Embrace the Power of Intention in 2016 - Forget the New Year's Resolutions

It is that time of year again where tradition dictates that you make a New Year’s resolution or two,  you know, all those things that you want to give up and change about yourself so that you can start afresh and tap into the whole “wipe the slate clean and begin again” attitude that prevails on a New Year.

And just as well right.  Because many of us have just spent the last month overindulging and while that’s all good fun and all, well it just can’t go on like that forever can it, because heck there are only so many chocolates you can eat and parties you can enjoy without you starting to feel a little blah on the inside!

But it is a funny thing isn’t it.  Because it is all so easy to make these resolutions when you are in the thick of it, high on the sugar and the Christmas and New Year festivities, but then 1st January arrives and it all becomes a bit of a cold turkey experience and you find that you have set yourself up for a big failure instead.

You see you had all these great images in your head of how it might be, how happy and healthy and great you will feel when you go on that big old diet and lose that perceived excess weight, or give up smoking or alcohol, or save a bit of money or be nicer to your family, or whatever it may be - heck you might even like to get fitter and regularly attend yoga again – but the process is a little more tricky that that.

And if truth be told New Year’s Day arrives and you feel a little bit on edge because not only are you shattered from staying up so late to see in the New Year but you have told yourself that you will make all these changes, and yet you quickly discover that this is not quite as easy as you had imagined.

So now you feel even worse about yourself than you did previously, because you are struggling to make the changes that you thought would make you happier and healthier, so here you are, feeling a failure instead and wondering where you went wrong and when things will ever change; when you’ll finally be able to stick to a diet, or resist buying that new item of clothing or whatever it may be!

And sadly this is the reason that most New Year’s resolutions fail because they are –essentially - established from the misguided ego and inherent conditionings that are based on this ridiculous assumption that you are not good enough already, so that you feel you have to “give things up”, or “be more of this or that”, when actually you are more than okay just as you are, if only you could recognise this and cease with the disempowerment tactics.

Furthermore New Year’s resolutions simply reinforce the illusion that your happiness depends on acquiring what you don’t have, be that a slimmer body, more money in your bank account or a whole heap of facebook friends. That somehow, if you were to make these changes, be different somehow, then you’d feel brilliant, your life would be a breeze, everything would finally make sense, a “yey, a result, I’ve made it to the other side” kind of thing.

But life isn’t like this.  Our negative behaviour patterns and tendencies are often so deeply ingrained that it takes more than a will-powered approach to make the necessary changes, or to experience everlasting transformation. And often there is a deeper, more complex reason for the pattern or tendency that has established itself so that you may need to plant more seeds and change the perspective, rather than stay rooted in what already exists and try to push it away or give it up, without really appreciating what is underlying it.

I lost count of the number of New Year’s I tried to give up smoking.  It was what you did back in the day, chain smoke during the festive period with the idea in mind that it was ok because you’d be giving up in the New Year.  And then the New Year would arrive and there you were hungover and tired and all you wanted was a cigarette but you had told everyone that you were giving it up so you felt terribly miserable all day.

And then inevitably, the mind being the mind, by the evening you had managed to convince yourself that it would be too much of a shock to the system to just stop smoking just like that and actually you needed to cut down first and there you go, as soon as that thought has crossed your mind, you have taken yourself outside, lit the cigarette and inhaled those noxious fumes into your lungs again.  Of course any temporary relief you experienced from that first cigarette was quickly replaced with a deep feeling of disempowerment, guilt and shame instead.

It wasn’t until I changed my mind set, my perspective then, and started working with “intention” (and a lot of yoga and breathing exercises certainly supported the process, I admit that) that I finally managed to let go (see, there was nothing to give up, only a lot to gain) of my addiction to nicotine and with that a huge weight off my shoulders and many happy New Year’s to come without the “giving up smoking” pressure.

It was a huge lesson for me and I continue to work with intentions to this day. You see a New Year’s resolution is all about setting quantitative goals, whereas an intention is an ongoing effort, so that it is flexible and adaptable and doesn’t judge you if you stumble and fall. It requires only of you that you feel whatever it is that you would like to shift, so, for example, you feel deep within you an urge to stop smoking, rather than it simply being in your head.

