Ditch the New Year's resolutions and get yourself some intentions instead

If I’ve one piece of seasonal advice for you it’s this, don’t bother making any New Year’s resolutions! They’re a waste of time and energy as they just make you feel worse about yourself than you did to begin with. Furthermore, they put negative energy out into the Universe and that’s not a good way to begin the New Year.

The trouble is most New Year’s resolutions centre around giving something up, or making some drastic change in a bid to become happier, skinnier or more at peace with yourself. Further they are often unrealistic and work with willpower alone, thereby setting you up for a big fail when your willpower wavers, as it tends to do.

They also work from the basis that you are not ok just as you are, or that you are lacking in some way and merely serve to highlight your own dissatisfaction with yourself and your life. They simply provide you with yet another stick to beat yourself up with and that’s not really going to help you begin the New Year on a positive note.

Ideally we should all be waking up (in more ways than one) on New Year’s day with the intention of being kinder to ourselves, of loving ourselves that little bit more.  It’s time that we all started to recognise and realise our own magnificence (yes you are magnificent!) and the fact that we are each – yes each one of us, you too – a gift to the world.

Our beating ourselves up and highlighting our inadequacies does nothing to promote a happier and more peaceful state of being, nor does it help to raise the collective consciousness and help make the world a happier and more peaceful place to live. The more we give ourselves a hard time, the more the world appears a darker place to live.

However, if we approach life with a more loving attitude towards ourselves, counting our blessings rather than our inadequacies, then we’ll start to notice how the world loves back at us.  It really is so simple. Loving thyself first and foremost and the rest will take care of itself!

So here’s an idea.  How about undertaking a burning bowl ceremony to let go of all that stuff that prevents you from being your lovely magnificent self. Write it all down – that’s all your negative tendencies and behaviour patterns, all those draining and judgmental people in your life, your depressing and dead end job, all activities which exhaust and disempower you and anything which no longer brings out the best in you.

Whatever it may be, write it all down on a piece of paper under the words, “I (fill in name), let go of the following from my life”. Really tap into how it would feel to let go of all this stuff from your life and commit to it too. Then burn the paper and let it all disappear into the ether, leaving you feeling lighter and brighter as a result.

Once you’ve done the letting go you’re ready to invite in the new. Now this is where it gets really exciting because you get to choose what to bring in.  So dream big and in alignment with your truth!  Get yourself a piece of paper and write something like this, “I xxx (fill in name), have the following intentions for 2017”. Then write down your intentions in the present tense as if they had already happened; for example, “I practice yoga on my mat at least once every week”.

Please don’t underestimate the power of intention, its powerful stuff! I’ve worked with intentions the last few years and am always amazed at the way in which they help to transform life in a more positive direction and with grounding too. It’s the same with counting your blessings, this practice can really help you to feel joyful about life.

The thing is, the more you do to transform yourself into a more joyful and positive person the more joy and positivity you’ll put out into the world. And don’t forget we’re all connected and we all have a role to play (and responsibility) in making this world a more joyful and positive place to live. As Mahatma Gandhi said, “be the change you’d like to see in the world”. It begins with YOU.

It’s for this reason that I encourage you to begin your list of intentions by making “I love and accept myself JUST AS I Am” number one and “I live my life in touch with my true and unique self” second on that list. And then add on a whole heap of other joyful and happy stuff too, things that make you feel good, whether that’s spending more time in nature or seeing more of your friends, perhaps attracting a new job that’s more aligned with your soul, helping with a charity and/or buying your own home. Whatever it is make sure it is heartfelt and not from the ego.

Once you’ve finished with your list, you might write, “with thanks” or something to show your appreciation for the gift of intention, before folding it up and popping it in an envelope.  Then put it away in a drawer, get on with living your life and be open to the new opportunities that the Universe may now provide. But don’t try to control this, just let things unfold in their own way and in their own timing. It’s exciting!

