, one of two situations will occur: Either it will be washed away from you and replaced by a better situation, or the situation will heal in a miraculous way. By drawing this card, the angels ask you to try not to control the outcome of your troubling situation. Let go, and let God help you!".
It is so true, that often we need to get out of our own way. Meditation helps enormously, what a joy to be able to sit outside quietly in the morning sunshine too, nature certainly helps to ground us in the moment. In this way the mind calms a little so that clarity can be experienced, so too the quiet moments of gentle sitting allow the whisperings of the heart to be heard above the normal chaos of the mental chatter. One can then write a list of all those aspects of one's life that are no longer working and offer it to the Universe, in your own little ceremony, for there is much power in ritual, just search the internet for "burning bowl ceremonies" for example.
The key as always, is loving kindness, to the self, to others, to the process of unfolding and letting go however challenging this may appear and indeed feel in the moment. Allow tears to fall as one weeps away the old, creating a wonderfully fresh and vibrant environment for the new to enter - it is like they say, when one door closes, another opens.
Here is wishing you all a sun filled happy day, enjoy the fresh air, the sensation of the sun on the skin and the experience of spending time in nature - if you can!
Happy birthday to my Mum too, what a wonderful day for a birthday!
Love and much gratitude
xxxxx
Shine brightly from deep inside
I am now almost 20 weeks pregnant, which means I am half way through the pregnancy. Wow, how time does indeed fly, before we know it we will have the bean here in our arms, all rather exciting, we can't wait to introduce him/her to this wonderful world in which we live.
My stomach is having quite a hard time dealing with its expansion as bean continues to grow inside. I guess that is the trouble with having practiced so much Yoga these last 10 years, the muscles are strong and have a hard time expanding! Still it could be worse and the upside is I get a baby at the end of all this. It still blows my mind to think that there is a little being growing inside me and now I can feel him/her moving it makes it all that more real.
All sickness has now passed and I have forgotten already how awful it felt - amazing how we adapt. I can also wear crystals again now, which is interesting how the energy has shifted over the last few months. Treatments however still throw me and I guess bean is happy with our own energy field, which is fine by me.
I would love to say I am sleeping soundly and making the most of the opportunity but as anyone who has been pregnant will know, half of the night is spent going backwards and forwards to the toilet, how is it possible to have consumed so much fluid?!! Still I guess it does prepare you. Energy levels are a little challenged with all the teaching and working, but this will ease as we move towards the summer holidays when I intend to make the most of the summer, which I am hoping is on its way!
It was my birthday on Sunday and sadly while the sun did not shine, we did manage to make it to Herm and enjoyed a picnic on Shell beach. I just love Herm, it is so healing and peaceful over there, you can't help but switch off from the rest of the world. We are hoping to camp over there a few times over the summer, nothing quite like waking up on Moss field with those views towards Alderney and the north of Guernsey. It is times like this when I am particularly grateful to live on such a beautiful Island.
Needless to say I was spoilt rotten and all of a sudden the living room I had envisaged for months took shape in the course of a weekend with the arrival of a new book case - I can't believe how excited we were to be able to finally put all out books in a book shelf again - a massive porcelain pot courtesy of my generous parents for the indoor tree I have grown since I was 21, and the most beautiful Buddha I have ever seen, kindly gifted to me by my beloved. Even though I know it is true, "The Secret" and the whole concept of vision boards and creating what your heart desires and indeed feels, it still blows my mind when it happens, it is like thing shifts and the rest slots into place and there we are, your wish granted, thank you wonderful Universe.
Still there are times when it is easy to forget that the Universe and the angels are working away in the background helping to manifest your dreams, because it is all a matter of timing and faith, and getting your self out of the way so that you let the change take place. Often, and I am very good at this, we cling on for fear of losing what we have, when really we don't have actually have anything, and often what comes next, is far more in tune with the self, than our current circumstances. This is what people mean by blessings in disguise, even if we do not realise it until much later in life.
Of course life is full of blessings, if only we have the time to notice them. I have noticed recently that my own life has been a bit too busy, out of balance, too many thoughts, too much rushing. It is not healthy because it is almost as if you miss life, it happens when you are busy planning for the future without making the most of what is here right in front of you. The key is to catch yourself. Usually the body makes you realise that all is not well, aches and pains and tensions, body-mind-spirit no longer unified in whole. Time to slow down, take stock, let go of that which is not working and create space for being, in hat moment, with the flowers and the trees and the bumble bees.
I never cease to be amazed by the complexity of our mind, the way it works, the way it tries to control everything, ourselves, our lives, how it beats us up, puts us down, makes us think that we are not good enough, that we must do this or do that, have this treatment, that treatment, do this diet, that diet, rather than just realising that we are already quite enough, perfect in fact, and that incessant thinking and planning and controlling actually works against all that to keep us trapped in the prison of the mind. What will be will be. Everything comes to pass. Make peace with yourself, accept yourself, love yourself, for we are all children of God.