Admittedly the word “intention” may be one of those vague and convoluted terms that are thrown around quite a bit these days but with good reason for there is much power in intention. In its simple form your intentions are your thoughts directed towards a desired outcome – it is said that this is the starting point of every dream; everything that happens in the Universe begins with intention.

Thousands of years ago the Indian Sages observed that our destiny is ultimately shaped by our deepest intentions and desires. The Upanishads (the classic Vedic text) declares, “You are what your deepest desire is. As you desire so is your intention. As your intention is, so is your will. As your will is, so is your deed. As your deed is, so is your destiny”.

So you see unlike setting a will-power based New Year’s resolution, an intention asks you to dig a little deeper and feel within, feel that desire to make a change. Furthermore an intention asks that you let it go – as Deepak Chopra says, it “is a directed impulse of consciousness that contains the seed form of that which you aim to create. Like real seeds, intentions cannot grow if you hold on them. Only when you release your intentions into the fertile depths of your consciousness can they grow and flourish”.

So how do you work with intentions?

Well first of course you need to decide on your intentions, what are your heart felt desires, your dreams, the things you would like to bring into your life or let out of your life, your inner callings? How would you like your world to look, what are your passions, what makes you tick, how do you enjoy spending your time? 

Remember that the Universe is abundant and that you ARE worthy of receiving all that you desire.  This is often a stumbling block for many; sometimes we feel so disempowered and we are so hard on ourselves, so used to punishing ourselves then and so lacking in our perspective that we don’t feel we deserve for it to be any other way.  I am biased I know but yoga and Reiki certainly help one to come to terms with this and gain a more positive perspective about the self and one’s potential in this world.

Be positive.

Intentions should be positive, clear and felt. They have to resonate with you deep inside. You have to feel that “yes, this is a possibility in my life” – a crazy possibility perhaps, but a possibility nonetheless.  Let go of fear and negativity, know that you deserve the very best in life.

So once you have established what your intentions are, then you need to plant them, which is a little bit like sowing seeds.

There are a number of ways you can do this and these are my two favourite ones that I work with frequently:

• Sankalpa in Yoga Nidra

You can listen to a Yoga Nidra (guided meditation) and establish your intention in the form of a Sankalpa. Essentially a Sankalpa is a short, positive statement said in the present tense, as if it had already happened. You will be asked to repeat your Sankalpa three times at the beginning and end of the guided practice to imbed it within your subconscious mind so that it transforms the world you live in.  The mind is incredibly powerful in creating your reality and a Sankalpa is a powerful way of planting a seed deep within.

Your Sankalpa could be to recognise what you already are so that it becomes more obvious to you, such as “I am happy, healthy and pure light”, or “I am whole and healed”, or it could be to encourage you to let go of something in your life like smoking or overeating but try and focus on the underlying feeling that leads you to smoke or to overeat so you could say “I love and care for myself and my body”, “I choose to eat foods that support my health and wellbeing” or “ I am relaxed and contented and smoke-free”.

I have worked a lot with Sankalpa’s over time and have found this to be a marvellous way of initiating everlasting change.  In fact it was by working with this form of intention that I managed to let go of smoking all those years ago.  This is the reason I ended up recording a Yoga Nidra so that others could have the opportunity to listen to it at home and effect positive change in their lives if they chose.  It really is a gift.

• Write them down

Another way to work with intentions is to write them down. You take a piece of paper and write your name at the top of it and then you simply write down all your intentions, again in the present tense as if they had already happened and again positive, clear and felt deep within. Then you fold up your paper, seal it in an envelope and if you are Reiki attuned then you can channel some Reiki on to it, before releasing the intentions out to the Universe. You put the envelope away in a drawer, or you burn it, but either way you must forget about it.

What next?

Well when you have done your Yoga Nidra or written out your intentions then let them go.  Stay positive about them - they are much more powerful if they come from a place of contentment rather than from a place of lack or need – so don’t be influenced by other people’s doubt or criticisms. Try not to think about them and definitely do not try to control the outcome.