Of course I can’t write about the New Year and New Year’s intentions without suggesting that you put “yoga” on your list too. If you’re reading this then take it as a sign, it may very well be the answer to all your prayers.  Want to lose weight? Practice yoga. Want to get fitter? Practice yoga. Want to be a kinder person? Practice yoga. Want to live life more in touch with your truth? Practice Yoga.  It’s easy (yes I know I’m biased!)

But remember that talking about it isn’t the same as actually practicing. All too often people tell me they practice yoga, and then on closer examination it turns out that they haven’t actually taken their mat out of its bag for the last 6 months, if not a year.  In their heads they think they practice yoga but I’m afraid you have to actually do the practice to get gain the benefit. It’s like Pattabhi Jois said, “Practice and all is coming”. Just get on your mat!

So you see beginning the New Year with a list of heart-felt intentions is far more exciting and uplifting then setting yourself some depressing New Year’s resolutions.  Hopefully now you’ll wake up on New Year’s day feeling joyful and positive and loving yourself.  It’s in this way that we will each play our part in making the world a happier and more peaceful place to live.   

On that note, I shall leave you with an extract from the inspirational Anita Moorjani:

“Always remember not to give away your power – instead, get in touch with your own magnificence. When it comes to finding the right path, there’s a different answer for each person…when we’re true to ourselves, we become instruments of truth for the planet. Because we’re all connected, we touch the lives of everyone around us, who then affect others. Our only true obligation is to be the love we are and allow our answers to come from within in the way that’s most appropriate for us.”

Limitation is a creation of the mind

"Limitation is a creation of the mind", was my mantra during my intense yoga teacher training in Australia all those years ago now.

I found those words on a yoga card, above a photo of an Indian yogi contorting his body into an incredibly challenging balanced position so that limitation could only be perceived as a limitation of the mind certainly not his body!!

My yoga teacher, Lance Schuler, who led the teacher training course was an inspiration in embodying the concept that limitation is indeed a creation of the mind and this concept underpinned his teachings so that students were encouraged to challenge their limitations throughout their yoga practice, because it really is incredible what shows up...if you are curious enough to be interested in the workings of your own mind...and courageous enough to acknowledge how you limit yourself both on and off your mat.

This has showed up for me a few times in the last few months. The first time was at a yoga class with the legendary Stewart Gilchrist who reminds me of Lance, they both have a full on approach to the practice and personally I love this for it challenges me on many levels.

This class was certainly challenging and I noticed the narrative, you know, that often relentless background chatter of judgements and analysis and all that stuff that can show up during a class. We were practicing in Dog Eared studios near Kings Cross, a fab authentic yoga space then, and I'd say that the majority of students had, or were in the process of, training with Stew and there was certainly a sense that these students were very dedicated in their practice, and rather fit too. So my narrative went a little like this:

"This is ridiculous, far too strong, its all about the body, look at that girl there, she's so flexible, must be a dancer, look at her pushing herself into that pose, what does it matter if you can do the pose or not do the pose. Good grief Stew, give it a break, this is all far too masculine and strong for me today, not sure this practice is doing me any favours, there is far too much ego in this room, look at Stew adjusting that guy, wow, incredible that his body does that, my body doesn't do that...

...I'm so much older than the other students, I'm so tired, these days, I bet these other students weren't woken by their 2 year olds 3 times last night, and I'm still breastfeeding and I need to conserve my energy so there is no point trying to get into those poses, what does it matter, far too much ego, I'm not good enough to be here anymore, this is far too strong, I need a gentler class these days, more meditative perhaps, for students of my age"...and on and on it went. Until. It dawned. On. Me. That...

I had started limiting myself.

It was like a light bulb going off in my head.

Turning 40 had made me feel a little old and with that I felt a little stuck in my comfort zone, like this is it, how it's always going to be. Little did I realise it was me, my very own mind, creating all this. It's just a number and this is just another phase...and deep down I know there is a lot more ahead...one just has to learn to step into, and beyond, the fear ("limitation is a creation of the mind").