This is the reason Yoga is so invaluable, the positive effect it has on the mind, so too of course meditation and Yoga Nidra, how they help the thinking to ease so that we are not so imprisoned by our thoughts, there is more freedom and we are much more accepting of ourselves. I read entries on facebook from people updating others on this diet or that diet, on this new fitness regime or that one, and I can't help wondering how people don't realise that there is no quick fix, and really do they need to fix themselves in any event. What is wrong with how they are in that moment. And changing a diet and adopting a new fitness regime will not change the underlying issue, which is generally a lack of love for the self.
Yoga is a life long process. Change does not necessarily happen over night. Yoga requires commitment and practice. You can't just talk about it, you have to get on your mat and sit still in meditation, breathe consciously and/or move your body into positions that affect the way you feel, that change the grooves in your mind and release those emotions trapped in the physical body, that connects you once again to that soul, that whispering voice deep inside, that help you come to face to face with the self, warts and all. It is often at this point that people stop attending class, better to put the head back down in the sand and go to sleep again, sometimes facing ourselves is not easy, but it can make us feel so much more alive. Liberate the soul, make peace with the self, find time for the self, shine brightly, how wonderful the world would be if we all did that.
There is this lovely poem by Danna Faulds called "I am already", which reads like this:
One flow of
Energy and breath
Connects the full
Depth and breadth]Of consciousness.
There is nowhere to
Go but here, no time
But now, no why or
How or maybe...just
This knowing, simple
And complete, that I
Am already what I
Thought I had to seek.
And this beautiful quote by anonymous, "All you need for doing Yoga is your body the way it is and your mind to say: "You're fine. There's nothing that needs fixing before you can begin".
So with that in mind I am off to enjoy a morning practice with Buddha, and shall embrace each moment, even when it rains! On the positive side I hear good summer weather is indeed on its way - hoorah!
With much gratitude, love and light
Emma xx
Yoga in London
I am 18.5 weeks pregnant now and what a change these last few weeks. 16 weeks and the nausea began to subside but I was still so tired with iron deficiency, not unusual for a vegetarian pregnant lady, but a pest all the same! I wasn't really showing back then, in fact 17 weeks and you probably wouldn't have known, but by 18 weeks, the bean has made his/her presence known to the outside world and is visible now - well the bump, not the bean per se!!
Thankfully the iron supplements seems to be working, perhaps too all the spinach I am eating, let alone the orange juice I am drinking to encourage absorption of the iron (the two work hand in hand you see), although my energy levels are not what they used to be. Still with bump visible, life is not what it used to be, all of sudden the huge realisation that there is indeed a new life growing within me and boy, does my tummy feel like it is being stretched!
Not only that but my sacrum and pelvis have been slightly challenged by all the change, not least the physical change but mental and emotional too, so that the physical body has to adjust to the changing energy flow within the energetic body too. Blows my mind! Not that the headaches, such a shift produces are enjoyable, nor the slightly uneasy sensation of letting go and stepping into the world of the unknown, but still with the energy of the solstice and the super moon adding its weight, I have no doubt that me, you, us all will be feeling lighter and more centred and grounded by the end of this week.
I do find this pregnancy malarkey absolutely fascinating, first time around it is all so new to me. It hadn't crossed my mind previously that you may feel the stomach stretching to accommodate the growing baby, nor that your diet would chop and change from mad cravings back to the usual way you ate before you got pregnant, nor the fact that the bump would really start to affect my ability to move on my mat in the usual way. It is an absolutely amazing experience.
It has been an interesting few days. All good intentions of visiting Hamstead Heath to celebrate the solstice never materialised as we spent much of the solstice stuck in Guernsey airport waiting for the fog to life. Still when we did finally get away, we were able to enjoy a little sunshine from the city, quite literally, it was light so late!! Next year Stonehenge, well that would be nice in any event, I would absolutely love to get my hands literally on those stones and feel all that Pagan energy. I was hearted to read that they are grassing over the A road and re-introducing the original processional road - I just can't help thinking that you don't mess with stuff like that, so hoorah for our awakening and renewed respect of the Pagan landscape.
We were fortunate to be ungraded in our hotel, what a joy, just near St Paul's Cathedral so a relatively quiet spot on the weekends, bar all the tourists that is! Typically I had chosen that spot for its proximity to the northern line, which would take me up to my Yoga course in angel very easily. Only that on Saturday morning when we got to Bank station, we discovered that the northern line was closed for the weekend. I guess it is inevitable that there is always some obstacle on the spiritual path to test your loyalty to the cause, Fortunately we happened to walk past a bus stop that serviced angel, hoorah, albeit that the bus took the convoluted route so that we were virtually running to the studio to get there on time - nothing worse than students being late and disrupting everyone!
The Yoga course was brilliant, Julie Gudmestad, an Iyengar teacher, physiotherapist and Yoga therapist, is inspired. This lady knows all there is to know about Yoga anatomy and physiology and how to teach that to others in a manner that is understandable. There was many a "penny dropping" moment during the weekend as I "got" the reason we may do this or do that in our practice to create this or that result when working with people with and without injuries.
Saturday morning was very much a workshop based event, not taking and practical testing, downward facing dog, plank, all fours, locust pose, preparation for inversions essentially. Saturday afternoon was all about inversions themselves, the wonderful handstand -one of my favourite poses - followed by headstand and shoulderstand. Phew! We did partner work, that was fun, and we took more notes and the time just flew past, 6 hours gone before you knew it!