This is often the biggest lesson – detaching oneself from the need to control the outcome.  The ego will often want to feel that it is in control so it will try and force things to happen but I can assure you (from experience!) that this will not only exhaust you but you may find that the outcome is not as good for you as the one that comes naturally, there will certainly be some challenges and complications to it!

Instead have faith and patience and trust in yourself and the organising power of the Universe in motion so that you acknowledge that everything happens in its own timing (not your timing). Intend for everything to work out as it should, then let go and allow the opportunities and openings to come your way naturally.

And finally, be kind to yourself.  Acknowledge all the positive things that already exist in your life; be gracious for all that you have rather than focusing on all that you don’t have, and enjoy the opportunities and changes that will arise as a result of your shift towards a more positive and heart felt way of being.

You will be amazed how transformative the power of intention really is and I encourage everyone to give it a go to focus awareness into the New Year.  You’ve nothing to lose right, and who knows where you may be as 2016 draws to a close...hopefully empowered and living more your dream.

Burning Bowl Ceremony

The Burning Bowl ceremony is a kind of fire ceremony that has been used in various traditions for a number of years.

The Burning Bowl ceremony involves writing the negative conditions, tendencies and behaviour patterns that you would like to release from your life on a piece of paper, then burning the paper in the bowl, which turns your prayers to smoke and sends them to the Universe.

The purpose of the ceremony is to release old patterns, beliefs or experiences, or anything that impedes you from realising your true self, moving forward and/or changing things. Essentially by sending the old unwanted conditions up to the Universe in the smoke, you clear the way for new beginnings. It is a very powerful way of letting go so that you can move on… and potentially… feel light and free.

Once you have let go, you therefore create space to let in.  Thus the second part of the ceremony is to focus your attention on what you would like to create and bring into your life.

You write those intentions on paper, in the present tense, as if they had already happened and are a part of your life making sure to write your name on the paper and perhaps writing something like "with gratitude" or "Inshallah" or "Om Shanti" at the bottom of the page.  If you are Reiki attuned you could spend a few minutes channelling Reiki onto your intentions, holding the paper between two hands.

You then put the paper in an envelope, and put the envelope away for at least a year (remember to make a note of the date and write this on the envelope so you know when a year is up!).  Just leave it be and let your prayers go to the Universe to manifest them as is meant to be. 

So often out intentions do manifest, but not always in the way we intended, so it is best not to think about them, or try and control them, but just live your life, notice the signs and make conscious decisions when the opportunities present themselves.

We will be running through stage one of the Burning Bowl Ceremony at class on Wednesday 30th December 2015 and stage two on Saturday 2 January 2016. All are welcome.  Please see the events section of the website at www.beinspiredby.co.uk for more information.

"There is a place where words are born of silence. A place where the whispers of the heart arise" Rumi

x

Ayurveda - removing obstacles!

So I returned home from 3 days of wonderful Ayurvedic treatments to find Elijah weaned. Just like that. No drama. No tears.  Nothing.  All that questioning I did about breastfeeding or not breastfeeding and it was done just like that.

Admittedly the first thing he said at the airport upon seeing me was "nooners", his word for Mama's milk, before showing greater interest in the "Welcome to Guernsey" booklets than at me at all!

Back home a little while later he asked again and I told him that I thought Mama's milk would not taste quite the same after Mama's treatments and he lay down to feed but must have got a sense that something had changed, or maybe I smelt different, or maybe he just decided, "nah, I'm done with this", because all of a sudden he moved away from me, no drama, no milk.

And that was that.  I put him to bed that night without feeding him to sleep easy peasy.  And he slept through until 3.30am, which is unheard of.  In fact the silly thing is I kept waking up waiting to hear him cry for me!

Things are a changing. And gently too.  As I always intended. Just not in the way I intended. But isn't that always the case! Note to self - remember to get out of your own way, stop being the obstacle. Ha! Funny really that I should have found myself practicing a whole 2 hour yoga session in honour of Ganesha with Stewart Gilchirst only a few or so ago now, see there is some benefit in sweating and surrendering in front of this deity (not that one realises it at the time!).

That Ayurveda is truly wonderful.  I can highly recommend it. I thoroughly enjoyed all 9 hours of delicious treatments with all manner of oils and pastes in a wonderfully warm and womb-like room with gentle and ambient music played in the background so that I feel clean on the inside and out and with renewed energy and clarity. And a happy weaned son!