With that awareness, in that moment in that class, I surrendered. You'll know what I mean if you've ever been there.  The tears came up, the frustration was there, I terribly sorry for myself and uncomfortable, but I stuck with it, the realisation came, and I resolved then and there that I was done with limiting myself. The narrative dissipated, my attitude changed, my mood picked up, I started enjoying the practice and challenging myself to go that bit further again, and inevitably I left the class on a massive yoga high...everything felt possible again...and this is the reason I love yoga, it takes you beyond your own limitations if you allow it...

I was reminded of this concept of moving beyond limitations when I watched the film about Stephen Hawkins' life.  He is a truly inspiring man, so too his first wife and the manner in which they embraced all of a life, and didn't limit themselves despite the potential limitations imposed on them by Stephen's health and prognosis.

It really is an interesting one for me. The mind is so powerful in shaping and creating our reality.

This showed up again for me more recently on our skiing trip. I have terrifying memories of skiing completely out of control in the day or so I have skied with one of my best friend's in Canada without any formal lessons. So going back to the mountains, in the French Alps this time, was a terrifying concept in my mind.

And despite the one-to-one lessons with my sister-in-law who happens to be a ski instructor, I noticed that my mind kept clinging on to what had happened I the past so I would see a steep section of the piste ahead of me and the fear would kick in and I would limit myself accordingly.

So I worked a lot with this and kept reminding myself that fear is simply a creation of the mind - False Evidence Appearing Real - and that if I focused on the present, there was no place for it to take a hold.

It wasn't easy. But this awareness did make a difference.

And what I also noticed is that when you start thinking, in skiing as with yoga, you are more likely to lose your balance and equanimity and fall over into the snow, or off your mat!

So for me, skiing became a meditative present moment, mindful activity. When I could get in the zone, there was nothing other than me and the mountain and this beautiful cold fresh air I was breathing in.

And then I'd start thinking and I would probably have to make a speedy recovery from the bad turn, or fall over and land in the snow! [I have a cracked rib to prove this...now there's a lesson all in itself, not least to keep one's poles well out of the way!!]

 So it really fascinates me how much we limit ourselves in our yoga practice and in our lives generally. And it fascinates me even more how we try to overlook the limitations we have created, or the excuses we make for it, or the extent to which we deny it. And there is such a correlation between our self-imposed limitations and our fears (remember - false evidence appearing real) and the choices we make in how we live our lives and therefore the way our lives unfold.

Here's a lovely extract from Dawna Markova's book, "Reclaiming Purpose and Passion" which touches a little on this:

"What would it be like to open our hearts to our fear, to befriend it with wonder, as one would a deer in the forest? What if you could bring it right into the hearth of your awareness instead of ignoring it and thus allowing it to become an undifferentiated mass of demon that gang up on you in the murk? Stuffed behind walls, fear becomes a horde - the Demons of Doubt who will trample you under stories of what others think, of your endless failures, impending humiliation, and lost control. Together and ignored, they will drive you out of your own life. But when you invite them into the layered light of your awareness, they can't join together and rule you from the shadows".

So happy stepping beyond the self-imposed limitations and fear. It's all very exciting. And if you fall down, then just remember to get back up again. I certainly had to do that to get myself back down the mountain!!!

With gratitude to Lance, Stew and Kate for teaching me a little more to step beyond the limitations.

x

Letting go

For a while now I have dreamt of bringing together a group of like-minded spirit and moon ladies to celebrate the full moon and give thanks to the Goddess of the Moon for all she has done to support our lives.  

Thursday 5 March and my dream came true as a group of my lovely spirit ladies could all come together on the same evening!. I decided to opportune the energy of the full moon and our first full moon gathering by partaking in a burning bowl ceremony.  I have done this ceremony a few times now and I have always found it to be a fabulous way of letting go of stuff no longer needed in life.   Furthermore, the energy of the full moon encourages “letting go” so it is an ideal time to do this kind of thing.

The theme of “letting go” has been on my mind all week.  The mindfulness course has thrown this into my awareness a little, for to live in the moment does involve a certain amount of letting go.  Letting go of one’s expectations for the future.  And letting go of one’s attachment to past events. This awareness has made it more obvious to me how much of our lives are indeed spent reflecting on the past and planning into the future.