Needless to say the trek back to the hotel was a little more challenging than intended what with the travel disruption but I am a massive fan of walking in London, enjoying the anonymity and the freedom. Back at the hotel I was able to stretch out with a swim in the pool and a chill out in the bath before meeting E for dinner.
E had been having fun. We are fans of Banksy art work and he had spent much of the day walking around London looking for his graffiti art with some success. In fact there were remnants of the "Tesco bag" piece just near the Yoga studio so I got to go and see it myself on the Sunday morning. It is a bit like looking for the post boxes on Dartmoor, just that this is looking for art work in a city, it gives you a purpose to your wanderings and makes you see things you wouldn't ordinarily notice as you are constantly scanning buildings for signs of his art work (helped by following the Banksy guide of course!).
The workshop on Sunday was a little trickier for me and the bean as it was all about core strength and arm balances. The arm balances, on the whole, were fine, great in fact, the crow pose, firefly, and all sorts of other crazy stuff, not so the abdominal work, not to be encouraged while pregnant, but good to teach all the same!! We worked the thighs too, lots of adductor work, now that isn't so much fun and overall, with it being the Iyengar tradition, I was very aware how easy it is to get so lazy in our practice and allow muscles to take the path of ease, without reworking such lazy patterns that can encourage injury.
It makes so present and I have to say I was buzzing by the end of the Sunday morning, when I left to spend time with E. Together we pottered around angel, I love it up that way, so many vintage shops with Camden Passage and other small establishments. We took the bus down to St Paul's and actually went into the Cathedral, as impressive as expected. We also went to Waterloo to this road under the train station that has been dedicated to graffiti artists. Banksy established it but none of his work exists there anymore, just tons of other stuff and lots of people there spending their Sunday afternoon spraying the walls. I appreciate that it is their creative outlook but I am not so sure I get all that writing, but each to their own!
We got to London Bridge early for our train to Gatwick so we marched off at quite a pace along Tooley Street following a lead for another Banksy piece, only to find that it no longer exists, the wall that is, amazing how much things change. At least we tried, talk about walking, I can barely move my legs today!!
We were back in Guernsey in time for the super moon, how beautiful was that, and how calming now it has passed, phew that was an intense one, encouraging quite some transformation, will be interesting to see how everything lands these next few weeks. I am praying for some sunshine, it is about time!
So bean has experienced the first trip to London, in utero obviously, but all the same no doubt a seed has been sown, especially with all that lovely Yoga energy. What a gift for us both, and what a gift the bean is too. Thank you Mother of the Moon and thank you Julie G for such an inspiring and uplifting weekend helping to shift so many things - divine timing as ever, much gratitude.
xxxxxxx
Cherries!!
This is indeed a sight for sore eyes - the laden cherry tree. What bliss. One just has to have patience, a few more days to go until they are ripe and ready to eat, my little bean will be saturated in cherry energy for I shall no doubt eat far more than is necessary!!! Nothing more wonderful than eating organic cherries from the tree. Yum, yum, thank you wonderful parents for your green fingers and loving greenhouse energy!!
It has been a testing week, I'll be honest. The weather has been pants, seriously is the best June can offer us? And I have been feeling really tired, not enough iron, common in vegetarian pregnant ladies. Still, classes have kept my spirit high, even if I have suffered with depleted energy levels the next day.
17 weeks yesterday and no longer feeling sick, hoorah, just tired. Interestingly I find I really don't have much energy for socialising, by the end of the working day it is all I can do to make dinner and collapse on the sofa. I have no idea how ladies do this with more than one child, I guess you adjust, as you do to most things in life. Respect indeed, pregnancy has presented a complete shift in perception and an expansion in one's awareness.
Still, on the whole one cannot complain, I have a little magic bean growing inside of me, that is pretty amazing. Interestingly I cannot feel his/her energy quite like I have done previously. talking to a Reiki friend she made a valid point, our energy is becoming more entwined, so of course, his/hers won't stand out so much when I have a feel with my hands. I heard the heart beat last week, now that is pretty amazing. I can't wait to feel him/her kicking. I really am blown away by this whole process of creation.
Mum and I watched a DVD called Orgasmic Birthing, this week, lent to me by my doula. E was not the slightest bit interested, I suspect the whole birthing thing will come as quite a shock to him! The thing is, this DVD and the books I have been reading, make one almost excited about the whole concept of birthing in terms of spiritual transformation ad empowerment as a woman. Still, I am all too aware that sadly telling your birthing story is not the done thing these days, either it is perceived that you are gloating, or increasing the unnecessary fear. Thankfully I do have some spiritual friends who are happy to share their positive birth experiences at home here in Guernsey.
Anyhow it is Friday and the sun is meant to shine, hoorah, bring it on, I am looking forward to a Vitamin D splurge and an opportunity to get my feet on the sand and maybe even in the sea, oh yes and maybe eat a cherry or two too!!
Happy weekend everyone. Thank you to all those wonderful students who have helped to keep my spirits high this week too.
xxxxx