To me, Ayurveda is truly inspiring, the most ancient and authentically recorded health system in history, over 5,000 years old, it was created by yogis who spent their lives studying nature and the human condition. 

Meaning “the science of life” it is exactly that, viewing health in four dimensions of physical, sensory, mental and spiritual and is centred on preventative medicine and bringing a person back to balance.  It shows how an imbalance in one part of a person’s being will affect them in another, i.e. if a person isn’t being true to their life path (dharma) then physical and mental illnesses can arise which cannot be effectively treated with modern medicines but can be helped by Ayurveda.

Ayurveda uses elemental medicine which means that they balance out earth, fire, water, air and ether in the body.  These are divided into three doshas, Vata, Pitta and Kapha, which are the basis of a person’s constitution and also the factors that can create imbalances. 

Ayurveda places great emphasis on diet, lifestyle, yoga, meditation, massage and herbal medicines to bring a person back to health and keep them there - and health, to quote from the Ayurvedic Health Home in Kathmandu, Nepal (where I stayed many years ago now) is “a dynamic process, an inner joyfulness, like a flow of the river or a breeze of the wind.

Dr Deepika was recommended to me about 10 years ago now from a London-based friend I met on a yoga retreat in Bali and I have seen her a number of times ever since.  I usually know when I need to see her because life has lost its flow or I am feeling a little out of sorts and usually my pitta gets deranged so that I start really pushing myself and getting angry and my skin isn't great and the thoughts are all consuming!

I have been feeling like this for a good old while, perhaps not surprising off the back of the IVF drugs, but also on some level, I suspect I was probably just exhausted by the feeding and also feeling a pressure to stop and angry at my inability to make a decision about it...the body has been trying to tell me for some time, but one can be ever so stubborn an caught in one's mind!! 

Still we get where we need to be, even if we do make it a whole heap more challenging for ourselves in the process. And actually that is where Elijah is by far my greatest teacher, so much wiser than me, because he decided he wants to stop feeding and that's it, done and dusted...whereas I have been thinking about it way too much and giving it far too much energy and holding on to it...aren't children just amazing the way they just move on..."move on Mama", I can hear him say.

I am so grateful to Dr Deepika for sharing her gift, she certainly helps me (and others I know!) to keep our feet on the ground.  And to Elijah for making me laugh at myself and my ridiculous resistance to change - despite praying for it (and more sleep in a gentle manner, no crying it out for us) on the other hand! It seems that grace works in ways beyond our control (and ability to control the process to reach an outcome), we are our own obstacle hey, thank you then Ganesha, Remover of all Obstacles. Ha!!

http://www.theayurvedicclinic.com/dr-deepika-rodrigo

Love and gratitude!

xx

Breastfeeding - spiritual nourishment?

I've been breastfeeding my son for 25 months now, which is quite some time when you think about it.  This means that for 25 months he hasn't been very far away from me, which has taken some adjusting I can tell you, as I used to be such a free-spirited-independent-and-love-the-silence-and-time- on-own-sort-of-lady!!

It has always felt right for me to breastfeed him somehow. Admittedly he doesn't need the milk to feed him anymore, but I am a true believer that there is still something ever so nourishing about him ingesting breast milk and having that connection with me.

In fact I was heartened to read a book recently that even suggested that the breasts have their own chakras (energy centres) so that not only are we nourishing our babies by giving them breast milk filled with all the nutrients and goodness needed to boost the immune system and grow the baby, but we are also spiritually nourishing them.  Yes, I like that!!

And I suspect that there is a lot to be said for that when you consider that the breasts are located right there by the heart chakra, which is all about unconditional love and our ability to give and receive and nourish ourselves and others too. 

Spiritual and immune-system nourishment aside, breastfeeding does have its downsides though. Elijah still doesn't sleep through the night and after 25 months this has got a little warring.  So too his anger and irritation if I am unable to feed him when he demands it - at 25 months one does feel a little self conscious about feeding in public for example, although I gave in on the flight between Guernsey and Gatwick recently because that is what he has always done and it seems to calm him and ease the pressure in his ears.