This can lead to all sorts of suffering as we consider how we should have done this or should have done that, or how we will do this or will do that, constantly taking our mind away from the present moment. It can often be very difficult to let go of these thoughts, they can be all consuming, especially the ones that are involved in any decision making.  There is a wonderful saying, “let go, and let God in”, makes sense really, if only we can let go to let in…

Needless to say that this is all much easier said than done.  Just catching yourself thinking of the past or the future is an achievement in itself, let alone managing to let go of whatever that thought process was going to be.  But hey, that in itself a letting go too, the one that judges the self for not managing to do what one intended, that is to say, living in the present moment with mindful awareness!!

I have come to notice some of my own tendencies to self-berate when I do not live up to my own standards and expectations.  Silly really as I know that I am not alone in giving myself a hard time.  And I guess I have reflected on this a little more so recently not least because of the increased time I have spent studying my mental fluctuations but because a very dear friend of the family has been given only a few months to live and this has made me consider how short our life really is, especially far too short to be unpleasant to oneself.

But even with this awareness it is incredible how much we still take on.  I was made very aware of this in the office last week.  Someone has asked me to do something, which they could have done themselves and they asked me in such a tone that I confess it hit a nerves and I could not resist making them aware that they could have done it themselves without too much effort.

They apologised and I returned to my desk feeling terrible for there was really no need for me to make the comment, I should just have let it all go from the outset – so what if they could do it themselves, they had asked me to do it, and I should have done it without the need for judgement or drama.  Sitting back down at my desk,  I commented to my rather wise work colleague that I felt bad about the situation and she responded rather quickly with “ah get over it, I can guarantee he let it go the moment you left the room”.

Time stood still.  The penny dropped.  Of course!  How silly of me, here I was holding on to the past, holding on to an experience that no longer needed to be in my awareness.  It was done.  Over.  And yet I found myself still thinking about it and digesting it later that afternoon and almost laughed out loud when I realised what I was doing.  And it is funny to me now but seriously, how often do we do this?!

Well I am sure we all do this quite a bit, digest and mull over and think about our interactions with others and how we should have said this, and we hope they weren’t feeling this, or perhaps we should have done that.  Oh my gosh, it is not surprising that we often feel quite exhausted.  Our minds with its incessant thinking and judging and evaluating and imaging (yes get that, actually imagining what/why someone has/has not done this) exhausts us, simple as that.  All of us in this position just need to take a deep breath in and let it all go.  Simple!!

This reminds me of a little story I heard a few years ago…

“One day, two monks set out for a temple in a valley beyond the woods. While cutting a pathway through the woods they came across a choppy stream to cross. There, stood by the bank of the stream, was a beautiful young maiden dressed in silk. She was clearly at a loss as to how to cross without getting muddy and wet.

So, without thinking twice, the elder monk picked her up over his shoulder and waded across to the other side. The younger monk followed in tow.

Upon reaching the other side of the bank the elder monk put her down. The maiden paid her respects and the monks continued on their way to the temple.

As they continued to navigate the forest, the younger monk, still troubled by the stream crossing, said suddenly, “How could you do that? We aren’t even supposed to make eye contact with women let alone pick them up and carry them!”

Without a thought, the elder monk turned to the younger monk and said, “Are you still carrying her?  I put her back down on the other side of the stream”.

And with that he turned and led the way through the forest.”

It is a good story – the ability of the first monk to put the needs of another human being before his own spiritual practice, and then be able to just let go of the fact he had done so without feeling guilty or disappointed, is a lesson to us all.  Essentially we must try not to allow yesterday’s thoughts to affect today’s progress, because letting go of the past is necessary to truly live today.

So this brings me back to the merits of a burning bowl ceremony, which help us to let go a little of old ways of being or those aspects of our life no longer serving us, so that we can create space to bring in new ways of being. Here is more information on it…

Burning Bowl Ceremony

The Burning Bowl ceremony is a kind of fire ceremony that has been used in various traditions for a number of years.

The Burning Bowl ceremony involves writing the negative conditions that you would like to release from your life on a piece of paper, then burning the paper in the bowl, which turns your prayers to smoke and sends them to the Universe.

The purpose of the ceremony is to release old patterns, beliefs or experiences, or anything that impedes you from realising your true self, moving forward and/or changing things. Essentially by sending the old unwanted conditions up to the Universe in the smoke, you clear the way for new beginnings. It is a very powerful way of letting go so that you can move on… and potentially… feel light and free.

Once you have let go, you therefore create space to let in.  Thus the second part of the ceremony is to focus your attention on what you would like to create in your life, write those intentions on paper, put them in an envelope, and put the envelope away for at least a year.  Just leave it be and let your prayers go to the Universe to manifest them.

If you would like to join in with the Burning bowl ceremony then please use one of the attached pieces of paper to write down those negative conditions you would like to release from your life and bring with you to the fire on Saturday morning and watch it burn….then let go, no need to think more on it.

Instead – and perhaps wait until the end of the retreat when you have more clarity - use the other piece of paper to write what you would like to create in your life. Put your name and the date on the piece of paper and maybe write “with gratitude and thanks to the Universe” or something similar and then put in the envelope and make a note not to open it for at least a year.  Take it home, put it in a drawer and forget about it…until you find it in at least a year’s time…

“There is a place where words are born of silence, A place where the whispers  of the heart arise.”—RUMI

With gratitude

x  

Truth be told

So truth be told, the mindfulness course and the mindfulness practices have helped me to realise that this last year has been very stressful, that I have been stressed.

It is funny really, a yoga teacher admitting to being stressed.  But I am only human after all.  There was a time when I used to out all yoga teachers on pedestals and believe them to be pure and sorted and calm and serene.  I finally realised that this is indeed far from the truth, that we all have a shadow side, we all have our issues that we are working through.  We are none of us perfect, we are human that is all!

Still it is one thing to recognise one’s state of being and quite another to do something about it.  However I do believe that once one has come to recognise and accept the aspects of one’s life that are no longer working, well the Universe intervenes and change occurs.  I guess this is a reflection of the change in perception on the inside…and with that a change of being on the outside. This reminded me, again (always a good reminder) that the way to make positive changes in one’s life is to make positive changes to one’s mind.

This new awareness has seen me identify stressful triggers.  It has also found me reminiscing about the good old days without responsibilities, when I was footloose and fancy free and could spend months at a time chilling out in Nepal, practicing yoga, writing, drinking chai and spending a lot of time on my own in silence.  What bliss!!

These days with a partner and a 15 month old son it is a challenge to find any time to be with oneself.  Even going to the toilet I am usually accompanied by Elijah (my son!).  In fact last week he wouldn’t even let me put him on the floor, he actually sat on me on the toilet while I went for a wee, oh how life has changed!!!

Others will identify with this I know.  The other ladies on the mindfulness course and I were all reminiscing about our different times in Nepal pre-children, and that care free way of living, and yet we also recognised that much of the time spent on our own was wasted in our heads dreaming about a future (or praying for a future) of partners and children!! Oh how the human mind is always looking back to the past with longing or forward to the future with desire for how things should be different.

I also had a really interesting conversation with one of my spiritual friends about how our challenges in life change, in terms of the challenges that help us to grow and develop as compassionate, awake and spiritual beings. So that one time our challenge was to learn a new yoga pose, and another time to learn how to exist with depleted sleep and a small child depending on you for his/her survival.

There was a time where I thought I had mastered my anger and I accredited this to my yoga practice.  So it came as somewhat of a surprise when I found myself increasingly angry post Elijah – at myself (or life) not at him or anyone else for that matter, it is the anger of frustration rather than the anger of wanting to hurt someone.  I thought much of this was probably due to hormonal changes but it is only recently that I have come to realise that all that has happened is that the triggers have changed.

You see living on my own as a care free travelling yogini it was very easy to live a life of little responsibility, no one to think about other than myself, no mortgage, no work deadlines, just a lot of travelling and “me” time spent on my mat.  Those were indulgent days I now realise, very little to challenge me really apart from this niggling concern that I may not create the one thing in life my heart truly desired – meeting my life partner and having children.