The other downside being my inability to leave him for any prolonged periods of time.  In the early days just going to teach yoga was a challenge, not least for Ewan who dreaded the classes and was always a little fraught when I made it home having had to contend with a screaming baby who desperately wanted some of mummy's boob!

He's been a boob monster alright. In those early months he would feed relentlessly at night. And then any time I was away from him, it would be the first he wanted upon my return. That has eased, but he still partial to a middle of the night feed and loves nothing more than falling asleep on the boob after a nice bath!

So its taken quite some determination on my pat to finally realise that I needed a break. On my own. Away. No one clawing for my boob, and no one waking me in the middle of the night. Bliss.

So here I am in Croydon of all places, undertaking a 3 day Ayuredic pancha karma with my lovely Ayurvedic doctor, Dr Deepika.  Dr Deepika has been my Ayurvedic doctor for about 10 years but this is the first time I have come to do the 3 day treatment with her.  I did a 10 day pancha karma in Nepal quite a few years ago now, certainly pre-Elijah and that was just wonderful.  This is pretty wonderful too albeit only the 3 days, but it is the peace it provides that is as healing I think as the treatments itself.

As for Elijah, well he's doing just fine.  He only woke for his grandparents once last night and that was at 12.30am so they had quite an easy going time of it - not sure whether to be pleased or envious!! Seems he is coping without the milk though, which just goes to show how adaptable we are!

I'm reminded of the time he went on a nursing strike.  Good grief this was horrible.  He was 10 months old at the time and I had flown up to Edinburgh with him on my own to visit my best friend and her family. One of the evenings he bit me while feeding and not only did this surprise me but it hurt! I yelped and he went on strike. It was traumatic as I was not ready to stop feeding him and he certainly didn't have an appetite for food back then.

The flight back to Guernsey was horrible as he screamed with the pain in his ears and yet refused to feed, he would just turn his head away. Back home I was beside myself and ended up taking him to the doctor who concluded that he had simply had enough of breastfeeding and had stopped. End of.

Well I wasn't really sure about that and so I did some research and came across this concept of the nursing strike, which all made sense.  There is a lovely Guernsey breastfeeding facebook community out there and the ladies were ever so supportive and encouraging. I was very emotional and my breasts were really sore despite me expressing.

I did all the things the other women suggested, lots of skin to skin, baths together, trying him on the nipple in the middle of the night when he was all sleepy and for a few emotional and challenging days there was no change and I felt really forlorn and sad with it, but finally, after about 5 days he took the opportunity to feed in the middle of the night and that was it, he was back on the breast milk again.  I couldn't have been happier!!

So Elijah and I, we've had quite some journey with our breastfeeding, we even got shouted at in a restaurant in Jersey for apparently being the most useless public breast feeder this other mother had ever seen.  Elijah was only 6 months old at the time, but for some reason this lady had it in for me and that was that.  She was most definitely out of order, it was her thing not me, and the restaurant and our dinner guests were all very supportive.

The next day I ended up breastfeeding my way around Durrell's wildlife park in Jersey, he was hidden under my top and no one looked at me strangely or said a word.  I pretty much stopped worrying after then, if other people have an issue then they need to figure that one but, its natural, its what we have done for thousands and thousands for years, more women need to get breastfeeding out in public otherwise children will grow up thinking that basis just drink milk in a bottle...

We've fed all over the place, on long haul flights, in toilets (yuck!), on the beach, in the mountains, in the car, in taxis, at baby yoga (where often ALL he would do was feed so that not much yoga took place in those sessions), on buses, at festivals, on a farm, in restaurants and even on my yoga mat!! Its what we've done.

And I have to be honest, at times I have embraced the opportunity to just sit down and take a break!  Yep, that's me, often found checking emails and facebook rather than staring lovingly at Elijah as people believe we breastfeeding mums do!  I quickly learned however that whatever I'm reading needs to be positive because otherwise I'm passing negative energy on to my son!

Dr Deepika thinks the breastfeeding is crazy! In the Ayurvedic world they feel that the women starts to lose too much energy after 6 months. She specialises in fertility and she said that more often than not as soon as the breastfeeding ladies have stopped breastfeeding then they easily get pregnant again (while they have not been able to while breastfeeding).  There are exceptions to the rule and two of my friends got pregnant while breastfeeding and one of them now tandem feeds.