Now I have those things and yet here is the anger again, reminding me of long days gone by, before I brought yoga into my life.  And it is only recently after much berating and frustration (see how we are our own worst enemies) and chats with others who have gone through the same process, that I have come to realise that the anger never went away, I just removed all triggers for it from my life. 

Now I am back living in the real world again with mortgages and deadlines and not so much “me” time, well herein lies my challenge.  Herein lies the opportunity to grow.  To make my life as stress-free as possible, to rest, to make time for me, to catch myself, to be mindful of the moment, to let go of expectation, to accept whatever is happening without wanting to change it, and just being present.  But oh so difficult!

But this is no less a spiritual way to live than by taking oneself on countless yoga retreats.  The path is simply the way. They all lead to the same destination.  We are all seeking inner peace, greater balance, harmony and compassion to self and all beings.  Some take themselves away from the real world and some throw themselves straight into it.  It fascinates me how our lives flow, how it provides opportunities for growth, how people come in and out of our life at the right time (often when we have almost lost hope), how we keep going despite life’s ups and downs.

However it also fascinates me how easily we give up on making positive and courageous changes in our lives.  On the one hand yoga and mindfulness and holistic practices are expanding at an extraordinary rate and yet I can’t help feeling that we are not actually getting anywhere with it.  On my mindfulness course there has been quite a bit of resistance and a few have dropped out, perhaps life was just too busy, but then isn’t this the point.

The same with yoga, so many times recently I have met students who tell me they would love to come to class but they are just too busy.  I think we all know deep within that we cannot continue to live like this forever, so out of touch with our bodies, with nature, with the very essence of life itself.  How many of us have time to notice the full moon, the stars shining brightly, the new buds on the trees, the subtle changes in nature from season to season.  How many of us give any concern to where our food is grown, to how it got to the shelves in the supermarket, to the impact this has had on the environment.

How many of us notice all the suffering in the world, in our rush to get to and from work, to pick up children, to manage all the things we are expected to manage today.  How many of us notice our neighbours, how many of us stop to let people cross roads, to let cars pull out of drive ways, how many of us notice the shop assistant, to look into their eyes to even be aware that they are indeed a fellow human being just trying to survive in this world, how many of us truly listen to those in our lives.

We practice yoga and then perhaps it gets a little bit too much, we don’t often like what we see, we don’t want to go that deep.  So we drop out.  Or perhaps we start doing hot yoga or something that keeps us on a level, that keeps us focused on the perfection of the body, rather than the messages the body is trying to tell us. But isn’t this just a reflection of how out of balance our lives are these days, where it is all about pushing and striving and trying to get somewhere, always doing, not so much being, and certainly not a lot of being with the self.

But aren’t we are all in some denial.  It is always so much easier to see it in someone else rather than in ourselves.  My parents recognise my denial a long time before I am able to recognise it in myself. Yet how powerful when we come to recognise a level of this denial (even if it is annoying to have to admit that they were right!).  How liberating indeed.  And this is where we find the space, the courage then, the ability to transform into a truer and more lighter being…which of course makes our life more in resonance with our truth and allows our light to shine that little bit brighter and – I hope – has a positive impact on those with whom we interact.

It is all about the practice, however that comes to be.  It is about commitment to the truth and being curious of what is in there, inside yourself.  It may mean that you find yourself in uncomfortable territory, but better to be uncomfortable in the short term, rather than spend your whole lifetime aware that something just isn’t quite right and finding yourself incapable of doing anything about it. Now that is one long lifetime of anxiety, frustration, depression and just feeling a little bit irritated. 

So if you know, if you are stressed or just too busy, just catch yourself for a moment.  Go and stand outside in the moonlight and take a deep breath in and out.  Really smell the air and feel the breath within your body.  Ask yourself why are you so busy, why?  Find yourself a yoga class and go and take some time out.  Or lie down and listen to a Yoga Nidra transcript.  And if you have one near you, sign up for a mindfulness course, and commit to it.  It really is that easy!

x