I believe in Chinese medicine they also feel that the mother becomes depleted if she feeds beyond 6 months. IVF clinics insist that you have stopped breastfeeding before having any further treatment although I believe this is more to do with the drugs you have to take, rather than the energy depletion of the Ayurvedic and Chinese medicine world.

At the end of the day you just have to do what feels right for you and your baby/toddler. In fact the lovely Sri Lankan lady who is doing my treatments here was fed by her mother until she was 5. That worked for them. I cannot imagine that Ewan would let me continue for that long he struggles with 25 months as he worries about what other people will say - which is the silly thing really because when did breastfeeding become so underground, its crazy!

The World Health Organisation suggests that women should feed their children until they are 2 years old, and yet the accepted advice is only for 6 months and even then mothers stop much sooner, or don't start at all, which I always feel is a little of a shame really simply in terms of the antibodies passed on in those first few days and also that spiritual and nourishing connection.

But that said I am also aware that many ladies find that they simply cannot breastfeed, sometimes the babies cannot latch on properly and they start to lose too much weight, or they may have tongue tie, or perhaps the lady's milk just isn't enough for the baby. And often from a lifestyle perspective it just doesn't work.  Some ladies need their partners to help with the night time feeding and other times ladies have to go back to work quickly and don't have time for all the expressing (this was certainly relentless for me when I had to return to part-time work after 3 months).

The pancha karma aside, having some time away has been wonderful. Of course I miss my boys but its so lovely to have some peace and quiet and time to catch my thoughts, let alone reading a book and doing some shopping - its the small things!!!

I've a feeling our breastfeeding days will come to an end soon. I'm sad about this thought, but I will always know that I did what was in my heart to do, that I nourished him as much as I could in this way (spiritually and otherwise) through thick and thin and despite all the negativity (and surprised looks and judgements) I received.  But we'll see, my time away may have changed nothing for him - although I am quite sure he'll be most put out when he knows about our breastfeeding days when he is older!!!!

With gratitude

Clearing the mind in London

We've just returned from another fabulous weekend in London where I was able to get to two very different and yet very enlivening yoga classes.

I LOVE yoga, there is absolutely no doubt about that, and I LOVE getting to yoga classes when I can, the busier the better, there is something about that group energy that just really does it for me, the classes just seem to flow with the additional energy in the room, like you get into stride with those around you, it is difficult to explain, but those of you who have experienced this will know exactly what I mean!

The two hour class on Friday evening was with John Stirk and took place at the relatively new TriYoga studio in Camden. I adore Camden but it is always a relief to escape the crowds and enter the oasis of the yoga centre (although I must admit it is not quite as spacious or calm as the old Primrose Hill studio, but a welcoming place nonetheless).

John Stirk is an osteopath who has been teaching yoga for over 40 years.  The influence of R.D.Laing, with whom he ran body/mind workshops, B.K.S. Iyengar, Vanda Scaravelli with whom he had personal tuition for several years and J. Krisnamurti has confirmed his belief in finding it in and for oneself. As a result his style of teaching Yoga emphasises an enquiry into how one is during and after physical practice.

John sells is practice in his smile, he has a softness and gentleness to him that is very much reflected in his teaching - or perhaps his teaching creates that softness and gentleness, but either way, he is a credit to the practice.  The practice itself is gentle and soft. It was a gentle and soft two hours for me, which is challenging. Especially as we didn't actually practice any yoga poses.

But strangely that was also exactly what I - and I guess everyone else in the room - needed. This was not about ego or getting somewhere or doing something. This was about consciously moving the body with very gentle movement that didn't involve us standing on our feet. As John says, "Body consciousness and mind consciousness spring from the same primitive origin. Our minds have grown out of our physiology. Everything that we are, and know ourselves to be, has unfolded from a cellular base bathed in fluid.

As we work quietly and deeply[in your yoga practice], this relationship becomes more and more apparent. We start with a mind that enters into the body and then discover that the body continually feeds the mind. We graduate from action to a profound receptivity, the body takes over, and we surrender to its process."

And it was interesting because I needed to do some surrendering but It happened so gently that I was barely aware it was happening at all. In fact John said to us that we would go home that evening and when someone asked us what we had done we would likely say, "well we didn't really do anything" and then we would be asked, "well did you enjoy it" and we would probably say, "well I'm not really sure really".

The funny thing is, that is exactly what happened! So I kind of fell into a very relaxed state by the end of the session and John said to us that it was like a treatment for the body, we had treated ourselves, allowed healing by the gentlest of movements to the spine. And so it was a bit of a shock going out into 9.30pm-Friday night-Camden and then taking the tube to Old Street and then walking to the hotel from there so that when I finally got to the room and Ewan asked me how it was, all I could say was "well we didn't really do anything", and so he asked whether I had enjoyed it, to which all I could say was "well I'm not really sure", which made me laugh.

So I didn't feel like I had done anything (that's the challenge for me, I like to move and move and move...) and I wasn't sure what to make of it (another challenging one for my over analytical mind) but the fact is I slept really well and I felt spacious the next day.  My mind was definitely calmer and my body seemed a little taller somehow and spacious, that is the only word I can use to describe it.  It really is the funniest thing. I am very curious about John Stirk!

That same spacious morning, I went along to another two hour class but this time at Dog Eared film studios near Kings Cross with the inspirational Stewart Gilchrist.  I happened upon Stewart a few years ago now, in the pre-Elijah days and was blown away by his teaching style, which reminds me a little of my teacher Lance Schuler, in Australia.  Both of them are vegan raw foodies, lithe, full of energy and lead classes with a full on commentary and enjoy playing music, and in the case of Stewart, the louder the better!

So it was a bit of a treat to find myself at one of his classes in this kind of different studio with a whole heap of his students who clearly adore him too. It was 10.30am and the room was buzzing as dreadlocked Stewie arrived and before we knew it we were off, one sun salutation after another, one chatturanga after another, one standing pose after another, some crazy stuff, binding, headstands thrown in, and me tuning into Stewart's Scottish accent and the music, and here we go, another chatturanga, and no stopping...

...so that the sweat was pouring and the inner dialogue was going a little like, "OMG this is hardcore, I'm losing my breath, where is the precision, is this too strong, I can't do that, why cant I do that, that girl in front can do that, OMG she can get her whole leg behind her head, his can she do that" and I kind of caught myself at this point and just thought "OMG I'm getting competitive, this practice is bringing out my competitive side and my insecure side and I'm endlessly judging the practice, why can't I just let it be, be ok with where I am at and it is at and we are all at"...

... and then I thought I might cry because the arm balances were really rather tough and it didn't feel like it was happening as easily as it may have done in the pre-Elijah days when I had a lot more energy and wasn't suffering with relentless sleep deprivation from a whole 2 years of not getting a full night's sleep so that I almost felt sorry for myself and then I really did feel the tears coming and I just kind of thought, "its all about trust, I've stopped trusting and started limiting, but I have a choice, I can give into it, or go for it, I can make a million excuses but the fact is I can do it, you've just got to breathe and move and try, breathe and move and try..." and that in itself I realise now was the surrender. Totally different from the night before but a surrender nonetheless.

So I made it through the class, I moved my body much more than I have done for some time on my mat, and I finished the class longing to be able to do that again on a regular basis. Stewart's approach is not for everyone I know, and I am sure I probably wouldn't want to do it all the time, but like Lance's classes, there is no doubt that the classes strengthen the body and strengthen the mind so that one comes to recognises the limitations of the mind, which in turn limit the body and limit one's life. Fascinating stuff!

Needless to say my body was really aching the next day, so not feeling spacious at all like the day before, quite the opposite in fact, but there was a clearness to the mind, it didn't feel so tangled. It really was rather fascinating.

Back here in Guernsey the aching has eased and things feel a little different mentally. But that could be the effect of getting off the rock for a few days and seeing new things and being with Ewan and Elijah and meeting friends and chatting and gaining a different perspective on things. But certainly the yoga helped and I can't wait for the next yoga trip!

because -  like Lance - there is no doubt that the practice makes the body stronger but it also challenges the mind too,